Guess who JUST moved to my town...

Yesterday while I was at work, I found out that my biological dad just moved here!!! My grandma passed away in May, and my dad and my grandfather are both living here now. It's going to be weird for me though. I've never really seen much of him. The last time I saw him before this year was in '93 right after I graduated Highschool. The last time before that was when I was 10 when we moved here. He and my grandparents moved to Arizona that year. I saw him maybe once every few years before that.

I've got a stepdad that I've called dad since the first father's day after my mom passed, now I don't really know how I'm gunna do this. Do I call my stepdad stepdad again? Kinda like a demotion? lol How do I differinciate(sp?) between the two? I guess time will tell.

I can say this much though, seeing him, I felt all giddy and kiddy inside. It was weird.

Well anyway, just trying to make conversation. It's almost like a timewarp here. It's kinda kreeeeepy.

Wow, I'm sure this will be quite an adjustment for you!

Definately a weird situation for you.
Can you see yourself forming an ongoing relationship with your biological dad?

I really dont think that you have to refer to your "step dad" as your "step dad" - your "biological dad" being around doesn't change your relationship with him.

I find these scenarios fascinating coming from a blended family myself. My dad met my mum when my brother and sister were about 6 and 7. Their "real" dad was an alcoholic jerk and there were restraining orders against him - so my dad became their dad straight away.

He raised them, and then about 7 years later I came along. As far as i'm concerned they are my brother and sister and "half" doesn't even enter the equation!!!

My brother looked up his real dad a few years back, but quickly found out why mum had left him in the first place.

That's interesting, and thanks for sharing. I think your stepdad should still be called "dad" since both of you are used to it. Your biological father is more like a friend so why not address him by his name?

Originally Posted by yayi

That's interesting, and thanks for sharing. I think your stepdad should still be called "dad" since both of you are used to it. Your biological father is more like a friend so why not address him by his name?

Click to expand...

That is an idea. I couldn't though. It took me 15 years of having my (step)dad before I could call him 'dad', simply because he wasn't. My lilbro and I decided on calling him Dad as a father's day gift to show him how much we love him. To also let him know that we WERE/ARE his children since he raised us. It had been something our mom wanted for a very long time, and it was also for her.

I could never call anyone mom who actually wasn't my mom, that name is reserved for ... well, my own personal angel. While I was typing the first part of this post, I thought of father. maybe I could refer to them as my father, and my dad... LOL

It's kinda scary.

yes certainly wierd situation for you to be in!!

oh and welcome back - when did you pop back in?

Speaking from personal experience, one's "dad" is the man who is/was there for you.

Christmas Day will make 32 years, since I've seen my biological male parent. HE was not there, when I graduated from high school, got married, had my children (he's never seen them) and lost a husband.

Pop HAS been there, for all of those occasions and more. HE'S the man who taught me how to drive a car and a motorcycle, always remembers my birthday and helped teach my sons how to be responsible men.

Don't stop referring to your stepfather as "Dad". It takes a lot more, than DNA, to make a "dad".

aww, I never got to meet my grandfathers, they both passed away before i was born.
I agree with the others, Dont stop calling your stepfather dad because he has been there for you for all these years, and you dont even really know your biological father to be called dad. Just call him by his name.

This might seem simplistic, but can you call both of them Dad? Seems to me you see them both as "Dad," just in different ways.

Originally Posted by huggles

yes certainly wierd situation for you to be in!!

oh and welcome back - when did you pop back in?

Click to expand...

Thankyou Huggles... I have been lurking a little. My nic card was acting up, so I couldn't access the net from my com, now it's working okay. It's weird. My printer wasn't working either. I uninstalled some games, and now things are working again Maybe a conflict?

Now that I've spent sometime online without getting knocked off... it's frusterating trying to upload or download and suddenly you aren't online anymore. I resorted to keeping my self busy infront of my sewing machine. Playing with the cats, and playing Sims 2.

Originally Posted by katl8

Pop HAS been there, for all of those occasions and more. HE'S the man who taught me how to drive a car and a motorcycle, always remembers my birthday and helped teach my sons how to be responsible men.

Don't stop referring to your stepfather as "Dad". It takes a lot more, than DNA, to make a "dad".

Click to expand...

You are so right. My (I'm refering to him as step for the moment until I get it firgured out in my head)stepdad has been there. He was there when I got hit by the truck. He was the one who walked me down the isle. He was there when I graduated. When I went to prom.

Fwan, I'm sorry about your grandfathers. I've got a stepgranfather(my dad's dad), and a biological grandfather (My dad's biodad) still alive. This is really a sticky situation. ... My stepgrandfather doesn't know that I know that he is my STEPgrandfather. I was raised thinking that they were a nuclear family. I found out 12 years ago while I was still in highschool that one of my friends was my blood cousin. His mom was my dad's halfsister. I also found out that my biological grandfather lived in this town. I remember distinctly my grandma telling me that my othergrandpa(my mom's stepdad) wasn't real, and that my grandpa was blood. But I found out years later that wasn't true. ... anyway. I love all my elders equally weather they were there or not, I just have MORE memories to cherish with the ones that were in my life more often. Out of respect I never told my grandma that I met her first husband. I won't tell my stepgrandpa either. perhaps one day I will chat about it with my biodad.

Mamacat... the simplest solutions sometimes work best. I thought about that, just calling them both dad, but when I refer to them to others, I would always have to clerify. If I just come up with a different name for each of them, it might be better for my lazy speach. My other thought was also... what if they were both near me at the same time, and I said 'dad' and they both turned to listen... ?

stay safe everyone.

No real advice, but I hope you can have a good relationship with your biological dad too because life's short.