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Dating people over the internet

post #1 of 45
Thread Starter 
I was just wondering what everyone thought of online dating. Do you think it's a good way to meet someone? Or do you think it gives some people an easy way to be dishonest and isn't worth the risk? Also, what about meeting someone on a site that isn't a dating site?
post #2 of 45
I think, like real life, it is a mixed bag. You never know what you are going to get.

I volunteered years ago to be a chat host on a bird forum on AOL, another of the chat hosts was a single male - never even THOUGHT about dating - not to mention someone who lived more than 2,000 miles away and was 15 years older. During our times "working" the chat rooms/boards together we got to know each other - I really respected and liked what he had to say and feel about parrots. Well, to make a long story short, we got married and he moved to Kentucky from California to be with me. It is now almost 7 years later, and I don't regret a minute of it!

While I was not looking for a husband or even a date - I found my soul mate in the most unexpected of ways.
post #3 of 45
My brother gave me a shirt once with a saying from Maxine. "Men are like a box of chocolates....you can never tell which ones are nuts!"

Loved that shirt and wore it several times when I was dating Ken. No offense to any man out there because the saying can be applied for women also.

I agree with Talon, it's a mixed lot I guess you can find your soul mate on a chat forum or anywhere for that matter.
post #4 of 45
I think it is the same thing as meeting a person through the personals or at a bar or through a friend - you just never know.

I met Jake in a chatroom that I moderated years ago and we will have been married 5 years this coming December!
post #5 of 45
Though I wouldn't have ever set out to meet someone online, that's exactly what happened. Josh and I met through a band's website that we both frequented. They had a "punk rock dating service" set up, which was really just a place to post your picture and profile, AIM name.... as much or as little as you wanted. Josh had put up his pic and a short profile and when I saw it I was amazed that we liked so many of the same movies. It didn't matter to me that he lived in Illinois and I lived in Pennsylvania because I was just looking for someone to talk to. All that aside, things worked themselves out and we're getting married next month.

That's the long of it. The short of it is that it's better than going to bars to meet someone. Someone can follow me home from a bar... get my licence plate number and find out where I live. Online dating allows people to reveal as little or as much about themselves as they feel comfortable with. As for the deception factor, as long as people go about it in a intelligent way (i.e. don't go to meet someone you met 3 days prior) I think the risk is minimal (as a side note, Josh and I talked online, through email, and on the phone for a year and a half before meeting face to face).

post #6 of 45
Oh! I can post in the big people's forum now!

I think there are positives and negatives to online dating. True, you never know what you are going to get. You would be amazed the amount of time people put into these online relationships only to be lying about themselves. A friend of mine met someone online and I warned her that when they actually met, the guy could be very different from the 6 foot tall hockey player with beautiful blue eyes and blonde hair. He wasn't.

On the positive side, if both parties are honest, and there is no guarantee they will be, you could really get to know someone and you would know your emotions are not based on anything shallow. Intentionally or subconciously, many people do base their opinions on initial impressions, often taking into account the physical. Online, this is difficult, and you could find yourself attracted to the person themself without any clouding by appearances.
post #7 of 45
Internet dating is the modern version of penpal dating. My friends parent met as penpals during WWII. It was 2 before they saw each other. They had a great marriage.
Talon I think it is wonderful how you and your husband met. It gives those of us that are still looking some hope.

post #8 of 45
Well...you are all going to think this is funny...but when I started volunteering....I went because I thought...well, guys use a baby to attract women...heck, I'll just walk a dog around in a store for 4 hours..R_I_G_H_T. Mostly I meet guys with their significant others or guys with families....sigh. So that didn't quite work...but I'm still volunteering.

post #9 of 45
Katie - keep on girl. He's out there somewhere
There seems to be some success with this online dating, and I agree with what has been said previously. You could meet someone in 'real life' (that always makes me laugh, as though this is just pretend) who was a horrid person, or THE one.
post #10 of 45
having married Mike after answering a personal ad he placed in the National Singles Register, I can say that this type of dating would most assuredly work. But I would also advise using caution. I know three women who are now married to their cyber date, but I also know one gal who ended up in the hospital because of her contact this way. She was not careful and she paid the price.
post #11 of 45
Originally Posted by Lorie D.
I was just wondering what everyone thought of online dating. Do you think it's a good way to meet someone? Or do you think it gives some people an easy way to be dishonest and isn't worth the risk? Also, what about meeting someone on a site that isn't a dating site?
I can only share my experience. Of 4 people, including myself, who met folks via a forum (so not a traditional dating site), 3 of the 4 got married, and one engaged, 2 marriages still going, the 3rd ended in divorce, and the engagement was terminated (after a couple of years).

I would never have met my very extraordinary (imo) dh if it were not for the internet...he lived on one coast, I on another, he was newly honorably discharged military, I was working 12 hr night shifts as an l&d rn, showing cats when off and awake But...our common interests led us to be on the same internet specialty forum and that plus God's intentions (imo) is why we met.

I would say be cautious...folks are not always able to be honest, or sometimes are afraid to show who they really are. Email courting can allow them a way to hide or pretend to be someone they are not. That said, there is something very old fashioned and time tested about courting through the power of the written word (be it on paper or via email).
post #12 of 45
My fiance and I met in a Motley Crue chatroom. When we get married he says we have to go thank them for helping us find each other! We're the love of each other's life.
post #13 of 45
Over the course of the last 8 years I have been online, I have met relatively few people who are pretty much what they portray online. Anything can and does happen, but for me, I would not keep up a cyber relationship for too long before meeting in person.
post #14 of 45
Thread Starter 
Originally posted by Grissom
Oh! I can post in the big people's forum now!
Thanks for your responses. Hubby and I met through a mutual friend, but one of my sisters has been dating online for a while, and she says you have to be careful and use common sence, and that so far, online dating has worked better for her than doing the bar scene.
post #15 of 45
Originally Posted by Cilla
Katie - keep on girl. He's out there somewhere
Honestly...I'm not worried...and I'm not really "looking". I have my 2 furbabies, my family and my friends....that's enough for me.

post #16 of 45
I think online dating is pretty difficult. You don't have a true experience of what that person is like, or even looks like until you meet in person. I've had a disproportionate number of women remark on how surprised or relieved they were that I was who I am online. Why? Well, some of them had met a lot of liars or were liars looking for an honest guy. I found their horror stories both interesting and discouraging. In turn I found that most of them were dishonest about the kind of things that wouldn't inspire me to ask them out ever again. I've given it a rest for awhile, but will try it again eventually.
post #17 of 45
I met my boyfriend online.... on an Interracial dating site on Yahoo. While we haven't met in person yet. I am not scared of when we do meet in person Also, we have been together for almost 2 years this September.
post #18 of 45
WOW!!! Never tried it so can't talk about it...
post #19 of 45
I have been doing the online dating thing for over a year now. It definitely has it's ups and it's downs, but overall it's been a good experience for me. I have never been a very good dater & have always struggled meeting men in public places (like bars & such). I've just always had a problem with the whole "meat market" bar scene....it's just not for me. Online dating helps me break out of my shell (sorry for the pun! ) & I can interact with the people for a while before I decide to meet them. The problem that I find myself have the most is the quality of men that respond to my ad. I get many emails very week, but rarely do I find the urge to respond back to them. Maybe I'm picky, but there has to be some kind of common connection. I feel that they only look at my pictures & don't read what I am really about. It's just weird since right now on my Match.com profile, it shows that I have over 13,000 hits on my profile but yet I have only met 3 people from that (and 2 of them I responded to first). I have made a few friends from online dating sites, but not a love connection.

As for safety, that is one of my top priorities. I have been told before that I come across a little prudish and too worrysome when it comes to meeting people. I've had men give me their phone number in their first email & get upset when I don't give them mine. I feel that I do have to play it safe & get to know them a little more before endulging in that information. I have had some scarey situations happen in the past (not online related) & I will not go through that again if I have the choice. If the guy can't deal with that, then he can't deal with me. Period!
post #20 of 45
Well I go online all the time and meet people I become friends with, but I never thought of it as a way to meet a bf/gf. I guess it works out for some people though. I mainly go on to cause arguments, and watch them fan out Its fun. Anyway, you never know whether the person your going to meet is a serial killer luring in his next victim or just some Joe Shmoe looking for a friend. If you going to take the risk, bring a gun.

post #21 of 45
I really think it is VERY dangerous. Not only does one not know what they are getting themeselves into, it can even be FATAL. What if one trys to meet their virtual date and it is a murderer or that date trys to kidnap or harm them? No, I am very against this.
post #22 of 45
I see your point Ilovecats, but how different is that from meeting someone at a bar? You don't know if they are murderers or kidnappers either when you meet them. It's a scarey world out there & it's best that everyone uses their better judgement. This way of dating works for me and I am far from being careless about it.
post #23 of 45
I agree Shell, it is no different then meeting them in person. The only thing you know by meeting them in person is that they LOOK "nice". Looking nice and being nice are two different things. Youhave to be carefull no matter how you meet a new person.
post #24 of 45
Originally Posted by Ilovecats
I really think it is VERY dangerous. Not only does one not know what they are getting themeselves into, it can even be FATAL. What if one trys to meet their virtual date and it is a murderer or that date trys to kidnap or harm them? No, I am very against this.
Ted Bundy did not meet his victims online - he met them in parks - he pretended that he had a broken arm, etc and that is how he lured them - he did it in broad daylight. So it does not matter where a killer meets his victims.

It is not always dangerous to meet someone online - I mean, I flew all the way from New Zealand to the US to meet my hubby and he has never hurt me in any way. Yes there are some nutcases out there, but there are also some wonderful people too.
post #25 of 45
Can I have one please?
post #26 of 45
Yeah, but what if they want to meet you in a place where theres not a whole lot of other people? Sure, they could find people anywhere, I just think it would be easier to talk to them online, especially if theyre like a sociopathic psycho killer. That way they don't have to deal with talking to the victim, and can just devote their time before the meeting to creating a plan to kidnap them. Not a very likely senario, but possible

post #27 of 45
True Brandon, but I think most non-victim women know the "rules" of online dating. When you meet them, meet them in a very public place with lots of people, let someone know where you are going, who you will meet and when you plan to return. Even set up pre-arranged times to call them or for them to call you - it can be used as an excuse to leave (Oh my! My friend's having an emergency!) if it isn't going well or they aren't who they say they are, or just to let the person know that *someone* knows where you are and cares if you make it home or not.
post #28 of 45
I just started on-line dating and so far so good. Do you have to be careful? Yes but you should be careful no matter where you meet someone. I'm not into the bar scene nor partying heavily add to that I look very young for my age. I'm twenty-seven and the last three guys that approached me were teen agers so at least on-line I can some what control the ages of the men I meet.

My cousin met his wife on line and so far they are working out great so I'm pretty optimistic.
post #29 of 45
I haven't done online dating, but I got my Au Pair via a dedicated website.

The police have just recovered one of my diamond rings and some other items that she stole from us. She was never a danger to our baby (I believe) but she certainly was a bit 'odd'.

So - I suppose it's as dangerous and unpredictable as any other way of meeting people. NOTHING is guaranteed, and there are nutters out there both male and female that have their own agendas over and above meeting new people or dating whether online or conventionally.
post #30 of 45
Having been fortunate to have been in a relationship for nearly 20 wonderful years, internat dating has never been an issue for me, but it seems a little scary. I cannot imagine ever being back on the dating scene.
I have heard wonderful stories about people hooking up via the internet, but have heard some real horror stories. There is a woman that goes to the school I attend that got engaged to a guy from England that way. She is a 600 lb. mean, loud, obnoxious freak with coke bottle glasses, helmet hair, and an unhealthy attatchment to a particular table in the student lounge. She sent her fiancee' a picture of a lingerie' model, and has one the English students write love letters for her. What a nightmare this poor guy is going to have if he ever actually sees her! She says he is so in love with her, it won't matter.
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