i don't know what to do

one week ago tuesday i had to put down my mama cat, fred, due to her kidney failure. she was diagnosed may 10 and did not last long at all. she was 11. i am still very sad over this, but what troubles me more is that her son, jimi (10 yrs) seems to be in mourning as well. he seems so sad and he often gives out mournful cries. he sleeps all night in bed with me, which he doesn't normally do. he is clingier than usual. i know that he knows she was sick, and that he has figured out she is not coming back home. how do i make him feel better? i have never had to put an animal friend down before, much less deal with the feelings of the friends left behind. i just don't know what to do.
---rebecca

It takes time for cats to grieve, and jimi is missing his mom right now. All you can do is comfort him and give him snuggles, and try not to let him see you stressed out, as that just makes his grief worse.

I have three actually right now that are grieving. It is still early and they need to work it out and again, it just takes time. Sometimes it helps to just sit the cat on your lap and tell him what happened. They really do understand, and if they didn't get a chance to say goodbye letting them know will comfort them.

yeah, jimididn't get to saygoodbye. when i took fredin the last time i didn't know it would be the last time. when her labs came back they basically told us that her kidneys had completely shut down and i made the decision then. he has never been alone and i feel so bad leaving him when i go to work. i tell him everyday his mama still loves him and she's watching overhim. i know he is lonely.

thanks.

Rebecca, how heartbreaking for you and Jimi. It does take time. Poor Jimi has to grieve, along with yourself. Hang on there he will get through it.

I know this may sound a little daft... but did Fred have any favourite toys that you still have lying about? I posted on a previous thread about the same moggy... we had two cats (Candy and Floss) who were sisters but unfortunately we lost Candy to an allergic reaction with an anaesthetic. It wasn't easy for any of us to come to terms with itand I put together a scrapbook of all my favourite photographs of her... that helped myself and my mother... and then I buried one of Candy's favourite toys with her, so that I could say goodbye. Floss seemed to cope really badly for a while, but one afternoon she came across one of the toys that Candy had been really attached to and she seemed to really come out of her shell after that. Floss is still alive (at 15) and she's hung onto that toy ever since she found it. Perhaps it would help Jimi if he were to have one of his mum's toys? Even a favourite blanket, cushion... something that his mother was very attached to. People have things that they find comforting... maybe cats do too. Keep smiling, it'll get better through time.

When we adopted Snowball, he was an 8 week old kitten and we also had a 4 year old cat named Midnight. 10 years later, we had to have the vet come to our home to put Midnight to sleep, and I think Snowball understood what had happened to Midnight because he never really looked for her. Snowball had never been alone before either, and for a couple of months he seemed to be depressed, was less playful and became really clingy. He was also more vocal than usual. We were very patient with Snowball and gave him all the time and attention he needed, and we also talked to him (like Hissy mentioned), and told him that Midnight had died and would never be in our home with us again. Doing these things helped Snowball, and he was able to make a full adjustment.

thanks to everyone who has responded to my post, and my condolences to those who havelost their own friends. thanks also for the suggestions on dealing with jimi. though i always tried, fred wasnot much for toys or laying onblankets or in special beds. the silly girl always preferred laying atop a cardboard box or magazine! she was very simple and unmaterialistic . so i have nothing of "her's" to comfort jimi with. i guess we will take it one day at a time. but if anyone thinks of anything else, please let me know. i will prob continue to post here since i am having a hard time with this.

thanks everyone.

I'm very sorry for your loss. All I can suggest is to just grieve right along with Jimi, and talk to him. Tell him what happened, and tell him that you miss her a lot too but together you both can continue on without her.

thank you, heidi

I recently put one of my two cats down, and am going through a very similar situation. My kitty that I have left had never been alone previous to this (Tank was her littermate/playmate/bestfriend...they'd never spent a single day apart). I know that she's depressed and missing him tremendously. She has become incredibly clingy, as well. I just give her as much love as possible, talk to her, and basically give her every ounce of attention I'm capable of. I've noticed she's been sleeping a bit more than usual these last couple of days, and I don't know if that's her depression or not. This does concern me because her brother had FIP (a nasty virus, if you're not familiar with it), and I've been keeping a close eye on her for any signs/symptoms of her developing it. She has also become increasingly vocal, more so as these last two weeks have gone by. She no longer looks for him, but doesn't play as much, and prefers to just lay around. I am so sorry for your pain, and I know it hurts your heart to see your cat so lonely and sad. My heart breaks every day for my little girl. Hissy recommended not crying in front of your kitty, as they are all too aware of your grief. But please do grieve as you feel necessary. Just understand that your little guy is grieving, too.

i'm so sorry abt tank. i am just giving jimi all the love he needs right now and playing with him alot. we are moving out of state soon, so maybe that will help him in his grief, you know, give him something else to be stressed over! now, i wonder if there is a forum here for traveling across two states with a cat...

I'm sorry that Jimi is having trouble adjusting. I had this happen about a year ago with a cat that had lived with her sisters for 2 years. They all had FELV and gradually died. Marta was left alone at last and she would cry and howl so mournfully all the time. It was so hard to deal with her being sad...and us being sad...and everything. I quickly pushed the emotional buttons of a few resources and found her a new home with a buddy. She was not immediately friendly with her new guy (also FELV) but she never cried or howled in her new home. So I think a change of scenery distracted her. Maybe it will help jimi too.

(BTW she is now best friends with her companion Butters and he adores her. They are both still healthy a year later which is *great* for FELV cats! She's almost 3 years old now!)

I hope jimi feels better soon. I'm so sorry about his momma.

~Heather

i am glad your baby is doing better

i am not sure if i should get jimi a playmate once we get settled in our new place. he is really not used to being around other animals. we've had the occasional friend's pet over or strays i took in to find homes for, so he really only knew his mama as far as other animals go. besides, he is 10 and very set in his ways. i think i will just let him be an only child. i know *i* am not emotionally ready for a new cat.