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I'm really in need of some good ears.

post #1 of 48
Thread Starter 
Well some of you might remember all the problems I have had in the past concerning my b/f.......Well as of today he is an ex b/f. I got fed up with not playing a part in his life and just being there to provide him with a roof and a vehicle. So......I kicked him out. I know I did the right thing but yet it still hurts so much because I do love him. He is now homeless and jobless. it hurts so bad but I can't cry. I can't laugh. I can't do anything. Because of my relationship with him I ended up lossing alot of my own friends all but maybe 3. And even they live to far away to be able to talk to about all of this. This relationship also put a big gap between me and my family that I was once VERY close to. My family has started talking to me as of today, But they are just so happy that I have gotten rid of him finally after 2 years that they aren't doing me to good by being so happy. I am so confused right now that I don't know how to feel or what to do. I am sitting here bawling. I have never in my life cried anywhere but in a closet in what ever house I lived in.......I am at work. I don't like to cry I absoulutly hate to cry. this message is probably not going to make any sense cause I am just rambling but I need to so I apologize. You know for 2 years I have done nothing but suppot this man. Gave him a home,gave him a car, and even put my own hopes and dreams on hold just to help him get his life together. But the only thing I ever got in return was me telling him I was sorry for doing him wrong whether I did or not. Everytime we fought I was the one to tell him sorry. He even cheated on me in the beggining of our relationship and I was the one to say sorry. How can you love so one so much but still hate them at the same time? I have been in a few relationships in my life but this is only the second time I have felt so horriable. When he moved his stuff out today he took all my means of entertainment. He took the T.V. which was his. But then last year he got my computer stolen because of a drug deal gone bad on his end. So he bought me a new one a better one it was only 100 bucks but it was 50 million times better then what I had. And he even took that. Not to mention My energy bill and phone bill are in his name. So I will be losing my power and my phone. I just bought that new truck and make just enough money to cover my rent, my car insurance and the truck payment. I am screwed for the time being until I get my raise next month.
Not to mention my poor kitties!!! They are so confused and so scared right now. Poor Blade had to be kept in his carrier all morning today because of my ex moving stuff out. Willow just stayed under my bed. She didn't even come out after he left. and poor Blade wondered around the house just meowing. Now the cats have always been more close to me then him. But still I feel so bad for them right now. I know that they will be back to normal after the stress wears off. But I still can't help but feel guilty for it. I'm just thankful there are no children involved. I don't know how people with children can do this and stay so strong. One of my friends just recently left her husband. I kept telling her while she was doing it that I knew how she felt.....Boy was I wrong up until today. I keep praying to God asking him to help me through this and I know he will. It just hurts so bad.

Ok I guess I will stop rambling. Thanks for listening.
post #2 of 48
Hmmm. The end of an era, so to speak -- and even when it's a good thing, as this certainly seems to be, there's still a grieving process. So, yeah, you feel like ****, but it will get better. Hang in there. You know you have friends here who are more than willing to listen, whenever you need to unload. Give those kitties big hugs. They'll help you feel better. Take care and be gentle with yourself.
post #3 of 48
I am so sorry you are going through this A break up always hurts and it is never easy , no matter how your relationship was . I also bin in a bad relationship before and broke up , yes it hurt , it hurt very bad . But I knew I was doing the right thing . It took a while to heal for me and know it will take time to heal for you . But God is on your site and will bring you through this . So trust in Him and you will be ok . Hang in there girl be sure my heart is going out to you .

I also will be praying for you
post #4 of 48
Thank you for sharing this with us. God definitely will give you strength and help you through this. We are always here for you anytime you need to talk!
post #5 of 48
I wish I knew you better, I think I'd be more helpful.

As weak as this will sound, I know what your going through, and all I can say is that if you can hang in there, you will get through this.

I wish I could figure out how to say more to help you...truely.

Just know that we are a good bunch here, and when your ready to talk about anything, we're here for you...OK?

post #6 of 48
Thread Starter 
Thanks everyone. I just needed to vent. I needed to get alot off my chest and I will continue to do so until my heart stops hurting. I know I'm not a very talkative person on the boards but I am always reading and posting when I have something to say. But I do know that everyone on here is very understanding and supportive that is why I came here. I knew I would get what I need at this time. The support. Thank you
post #7 of 48
Anytime Willow...the doors are always open for friends.

post #8 of 48
Oh Cindy honey. Poor you. Vent/ramble/let go of your thoughts here any time.. I'm always happy to listen. Lots of strength coming your way. Everythings going to be OK.

post #9 of 48
Willows Mum, I am sorry you are hurting so badly. You are going to feel bad for a time, it is like a grieving process. You have been having a very hard time of it all, with your b/f, family, friends etc. If you know you have made the right decision then just keep reminding yourself that you have. It has taken strength and courage to do it, but there comes a time when enough is enough and it seems that time has come for you. I am glad you are now on speaking terms with your mother, it seems you will get back the family you lost. That is so important when you were very close to them. You've got to give yourself loads of time now. I'm sure you will get a lot of comfort from Blade and Willow, they will sense how sad you are feeling. You have asked God to get you through so just trust Him that He will. It's sad that you have lost your tv, computer etc., but one day you will get those things back, your happiness is much more important. It will be a struggle for the next month until you get your raise, but hang on in there, a month can seem so long when you feel so bad, but it will pass. Willow and Blade will be OK, they have their Mom! Lots of good vibes coming over to you, and I will say a prayer for you too.
post #10 of 48
Thread Starter 
no doubt I have totaly trust in the Lord, and in myself. I just want to stop crying. The second I started to post this thread the tears came running and they haven't stopped yet. Here it is 3 or so hours later. Boy is it hard to work when you have a tissue to your nose and eyes every 5 seconds I could really careless about him taking the T.V. and Computer. I was just shocked when he did because he's now staying with friends. Where the heck is he using them? Oh well I know it's going to be hard but I also know that I will make it through it. I may have to take a vactation to go hug my mom good reason for a vacation I think. if it weren't for Blade and Willow I would proably be passed out right now. But After the dust settled after he got his stuff They curled up with me and purred me to sleep. So I know they will be ok. but worrying about them during the whole thing just made my stress so much more worse then what it was in the first place.

Thank you Cilla! I need all the support and prayers I can get right now. It's gonna take a lot to get me through this. But I know I have it in me to do it. Just gotta keep trying to make it through the rest of my night here at work.
Thanks Sam your just the greatest!!

Hmmm I think I'm running out of tears LOL I can actually read the screen!!!
post #11 of 48
I'm so glad Blade and Willow are there for you! Our babies are such wonderful love and comfort, aren't they!
post #12 of 48
I'll be thinking of you, just one day at a time hon.
post #13 of 48
I'm sorry to hear you're going through this, but from the way you've described him, you seem to have made the right decision. Sure it hurts, but a month or so from now you'll probably be wondering how you put up with him for so long, and some time after that you'll feel nothing for him (except maybe resentment for taking the computer!).You're too valuable a person to continue to allow yourself to be used/taken advantage of. Hang in there, and don't worry about the kitties - as long as they have you they'll be fine.
post #14 of 48
Thread Starter 
Well it's been a few days........feeling a little bit better only time I have cried since saturday night is when I was on the phone with my mom today. But that's only because I am used to having my mom there to support me and give me all the hugs I need in a time like this. I know I am better off and as for the computer it's something that can be replaced. I've already gotten a T.V. on loan from my Grandfather. It's only a little 13 inch. But it keeps me occupied until I get all the relationships with my friends patched up. I've got a long road a head of me but I know I'll make it. Keep saying my prayers and keeping looking at my goal in then end and I'll be more then just ok Thank you everyone for lending me your ears. It was very much needed.

Time for me to move up to where I once was.
post #15 of 48
Cindy, I missed this thread this weekend, but I'm sorry and not sorry that you're going through this. I'm sorry that you are hurting. I'm not sorry because from what you've said you have made a very smart decision for your life! You can move on, you can pick up and make something better for yourself. Your possibilities are endless! It will be hard, but stay focused on the future - the future you who can be anything because you don't have anyone holding you back anymore!
post #16 of 48
Keep your chin up. I just went through the same thing at the beginning of the year. It sucks but things happen for a reason. I supported someone for 5 years. I met someone shortly after the breakup when I was ready to take a sabatical from men. He is a dream come true. I will marry this guy someday I can just feel it in my heart I will pray for you and keep those cats close. They are very comforting and will show you the love you need.
post #17 of 48
You don't have to be sorry just because you need to vent...we all do it on here atleast once! I do hope that things get better for you, which they will, it will just take time. Your furrbabies are there to help you!! Keep us posted and we are here for you!
post #18 of 48
I've had my kitty awhile...and he has helped me through more than my share of really tough times....so will your two furbabies. You just hang in there and You'll be A-OKAY! A purring furry friend is a wonderful thing...and most times better than 10 people!

Just remember, sometimes we find inner strength in unexpected places....and surprise ourselves...you just wait...I promise...you'll see!

Until then, you are in my thoughts and prayers.

(Dylan's Mommy)
post #19 of 48
Cindy cry all you want babes, your only human after all!.

I left my husband after 18 years of marriage 6 years ago to be with someone else, then we split up in february last year. Don't get me wrong he never sponged off me, but i took us abroad every year for the four and a half years we lived together, gave him a wardrobe of clothes, watches, to cut it short as everyone keeps telling me, he had everything with me, and this is a lesson i've learnt.

I still love him and miss him, but at the end of the day i had my family and friends and he had no one.

You have us as well as your furbabies, and take it from me if it hadn't been for Rosie, i would have cracked!.

It will get better, just take it one day at a time
post #20 of 48
Hi Cindy,
So much to say and I'll just speak from the heart. First of all, I, too, read a lot on the boards but like you don't respond all the time, so I have pangs of guilt over appearing self-centered, that's my thing. Now, having said that! YOU, my dear, have a this wonderful presence in your very fuzzy picture (at least on my pc) that shines right through! Look at you w/your kitties, so happy with so much to give. I think THEY are the ones that have gotten the best of you even though you obviously were incredibly loving and supportive to your man, but nature has a way of making your love go to those who need it most. If your ex deserved your beautiful self as much as he may have thought he did, life would be different right now.

I firmly believe that we need to "re-pot ourselves" into a larger container every couple of years when we can sprout new roots and grow a bit bigger. YOU are doing this, he is not. YOU are moving forward in your life with courage and integrity, he, perhaps, is not. People move at different speeds......where is it written that we will hold hands together while traveling at 60 mph through life experiences? Tell me. If you can, you do, and if it's not meant to be then you must have faith in your own destiny to steer you down your own path.

I kicked my ex BF out of my cottage two years ago after a 5 year live-in relationship. I should've taken SiSi's cue (Sasha's mama) because she never liked him from the start and would growl very softly when he approached her. But, ah, love can conquer all, so I thought, nevermind feline intuition I thought BF was the one. I look back now and am only wistful that I spent so many years of my good 30's w/this alcoholic and dysfunctionally toxic individual without taking care of my inner core and my own goals and needs. I am not angry, just determined to do it different this time around. And, in the most painful time of separation --when I would have horrible sleep and want to take him back for fear of being alone -- something, some type of crazy belief in myself and my own worth (undoubtedly transmitted to me from my kitties), got me by just one more day. Here I am four years later with gentle, kitty-lover Eric in the country house and if anyone told me he would have come into my life, I would of never believed them!


Have faith in your pretty self.
Best wishes from Elizabeth and Sasha
post #21 of 48
Amen, Elizabeth.
My divorce was the hardest decision I've ever made, but it was the right one, no matter how painful it was at first. If not for God, my friends and family I'd have had it very rough. I don't regret the relationship at all, I learned a lot both from him and about myself during those ten years, and thankfully I'm still young enough to put that knowledge to good use.

Cindy, take your time, let yourself grieve, love on your furkids and eventually you'll get "back to" a new degree of normal. We're all here for you!!
post #22 of 48
Glad you have been feeling a bit better. You say it is a long road ahead, but at least you're on it now. On your way, and it may not be as long you think. You are being brave and you will get there. Loads of good vibes.
post #23 of 48
Aw Honey,

I truly feel for you, and am sorry you've been going through all this.. Hugs from me and nuzzles and rough toungue licks form Paige. Wish there was some better way to help you out!
post #24 of 48
Thread Starter 
the one thing that really gets me is the depression caused by all of this. I had a great day yesterday. Happy smiling and just feeling like life was great! Then today I get off work go home and I didn't want it to go down hill so I went to my aunts house to play with the babies she watches, and to just talk and hang out with her until I got so tired I knew I could go home and curl up and go to sleep. Things were great! I got to sit and hold this little 2 month old baby girl names Leah for about 4 hours. Played with her fed her and just cuddled her. When I worked in day care the kids in my class were what kept me going each day. I got as many hugs and smiles as anyone could get and because of those kids in my class I knew I had to make it through because THEY loved me. And I thought that if I went and did the same thing at my aunts house that it would make me feel better. It did until I went home. I walked in the door of my apartment had Willow and Blade waiting for me. Then it hit me. I wanted to call him and tell him I was sorry, That I loved him and that I wanted him to move back. I started crying yet again curled up in my bed and just started asking Willow if I did the right thing. If I should call him and ask him to come back. Blade answered that one for my by laying on my phone lol I took that as a no. While Willow just curled up next to my chest and stared at me. I ended up crying myself to sleep. I'm still upset and still wanting to call him. It takes so much to keep me from callling him. And with every restraint I apply to myself the more I feel like my heart is falling to peices.

Elizabeth, I have to say that your post only gives me more strength alone then anything I have read nor heard in the past few days. It brought me to tears But now a days a commercial does that. That quote makes me smile, because it is so true.

I sure am glad that there are so many understanding people here on TCS. I am sure that if it weren't for alot of your guys posts I am sure I would be totally insane right now. Living in a padded room. I really appriciate it.
post #25 of 48
I'm glad you were able to enjoy yourself if only for a while at your aunt's and the childcare. It may not seem like it now, but each day will get easier. One day at a time.
post #26 of 48
Hello Cindy,
I am sorry to hear what you are going through You prayed to God to get you through this and he will, trust me. From what I have read in your post about your b/f, you did the right thing. No one needs someone that messes around with drugs, "making bad drug deals". That is how people get hurt or even worse. What ever you do, do not bring him back into your life no matter what he says. You are on a road to recovery and it will get better. I know how alone you may feel. I once lived with this girl for 5 years. She had some issues in her life and I tried so very hard to understand and help her. Yes, I loved her more than anything else. Well, to make a long long story very short, one day she got a new job and ended up meeting someone there. After 5 years, it was over. I can actually still feel the pain I felt that day I watched her move out. When she left, the house was sooo quiet. The hurt was so strong and with all the other feelings going on, I just did not know what to do. No matter where I went and what I did, there was no escaping the memories of her. But, you know what? I made it out of the hole and so will you. I am even married now to a wonderful, beautiful woman It takes time, but it WILL get better. Go ahead, give your kitties a hug and have a good cry,it will make you feel better. And remember, we are all here for you to talk too. May God bless you!!
post #27 of 48
Cindy, hang in there. You are doing the right thing for yourself. You will see that one day. I went through a similar situation with an ex of mine about 5 years ago, and he also dealt with drugs. Your life is just too precious to be mixed up in that. I had to learn that by stepping out of my shoes and looking at my life. It worked, and I am much happier today with my wonderful and loving husband. Willow and Blade seem like they are really helping you...please take it easy!
post #28 of 48

Take the time to cry and grieve. Everyday you'll cry a little less. In a little while you'll wonder why it took so long to get out of that abusive relationship. Thats right, I said abusive. It was mental abuse. Everytime he did something wrong he made it your fault, even when he cheated on you! You were always apologizing, which probably did nothing for your ego, but a whole heck of a lot for his!

Don't go backwards in life. You should always go forwards. You will make it. Call the utilities and explain what happened. Let them know you want to switch the service to your name as of July 1st. Also, make sure you block him from any of your credit cards and bank accounts you may have shared. I can tell you from experience, if he goes out and charges $2,000, you will be responsible for half!

post #29 of 48
Hi Cindy, hope you are feeling a bit better at this moment. You are bound to get times you feel it unbearable, just don't give in to calling him. You are too precious for that. This is the beginning of your new life, although hard at the moment, it can only get better. As Stephanie said, 'one day at a time'. You can do it hon.
post #30 of 48
Thread Starter 
Doing pretty well today. No tears, Not every song on the radio seemed sad, And even ignored a call from him earlier today Actually ate a whole meal!!! and slept like a baby for the first time in a long time I dont' have to work friday or Saturday So I am going to go out with a few of my friends. And get back to being the fun and loveable women I once was. Instead of the fly on the wall I became. Called my Landlord and he's taking Mike off the lease. So YEAH!!!! I plan on calling the energy company first thing tomorrow to get it set up in my name. No worried about any credit cards of bank accounts. He only had access to one bank account of mine and I closed that account about 4 months ago. Slowly things are falling into where they need to be Just going to take time and alot of effort on my part It's all good! I'm done looking back at the closed door..........I'm just looking at all the other doors that are now starting to open for me.......The first one is my education
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