Well some of you might remember all the problems I have had in the past concerning my b/f.......Well as of today he is an ex b/f. I got fed up with not playing a part in his life and just being there to provide him with a roof and a vehicle. So......I kicked him out. I know I did the right thing but yet it still hurts so much because I do love him. He is now homeless and jobless. it hurts so bad but I can't cry. I can't laugh. I can't do anything. Because of my relationship with him I ended up lossing alot of my own friends all but maybe 3. And even they live to far away to be able to talk to about all of this. This relationship also put a big gap between me and my family that I was once VERY close to. My family has started talking to me as of today, But they are just so happy that I have gotten rid of him finally after 2 years that they aren't doing me to good by being so happy. I am so confused right now that I don't know how to feel or what to do. I am sitting here bawling. I have never in my life cried anywhere but in a closet in what ever house I lived in.......I am at work. I don't like to cry I absoulutly hate to cry. this message is probably not going to make any sense cause I am just rambling but I need to so I apologize. You know for 2 years I have done nothing but suppot this man. Gave him a home,gave him a car, and even put my own hopes and dreams on hold just to help him get his life together. But the only thing I ever got in return was me telling him I was sorry for doing him wrong whether I did or not. Everytime we fought I was the one to tell him sorry. He even cheated on me in the beggining of our relationship and I was the one to say sorry. How can you love so one so much but still hate them at the same time? I have been in a few relationships in my life but this is only the second time I have felt so horriable. When he moved his stuff out today he took all my means of entertainment. He took the T.V. which was his. But then last year he got my computer stolen because of a drug deal gone bad on his end. So he bought me a new one a better one it was only 100 bucks but it was 50 million times better then what I had. And he even took that. Not to mention My energy bill and phone bill are in his name. So I will be losing my power and my phone. I just bought that new truck and make just enough money to cover my rent, my car insurance and the truck payment. I am screwed for the time being until I get my raise next month.
Not to mention my poor kitties!!! They are so confused and so scared right now. Poor Blade had to be kept in his carrier all morning today because of my ex moving stuff out. Willow just stayed under my bed. She didn't even come out after he left. and poor Blade wondered around the house just meowing. Now the cats have always been more close to me then him. But still I feel so bad for them right now. I know that they will be back to normal after the stress wears off. But I still can't help but feel guilty for it. I'm just thankful there are no children involved. I don't know how people with children can do this and stay so strong. One of my friends just recently left her husband. I kept telling her while she was doing it that I knew how she felt.....Boy was I wrong up until today. I keep praying to God asking him to help me through this and I know he will. It just hurts so bad.
Ok I guess I will stop rambling. Thanks for listening.
Not to mention my poor kitties!!! They are so confused and so scared right now. Poor Blade had to be kept in his carrier all morning today because of my ex moving stuff out. Willow just stayed under my bed. She didn't even come out after he left. and poor Blade wondered around the house just meowing. Now the cats have always been more close to me then him. But still I feel so bad for them right now. I know that they will be back to normal after the stress wears off. But I still can't help but feel guilty for it. I'm just thankful there are no children involved. I don't know how people with children can do this and stay so strong. One of my friends just recently left her husband. I kept telling her while she was doing it that I knew how she felt.....Boy was I wrong up until today. I keep praying to God asking him to help me through this and I know he will. It just hurts so bad.
Ok I guess I will stop rambling. Thanks for listening.