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The Zen of Life

post #1 of 13
Thread Starter 
1. Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead.. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me either. Just pretty much leave me alone.

2. The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and a leaky tire.

3. It's always darkest before dawn. So if you're going to steal your neighbor's newspaper, that's the time to do it.

4. Sex is like air. It's not important unless you aren't getting any.

5. Don't be irreplaceable. If you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted.

6. Always remember you're unique. Just like everyone else.

7. Never test the depth of the water with both feet.

8. If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments.

9. Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them you're a mile away and you have their shoes.

10. If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.

11. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.

12. If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was probably worth it!

13. If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything.

14. Some days you are the bug; some days you are the windshield.

15. Good judgment comes from bad experience, and a lot of that comes from bad judgment.

16. The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it back in your pocket.

17. A closed mouth gathers no foot.

18. Duct tape is like the Force. It has a light side and a dark side, and it holds the universe together.

19. There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one works.

20. Generally speaking, you aren't learning much when your lips are moving.

21. Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.

22. Never miss a good chance to be still.

23. No matter what happens, somebody will find a way to take it too seriously.

24. There comes a time when you should stop expecting other people to make a big deal about your birthday... around age 11.

25. Everyone seems normal until you get to know them
post #2 of 13

Hillarious! Thanks so much!
post #3 of 13
thats funny... and true
post #4 of 13
Very funny....and very true!!!
post #5 of 13
OMG I am in tears , that is just to funny
post #6 of 13
I love #19:

There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one works.

post #7 of 13
Lotsa good giggles -- largely because they're too true! Thanks
post #8 of 13
Some were amusing, but I wouldn't consider them true. Some are true, and I don't laugh at them.

I took them too seriously.
post #9 of 13
I love the "Teach a man to fish" one. Tee hee...
post #10 of 13
I love this one - someone sent me this ages ago with a few differences and I have it printed out and on my office wall. As a Buddhist it makes me smile.
I think 'one day your bug and one day your the windscreen' about sums it all up!
post #11 of 13
Oh I love it- Thanks for sharing.
post #12 of 13

Too funny!!!
post #13 of 13
I have one to add:

You need two things in life - a good bed and a good pair of shoes. You're in one or the other, all of the time.
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