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How can I convince him? - Page 2

post #31 of 46
Im so pleased that Im not the only one!

We have two cats, and I would dearly love another. Hubby said no, lets get a dog, so we did. I dont like dogs and I just couldnt get on with it, and I rehomed him. Im now back to begging my hubby for another cat. He says no......So I rang a man up today who has a litter ready in 4 weeks, and Im going to see them tomorrow!

My man loves me, and whatever I want I usually just get! He has the option to get on with it which he usually does!

Just go for it, If he loves you, which Im sure he does, then he should love what you love

I always feel it better to be honest though, rather than doing it behind his back - so I sat Hubby down tonight and just blurted out this cats story! He must have fallen for it as he is still talking to me
post #32 of 46
I don't agree. I think it's tough luck for both of you... if given that both of you didn't know how the other felt about cats before your relationship became what it is. -sounds like you have the classic case of hoping-he-will-change syndrome on top of that though. People have the right to be who they are. He should not have to live with cats if he doesn't like them. You should be able to if you want to, but I think both of you are being selfish here. However, don't think you should bow to him and let him have his way. You're at a crossroad, not a merger. Leave him be and choose a man who loves cats. (There are plenty of us who do.) You can have the best of both worlds, but not with him, comprende?
post #33 of 46
Katie
"AND SO SAY ALL OF US"
post #34 of 46
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Hydroaxe
I don't agree. I think it's tough luck for both of you... if given that both of you didn't know how the other felt about cats before your relationship became what it is. -sounds like you have the classic case of hoping-he-will-change syndrome on top of that though. People have the right to be who they are. He should not have to live with cats if he doesn't like them. You should be able to if you want to, but I think both of you are being selfish here. However, don't think you should bow to him and let him have his way. You're at a crossroad, not a merger. Leave him be and choose a man who loves cats. (There are plenty of us who do.) You can have the best of both worlds, but not with him, comprende?
Whoa, I have not said that I could not live without a 2nd cat. I want one really bad and have had the "once he sees it he'll fall in love with it" attitude. But I did mention that he is a good guy and I would not leave him because of it. I have been making jokes about having a kitty just show up, but I mentioned that I wouldn't really do it, and I also mentioned that he did give in a give me Dori, she was even a Christmas gift. You are right about the fact that neither of us had cats in mind when we met, which is why I can be understanding of him not wanting to go along with it now, BUT I have been the one who has been very very accepting in many other situations. In relationships, especially when you truly love eachother there are some things that you give in on to make the other happy. I do it for him all the time, he does it for me..... once in a while When it comes down to it, I am not going to force him to deal with another cat. I am looking to convince him to give into me
post #35 of 46
squirltle i hope you have more luck than me, i have done nothing but beg my bf hes nit budging, no way but just because they say we cant, i dont know why people say to leave him, i think that is going a bit over the top
post #36 of 46
I agree...get your self a cat....
post #37 of 46
Sometimes you have to be deceptive to reach your goals. I shouldn't be recommending this, but.... Why not drop the subject for a number of weeks or months, and then have a friend/relative come by with a kitten? Lock Dori up so that she doesn't spoil things by objecting to the kitten right off, and give your boyfriend an opportunity to watch and interact with the kitten. Then, your friend could have major problems with an allergy/landlord/family member, and beg you to take the kitten? My niece has pulled this trick at least twice, and my sister and her s.o. fell for it. I haven't discussed the matter with my sister, and have no plans to.
But just a word of caution: At the moment we have an "only cat", but have plenty of experience with multi-pet households. Rosie has accepted Sophie, and Franz Maddie. That is not always the case. Twice we've had to divide our house in half, the first time because two male dogs wouldn't accept each other, and the second time because JC becomes homicidal (I'm not joking)when he encounters another cat. Dori might appreciate companionship, but then again, she might not, and could react to the "new addition" with aggression and behavioral problems. Does she see/encounter other cats, and how does she react? Might your boyfriend's objections be based on his evaluation of her personality?
post #38 of 46
I rather agree with Hydroaxe here, to a point. If he hates the idea of another cat so much he'd threaten you over it, well...

But then again, why is a second cat so much worse than one? I can imagine hating all cats, but not hating more than ONE in a home. When it's an unreasonable stubborness, it can often be worked on

As for rejection, rather unlikely as Dori seems to be a nice young adult cat. You have to take it slow and pick the right second cat, but it's likely to work out. Kitty seemed to hate other cats, and lived for three years as an only cat, but he was still young enough to accept a female older kitten. They're now the best of friends and he's so much happier. If you're worried, the shelter will know about the first cat and should be willing to take back the cat (in fact, a good shelter will insist on it) if that's the best option. But with Dori, that sounds unlikely.
post #39 of 46
Quote:
Originally Posted by squirtle
Whoa, I have not said that I could not live without a 2nd cat. I want one really bad and have had the "once he sees it he'll fall in love with it" attitude. But I did mention that he is a good guy and I would not leave him because of it. I have been making jokes about having a kitty just show up, but I mentioned that I wouldn't really do it, and I also mentioned that he did give in a give me Dori, she was even a Christmas gift. You are right about the fact that neither of us had cats in mind when we met, which is why I can be understanding of him not wanting to go along with it now, BUT I have been the one who has been very very accepting in many other situations. In relationships, especially when you truly love eachother there are some things that you give in on to make the other happy. I do it for him all the time, he does it for me..... once in a while When it comes down to it, I am not going to force him to deal with another cat. I am looking to convince him to give into me
You didn't say that you couldn't live without a second cat, but you did make it sound that way when you said you wanted one "soooo bad." You also never told us that he gave you Dori as a Christmas gift either, so how could we know he's the good guy you said he was? If that's the case after four years of begging, I think maybe he has already been fair enough and maybe you haven't given him enough credit. Convincing is something you do when someone says "maybe" or "I'm not sure" or "Hmmm... I don't know"... not when someone says "No way." Lying to him and orchestrating a series of events (if you choose to go that way) in an attempt to play on his feelings is called manipulation... not convincing. Would it be nice and considerate if he said yes? Of course, but he has already given you a solid answer. "...hoping he will change his mind." is the same as "hoping he will change" syndrome.
post #40 of 46
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by jcat
Does she see/encounter other cats, and how does she react? Might your boyfriend's objections be based on his evaluation of her personality?
I don't think his decision is an evaluation of her personality, because I don't think that he thinks it through that far As for Dori, she has been aroud other cats once since I have had her. I brought her for a visit to see her brother and sister who live with a friend of ours. I brought her over, and back then I didn't know about gadual introductions or anything like that. I brought her inside she immediately climbed up on the back of a high chair and would hiss at anyone if they went near her, except me. I don't know if she hated the other cats or if it was just a combo of being in a strange place, riding in the car- I didn't have her carrier then so she was just wearing her harness and leash (I would never take her out without her carrier now), there was also a dog there to.....
post #41 of 46
Any man I brought home had to pass the Bobo test. If they laughed at him or didn't like him, I didn't keep them. Rob passed. And though he doesn't quite understand how I love cats more than dogs, he does accept it. I don't know what I would ever do if I was with someone who didn't.
post #42 of 46
I think you need to ask him WHY he doesn't want another cat! If he can't give a good/reasonable explanation.....then John and Hissy are right. My b/f's family never had cats, but he always liked them when he'd go and visit his relatives. When we went to the cat shelter he fell in love with Summer rather quickly (she was sticking out her paws demanding attention). When I mentioned getting a kitten (my Mom recently found 5 orphans) he said "No, let's wait until we get a bigger place and then you can get as many kitties as you want." We DO have a rather small apartment, and will be moving next year when we both graduate....so I can wait.
post #43 of 46
I suggest asking him to look at the kities with you, and hope licks him.. it worked for Jason.. we got Paige for me and Molly and she's his little girl now, lol.. the only one she doesn't bite or claw at..

Molly might be our first cat,
but Paige is his little baby.
post #44 of 46
My b/f waited 3 years to move in with me because he disliked cats so much...and was hoping that I would give in to him and find my cat a new home--that was a joke! I very firmly expressed that the cat had been in my life a lot longer than he had...and if HE wanted me in his life he would have to learn to love cats too.

We have lived together 5 months now...and first thing he does when he comes home is look for the cat to pat his head. And I always find them curled up sleeping together.

However, even with this said...I think it would also take many YEARS of coaxing to get him to agree to a second cat in our home. (one day!) But for now, I am thrilled that he has fallen in love with Dylan. I am shocked an amazed...and he blushes every time I remind him "for a non cat person...you sure love that cat!"

So my advice, don't push, just keep the idea out there....and don't drop it--even if it does take awhile. He'll give in, especially if he bought you Dori for Christmas.
post #45 of 46
my dh knows he doesn't stand a chance around here when we decide to get another pet so he just looks at me and says.......whatever you want dear!! lol

i was never a cat person myself until recently - the kids had been begging for a kitten, we already have a golden retriever and have gone thru the hamsters/guinea pig/bunny/lizard stages.....so after much research on my part i finally gave in............and when we came home from the shelter we had a brother and sister.......couldn't leave with just one - hehehe - and DH just looked at my with those eyes and said - you're crazy!! now we are all in KITTY LOVE!!!

and good luck with your s/o - hopefully he'll come around - how do you think he would react to a surprise house guest??
post #46 of 46
oh Tanya - just read this thread...

my story is sooooo very similar to yours its not funny. I have always wanted a cat - my husband is not a cat person (I think this stems from the time 15 years ago that his childhood cat chewed up his favourite Michael Jordan poster - he swears to me now that it would of been worth a fortune!!! )

However he knew that no matter what he thought or said that once we got married and bought a house that I was getting a cat. period. nothing he could say to that. It was all about compromise. He wanted a dog. I wanted a cat - good deal!!

So Tipsy came along.... and then I wanted a second - He kept saying things to me like "if you bring another one home its to be locked outside" or "it will be going straight back". I so desperatly wanted one - tried the puppy dog eyes - tried discussing why he didnt want another one - did all that. But thought - fairs fair - he isnt a huge cat lover and I cant make him understand where I was coming from.

Over the months I only mentioned a second cat occassionally - always got the same response... but I had accepted his wishes - until that ONE DAY he changed his mind!!!
I was lying in bed talking to Tipsy - "saying would you like a brother - do you get lonely when we are not here - do you need a playmate - its nearly the end of kitten season - if you want one I have to get one now" - and my husband was listening (not that I knew) he just walked into the bedroom and said - go and get another one!!! I just looked at him thinking "who stole my husband"
I seriously could not believe it!!!
and along came Cedar - it was the best thing we could of done (and he even admits that too!!!)

I like you would never just go get one and surprise him (although I was tempted at times ) but dont hassle him about it - I tried that tactic and it soooo does not work - just drop hints - talk to Dori (and make sure he hears you doing it - but secretly of course!!! )
you never do know but that day might just come when he also says - go and get one!!!

now I gotta start working on the third
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