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Moral Dilemma

post #1 of 11
Thread Starter 
Here's some background on the situation first:

My oldest son, Garrett, has a half brother who is 18 years old. Garrett's dad has had custody of his brother for most of his life for reasons that are irrelevant. However, a few weeks ago, Garrett's brother's girlfriend had their baby and they moved back in with his father. (complicated, I know) Garrett's dad is an overbearing controlling person--big time and so Garrett's brother and him do not get along at all. Now to my problem here...

This past weekend, Garrett's dad called to ask if I knew where Garrett's brother was. At that time I didn't. I didn't hear anything else about the situation so I forgot about it and assumed he went back to his dad's house. Yesterday I saw the brother walking down the street so I stopped him and asked how he, the baby and mom were and he starts telling me all about why he left and this and that. (we have always been pretty close). He told me where he was at and that he didnt want me to tell his father where he was because he knows his dad will start trouble. I said I wouldn't. Today, his dad called and left a message that he was still looking for him and that he was really worried about him. I didnt return his call or anything. Should I tell him where he is or do I lie and say I haven't seen or heard from him? We are friendly with one another and I don't have any real problem with him except I find him to be bossy and controlling..always has to be his way kind of thing. First of all I don't want to be caught up in this all as it is, secondly, I don't think he's looked too hard because his son is somewhere very easy to figure out. I can't avoid phone calls forever because he just lives down the street and he will come knocking on the door sooner or later. What to do?
post #2 of 11
Tell him that Garret is ok, but that he has asked you to not tell his dad where he is.

post #3 of 11
So, at the moment, Garrett's brother's girlfriend and their newborn baby are still living with his dad? It must have taken a lot for Garret to leave his girlfriend and baby like that. If it were me, I would say to his father something like, "I really don't want to get involved and be caught up in this.", when he asks if you know where Garrett's brother is. That way, you are not lying and are making it clear that you don't want to have to take sides. His girlfriend probably already knows where he is and hopefully they are supporting each other through this.
post #4 of 11
Since Abby asked how Garret's brother's gf and baby were doing, I assume the three of them left together.

From the little I know, I'd agree with Spotz to some extent. If he's the type who would get pissed at Garret's brother or you for not telling Garret's brother's location, then just say you've heard from Garret's brother but now where he is. Or if you don't want to be interrogated (and he'd do that if he knew you heard from Garret's brother at all), go ahead and fib :P

If the nice-but-overbearing man gets too overbearing, Garret's brother should get a restraining order.
post #5 of 11
Since Garret's brother is eighteen and legally an adult, you should respect his wishes and not let his dad know where he is. IMO, you can tell his dad he's ok, but let Garret's brother make his own decision(s) about how he wants to handle the situation with his dad.
post #6 of 11
The first thing I thought was that if Garret's brother and his family are somewhere safe and they can manage to take care of themselve, then you shouldn't even let him know about your conversation with Garret brother. If he asks, you don't have to lie just act like you don't know anything and change the subject. I would think it is best for you not to be in the middle, it sounds like it's comething Garret's brother and his Dad need to work out. It's nice that his brother feels he can talk to you and trust you

If you do feel bad and feel that his Dad is very concerned, you can say that you spoke to him in the street and he seemed to be doing ok. You don't even have to admit that you know where he is, just that you saw him and had a brief conversation with him.... or you can do what Spotz suggested. Whatever your decision is, good luck with it Try not to let it stress you out.
post #7 of 11
Thread Starter 
They all moved out of his house and to another location. I know his dad would never do anything to harm him, but would go there trying to boss him around. I did speak to his father a bit ago and I just listened to his concerns and tried to look innocent. I have told him time and again that he needs to butt out of certain issues and let his son handle them on his own. He seems to think he needs his nose in everyone elses business. I am not stressed because I know the kid is okay, thats really all that matters to me. What I picked up from our (garretts father and me) conversation is that he is more concerned because his son has a court date on Wednesday and wants to make sure he goes. I thought "DUH you idiot, he's not stupid" but luckily that didn't come out my mouth. In the same sense, if it were my child and someone knew where he was and didn't tell me, I would be a bit irate. At any rate, hopefully he will at least give him a call and if I see him again soon, I plan to tell the son to call before his father drives me nuts! (short drive)
post #8 of 11
That's a tough situation to be in, Abby. Sounds like you're handling it very well!
post #9 of 11
you could just tell him that you seen the brother, but you just act as if you dont know where thy are staying, that way at least he will know they are ok
post #10 of 11
I agree also. Say he's fine but say you have to respect his wishes by saying nothing and not to get involved.
post #11 of 11
I agree...admit you ran into him in the street but don't admit you know where he is living. If pushed, just tell the dad you're not involved and the son will get in touch with the dad when he is ready.
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