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post #31 of 65
Thread Starter 
Thank you all for your kind words. This is so awful. I can't remember ever experiencing pain like this. I cried myself to sleep last night. I woke of thinking of him, missing him. My heart hurts so bad! There's an empty spot there, and I don't know what to do about that. I keep seeing his little face as it was laid gently down on the table after the vet made his injection. His eyes were still half open, just gazing off into space. I miss him so much already! I just cry and cry and cry, praying this pain will be mended soon, praying for strength to get through this. And I know I did the right thing for him. I can only imagine what people go through when they have doubts, or when something tragic suddenly happens. I think he was ready to go, also. He didn't make a peep in the car ride to the vet's office, which is completely unheard of. He just laid there, letting me love on him in the office after the decision had been made (which is also unusual of late; he would let me pet him for a little while, then get up and move away. Maybe because he was in pain?). This just hurts so much more than I would ever had imagined. I came home from the vet's yesterday, after putting my baby down due to a nasty virus, and had to study viruses (I'm a college student studying for nursing school). That was pretty tough. I thought of him the whole time, but I'm sure I would have regardless of what I was studying, or watching, or eating, or dreaming. Because I have thought of him nonstop since I left that office. I can't believe this, it feels like a dream still. Goodness, I miss him so much. I know it's only been a day, not even 24 hours, and I can't possibley expect to feel any better than yesterday. Time heals, right? Just as long as he knows how much I love him, that I did everything I could, and he made it safely to heaven, maybe then I can rest easier. Although I think all of that is already true.
Thank you all again for your thoughts. It really means a whole lot to me to get this much support.
Total mess of a person,
post #32 of 65
hang in there Jenn....it will get better.

Unfortunatly, I've had to make the "decision" a few times and it is ALWAYS extremly hard. One thing I do that helps me heal is I go out and buy a plant (usually a rose bush) and plant it in my garden in memory of my kitty. I usually pick one that seems to represent the cat that I've had to say goodbye to.

Keep your head up and remember....it's okay to cry.

Thinking of you,

post #33 of 65
Jenn, you did the BEST and most humane decision. His spirit will watch over you. Karen is so right about planting a living thing, no matter how small if no room, to honor the departed. Plese tell yourseld and know in your bones that he is with you in spirit and it will take TIME TIME TIME. I was a total mess of a person after having the country vet to our house to put down Freddie who never even saw his 8th month ans the best kitten ever, and I STILL am a mess of a person. You have your own kitty clock, take your time and it hurts like crap..... even when you think you have your bearings back, the grief will hit at the most unimagined times.
post #34 of 65
Thread Starter 
Some of you may have read the thread I posted under Health about Tank (titled need help/consolation, I think). Anyway, he was only 15 months old, and I had to put him to rest yesterday due to FIP. He is survived by his sister, littermate, and bestfriend Stinky, who fortunately is still completely healthy, although terribly depressed. This is terribly tragic for me, and I'm sorry, but I can't tell the whole story yet, it just hurts to badly. My heart is breaking and rebreaking in ways I never thought possible. I do intend on sharing his story, I just cannot right now. I wanted to post to let everyone here know that I, too, am all to aware of what pain these passings bring. Even if you know it was the right thing to euthanise, that it was the most humane thing to do, it still hurts like nothing else. Please know that my thoughts are with you all. I miss my baby dearly and can't seem to stop crying. If you'd like, you can read the story under the initial thread...it hasn't been moved here yet, and I don't know how to do so myself, or if I even can.

Take care everyone,

post #35 of 65
I merged your thread to keep the story together and put the whole thing in Crossing the Bridge.

I am sorry for your pain...there is a candle in my window lighting the little one's way-
post #36 of 65
Oh I am so sorry. Tank is in my thoughts as are you and he is now at peace at the Rainbow Bridge
post #37 of 65
Jen- I am so sorry. This was the first time I have read this post and I am so very sorry for the loss of your sweet Tank. My thoughts and prayers are with you RIP sweet Tank
post #38 of 65
Blessings to you and to Stinky. I am so sorry.
post #39 of 65
You are in my thoughts at this sad time
post #40 of 65
I been there way too many times I sympathize with your loss-remember the happy times!!
post #41 of 65
OMG! I feel sooooo sorry for you! i can't imaging loosing MY baby now- that would kill me probably!!!! You DID THE RIGHT thing! I am sending you all my warm vibes- Solomon adds some purring to it also! Please- be strong- everything will be ok! Life is full of loooses and sad things, but there are also so many cats who would love to be loved BY YOU! So, maybe yu should think about adopting once again? A friend for your Stinky!!! I am sure if you will come to the shelter and will tell them what happened- they will try to help you to get over with your sadness! Please, think about it! I know- nobody will ever take Tankys place, but- I am sure your heart is huge and there is a place for another kitty cat in it, right? will be always here for you!
post #42 of 65
Thread Starter 
Well, it's been one week since Tank has left us, and I still miss him as though it was the first day. Goodness, I never knew something could hurt like this! It is such a sharp, lingering pain; I just don't know what to do. I have found great comfort in Stinky, and I believe she has found the same in me. She is lonely and misses him tremendously, as do I, but she has begun to play again, rather than laying around looking terribly depressed. She so far has been 100% healthy, and I pray that she continues to be so. Don't know what I'd do if she got sick, too. I believe we are on the road to healing, but I know it is going to be a loooong and bumpy road! I picture his beautiful face almost everytime I close my eyes. Stinky and I have a bond now that I have never had with an animal. I almost feel cheesy saying that, but it's the truth, and it has been the light at the end of a tunnel that seems to go on for just about forever. Thank you all for your thoughts, prayers, and encouragement. This truly is the most painful situations I've ever been in (call me sheltered!), and am trying my best to work my way through it. Still have yet to go a single day without crying, but that's okay. It does bring a small sense of relief. I miss him. I know he's in a better place, but I miss him.
Thank you all again,
post #43 of 65
oh no hunny hunny it's ok to cry ALL the time. I still cry over Freddie. He is in the back under the cherry tree and when I'm moving the lawn out front I pass the apple tree and I feel him so strongly, it's almost overhwleming, because his favorite activity was swinging from the branches like a monkey before he got sick. I can hardly reply and give support to other kittens on the site, and that is a horrible selfish way to be but the pain is still so fresh and it's been 7 months now. Everyone understands. There was a young woman on this site 7 months ago who lost her Smokey and she went through agony. Everyone does. We show it in different ways. You are not alone.
Elizabeth and Sasha
post #44 of 65
I'm so sorry about your little Tank. He obviously trusted and loved you so much. He is in peace now with no more pain. You did everything that you could for him, he was lucky to have you as his momma.
post #45 of 65
Thread Starter 
I don't know why, but I seem to feel it's necessary to post on every "anniversary" of the end of my Tanker's life. Two weeks ago today, I put my lovely boy down. I have cried more today than I have in days and can't seem to figure out why. It hurts super bad today...why more today than yesterday, or the day before? I want to let go of this pain so badly, but I guess it's just not time to yet. It's funny, I keep finding all these little things around the house, like a paper with all the local vet office numbers on them (I was searching for an office that would take payments if it came to that; I certainly wish it did, that would mean he had something treatable!), or an appointment reminder card from the first office I took him to stuck in my purse...all these little things that just make me break down. Everyday I wake up thinking of him. Still. Everyday I go to sleep, my last thoughts filled with him. Still. This will stop, right? This is normal grief, right? When I have said that I feel as though I've lost my best friend, I wasn't over-exaggerating. I really honestly feel that way.
I'm sure some of you are wondering why I keep dragging this thread out, why I keep posting. I apologize; I just really feel a need to get my feelings out there, and am unable to do so anywhere else. I weep for my little man every single day, and have done so for the last forteen days straight! Again, this will end, right??? I just miss him so much!
Thank you all for your kind ears and patience. I've never been in this position before, and although I hope it never happens again, chances are it will. Maybe not the same situation, but I will lose a dear pet again. That's life. And that's alright. I will learn and grow from this experience. I just wish the hurting would stop.
post #46 of 65
It just really does take time. They make such an impact on our lives when they are in it, how can they not impact us heavily when they leave?

Let the tears come, they are part of healing. If you did not cry, that would be worrisome. You need to grieve, you need to cry and then you need to heal.
post #47 of 65
Well said, Hissy (wish I knew the names to go with these nicks....) tears are all perfectly natural. Each person's grief is individual to them... some may get over their loss in a matter of a few days... most others will get over it over a much longer period. When you lose a pet that has been like a best friend, of course it's going to hurt and it will hurt in a way that you think is indescribable to everyone else. Everyone heals in different ways. If you feel the need to post, do so... there will always be people here for you. We've all been there before, we'll all be there again... and we'll all be here together, so at least you should never feel alone. This may not be the time or the place, but I can offer a few little suggestions to help you to heal. When I lost my cat, I found it a huge help... when the tears stopped long enough, to find all the photographs I had of her. I put together a scrapbook of all my favourite pictures, the ones that all had a happy memory behind them. (It helped my mother a lot too, since she thought the photos had all disappeared into the attic a long time before). It's always nice to be able to look back and think of the times that made you smile. Unfortunately, though I'd have liked to, I didn't get the chance to say goodbye properly. So I also found her favourite toy... a fur mouse on a string (with added bell) and I buried it with her. It was my way of letting go.

I know it's not much comfort to you, but your little man is in a much better place now. He won't leave you as long as you keep him in your heart. Don't worry, the pain will fade. Until then, you've got friends here.
post #48 of 65
I'm sure some of you are wondering why I keep dragging this thread out, why I keep posting. I apologize; I just really feel a need to get my feelings out there, and am unable to do so anywhere else.
Please don't apologise. You've just lost a member of your family no one expects you to grieve any less because Tank was a cat. (((((HUGS)))))
post #49 of 65
Thread Starter 
Three weeks have passed....still missing you as though it was yesterday. I miss and love you (always and forever) my Tanker baby.
post #50 of 65
I am sorry you are going through this awful heartbreak. You gave all the love and care, and now Tank is out of any suffering. It doesn't help you stop missing your lovely boy. He will be sending yu love and watching over you, nothing can ever take away that love you have between you. He will wait for you, Tank is playing now, healthy and carefree.
post #51 of 65
Originally Posted by bossinova
Three weeks have passed....still missing you as though it was yesterday. I miss and love you (always and forever) my Tanker baby.
I'm sorry your still hurting so much . . . It takes time and nothing will heal your heart more than time, time marches on, passes, and then you'll come to terms with it all. Everyone is different, and for some the process is longer than for others.

FYI, Kegan is fine, (belly still swollen) now he likes to sleep in my lap during Dr. Phil! Keep your fingers crossed for us, and give your Stinky extra kitty kisses and hugs, and try to find extra comfort tonight in her love.
post #52 of 65
Thread Starter 
Four weeks have flown by...still thinking of you and missing you! I will love you forever, my Tanky poo. You can never be replaced in my heart
post #53 of 65
This is the first time I have seen this thread. I am so sorry to hear of your loss. It takes time to heal from the hurt you are feeling. You will never forget your sweet tank, he will live in your heart forever. But, one day soon, you will get over your hurt and that is ok, because that is what Tank would want you to do. Remember the good times that you had with your baby and let that bring a smile to your face and in your heart. Your sweet Tank is resting peacefully in Gods loving arms now
post #54 of 65
I know it's been a few months since this thread, but this is the first time I have come across it. I didn't join this site until september. I hope it's okay that I am writing. This hit me so hard. I feel for you, Jenn I really do. I am just so sorry that this happened and I do hope that you and Stinky are doing well now. Tank is up in heaven with the other beautiful angels now. I am comforted to know that he can help my Ani find her way
I lost my Trent September 13 My Ani has just left me on December 21 .. I can get a sense of comfort and peace to know that all these babies are together just like we are
post #55 of 65
Oh Bossinova, so sorry for your loss... my prayers to lovely Tank... R.I.P. sweet angel!
post #56 of 65
I am so sorry you lost your Tank and are hurting so much.
post #57 of 65
I have been reading this thread because I am sure Persil has FIP. I have spent all today looking it up on the net and she has all hte symptoms Tank had and that I have read about. Oh it seems so cruel. And I know that there is only a small chance but I am so scared for Dushka and Ellie, who are both within the possible age range to get it too. I shall see the vet again on Monday - he already mentioned it as a possibility but I was still ignorant of most of the symptoms and of the outcomes and thought that whatever she had there was always a chance if we could keep her strong enough. Now I am devastated. She is so sad tonight, and I think if he confirms that it is the most likely possibility that I will say goodbye to her on Monday - I am crying as I write but I can't let her suffer like she seems to be doing right now.
post #58 of 65
Jenny, I am so sorry. I wish we were all there with you to offer you a shoulder to cry on I really have been making a special effort to pray for her everyday. I woke up about 2am and for some strange reason, immediately thought of you and your sick girl.

I am so sorry about the decision you are facing. It does sound like her quality of life is suffering now Please know that we all are here when you need a shoulder and please PM me if you want to talk.
post #59 of 65
as i read this thread im crying!! its so hard to lose a baby.
I just hope my kitty doesnt have FIP.
but i have to stop typing now becuase i cant see the screen
post #60 of 65
My heart goes out to you, I can't stand to read these posts, although we want to be support for you, I am broken hearted for you, it's so very sad to loose part of your heart, my thoughts are with you,
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