Out of control kitty

Any advise I can pass a long to a friend? She was just telling me about her new cat and I feel so bad for her. She adopted this cat as a small kitten, she is now almost a year and is becoming really unpleasant. She picked this kitten because she was so friendly at first. Now She describes her as unfriendly and just plain wild. She says she is not social at all. She is working on it by having her sit on her lap in the mornings but she seemed pretty depressed about it. And the cat is wild about everything, how she uses the litter box, sand flying all over. Rubs her behind on the carpet and messes it up. Just isn't giving affection either. Very aloof and has this high pitched squeal she uses when she wants something (Which is all the time) She is indoor/outdoor. I feel bad for my friend, I mean a cat isn't suppose to be here just for us, but still we adopt pets for companionship. There is another cat in the house, a very docile female who keeps to herself and they get along fine.

Any thoughts? I know the cat has been to the vet recently. I keep telling people it's a risk to adopt a kitten. You never know how they will turn out. I had another friend have that happen, they adopted a kitten who was friendly and fun at first but grew into this holy terror, really mean.

First off kitty needs to go to the vet. Scooting butt on carpet is not behavioral it's a health issue. Either the cat has worms or impacted anal glands. If the anal glands are impacted, that would explain the behavior.

Second, you can't "work on a cat" to sit on a lap. Either a cat wants to sit on your lap or it doesn't. Forcing it to accept sitting on your lap, makes for an angry cat and continuing in this way could lead to aggression factors.

The cat needs a vet visit tomorrow, then once the health issues have cleared, your friend needs to just ignore this cat. See to the basic needs, but don't force the cat to do anything the cat does not want to do. Once she starts ignoring the cat (again not the needs of the cat) the cat will quickly come around, as they are not aloof at all, but really very social animals. They just hate for things to be decided for them, and would rather think they came up with the idea all by themselves.

I agree with hissy. It sounds like this cat is in constant pain for some reason, especially with the high pitched squeal. Has your friend had her cat spayed? Some of the things you describe sound like a cat in heat. If not, ask your friend to have the cat spayed ASAP. Often just doing this will calm a cat amazingly well.

[QUOTEI=hissy]First off kitty needs to go to the vet. Scooting butt on carpet is not behavioral it's a health issue. Either the cat has worms or impacted anal glands. If the anal glands are impacted, that would explain the behavior.

Second, you can't "work on a cat" to sit on a lap. Either a cat wants to sit on your lap or itdoesn't. Forcing it to accept sitting on your lap, makes for an angry cat and continuing in this way could lead to aggression factors.

The cat needs a vet visit tomorrow, then once the health issues have cleared, your friend needs to just ignore this cat. See to the basic needs, but don't force the cat to do anything the cat does not want to do. Once she starts ignoring the cat (again not the needs of the cat) the cat will quickly come around, as they are not aloof at all, but really very social animals. They just hate for things to be decided for them, and would rather think they came up with the idea all by themselves.[/quote]
Thanks , I will pass along about the rear thing. I didn't know what to think of that.

So there is no way to socialize an obnoxious cat? I know what you mean about not being able to force them to do things, but could fellaway help? Or is that for different things?

I often wonder about cat personalities. I mean not to sound unPC but I have known some
cats I simply didn't like. Like people they seem more selfish than others. LIke my next door neighbor has two cats, one is nice the other is mean. He looks mean and is unfriendly.
But I wonder if like people that can be changed...

Marge,

This cat doesn't need socializaton lessons, it needs a vet. The unsocial behavior is quite possibly because of a health issue, and once that has been addressed the cat will calm down considerably.

IMO there is no such thing as an obnoxious cat. Cats are products of their past, and their environment. Their behavior exists for them as a survival mode and you just have to know how to read the signs, and not everyone does. That is why the shelters are crammed full of cats with "behavior problems" because people get fed up and don't really listen to a cat. You can train a cat, you can socialize a feral cat, and you can also ruin a cat if you don't know what you are doing.

Marge, a cat that is unsociable, has an 'attitude problem' or is seen as mean will usually have an underlying reason for it. The cat may be ill, highly stressed, has been neglected or abused or could be injured. Cat's are naturally sociable creatures and enjoy the company of humans. Ferals are an exception to this, mainly because of the reasons mentioned above.

Yes, cats can change. Just ask hissy. She has had the most wild, spitting, hissing ball of fury who, with a lot of patience, energy, caring and TLC, has become a loving lap-cat.

I don't mean to sound insensitive, I just have noticed some seem to have different personalities and the owners are perfectly caring and the cat is just mean. My friend is a I know a very caring soul, literally one of the nicest people I know. But like you said, it could be a health thing in her cats case. I have heard the high pitched squeal from the cat, and I don't think it's from pain, it was when she was taken off the table wanting the food on it. And she is really high energy so health problems didn't enter my head though. My little guy gets quite quiet when he isn't feeling well and stays to himself and I had heard that is what cats do when they don't feel well.

Anyways, I will tell her to try taking her to the vet. But I have seen mean cats before, I housesat for a friend and her cat is mean. Terrorized the older cat and the neighbor cat. Even walked around with a scowl. So I have always thought some cats are less social just like people.

Good intentions are no guarantee at all when it comes to good treatment.

There is some genetic tendency for personality traits, but most behavior of animals with some memory capacity (as is the case with humans and felines) is learned. Perhaps your friend brought up the cat to be that way without meaning to or knowing that she was doing it.

Although yes, there is a lot of individuality among cats, so just because your cat gets quiet it doesn't mean that all cats do. Some may try to draw attention for help without seeming weak. And any cat in pain is likely to act unfriendly (at the least) when attention is forced on it. Think of when you have such a bad headache that you can't think and every sound seems to drill through your brain...then imagine someone clapping you on the shoulder and trying to have a conversation with you while you're in that state. I doubt you'd be all smiles and laughter either.

Sounds like an environmental problem to me...beyond the need to see a vet.

Spotz

Originally Posted by Sptz

Sounds like an environmental problem to me...beyond the need to see a vet.


Spotz

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Yeah I mean she is so energetic I would be surprised if it was poor health. But you never know. I can't figure it out. My friend is so caring and loving a person. I know she adores this cat but is very disappointed right now. I don't even talk about mine anymore cause he is the antithesis of hers! He is very affectionate and mellow.

How much space does the kitty have, does he have any toys or other outlets for energy, how often is he left unattended, and for how long at a time?

Spotz

Hey Marge...I have a girl cat who never was and will never be a lap cat...she is a tortie..and she likes to be loved...but in her own way and on her own terms. Some kittens develop into more lap type cats...others are more independent..has more to do with the personality of the cat than any type of "training". At first...I tried (and failed miserably) to try to make Habenaro more "friendly"...but then I realized...she IS friendly...just in her own way. Now I let her come to me when she wants to be pet and don't try to pressure her for anything more...she is a lovely cat.

Katie

Originally Posted by Spotz

How much space does the kitty ave, does he have any toys or other outlets for energy, how often is he left unattended, and for how long at a time?

Spotz

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She is alone during the day, another cat is in the household bt it's an older very docile cat who doens't interact much with her.

She lives ina small apt but has access to a yard when her Mom is home.

Originally Posted by TNR1

Hey Marge...I have a girl cat who never was and will never be a lap cat...she is a tortie..and she likes to be loved...but in her own way and on her own terms. Some kittens develop into more lap type cats...others are more independent..has more to do with the personality of the cat than any type of "training". At first...I tried (and failed miserably) to try to make Habenaro more "friendly"...but then I realized...she IS friendly...just in her own way.

Now I let her come to me when she wants to be pet and don't try to pressure her for anything more...she is a lovely ca
Katie

Click to expand...

This goes beyond not being a lap cat, this cat is cold and unresponsive. My cat isn't really a lap cat, I mean he likes to jump on my lap but gets bored easily. But he is so sweet and loving.
This cat is just mean and doesn't seem to like people. I really just don't think it's my friends fault. I mean it's like blaming any parent, it isn't always their fault. I mean it could be a health thing but the cat is so energetic. I don't know, I wonder a lot if it' slike people, some people come into the world not liking others. I have a friend with 3 kids, one of them is this anal retentive meanie. His parents aren't like that at all, and the other two kids arent. I think he was born that way, not a person person.

People do not "come into the world" not liking others. Any parent, guardian, caretaker, teacher, or whatever can have the best of intentions but a lack of knowledge or some other factor that causes the one they're influencing to be unhappy. Some people are truly loving, caring, selfless, and so on, but aren't aware of the little things about what they're doing, or don't understand how the other being things, or whatever.

For example, many people just want the best for their cats and wouldn't dream of hurting them, but then they get them declawed because they don't know what it actually is and greey vets say it's just the thing to do to make them better pets. My MIL was among these, and she was horrified when she realized what she'd been routinely doing to all of her cats all of those years.

Another example...some people try yelling "No" at their dogs when they jump, thinking this is the best way to make the dog better behaved and avoid problems for the dog's future. Instead, they just reinforce the behavior with the attention. Little things like this can make a huge impact on someone's behavior.

And in Korea, it's quite standard to use one approach when it comes to children: hitting them. Hit them if they disagree with an adult, hit them if they cry, hit them if they get a math problem wrong. The adults were brought up this way. They like the kids and want what's best for them. They're hardly inhuman monsters for doing what they'd been conditioned to do, although I certainly think this should be considered assault as it is with any adult human.

Who in the world told you that anyone in poor health must be lethargic? If you had hyperthyroidism for example, I think you'd disagree that you were in fine health. Hasn't your friend seen the vet yet? What did the vet say?

I don't think it's nice to call someone an "anal retentive meanie" for being different. That's totally uncalled for. My favorite color is blue, but I don't go around insulting everyone who likes other colors more. Try understanding what makes people the way they are, and realizing that being different is not necessarily a bad thing. Also, I don't know anything about this kid except for your description of him, but I might guess that he has problems in his environment (ie peers) that his siblings didn't have or were better able to cope with, or he may have a disorder such as clinical depression, or any number of things that don't make him a worse person in the least, but do make him unfairly victimized and deserving of help.

Here's some scientific fact for you: all severely abused dogs go with fight or flight. Whether they tend toward fight or toward flight seems to be genetic, but dogs of all backgrounds will turn to one or both of the two. No healthy well-raised dog will display this behavior, also regardless of genetic background.

Genes may cause slight differences in tendencies, but it is the environment that determines the personality.