I can sympathize.
I am 37 years old, and married. I have my own life.
I love my parents DEEPLY, more than they think.
My parents were emotionally dependant on my to an extreme that I developed panic attacks, and my health was going down hill. I didn't want to hurt them, but didn't know how to live with their dependance. They would call me constantly, make me feel guilty if I said I had something else I needed to do, or didn't want my mother at my house every other day. She and my father never understood.
So, after 35 years of this, I had a MAJOR panic blow up. I became very sick, from holding in how I felt, that I loved them to death, but they needed to give me some space. Previously,I dropped numerous hints and tactful statements, but all to no avail. It finally came to a head when I had it out with them, tried to explain, and what I got was the continuous line "but youre our dauuuughter.. you should be hearing all our problems, be there to take care of us, that's what children are for, you don't care how we feel!!!!.......etc....
Well, I had been in therapy, and my therapist told me that my parental home and upbringing was beyond the dysfunctional scale. She told me not to feel guilty, I am an adult, have my own life, and my parents are healthy and still young (mid sixties.) But they DON'T WANT ANY FRIENDS, AND NEVER HAVE.
I was their ONLY friend. That is so unhealthy. I became sick, because I could not bring myself to hurt them, I loved them so much.
Anyway, the short story of a long one is that I had to take a break. My father started it by disowning me about 3 ? years ago. I became the "ungrateful, selfish, horrible daughter"... this DEVASTATED ME, because I could not explain calmly to him what I was trying to say. He would not listen. He never spoke to me again.
A year went by, still with communication with my mother, but it got worse, she became more fearful that I was going to abandon her....(I was not, but I needed the distance from her incessant calling and wanting me to listen to her problems, when she could have solved them herself. She wanted ME to just listen, and her to wallow. I had a life.... I couldn't take this, and became sicker. So finally I had to break it off. How horrible that was.
It is now a few years, and I have not heard from them. They live in their apartment, never leaving, my mother with dolls, and my father with TV.... This has always how it was. They won't even visit my cousin, whom they are close too.
My therapist and friends said, "if they won't try to help themselves, what can I possibly do?" I have come to understand this.
(By the way, my panic attacks have almost disappeared, and my husband says I am a new person, much less depressed, not having all that pressure and guilt. Although I do miss them TERRIBLY, it was a very unhealthy relationship for me and them. It was even affecting my husband)
Sorry to ramble here, but the point I am trying to make is that I LOVE my parents, and parents get jealous of the time their adult children spend in their own lives.
Tigger, Your mother will come around. She is using the "guilt" tactic, but loves you very much, and she will get over it.
Nothing you did is your fault. You are not responsible for how another person reacts.
I hope you find healing soon, and can accept that parents get hurt and jealous. That is usually how it is. But they get over it, cause they love you unconditionally, (my parents are the extreme, they have emotional problems, but wont go for help).
Tigger, my heart and prayers go out to you, and you and your mother will be fine. And there is no need to feel guilty about having other plans. Guilt will make you ill. Although I do know how hard it is NOT to feel guilty.
Thank you all for letting me get this out, and Tigger you WILL be okay