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Sam doesn't want me near him anymore

post #1 of 29
Thread Starter 
Whenever I reach out to pet Sam or I talk to him, he jumps out of my reach or totally snubs me. I can't even pick him up and hold him anymore. I assumed that he was in one of his moods and let it go...and go...and go...over the past three weeks he has gotten less and less sociable with me. What is irritating about this all is last nite my boyfriend comes waltzing in, sits down on the couch and Sam immediately jumped into his lap purring and rubbing all over him then settled down and went to sleep. Although I shouldn't be upset, it really bothers me. Sam has always been my lovey boy and now all he wants me to do is feed him and go away.
post #2 of 29
I posted about something very similar to this a couple of months ago. My sweet little Dori was behaving the same way. She even quit sleeping with me It did really hurt me when it started occuring, so I know how you feel Things got better after a month or so. She comes to cuddle with me, but only at bedtime or 1st thing in the morning. She is also back to sleeping with me. Other than that, she doesn't want much to do with me. Things are very different with my boyfriend though. She loves him and snuggles with him constantly. It still bugs me alot, especially since I am the one who takes care of her, and he used to hate her. But I enjoy my time with her at night and in the early mornings and figure that she is just trying to be independant, as I guess most cats try to be. I know it's hard but try not to take it personally. Sam loves you and depends on you.

I hope your boyfriend isn't like mine who walks around beaming with Dori sitting proud on his shoulder because he knows it bothers me.
post #3 of 29
Thread Starter 
No, I think it made my boyfriend nervous since I was sitting there glaring at the both of them. He kept telling Sam they would have to sleep under the porch.

Sam hasnt stopped sleeping with me, but he lays at the end of the bed, well out of my reach instead of laying on my pillow.
post #4 of 29
Dori used to sleep on my head and now she sleeps down near my legs. How old is Sam? I wonder if it's some stage they go through when they reach a certain age, like kids do. Dori will be 1 and 1/2 in a week.
post #5 of 29
Thread Starter 
He just turned a year old last month..was born the day before Easter.
post #6 of 29
Maybe Sam needs a girl friend.
post #7 of 29
I just wonder WHY in the name OF GOD are we still spending our time on our boyfriends- and even our precious cats seem to be totally in love with them- AND EVEN if we know- our boyfriends do not have feelings to OUR cats and they are not sooo sensetive, it just makes them feel better- see, even YOUR cat loves me- don't give me a hard time now.... Oh..I just hate it...Fortunatly my Solomon is too small and probably I will have to face the same problem very soon, just because cats are trying to get your attention and as soon as cat insured - YOU LOVE HIM- he moves on to another person and takes a little break from you-the one who's giving him all your snoozzyyy-puzzzy loving things and feelings!!!! He is soo sure that you are gonna feed him every day, even if he wont sleep with you, or jump on your laps, or purr while you're petting him...Doesn't THIS all seem to be soooo familuar to what our boyfriends/husbands think sometimes???? AWWW that makes me soooooo mad!!! Sending you some warm vibes anyways and hope things will go better!
post #8 of 29
LOL Nicely said! They learn to take us for granted just like our boyfriends do, I think we are just doomed

So Dori was just a little over a year when this behavior started. I keep hoping it is just a phase. Oh, and one more think I forgot to mention. During this time when Dori didn't want much to do with me, I got really upset when I would come home from work and she would continue sleeping and not get up. I would go over and pick her up and try to cuddle but she would run away. Then I read on this site that sometimes when you ignore them they will respond. So I tried it. Instead of going over to Dori to cuddle with her when I got home, I walked right past her and went into my room to change. Sure enough, a few minutes later Dori came running down the hallway to say hello.
post #9 of 29
Thread Starter 
Well, I hope it is a phase and he will outgrow it.

Sam does have a girlfriend, but she ignores everyone all the time so I'm pretty much used to it (including my cat stealing boyfriend).

I changed to a different laundry soap, could it be he thinks I smell funny?
post #10 of 29
I don't know what's going on with you ladies and your cats. I don't have that problem. When I drive up, my cats, dogs, and one goose are all waiting for me to disembark from the truck so I will give them my undivided attention. Don't ask me my secret because I don't even know that one.
post #11 of 29
Jeepers is ignoring me today, every so often she'll get all distant and snooty, then, all of a sudden she'll love me again. I can't figure it out either, my other half thought it may be the weather?!?
post #12 of 29
Abby, it's very likely that he hasn't gotten used to your new "scent". Just a switch in the soap you use changes your scent dramatically to them, and you smell unfamiliar. Give him a couple days, and hope your bf doesn't rub it in too much! :o)
post #13 of 29
Sam go back to your momma, like now. Lots of hugs, good vibes to you Abby. We will never understand our furbabes as much as they understand us. But don't we love them.
post #14 of 29
Thread Starter 
Today Sam was sitting on the dining room window sill (his usual post) and was chatting with me. I was talking back and kept saying to come over to me. He got up like he was going to come over and visit and instead whapped my leg and took off running to the bedroom where he sat giving me dirty looks. He OBVIOUSLY has a big issue with me right now.
post #15 of 29
Awwww Abby, I am sorry Glad you are finding humor in it. Yesterday morning after my bf left for work I tried to get Dori to come and snuggle with me. I called her and she jumped right up on the bed and attacked my arm, she wrapped around it, bit me and kicked her back feet like a bunny then ran away I just fed her, so I dunno why she was being like that. Silly kitty!
post #16 of 29
Thread Starter 
Sam does that to me too. Sally is now shredding every piece of paper she can get her lips on, I've caught her in the act 6 times now. She was after one of my books for next semester last nite, when I chased her away, I found her a bit later in my kids dresser drawer shredding one of his drawings I think they are all on a mission to drive me crazy!
post #17 of 29
Dori hasn't taken to shredding paper, but once she was so mad at me she planted her little self right inside my backpack and peed right on my books! That could have been expensive, but luckily the only book I ended up needing to replace only cost $15.00.
post #18 of 29
Trent has gone through "anti-Mommy" phases too. He would just all of a sudden decide he either wanted to be an independent kitty or that Daddy was better. And just as suddenly he would get really clingy, like "I need my Mommy!!!" But he wasn't ever real standoffish toward me, he just ignored me.
post #19 of 29
I heard two of you saying your cat did this at 1 years old. I have heard they do go through a kind of adolescence, like they feel more independent and "who needs you". Mine is kind of like that too. I get hurt too so I know how you feel! He used to be so into me, rolled around when I got him, jumped in my lap.
Now he seems more off on his own. He's stilla sweety but LOVES to go outside and run and play. Funny about them still coming to you first thing in the am, he does that. I dont feed him then either and he isn't pushy, just comes to cuddle.

Well hang in there, I am sure it's a phase. Ihave heard that cats will sometimes even go to the lap of the cat hater cause they won't mess with them. Cats so love their indepedence.
post #20 of 29
Thread Starter 
The adolescence phase makes sense..Feed me and give me what I need and want and leave me alone.

The other nite Sam jumped up on the couch next to me and I just looked at him and said hello. I didn't touch him or anything, the next minute he was up playing in my hair trying to get my attention so I talked to him but didn't touch him. He looked at me like "well Im here, pet me" so I got a few pats in and he took off. Such a male!
post #21 of 29
I just joined this site. I was in a state of panic because my Sheba was so afraid and kept running awat from me. She would walk around with her tail between her legs and then hide. I missed two days from work because I was so upset. We took her to the vet and when all her tests came back normal the vet explained we may never know what was on her mind. She seems to be coming around now but I am still very concerned. the vet gave us something called Pheromone. ask you Vet about it and be patient. Good Luck!!!!
Mrs. S. and Sheba
post #22 of 29
Questions???? Has anyone ever hear of PHEROMONE? My 13 year old Sheba has been spooked by something. She was hiding and would not eat. I came to this site and asked for advice and help. Everyone that responded to me was great. After a trip to the Vet and an all clear sign she told me to try this aerosol spray. Has anyone tried it and if so what do you think?
P.S. I can never thank all of you enough for coming to my rescue and giving me support.
Cat lovers are very special people.

Mrs. S and Sheba
post #23 of 29
I can't figure them out, they are like human men. Last night
my kitty was all snuggly, didn't even seem interested in going outside. LIke all the problems were solved...then this morning was back to a little catitude again...

post #24 of 29
One of the things I have read on this site that I have learned to be 100% true is that we are owned by our cats. We are their slaves, we feed them, look after them and when THEY feel we deserve it they reward us by giving us their attention. I was thinking about this and it's so different with cats and dogs. Have you ever seen a puppy begging for attention from their owner all the time and sometimes the owner os worn out and kind of ignores the puppy after awhile? It's just like that with cats only backwards. We are the ones begging for their attention
post #25 of 29
I'm glad I finally came across this post. I've been reading a bunch of posts here since last night because my Casey (a 8 mo old female tort) has been acting different to me lately.

Over the last month or two (I've had her for 3), she has been changing. She used to sleep right next to my chest at night and lay in my lap when I watched TV. Then she started sleeping further down on the bed by my knees and while she would still sometimes lay in my lap while I watched TV, any movement and she would jump down to the floor. Now, she won't get in my lap and doesn't sleep on the bed. She still comes to me whenever I call her (which is a first for any cat that I have ever had) and lets me pet her. Oh, and of course, she is ALWAYS (and I do mean always) in the mood to play, to the point that she'll drag her favority toy to the side of my bed so we can play when I get up.

I guess from reading all the previous posts, this is all normal cat behavior. I really hope she snaps out of it because I've had/been around cats that aren't lap cats and don't like to be handled much and that's not what I really wanted.

We'll see. She's a sweetie and I do love her and I'm glad she's (somewhat) normal.

post #26 of 29
Hey CMan....Welcome to the site. Your older kitten Casey is probably starting to develop into her personality. I have a tortie too..and she is quite a playful girl but is definately a cat that wants the relationship to be on her terms (she isn't a lapcat). I also have an orange and white boy tabby who is definately a lapcat. I wouldn't expect her to snap out of it..I would just watch for how she develops...if she is your only cat and she doesn't quite have the personality you expected...perhaps you can adopt a "friend" for her that is more of a lapcat.

Good Luck

post #27 of 29
Originally Posted by TNR1
Hey CMan....Welcome to the site. Your older kitten Casey is probably starting to develop into her personality. I have a tortie too..and she is quite a playful girl but is definately a cat that wants the relationship to be on her terms (she isn't a lapcat). I also have an orange and white boy tabby who is definately a lapcat. I wouldn't expect her to snap out of it..I would just watch for how she develops...if she is your only cat and she doesn't quite have the personality you expected...perhaps you can adopt a "friend" for her that is more of a lapcat.

Good Luck

Thanks Katie!

It seems like those torties are like that. My mother has one that is similar and has almost the same identical personallity. It's the most loving cat, but it doesn't like to be handled and it isn't a lapcat.

About getting Casey a playmate, I kinda tried that and it was too much for Casey and for me (actually, too much for me I'm sure). My girlfriend brought up a 10 wk old gray and white male last Friday from a litter that she was bringing over to her grandmother's farm. I returned the kitten 2 days later because Casey was absolutely ticked off about it (including pooping on the rug and rubbing it in) and my having to deal with Casey and a 10 wk old kitten was just too much for me (I live alone except when my girlfriend come to visit).

Maybe in the future, I'll get another cat, or maybe a dog (boy I would love to have a dog), but we'll see. But, the meantime, I'm making a more concerted effort to spend more time with Casey to try to help her not be so lonely.

post #28 of 29
CMan...one thing that I soooo appreciate about my tortie is that when she wants to be pet...she is soo affectionate. I have adjusted to the fact that she doesn't want to be picked up..but she is simply a GREAT cat none the less.

Also...introducing cats should be a slow process...you should never just drop a new cat into the house and expect the 2 to get along...it takes time for each of them to adjust to each other. I know that Hissy has a great post on introducing cats...but here is one from Paws Chicago that is pretty good if you ever want to try to get Casey a friend (even a dog) at some later date:

Tips For Introducing A New Cat To Your Cat(s)

Keep Them Separated
When you bring your new cat home, have a special place set up
for them. A guest room or the bathroom is ideal. Put food, water and litter box in the room along with toys and a scratching post. Keep your new cat in this room, away from your other cat(s) for about a week. It is tempting to let them interact right away, but you will have much better luck if you wait.

Introduce The Smell First
To a cat, a sniff is worth a thousand words. To get your existing cat use to the smell of your new cat, rub a towel or washcloth gently over the new cat. Let your cat(s) smell the towel, but don't be surprise if your cats start to hiss. Hissing and growling are normal reactions so don't scold them when they hiss or growl. Do the same with our existing cat so the new cat can smell them too. Also, you can leave the carrier you brought the new cat home outside with the existing cat.

Encourage Interaction Through The Door
Place your new cat's food near the door of the room so he/she will stay near the door. Your cat will smell and hear the new cat through the door. Give your cat treats and/or catnip near the door of the new cat's room so that he associates it with good things.

Let Them Roam Alone

Lock up your cat in the bedroom, and let the new cat roam around the house. This lets them explore and exercise, and it also helps them find good hiding places for later. Then put your new cat back in its room and let your old cat walk around and smell them without having to see the new cat. This is another good way to get them use to each other's scent.

Open The Door A Crack

After a few days, carefully open the door a crack so the cats can see each other but can't stick their heads out. Be prepared for some hissing and growling, but if one tries to smack the other, close the door. Do often--a few times a day.

Let Them Out
Bringing a new cat into the house is not unlike introducing a baby to an older sibling. Jealousy and pouting are normal reactions. Even though you are excited about the new member of your family, do not forget the cat that has been your faithful companion until now. Do not yell, scold or punish them for hissing at the newcomer. They may not react like they way you want them to right away, but your cats will come around.

When the time comes to let the new cat out (do not rush--wait a week) and be sure to monitor closely, open the door to see what happens. Most likely your existing cat will hiss and growl, maybe even wail, confirming their worst fears. Unless open fighting breaks out, let them hiss as cats need to establish hierarchy and territorial rights. Even though the growling is upsetting and sounds bad, it's okay.

Reassure your cat verbally and pet him if you can (he may not let you because he's upset so don't take it personally). When is nice or at least non-threatening to the new cat, praise your cat lavishly and give give them treats.

Do Not Expect True Love

We all wish our cats would become best buddies and curl up together, lick each other, etc., but unfortunately this does not always happen. However, your cat and the new will at least form a truce. They may not want to hang out together, but they will eventually respect each other's space and stop hissing. Don't worry if your cats never become best friends because they will still keep each other company and they will both love you.

Living Happily Ever After
Spend time with your cats--brushing, petting and playing with them. Cats may seem aloof and independent, but they need attention from humans. Cats are curious and easily bored. Be sure to provide some sort of new entertainment for your cat everyday. You will be surprised how much fun an empty paper bag can create.

post #29 of 29
Thanks again Katie.

I had done some reading on various websites and found much the same information. It was kinda hard though to follow some of that information because of how my apartment is set up. The only room I could isolate the kitten in was the same room that Casey uses 50% of the day time in and 90% of the night time in.

So, I decided it was too much for me (at least right now) and got the kitten back home before it was too used to living with me. Casey was ticked off to high heavens and I was not getting any sleep between Casey meowing and clawing the door and the kitten pouncing on me all night. I will say though, it broke my heart to bring the little one back.

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