Just a dumb question about Mothers Day....

okeefecl

okeefecl

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Barbara-

Thanks for your post/poem. It's shed a whole new light on Mother's Day for me.

Mother's Day is hard for me. My Mom passed 12 years ago, and each year it brings back that she's gone. But I've found something wonderful-did you know there are Mother's Day cards for fathers? Every year I send one to Dad, because he's been both a father and a mother to me. So, I choose to celebrate this holiday by thanking the parent who has stood by me for these years.
 
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mom of franz

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Originally Posted by Kiwideus

I have one son and I have decided that I don't want any more children - I am getting a lot of pressure from my female friends to have another child - they are constantly on my back saying things like 'when will you have more kids?' and they don't seem to understand that I don't want any. A friend of mine had her second child at the age of 20 - after her baby shower, the women really started getting at me to have another child and they made me feel that I am less of a woman to them when I said I didn't want any more. They also tried the guilt thing by saying that my son will suffer without any brothers or sisters. Thankfully there was one who respected my decision.

I am sorry for the women that cannot have children, but I also respect those who don't want to have children.
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Kiwideus, A friend of my encountered the same problem She learned to say "I can't have anymore." This can imply for you the truth, can't economically, emotionally, whatever. However most people will stop dead in their tracks when they hear "CAN'T" and assume physically, but will be restrained enough not to press the "why." It worked for my friend.
 
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mom of franz

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Originally Posted by okeefecl

Barbara-

Thanks for your post/poem. It's shed a whole new light on Mother's Day for me.

Mother's Day is hard for me. My Mom passed 12 years ago, and each year it brings back that she's gone. But I've found something wonderful-did you know there are Mother's Day cards for fathers? Every year I send one to Dad, because he's been both a father and a mother to me. So, I choose to celebrate this holiday by thanking the parent who has stood by me for these years.
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That's WONDERFUL about the Dad, Mother's Day cards!!! It takes more than a uterus and ovaries to be a Mom. Yes, I know what you mean about thinking about your deceased mom..it is sooo hard. I know tomorrow will be a bit rough for me because of that and the fact that it is the birthday of my childhood friend who comitted suicide at 15. Worse yet is thinking about her mom and how tomorrow will make her feel. Dr Scot Peck said it best in his bestseller, "The Road Less Traveled" in the opening sentance of the book..."Life is hard." I'll be thinking of you too!
 
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I think of Mother's Day as one of the "Hallmark Holidays." It doesn't really seem like a big deal to me.

I don't want kids, and I find a lot of mothers don't seem to respect that decision either. Apparently they want me to have kids, even though I don't like kids! Now, what kind of life would that be for the children? They always say, "oh, you'll change your mind when your biological clock starts ticking..." I say, "why, because yours did?" Personally, I find it offensive that some people think they know more about you than you yourself do. It's as if they think there is just one path every life must take, and if you are not on the same page as them, you are just behind them on that path.


I don't try to belittle people who don't like cats, so kid-lovers shouldn't try to belittle me! Sorry for the rant!

Aqua
 
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cilla

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Originally Posted by Aquarius

I think of Mother's Day as one of the "Hallmark Holidays." It doesn't really seem like a big deal to me.

I don't want kids, and I find a lot of mothers don't seem to respect that decision either. Apparently they want me to have kids, even though I don't like kids! Now, what kind of life would that be for the children? They always say, "oh, you'll change your mind when your biological clock starts ticking..." I say, "why, because yours did?" Personally, I find it offensive that some people think they know more about you than you yourself do. It's as if they think there is just one path every life must take, and if you are not on the same page as them, you are just behind them on that path.


I don't try to belittle people who don't like cats, so kid-lovers shouldn't try to belittle me! Sorry for the rant!

Aqua
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I believe it takes a wise woman to KNOW that they don't want children. With all the pressure to have children it isn't easy but stick to your guns. Only YOU know what is best for YOU. Women have a lot more freedom now to choose whether they want children or not. I can't understand women having children, and usually quite a few, when they don't really want them. They are the children who are worse off. We do only go up this path once, so fill it with the things you want to, it is YOUR path.
They have made their own choices in their own life, but this is your life not theirs.
 
chester&piper

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Originally Posted by okeefecl

Barbara-

Thanks for your post/poem. It's shed a whole new light on Mother's Day for me.

Mother's Day is hard for me. My Mom passed 12 years ago, and each year it brings back that she's gone. But I've found something wonderful-did you know there are Mother's Day cards for fathers? Every year I send one to Dad, because he's been both a father and a mother to me. So, I choose to celebrate this holiday by thanking the parent who has stood by me for these years.
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Mother's Day is hard for me as well. My grandmother was my mother and days like these really make me miss her more. I do have my aunt though, who helped raise me, and I always get her something to thank her for all that she did while I was growing up.
 
katl8e

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I don't fault anyone for choosing NOT to have kids. I love both of my sons but, if I hadn't had them, I would still have had a good life.

I caught some flak, for not being a stay-at-home mom. If you're lucky, kids grow up, leave home and establish lives of their own. If one's whole life has been built around house and kids, what do you do when they're gone? Having my kids, when I was young, I was fairly young, when they left home.

Personally, I think that my kids were better off, with a mother, who had outside interests and taught them to respect responsible, independent women. In addition, my boys learned how to take care of themselves. I like to think that I'm partially responsible for Mark becoming a such good father.

People shouldn't have kids, just because its "the thing to do". If you're not emotionally or financially prepared to take responsibility for another life - DON'T.
 
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Amen, Aquarius. And those who truly love the kids themselves--not just the "ownership" of their kids--should understand that helping young people goes beyond having one come out of your body.

It's like having children is a status symbol, like having a big house in the suburbs or an expensive car. Someone who WANTS children for that reason should not, IMO, ever have kids.

Just like those people who get fancy purebred animals to match their furniture. It's a sad situation.

And yeah, Heinlein wrote great fiction, but he also didn't always have his head on straight. Sure, children (and everyone else) should have friends to be happy, but that doesn't mean the female biological parent has to be less than 3 feet away from them 24/7.
 
felicia's mom

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I remember one year when my mother was very hurt because I didn't send her a card. Ever since then, I send a card or call her on the phone to wish her a happy Mothers Day!
I have never had children and the day means nothing to me.
 
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All my life I wanted to have kids. In my 30's I looked into artificial insemination. Nope, not for me. I didn't want to bring a child into the world without a partner. Its hard for 2 parents, its doubly hard for 1. In my late 30's I looked into foster care. I couldn't get approved cause I would be a single mom.

When I turned 40, my doc told me the chances of getting pregnant would be very low due to medical problems. So I made the decision to not have children. My S/O is totally supporting me. He has 2 grown boys, so he has already been thru the diapers etc.

Because of my production schedule, I am always away on Father's Day so I celebrate Parent's Day for Mother's Day. The rest of my family does Mother's day and Father's day, but I combine them. My parents gave up alot raising us, a cake and card is small return.
 
wellingtoncats

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I don't celebrate Mothers Day, and I don't think I ever will. But Mum does infact she said to me the day after Mothers Day, "Did you know it was Mothers Day yesterday" I said "Yeah". She was a bit hurt, but it feels wrong to me celebrating something so commercial, I don't need one day to tell my mum how much I love her, because I can tell her that every day. I'm pretty sure in the future I'm not going to have children, that may change but at this stage it's a definite no. I'm sorry to those who can't have children.

To those who celebrate Mothers Day. I hope you had a happy one.
 
sammie5

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Mother's Day is kind of sad for me, but it doesn't bother me until I hear people say really thoughtless things. This year, it was something about how everybody has something to celebrate, with your mother, your grandmother, the mother of your children, or having a special day for mothers with their children. They think that covers everyone. But no, it just reminds me that none of those categories apply to me.

I spent the day with my dad, working in the garden. And we talked about my mom, and what she planned to do with the garden, because she left me in charge. But it wasn't exactly a celebration.
 
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