Just a dumb question about Mothers Day....

I have what might be a silly question to some, but I'd like to know how you feel. Do any of you who are childless dread Mothers Day? I love my mom and MIL, and am glad to have a special day set aside to recognize them, BUT, I also dread to see it come in a way. I never really wanted children, but most of the "little old ladies" that I know always assumed that I would either slip up and have one or change my mind and have one, but due to fibroids, I had a hysterectomy in March of 2003, and last Mothers day the fact that I would never have kids really sunk in on these ladies, and they treated me like they thought it was the worst thing in the world, and the saddest thing for me personally that I couldn't have children of my own EVER . I love them all dearly, but I gotta say, I kind of dread church tomorrow, 'cause I know whats coming my way, and there's nothing worse to me than receiving sympathy for something that really doesn't bug me at all ! Am I the only one dreading the day for reasons like that?

Well, I also decided long ago that children weren't in my future. Fortunately, the people in my life have accepted that and don't give me the grief that they do you. But I do dread Mother's Day also, and I hate all the hype and ads leading up to it. My mother passed away 4 years ago, and we always made sure Mother's Day was extra special for her. All the hype about "You only have one mother, show her how much you love her" just reminds me that I can't. And also, being that I will only be a Mommy to my kitties, I won't have any chance to make new good memories about Mother's Day (if that makes sense).

Cindy, there is nothing wrong with your decision to not have children, and I think it's not very nice that these ladies can't just accept your decision.

Cindy, I am in a similar situation to you. I am 30, and will be having a medically necessary hysterectomy in the next couple of months. I don't dread days like today but I become a bit wistful, wondering what it would be like... I guess other people see it as a 'waste' or a bit of a tragedy. I always tell people that I have my cats, I love them and I'm happy that way. I do find Mother's day sad, though, as I was removed from my mother and step-father's 'care' when I was 5 and haven't seen her since. I know it's a sad day for many people.

Cindy at age 21 I had a total hysterectomy. I too didn't like it when mother's day approached because I was reminded that I couldn't be a mom. Since marrying Mike, my stepdaughter Annette always sends me a mother's day card- bless her heart!

Originally Posted by valanhb

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Cindy, there is nothing wrong with your decision to not have children, and I think it's not very nice that these ladies can't just accept your decision.

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The sad thing is, they don't mean anything by it, they just come from a generation that believes "women were created to have babies, and if they don't their lives are not complete". They accept my decision, especially since its no longer a "choice", but they seem to think I am "missing" something by not being a mom. And I guess I am, I know a lot of good things and bad things, but I think its just the sympathy that gets me!

Mother's Day used to really get me down - we tried to have kids for years, but it wasn't to be, and I had to have a hysterectomy in 2002. I finally came to accept the fact that I'll only ever be a "mommy" to our pets, but that I can play a very important role in the lives of my nieces and nephews, and of many of my students. I've been lucky to have the opportunity to become involved in their lives, and to watch them grow up and mature.

Mothers Day for some it is fantastic for others it is a nightmare. You have chosen not to have children, and that is your personal choice. Many people go through life not regretting this choice. Cindy they just don't understand, try to look at it in a humorous way and then it will not be so bad for you. Far better not to have children because you have chosen so than to have children and then regret it. You are being fair in your decision and good on you. Everyone should go for what they really know is best for them in life, and that way you give all you have to society. Good Luck tomorrow, look around and you may notice others who do not have children because they have chosen the same way as yourself, and more and more women nowadays have made the same decision. Some people may think, well, it isn't a very nice world nowadays to bring a child into.

We've chosen not to have children either - so at times I dread this day also. I am lucky that a few of my friends understand this and they also understand that my 3 cats and 11 birds *ARE* my children.

I am also one who chose not to have children and now due to medical reasons I really can't have them and I really don't dread mothers day, I actually dread the other holidays because I'm the only one at work who doesn't have kids and gets stuck working all the holidays and I think that sucks. I think that kids or no kids, you should work an equal amount of holidays, that way noone gets screwed. As for Mothers and fathers day, I think they're just another day in the week, nothing special to me on either day.

People seem to think having genetically similar offspring is the most important thing in the world. Values are determined by people; if everyone thought having a kid was horrible, then no one would want it. It's only important and desirable people because want and desire it.

I don't want or desire it, and I pay little attention to holidays, anyway. If someone thinks I'm nuts for having my own likes, dislikes, values, and priorities, so be it. I doubt I will ever change my mind. And if I ever do decide that I would like human children and can responsibly care for them, I will probably adopt--most likely somewhat older children of minority ethnicities, the type more likely to be shuffled around in foster/group homes. After all, what makes a family is not having similar genes, being a product of sexual activity, meeting when the child is a certain age or younger, or anything else of the sort--it's love, caring, understanding, valuing, and willingness to sacrifice for each other.

The ones who believe genes are everything in life are the ones missing out, the way I see it. I hope their children never need gene therapy--would they hate their children and think they're "strangers" if that happened?

As for my mother, I haven't seen her in years (her decision, not mine), and now she is only a set of memories to me--some happy, some bad. She's still my biological mother, as people like to tell me, but we no longer have a relationship, so I don't miss her. I only miss our good moments together, but I accept those as things of the past and don't get upset about what cannot be. And if she still was my mother in every sense of the word, I wouldn't need society to pick a day for me to love her--she would be my mother every day of the year.

You might not have little human children.....but you are a MOTHER to your little kitties. Every year my husband (even before he was my husband) would get me a card from Mac & Nala, along with a little gift nothing big but something that meant a lot. They are my babies (even with one little human boy on the way)!!!

I kind of dread Mother's Day - well, dread is not quite the word, it's more like I try to ignore it - for two reasons. First of all, my own mother died almost four years ago and was diagnosed as terminally ill on Mother's Day. Secondly, I do want children of my own and just recently have caught an acute case of baby fever. I'm dying to be a mom, but we can't start trying due to our job situation.

So I like to do my best to pretend it doesn't exist.

Exactly szekely! See the first sentence in this thread: http://www.thecatsite.com/forums/showthread.php?t=35422

yep!!!! I am there with ya......I am excited about my little bun in the oven.....but nothing will replace the love I have for my kitties......

Like others here, we chose not to have human babies. My furbabies are my kids and my husband makes a point of celebrating mother's day for me from the kids. My only hard times were when the biological clock timebomb went off in my late 30's, then again when my mom died 4 years ago. I've accepted both and it is once again a happy occassion for me.

There are bad years and good years with the choice (whether physically limited or self imposed), but time gives the experience to deal with the bad.

I find it interesting that so many here with multiple cats have no human kids. In the early years of our marriage, when I was bringing home any abandoned animal that we found on the street and my husband was grumbling about it, my sister-in-law once gave us the advice to have a kid and the need for furbabies would ease back. She was probably right, but I don't regret having rescued as many as I have over the years.

I dread Mother's Day...because I don't and can't have kids....I choose a long time ago to have kids as soon as I found the right man to marry. Then I found out I can't have kids....after 3 miscarriages. I have 4 mom's so Mother's Day should be a big deal to me...but I try to let it pass without mention. Of course my brother always sends mom flowers and I'm here to see them....this year my brother and his wife had their first baby....so I'm feeling it even worse.

I try to make myself feel better by saying someday I'll find the right man and we'll adopt and maybe even have a miricle baby......but around Mother's Day even that doesn't help.

I understand that you have made a chioce not to be a mom...and that is totally your chioce. But I know a lot of people myself (at one piont in time) included that changed to saying they didn't want any after finding out the couldn't. So alot of people could see you saying you don't as saying I do but I can't so I'll just deal with none.

Originally Posted by LilysMom

I kind of dread Mother's Day - well, dread is not quite the word, it's more like I try to ignore it - for two reasons. First of all, my own mother died almost four years ago and was diagnosed as terminally ill on Mother's Day. Secondly, I do want children of my own and just recently have caught an acute case of baby fever. I'm dying to be a mom, but we can't start trying due to our job situation.

So I like to do my best to pretend it doesn't exist.

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I know what that feeling is like, but when it happens it will be worth the wait.

I've developed a different perspective on what constitutes a mother, and believe most females in this world qualify 100% for recognition on Mother's Day. See if you see yourself here, a partial list.

You've helped your mom/dad or other relative thru an illness: You are a Mother.

The kid down the street, just fell and cut her knee on the sidewalk, you comforted her and bandaged it: You are a Mother

You gave up your seat to an elderly or disabled person on the bus or subway: You are a Mother

You volunteer at a hospial or nursing home and give your time to the elderly and dying: You are a Mother

You hold your best girlfriend in you arms while she weeps over a broken marriage or love affair, or some other calamity: You are a Mother.

You are a good teacher/nurse or in another helping profession: You are a Mother.

You help out at a soup kitchen: You are a Mother

You adopt, feed or care for homeless animals: You are a Mother

I didn't always have this perspective...took a few years. So now when someone tells me Happy Mother's Day, I not only think of my deceased Mom, but I take it as a personal statement!



HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY TO ALL ON THE CAT SITE!

Originally Posted by Mom of Franz

You hold your best girlfriend in you arms while she weeps over a broken marriage or love affair, or some other calamity: You are a Mother.


You adopt, feed or care for homeless animals: You are a Mother

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I better send a Mother's day card to Vicky, then.

Add to that holding your boyfriend in arms while he weeps over a death.

I have one son and I have decided that I don't want any more children - I am getting a lot of pressure from my female friends to have another child - they are constantly on my back saying things like 'when will you have more kids?' and they don't seem to understand that I don't want any. A friend of mine had her second child at the age of 20 - after her baby shower, the women really started getting at me to have another child and they made me feel that I am less of a woman to them when I said I didn't want any more. They also tried the guilt thing by saying that my son will suffer without any brothers or sisters. Thankfully there was one who respected my decision.

I am sorry for the women that cannot have children, but I also respect those who don't want to have children.