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Vicky has given me rather scary news

post #1 of 16
Thread Starter 
Ok... this is what Vicky has told me.

There's a friend of her named Natalia.... the poor girl seems to have gotten into drugs. I don't know what type of drug... all we know is that she seems to have started on it... and a few days ago she got to pass out due to it at a party, which was when her friends found out. She is functioning... and her parents don't know a word of it.

Normally, between us teenagers there is the "Don't ask, don't tell" rule about secrets.... and most are taking it to this... But Vicky and I are very worried for the girl.... we feel we need to do something... we can't just let this kill her. The poor girl seems to have fallen very badly... last time Vicky met her she was smelling of cigarretes.

I don't know... I guess I could tell her parents (two prominent doctors in town).... but at the same time I am a bit scaredy of doing that.... We don't know... we are just "My god... what are we gonna do".
post #2 of 16
Anonymous Letter perhaps to the parents?

Talk with the friend confidentially?

post #3 of 16
Do you and/or Vicky go to the same school as Natalia? If so, is there a guidance counselor at school you could turn to for advice and help? Or a school nurse or very involved teacher? I understand the old unwritten rule of keeping your mouth shut for fear of ostracism, but the girl's life could be at stake. Three years ago, my niece was on a cheerleading squad, and one of the cheerleaders collapsed and died during a football game. It was a hot day, and the first shocked assumption was that the girl (16) had had a heart attack. My niece and other girls on the squad were plagued with guilt because they had been aware of the fact that the girl was constantly popping uppers, and had warned her of how dangerous it was, but never told any adults in a position to take action about it. Does Natalia have any older brothers or sisters you could discuss this with, and who would intervene?
post #4 of 16
I agree, you must find some way of telling her parents. You could very well be saving her life!
post #5 of 16
Thread Starter 
Well... Vicky goes to the same school as her... a catholic school. Perhaps there is such... but I would have to talk with Vicky about it to see.

Her parents know us pretty well.... and Vicky is pretty close to Natalia. She's an only daughter... so there are no sisters or brothers.

You're right... her life could be at stake.... but that thought just places me in panic mode..... I will talk to Vicky on how to tell her parents.
post #6 of 16
Victor I am glad that you and Vicky care about this girl enough to want to do something about it. Her parents must be told somehow. Good luck with this, it is not easy.
post #7 of 16
I believe that the notion of teens keeping secrets is antiquated in today's society. I have seen many teens go to trusted authorities (parents or schhol officials) on matters of either an individual's or a group's safety. It's not a very well-thought-out decision to keep a secret when this girl could be in some real danger. If she doesn't realize that friends going to her parents is in her best interest, she will in the future. To me, it is worth risking a friendship to save a life.

My 15 year-old daughter concurs on this.
post #8 of 16
id definatly tell the parents, i like the letter from anyonnumus, the only thing they might not beilive it. id tell them in person
post #9 of 16
Wow that is scarey. And a tough moral call. I hope you find a way to let her parents know without damaging your friendship. But you have to let them know somehow. Otherwise, you may not have a friend someday soon Good luck on this one Victor.
post #10 of 16
Thread Starter 
Yes. I see what all you folks mean.

Deb, you are right there. This can kill her. This is not a joke. Something needs to be done here. The first thought that came to me when I heard of this was "We don't want to get her into trouble with her parents"... but then it hits you seconds after "She's already in lethal trouble".

I'm gonna tell her parents... I am not sure how, but I will, and pronto.
post #11 of 16
I'm gonna tell her parents... I am not sure how, but I will, and pronto.
Very good move Victor. It's the right thing to do but difficult I know.
post #12 of 16
Yes say something to them.

The don't ask don't tell rule should almost always apply among friends...but not when injury or death could result from following it.
post #13 of 16
Very good Victor. You have a good head on your shoulders.
post #14 of 16
Thread Starter 
Vicky talked at school with Natalia. Either reasoning with her on this was impossible or Vicky ain't tactful. Either way, it came out horrible. Natalia is basically saying that it hasn't harmed her, that she doesn't abuse of it, and when Vicky confronted her more, she basically went "I don't care if its ****, it makes me feel good".

By the time Vicky confronted her again with "You've got a problem, if you can't admit that, I will have to talk to your parents. I can't watch this kill you", Natalia went worser than if it was a panic attack and told her to leave her alone. She looked in a state of desperation, according to Vicky.

I know her reaction.... she has reacted similarly to when you are in a state of depression and you are told you are doing something badly or have failed at something. Basically when you are confronted with the truth, yet can't admit it.

We are going to her parents. I am fearing that if we push her ourselves we may sink her too deep. It is seeming to me, that she is in some kind of depression... perhaps its being caused by the realization of an addiction, yet afraid to fight it or it has induced her to get into drugs, but we are going to her parents. It will be at or before Saturday. We will try to make sooner, but it will happen by then.
post #15 of 16
Victor, will be praying for you and Vicky when you talk to Natalia's parents. It will be hard for you, I know, but from her reaction to Vicky's confrontation, its for the best. Drugs can do a lot of bad things to people, but they rarely ever see it themselves, only their friends and family can see it. to you and Vicky.
post #16 of 16
I merged this with the first thread on it.

I've watched a good friend of mine give herself over to crystal meth. She gave up her kids, her home, her relationship with a great guy, she got (back) into prostitution... She had been fighting the addictions since she was 14, I believe she said, won most of them but this one she couldn't beat. She was mid-thirties at the time. She went through rehab at least a couple times when I still knew her. For all I know she is probably dead now, and I'm being totally serious.

But the one thing she told me the last time I saw her, when she was clean again, stuck with me. I asked her, "Aren't your kids worth quitting?" Her reply was the most honest I've heard: "No, they aren't. It has to be something I want to do. If it doesn't come from within myself, I will always fail. The strength you need to kick this **** can't come from outside, because that will always leave you sometime."

Don't really know where I'm going with this, just thought I would put another perspective on it.
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