husbands

I dont come here as much because of a lot of reasons, so if a lot of you dont want to respond, it doesnot matter to me. I am not one to complain about my life .. I keep my life to myself. But right now, I am looking for people who understand.
Does anyone get fed up with their husband? I just dont know what to do anymore My husband spends all of his time playing his fav game, Starwars Galaxies. From the moment he gets home til the moment he goes to bed, from the moment he gets up, from the moment he gets up on the weekends til the moment he goes to bed ........ We've gotten in argument over argument over this. All I told him is that I want time with him. I watch his tv shows with him sometimes, but yet mine, are silly. He doesnt go and get us food .. I do. I DO ALL of the damn grocery shopping, most of the laundry if NOT ALL, change out the cat litter, wash the sheets and towel, clean the house 95.5% of the time. ALL WHY HE IS ON HIS DAMN COMPUTER! The man just does not get it. I told him tonight one of these days he's going to find me not home and he said then just leave, which he didnt mean. and he said threats dont work. Well, what am I supposed to do. We've been married for almost 7 years. It would be so much nicer if he would watch my tv shows, but no... its like his computer comes first. And, the worst thing .. he has 2 of the same game up on 2 computers with 2 different characters. I hate that his friend recommended this to him. I hate it and I dont deserve it.

Steal his game disk
Is this a new game? Maybe when the game gets boring to him, he will leave it be more often and spend more time with you.

My ex husband used to do that to me too. It drove me crazy. It was like I did everything for him and all he would do was sit in front of that wretched computer totally unconcerned with anything else going on in the house. It got to the point he would take his dinner plate in to eat while on the computer too. Then when he did spend time with me, it was like a major inconvenience to him. Always irritated the heck out of me so I got to where I would go do my own thing. Wouldn't even tell him I was leaving--not like he noticed anyways. Men--they are strange creatures sometimes..

Oh, he eats dinner on his compter, too, and so do I, but atleast I get up and do stuff. He wont get bored with it, either.... this has been going on for months now. Maybe I should leave and go places without telling him? We are supposed to go to the mall tomorrow together, but I think I will tell him I want to go by myself, and when he asks why, I will tell because I want to. Strange creatures? I dont even know if strange is the word

Well I have discovered that guilt trips, sarcastic comments, and being angry don't work nearly as well as the subtle statements like "I don't need you to entertain me." Of course that can always backfire--like every plan, but maybe he will get to thinking he rather enjoys spending time with you once its obvious he takes it for granted.

Starwars Galaxies. If I am not wrong this is what they call a MMORPG (Massively Multiplayer Online Role Playing Game). Think of it as a huge and complicated online chat/IRC/messenger system built around a game, except that there is a monthly fee. So, it is unlikely he will get tired of the game since what is pulling him back is the people he meet and talk to online.

So perhaps you yourself could get the game and then keep harrassing him in the online world, hehe, you know by attacking and killing his character over and over again. No need to steal the game disk, deleting his character will most probably leave him foaming at the mouth.

Or a better suggestion would perhaps be simply to talk to him about it, or failing that go do your own stuff, pick a new activity, plan your own holiday with friends.

You can always just unplug both your computers, or all your computers and store them away for a few months. Unplug your television and rediscover each other by one on one conversations, long walks and spending time with each other.

Originally Posted by hissy

You can always just unplug both your computers, or all your computers and store them away for a few months. Unplug your television and rediscover each other by one on one conversations, long walks and spending time with each other.

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When we head to the computer for long periods of time, it generally means that the communication has broken down to the point of non-existence.

Suggestion: Get a notebook. Make a list of the time he spends in the game. Make a list of the time you spend doing the house related chores. Give it to him. Your list should be very long. His should be real short. If he doesn't get the clue, then its time to hit him where it hurts.

Do YOUR stuff only. Not his clothes or his cooking. Put any dirty socks, underware, dirty dishes etc. on his computer table. Leave a note, "May the force be with you! You're going to need it if you expect to handle all this by yourself!!!"

Since you are online, it seems that you may have two computers... Get the game and spend your extra time (now that you are NOT doing his stuff) wandering around behind his charecter and offering some insight into his personal life. Be anonymous but it can get real annoying if you work at it. The idea of shooting him (PC Game version -=NOT LITTERALLY!!!) at the most critical moment in the game may be irritating.

Or, take fiberglass insulation and rub it liberally around the seat and back of his computer chair!

If nothing works, get a good attorney and seek custody of BOTH computers!

Have you tried "charming" (aka using your sex appeal) him out of the game/computer?

I'm sorry to hear about this, I wish you the best of luck in getting him out of this obsessesion.

Originally Posted by Mark Kumpf

Or, take fiberglass insulation and rub it liberally around the seat and back of his computer chair!

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haha that will work!!

but in all seriousness - good luck with it all - I think you will need to sit down with him again and discuss this.

Tigger the trouble with men like this is that they don't recognise that they are doing anything wrong. If you ever left him he would wonder why It would seem that he has become totally addicted to his games, and it has made him extremely selfish. I would tell him that it will eventually make you strangers with each other and ask him if that is what he wants. Try to talk calmly but let him know how neglected and alone you feel. Tell him that you need help with the workload and that you enjoy working together. Of course that might backfire too, because he might answer in anger. You do need to sit down and talk to him about it (again). If it doesn't work make sure that you have your own interests and friends, you can only encourage him to be included. They say it takes two to make a marraige but I believe sometimes it only takes one to break it. Keep at it girl, you are right you don't deserve it. All this is only a suggestion, because he seems to have gone so far into the selfish stream he is only thinking of his own feelings. Of course you could send him all the replies you get from here. Try not to let it get you down too much (easy to say I know). Let us know how you get on and good luck with it.

Tigger sweetie . . . don't let it get out of control - because once you strat making threats about leaving home sometimes things can just escalate and you suddenly find yourself with a broken marriage

Make sure you get him when he is in a good mood; don't nag or yell - but explain calmly that you really miss spending quality time with him, and maybe he could 'indulge' you by spending an hour or so just chatting through what you've both been up during the day, what exciting things you might get up to at the weekend . . . basically rekindle his interest in life and what's around him. Don't even MENTION the pc games but just offer suggestions for alternatives.

If all else fails . . . buy some seriously sexy undies and distract him in other ways . . .

Boy do I know what you are going through!! I useally only get time on a computer when I am at work because my guy is ALWAYS online. if he's not chatting in a chat room he's searching the net for stupid programs to add to the computer to make it more fun for him.
I tried the whole not taking care of his stuff while doing the cleaning and all it lead to was a house filled with dirty dishes except for a plate and bowl a couple utinsils and a glass. My Clothes clean but the bedroom floor filled with his. Trash pilled up on the floor and a nast smell coming from our place. He didn't care. He would invite friends over to come sit in the crap. If he wanted to cook something for dinner he was forces to wash only what dishes were needed for that meal. He wanted clothes to wear he would pick out the cleanest set. Seeing's how he doesn't come in contact with the public much he felt no need to have clean clothes. It wasn't until we moved into a new place that I literally yelled at him and told him that he had a chore list and if his chores weren't done he was "cut-off". He still needs little reminders to do them but they do get done. He cooks dinner He does the dishes I make dinner I do the dishes. It's the way it was in my family growing up. as for his computer time..........I have yet to find an answer to that. The whole Getting "cut-off" doesn't work on that one. I even one time went as far as to restrict his access on the internet because it's my AOL account and I have control over when and what he gets to do. that only lasted a few weeks until he finally figured out my password and changed it. Guess I'm that easy to predict haha anyway.........I think I might try the List thing that Mark suggested maybe that will open his eyes a little.

Anyway I wish you the best of luck in getting this figured out!!

Personally, I would make an effort to plan activities that both of you could do that get you out of the house. If he isn't willing to get his butt up and off the computer, I would go myself. I would also stop pandering to his taking his meals at the computer. I would serve dinner at the table. Ask him out on a date. And finally, I would sit down and have a talk and try to come to some sort of compromise that you both can live with. Perhaps an agreement that you get certain nights during the week and one day of the weekend. Finally, I would suggest counseling. If he won't go, then you should.

My husband spends a lot of time on his computer too. Downloading junk. And when he gets a virus or worm or spyware I have to clean it up because he's not good at software (just hardware).

I've actually stopped doing certain things around the house, but I've also stopped pestering him. I let him know that his wife loves to have him in the bedroom so we can talk, watch TV, and do other things and then go to bed. I take advantage of that time and do things for myself like reading or watching TV programs I like (and he doesn't) and getting extra sleep (I'm pregnant that always helps). It's actually helped a lot.

This doesn't mean I don't still get mad at him and rage, but things are better between us now. I usually promise him that his computer will still be there in an hour if he comes into the bedroom now. Sometimes that works, sometimes it doesn't. I also do not try to control when he goes to bed or gets up and if he's late to work, he's late to work. That's his problem.

Brads into online gaming. But fortunately he knows when to leave and spend time with me( I only have to yell once! LOL). But I do all the cleaning in the house and he does all the cooking. It works for us and I like it that way.
When we first got the puter though he'd spend all his time on it and that'd drive me crazy! I finally threatened to "make the computer disappear" if he didn't learn that I was first in the him, me and the computer relationship. It worked, until I got hooked on the net, now we have two computers and we pretty much share time on them instead of watching a movie or something.
You know Tig, you can always "accidently" download a virus into his computer and then while it's down, you'd have him to spend time with! And if you don't want to go to that extereme, then one day when he's playing the game, ask him if he can save his spot and when he's done, tell him to turn it off, and become the mom figure, set the rules from that time on. (or you can just be a witch with a B Like I am !) LOL!