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Joke: Why women are Crabby

post #1 of 10
Thread Starter 
Why women are Crabby:

We start to "bud" in our blouses at 9 or 10 years old only to find anything that comes in contact with those tender, blooming buds hurts so bad it brings us to tears. Enter the almighty, uncomfortable training bra contraption the boys in school will snap until we have calluses on our backs.

Next, we get our periods in our early to mid-teens (or sooner). Along with those budding boobs, we now bloat, we cramp, we get the hormone crankies, have to wear little mattresses between our legs or insert tubular, packed cotton rods in places we didn't even know we had.

Our next little rite of passage (premarital or not) is having sex for the first time which is about as much fun as having a ramrod push your uterus through your nostrils (IF he did it right and didn't end up with his little cart before his horse), leaving us to wonder what all the fuss was about.

Then it's off to Motherhood where we learn to live on dry crackers and water for a few months so we don't spend the entire day leaning over Brother John. Of course, amazing creatures that we are (and we are), we learn to live with the growing little angels inside us steadily kicking our innards night and day making us wonder if we're having Rosemary's Baby.

Our once flat bellies now look like we swallowed a watermelon whole and we pee our pants every time we sneeze. When the big moment arrives, the dam in our blessed Nether Regions will invariably burst right in the middle of the mall and we'll waddle with our big cartoon feet moaning in pain all the way to the ER.

Then it's huff and puff and beg to die while the O.B. says, "Please stop screaming, Mrs. Hearmeroar. Calm down and push. Just one more (or 10 ) good push," warranting a strong, well-deserved impulse to punch the ***** (and hubby) square in the nose for making us cram a wiggling, mushroom-headed 10lb bowling ball through a keyhole.

After that, it's time to raise those angels only to find that when all that "cute" wears off, the beautiful little darlings morph into walking, jabbering, wet, gooey, snot-blowing, life-sucking little poop machines.

The teen years... Need I say more?

The kids are almost grown now and we women hit our voracious sexual prime in our early 40's while hubby had his somewhere around his 18th birthday.

Now we hit the grand finale: "The Menopause," the Grandmother of all womanhood. It's either take the HR and chance cancer in those now seasoned "buds" or the aforementioned Nether Regions, or, sweat like a hog in July, wash your sheets and pillowcases daily and bite the head off anything that moves.

Now, you ask WHY women seem to be more spiteful than men when men get off so easy INCLUDING the icing on life's cake: Being able to pee in the woods without soaking their socks...

Now I love being a woman but "Womanhood" would make the Great Ghandi a tad crabby. Women are the "weaker sex"? Yeah right. Bite me.
post #2 of 10

How right you are (from one of the WEAKER????? sex) and so well done. I really love that.
post #3 of 10
p.s. Thanks for making my day!!
post #4 of 10
post #5 of 10
OMG how true is that . Thank's for reminding me why we woman are so crabby , I wasn't sure why
post #6 of 10

This subject is really complicated, cause guys life are kind a difficult too, ya know? I remember one time I bought a magazine in Russia, Fitness maybe- not sure, but anyways, it had article, about marrige and how hard it is to cook and clean, and then take care of kids and then just do what your husband wants and he will not even say- thank you- just keep watching his fotball games...BUT! Then I showed it to my boyfriend and he started to laugh- he showed me the same article about the same subject but in Maxim magazine from men point of view and it was sooo funny! Something like that:
I was cooking all day, and then he opened frige and said: Do we have something good to eat in there? At that moment I wanted to kick his big BUTT right there and also I wish we could get "MEN FOOD" ( like cat food) in a grocery store- I would get it enough to last for a week- so I wouldn't have to cook at all!
Maxim magazine said:
OMG! Her cooking abilities were terrible and I only found out about that AFTER marring her! She would spend whole day cooking mashed potatos for me and would ask me every five mnutes if I think its cooked enough? And even then I would get "something" on my plate, that I TRIED( I REALLY TRIED) to eat- and even said THANK YOU for the great dinner. After all I sneaked and through all my "dinner" in a toilet and opened fridge looking for something to eat- and the only wish I had- was to go to the grocery store- and buy MEN FOOD ( )- open the bag, put the food on a plate and don't have to worry about a thing!
So...it's always stick with two ends- besides, men are have to deal WITH US- and it does take some nervs!!!!
post #7 of 10
I've seen this before and it makes me grin everytime.

And as far as men having to eat our cooking, it he doesn't like it he should speak up...trust me I would be happy to let him do the cooking. Of course that could be why I'm single.
post #8 of 10
I love it.
post #9 of 10
Thanks for the laugh!
post #10 of 10
That is so true!
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