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It's official...I'm an idiot

post #1 of 19
Thread Starter 
I'll start off by saying that I have never really dated alot. I've gone out a few times, but at 24 years old I have never had a serious boyfriend. I'm quite shy and have trouble meeting people. (this is really hard to say, just so you know). I'm not like insanely ugly, or really really weird, just shy. So lately I hear that there is a guy across the street who is interested, I shrug it off because most of those guys are lazy bums, druggies, or just plain sleezy. So a he came over tonight, while I was outside. He was nice, good looking, has a job and we had a nice little chat. A little later, he came over to see if I had any movies he could borrow because his cable was shut off. I said sure, invited him in, and he picked out a couple. As he was leaving he kinda got flustered, and asked if I had a boyfriend.......So, of course, I said "yeah, actually I do".

WHAT THE H*LL is wrong with me????

I don't even know why I said it, it just slipped out.

Fear of commitment?

UUUUGGGHHHH! I'm gonna go bury my head under a rock.....
post #2 of 19
I don't think its fear of commitment, I think you're just afraid you're going to do or say something stupid. The next time you talk to him, be honest. Say. "I don't have a boyfriend, I was just nervous when you asked me that. I'm very shy when it comes to relationships." Just be yourself. If he really likes you he will like you no matter what your personality is or how you look. And no one is truly ugly if their heart is kind.
post #3 of 19
Dawn...easy enough to do....I don't even want to go into what I've said to guys I've liked. If it were me, I'd probably go...."when you said boyfriend, I thought you were referring to my cat...who I call my boyfriend only because he is the ONLY male in the condo right now".

But I agree with just to be yourself and admit you were nervous and you would love to do coffee with him sometime..something along these lines. Keep us posted.


BTW...I like a guy at work and I'm always acting like I DON'T like him....but it probably is coming off as that I REALLY don't like you can add me to the "silly around guys" list.
post #4 of 19
Thread Starter 
Thanks guy, good to know I'm not the only one. And I don't think of myself as ugly at all, I used to.

I'm SO much better around "attached" men . I always say the right thing, come off sounding intelligent, etc.

He's coming back tomorrow to bring the movies back. We'll see if I can act a little less like an idiot this time.

post #5 of 19
You are soooo not the only one...and btw...I do much better talking with "married" guys...nothing to risk with them is there??

post #6 of 19
Good luck vibes for tomorrow
post #7 of 19
Good luck today. You could say "BTW meet my boyfriend" and introduce him to your kittie. That way you get to find out if he is a cat lover too.
post #8 of 19
You are SO not the only one. The first time I met my husband, I acted like a complete moron! I was so nervous, I thought I was going to die! He teases me about it now, but at the time it was horrible. Actually, I went out with him once and then did not see him again for 3 months. When I did, we started talking by e-mail for a while before he took me out again. Luckily, we gave each other a second chance, because our first anniversary was April 26.
post #9 of 19
Definitately don't feel bad about being shy around guys, especially guys you are interested in. Honestly, I don't know anyone who isn't a little nervous when it comes to being around someone their attracted to.

And it is so much easier to be around someone who is taken or unavailable. Most of my friends are guys so one would think it would be easier to talk to guy and is it? Nope of course not.

Oh well, good luck with him. Tell him the truth that you were nervous and see where it goes from there.
post #10 of 19
First of all, you're not an idiot I don't think it's fear of commitment, I also agree that your scared your going to say something wrong, or come across as an idiot and that just goes along with being shy. Tell him the truth when he comes to return the movies, or if it's easier leave a note on his door (I am better with notes than face to face chats especially with someone I don't know well). If he's a good guy he will understand and even see the humor in it. Good luck with him. I am feeling love int he air!
post #11 of 19
Oh Gods, you are so in good company when it comes to making mistakes with guys! All my girlfriends used to get furious with me cause I had no problem flirting with their boyfriends. But when it came to flirting with an unattached male, I froze. You've seen the movies where the guy opens his mouth in front of a pretty girl and moronic sounds came out? That was me.

When I met my S/O, we got along great till he asked for a second date. He asked me out for the same night I had another date. (I was in my glory, 2 first dates!) Instead of saying I had plans with friends, I told him I had another date! He told me to either cancell it, or never hear from him again. I refused to cancel on principle. Luckily, we ran into each other 1 1/2 months later and decided to try again.

Just be yourself (easier said than done, I know) and remember something my S/O taught me. The sexiest thing about a person is Self-Confidence. And Sexy isn't what you are wearing or the tightest abs. Sexy is how you treat the other person. It all starts in your MIND

post #12 of 19
Thread Starter 
I'll admit, when you guys first said to just go with the truth I thought "no way, I can't tell him I lied to him!" But the idea grew on me and I figured why not? What can it hurt? So I told him today. At first he apologized, thinking I just told him that to get rid of him. But I just tried to make it clear that that's not what I meant, and he got the hint. He asked me out, yay. Then we start talking, small talk, you know. He asked me how old I was, I told him 24, he didn't answer back right away, so I asked him. He said "you don't want to know, I'm too old". So of course, I pry and get the answer. He's FORTY! :censor::censor::censor:? (I didn't think he was older than 30) lol, so I already told him I'd go out with him, but I don't want to date a guy who's 16 years older than me! Oh, well, I guess we'll just see what happens.

So looking forward to telling my father that I'm going on a date with a 40 year old mexican man (he's quite predjudiced). That'll be fun.

post #13 of 19
So don't mention the 40 and Hispanic part to Dad yet. If he's a nice guy, age doesn't really matter. Hey, nice, good looking and has a job are pretty good qualities in ANY guy!
post #14 of 19
I agree with Heidi, age is nothing. The years have obviously been good to him if you thought he was in his 30's

Go and have a good time, and don't forget we want a running report
post #15 of 19
Enjoy yourself while you are with him and then go with your heart.

Have a good time.
post #16 of 19
Go ahead and enjoy yourself. So what if he's forty -he told you didnt he? anyway older blokes have a lot going for them in the romance stakes.
Good luck.
post #17 of 19
He asked me how old I was, I told him 24, he didn't answer back right away, so I asked him. He said "you don't want to know, I'm too old". So of course, I pry and get the answer. He's FORTY! :censor::censor::censor:? (I didn't think he was older than 30) lol, so I already told him I'd go out with him, but I don't want to date a guy who's 16 years older than me! Oh, well, I guess we'll just see what happens.
My S/O and I are 16 yrs apart. Its not as vast as it seems. Except of course in music. My best friend is 14 yrs older than her husband. My brother married a woman 7 yrs his senior.

My parents weren't too thrilled at first either. But now they love him.

Don't look at the number. Look at the personality of the person.

post #18 of 19

Good for you! I'm glad you gathered the courage to talk to him.

The age difference may not be a big deal - it really depends more on your individual personalities, and where you feel you are in your life. Just have fun, and see where it goes.
post #19 of 19
Age is only a number. You may find that you have a lot in common...that is what is more important.


P.S. I've got the whole spectrum of crushes....the youngest is 24..the oldest is 50.
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