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Allergic Girlfriend

post #1 of 17
Thread Starter 
I have been reading some of the posts here regarding those of us here who have cats or other pets and have to deal with those who are allergic to our furry friends.

The last year and a half I have been seeing someone who lives 20 min away in another city, however the scales here are not balanced, she has been here maybe twice and basically refuses to come here or make an effort to come here because she is in so much discomfort when she comes here as I have 3 cats and when I was informed she was allergic to just about everything I said " I don't wanna seem unsympathetic but I am not getting rid of my cats in order to keep a girlfriend, that would be like asking me to get rid of my children, ain't gonna happen".

Last night I think the writing was on the wall as far as the two of us lasting any longer. She likes all my qualities yadda yadda but it's becoming painfully obvious that we just are simply not a match.... I'm not religious, I'm not a vegetarian, I hate baseball, I hate theatre and I prefer the comfort of my home after working all day. I'm not a workaholic, after working 10 hours a day I'm not about to go volunteer and do this and do that.

Additionally we have gotten into arguments over TV.... I'm not a couch potato but I do like watching TV and I will not part with it.

Sorry for the long rant.... just had to deal with it somewhere.
post #2 of 17
Awww, sorry it's not working out for you two. don't fret though, somewhere out there, you'll find someone who's not allergic to cats (or is willing to deal with being allergic), doesn't mind a good steak now and again, absolutely detests baseball and the theatre and just loves to chill out at home after work.
post #3 of 17
Aw, Cabbie, I am sorry.

It doesn't sound like you are very compatible. If the allergies were the only problem, you both would be able to work something out. (And I know quite a few people who are on allergy meds to allow them to live with cats and dogs). And the whole idea if thinking that you have good qualities, but not sharing any of your interests, that's just a smokescreen. I think that in many cases, people mistake the sentiment "I think that this person may be available, and I can change them to be what I am looking for", for real potential in a relationship.

I am sure that she is a wonderful person, as you are, but it doesn't sound like you are very compatible.
post #4 of 17
Awww Cabbie just want to say that i'm pleased your putting your babies first .

Theres someone out there who will love you and your cats believe me.
post #5 of 17
What I wouldn't give to have a boyfriend that loved cats!

You're going to make some girl very very happy some day

Maybe you can meet her right here at TCS

It's so painful when a long term relationship ends but when you find the right person you'll be so glad you didn't settle for someone that wasn't perfect for you. You shouldn't have to change for anyone and neither should your cats! Either she loves you for who you are or she's not the person you're supposed to be with. In that case, use this relationship as a learning experience, cherish the memories you've made together, and look forward to your bright future.

~Heidi
post #6 of 17
hey Cabbie,

I'm sorry that she can't accept your babies.. but hey! I love the way you chose your babies over her! I'm sure you are gonna find somebody that loves you and your babies.
post #7 of 17
I just wanted to mention, that not everybody can tolerate cats, even with medication. So it might not be entirely her fault on that one. My boyfriend is allergic to cats as well, but he doesn't live with me, so it's not a problem yet.
post #8 of 17
Of course, some people just cannot tolerate cats. I have a friend coming to stay for one night in July, she is like that, and I have to make all sorts of preparations to make sure she doesn't have a huge allergic reaction.

But the issue here, not to put words in Cabbie's mouth, was not just the inability to tolerate cats. It was also the inability to tolerate his food preferences, his choice of television watching, his choice of leisure time activity, basically, the entire lifestyle. So I bet if it had only been the cats, there could have been some sort of compromise.

And yeah, I was "interested" in a guy, for a very short time, until I found out that he was deathly allergic to cats. So, it never went any further. If the cats are an important part of someone's life, then it seems wrong to make that person choose between cats and partners.
post #9 of 17
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sammie5
Of course, some people just cannot tolerate cats. I have a friend coming to stay for one night in July, she is like that, and I have to make all sorts of preparations to make sure she doesn't have a huge allergic reaction.

But the issue here, not to put words in Cabbie's mouth, was not just the inability to tolerate cats. It was also the inability to tolerate his food preferences, his choice of television watching, his choice of leisure time activity, basically, the entire lifestyle. So I bet if it had only been the cats, there could have been some sort of compromise.

And yeah, I was "interested" in a guy, for a very short time, until I found out that he was deathly allergic to cats. So, it never went any further. If the cats are an important part of someone's life, then it seems wrong to make that person choose between cats and partners.
Well said Hey Cabbie I've got to admire you for putting you furbabies first
post #10 of 17
FYI...
I was raised with cats. My mom adopted a Siamese named Cinnamon a few months before my birth and it was like growing up with a protective sister. After her passing we adopted another couple of cats and I never had any allergy problems whatsoever.

Once I moved away to college things changed though. Everytime I went home for a visit I'd be miserable. Either I had to battle awful allergies or I spent 4 hour chunks of my visit in a Benedryl induced coma.

After moving to TX we started visiting different shelters looking for a kitty companion and I'd experience allergic eczema reactions on my hands each time I handled a new prospect. Once we adopted Cali and Chase however and I became accustomed to their dander I found that my allergies completely disappeared again. My body is once again used to the presence of cats and while I occasionally will have some contact dermatitis when I pet unfamiliar cats (such as Lola) for the most part I'm quite over my cat allergies altogether.

The same goes for my older sister who was even more allergic to cats than I after she moved out of the house. A few years ago she adopted her first cat and her allergies cleared up in a short amount of time as well and now she has no problems whatsoever.

This just goes to show that not all cat allergies are permanent. Your body just has to have a chance to become tolerant of the allergens. The introduction of OTC non-drowsy meds such as Claritin could make the transition a lot easier.

It sounds as if Cabbie's gf wasn't even willing to give it a try and that her complaints were more than that of just the cats. Sometimes people that seem so discontented with their partners are in fact really just unhappy with themselves. It's easier to see the flaws in others and blame them for your dissatisfaction than it is to evaluate yourself and make the necessary changes. I wouldn't take her criticisms personally. As others have said, there is the right woman out there that would love all of the caveats of your personality instead of admonishing you for them.

~Heidi
post #11 of 17
Cabbie...seriously...anyone who understands about "pets" understands that they are not negotiable. My roommate is allergic but she is able to work around her allergies through special filters etc. Her room is basically "cat free". I sincerely think you have done the right thing...the right cat loving girl will come along!!

Katie
post #12 of 17
Good for you that you put your furbabies first. It warms my heart to hear it.

It's too bad when you meet someone you like but still can't make it work. It sounds like you two have a lot of issues to work through besides your cats. Maybe you'll make it through them and maybe you wont. But if you don't there are other fish in the sea.

Besides let me get this straight...You have a job you like enough to work ten hours a day, you don't like baseball, or the theatre, your not religious, you are open minded enough to date someone with a different out look than your own, your a home body and you like cats? You sound like a catch to me.
post #13 of 17
I understand that the cats were not the only problem. I was just mentioning that. Don't worry, someone who is right for you will come along eventually. All things happen for a reason, although that may not be very comforting right now.
Heidi, you are very lucky, as is you sister. I know that my family members are not nearly as lucky, and cannot have any indoor pets for that very reason. When your eczema is bugging you, don't wash your hands too much, it can make it a lot worse. Soap is hard on eczema outbreaks. It can even cause them...
post #14 of 17
Thread Starter 
Thanks everyone for the replies, it's not officially over yet.... it's just one of those situations where your gut tells you it's not gonna fly in the long run. We kinda figured that out from day 1 because she's mainly "anti-establishment" as a way of rebelling against her immediate family. I'm not gonna sit here and assasinate her character, however she is definetly an odd duck when it comes to women in general.

I can't talk to her about what was on TV the night before or what was on the news or important show cuz she detests TV, doesn't even have cable TV, she only has a bedside radio... Me I have a 27" TV and a quality stereo system hooked into my computer. I'm into all the latest tech gadgets where she could care less about it. I even have tried to tell her to get a DVD recorder and a digital camera because VHS and 35mm is dead.

Just last week I asked her about going to the Moody Blues concert with me and she said " who?" Like hello even my 14 yr old niece knows who they are!!!! She's 30 years old I might add.

We've always been at loggerheads over food and medicine... I remember the first night I went to her place, she said she made lasagna so I said I'll be right over, when I saw what her idea of lasagna was I just about gagged. It has soy junk and tofu in it as well as brocoli....

Anyway I could go on but you get the idea.... anyway if we make the decision to split for good I'll be taking applications.... lol

Oh ya for all those who say I seem like a catch... I'm 250 lbs lol... I definetly don't look like Tom Cruise.
post #15 of 17
Oh, Cabbie don't be so hard on yourself! We all carry around a little too much weight (either in pounds or emotional baggage ) but that doesn't mean we arent' a really great person to get to know! It's all about where your heart is, and anyone whose heart is with their family (flesh OR furry) sounds like a great catch to me. And personally I think Mr. Cruise is HIGHLY overrated!

Sounds like it's all over but the break-up from your side. You did not assassinate her character, but you did lay out a lot of really good reasons you two are incompatible. Might be time for you to step up to the task and move on. Anyone who thinks Lasagna should contain SOY/TOFU is not worth pursuing!
post #16 of 17
Hey Cabbie, you sounds like a great guy, and please don't take this the wrong way, but it sounds like you're better off without this girl. If the allergies were the only problem, it would be easily solved (I'm allergic too, and have three cats, two of whom sleep with me every night), but she sounds like she's very uncompromising in general, which is not a good quality in a relationship.

PS My husband is probably 250 also, and I think he's dead sexy I'm sure you'll find a girl who thinks the same of you soon, and doesn't give you so much grief over the things you enjoy.
post #17 of 17


In fact, I agree with last two posts.

Only you can decide if the relationship is worth the work that needs to go into it and I suspect highly that it depends on whether or not she's willing to meet you in the middle and sadly it doesn't sound like it.

And I wouldn't worry about that extra weight you carry around, there are women out there that like man with some meat on his bones.
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