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Totally TOTALLY ticked off at my son.

post #1 of 35
Thread Starter 
My son came up to me today and said that Sam wanted to be held and jumped right into his arms for love. I thought that was odd because Sam isn't like that but I chalked it up to a 7 year old story and let it go. When I called to feed the cats just a bit ago, Sam comes limping into the kitchen. I think his back leg is dislocated and have an appointment at the vet for this afternoon. I asked my boys if they had any idea of what happened, because Sam likes to get up in the rafters of the basement, I thought he had fallen. After a few minutes of questioning, my son confesses that he TACKLED him. My God, I am so angry at him for his lack of consideration, the outright ignorance of this whole thing and the fact that Sam is hurt, I cannot see straight. I sent my son to his room for the rest of his life right now and I have taken this time to vent to you all because Im afraid right now I will say plenty to my son that I will regret later. I am just furious that this even happened. He KNOWS BETTER than to do anything rough with these cats and he KNOWS he is to always be easy with them. I don't know what the heck he was thinking when he did this or even why. WHY would he do such a thing??? I have plenty I would like to say to him right now, but I know once I get started I won't stop for quite some time. I feel right now the best thing to do would be to find my cats new homes because its not fair to them to have to live with such a mean little person and get hurt. This is totally unacceptable.
post #2 of 35
Abby, is there any way that you can bring your son to the vet with you and Sam? To show him that this is SERIOUS and Sam could be very hurt. And of course, it wouldn't hurt to have the vet explain this to him too.
post #3 of 35
I agree with Heidi, could you take your son to the vet with him and see what they do - I am so sorry that this happened
post #4 of 35
I feel right now the best thing to do would be to find my cats new homes because its not fair to them to have to live with such a mean little person and get hurt. This is totally unacceptable.
Firstly, I hope Sam is okay. Please don't think about finding new homes for your kitties until you've calmed down, you're understandandably upset at the moment, don't do something you might regret.

When you've calmed down a bit have a talk with your son, let him know that he has hurt Sam, since I guess hurting Sam wasn't intentional he'll probably be feeling guilty as anything and will treat the kittys with kid gloves from now on.

Let him know how upset you are that he did something he knows is unacceptable and if Sam needs help getting about it may be a good idea to supervise your son looking after him, let him see the consequences of his actions.

Lastly try not to get too angry, I know quiet disappointment always worked better on me than yelling did, it took my parents a while to catch on to that

Hope you and Sam feel better soon.
post #5 of 35
How old is your son? Is it possible that he feels jealous or displaced in some way by your cat? I am not excusing what he did, but kids don't always understand their own strength. I like Heidi's idea about including your son in the vet visit, and I would speak privately to the vet beforehand and tell him or her the situation and perhaps they can get through to him. I sure do hope that Sam's leg is not dislocated and if the vet has other cat' that have been injured, maybe he can show them to your son as well.

I understand your anger, I had a hard time a few years ago with my 3 year old step-grandson was caught trying to bathe (drown) one of our kittens in the horse trough! The kitten survived, (it was Tazzy girl) but I took all the cats over to a friend of mine for the duration of their stay, because the parents simply thought what Jarrin did was "cute!"
post #6 of 35
Thread Starter 
He is 7 years old. Ive just taken him to school. I didn't yell at him, I just told him to get in his room and stay there because I was very very angry and disappointed in him. Yes, I already planned to take him to the vet with me in the hopes that the vet could talk with him. That was the only thing I told him when I got off the phone with the vet was that HE was going and HE was going to explain what happened. Also, they have a dog there that was set on fire by a couple of kids a few months ago. He is healing well, but still has a long way to go. I want him to see what happens to some of these poor animals when people are mean and abusive to them. I told him on the way to school that Sam is a defenseless animal when matched with him and I asked him how he would feel if he lived with a person that hurt him. He said he would be scared of that person and would be very sad. I know he feels bad and I know he didn't intentionally tackle Sam with the thought "hey, Im gonna hurt this cat". But my gosh, isnt that common sense not to jump on anything smaller than you?

I dont know if he is jealous of the cat. I cant see why he would be, but kids are mysterious. I hate to see Sam walk. When he puts weight on that leg, his whole legs shifts out and back.
post #7 of 35
Poor Sam! I understand you're upset with your son right now, but I think you said he's 7? He doesn't know his own strength at that age, and he was probably just trying to play with Sam. More disturbing is the lying - because he obviousy knew he hurt Sam or why lie about what happened? And then, of course, he didn't mention that Sam was hurt. Of course all of this is normal for kids that age (I'm pretty sure!), so I think that Heidi's idea of taking him to the vet with you is FABULOUS. Hissy's idea about a chat with the vet first, to help make the point, is also a great idea. The lesson your son needs to learn is not that he made mom angry (which he obviously knew to expect, and you are to be totally commended for not taking all that anger out on him!!!) - but that Sam being hurt was much more important than not making mom mad. We all make mistakes, and I seriously doubt he hurt Sam intentionally. So even though he realized he did something wrong, he needed to 'fess up or things could be a lot worse for Sam. Your son managed to delay the anger - but Sam was still in pain because of what happened. So a trip to the vet to see the consequences of what happened is probably the best way of dealing with it - so if any accidents happen in the future, he might be far more worried about Sam than about mom being mad.

post #8 of 35
Abby7625, we must have been writing at the same time. I think you handled it very well, and I'm glad he's going to the vet with you!
post #9 of 35
Thread Starter 
We must have been!

I agree with you. He should be more worried about Sam and should have told me when he was hurt. I know I wouldn't be as upset with him, had he at least shown that bit of compassion, but he just left him for me to figure out. Knowing him, he thought Sam would come out of it and I would never know the difference, which makes me wonder how many times he has done this before and I didn't know.

I don't know why he would worry about making me mad--it has never bothered him before I think he knew this was more serious than the "usual" get in trouble for things.
post #10 of 35
Poor guy - he was probably so upset that he hurt Sam that he just didn't know how to deal with it.
post #11 of 35
wow, how upsetting!

When is the doctor's appointment?
post #12 of 35
Thread Starter 
In about 2.5 hours
post #13 of 35
Poor Sam I hope he gets better soon. I think you are doing the right thing in showing him the consequences of his actions. It is interesting this came up though because just this past weekend my boyfriends 7 year old son (who I have been around since he was 2) yanked Dori's tail hard. I was in the kitchen looking in the frige with my back to Dori who was sitting on the floor behind me. I heard his little boy come in, asked him what he wanted to eat, then I heard Dori yowl. I turned around just in time to see his hand pulling away from her tail. I asked him what he just did and he said, and I quote 'I didn't do anything to her'. I was so mad. First he yanked her tail, and he is 7 which I feel is old enough to know that yanking a poor cats tail is going to hurt and second he lied to me. The lying is something we have been dealing with, I guess it's "normal" for kids to go through that stage. I had a long talk with him and told him if I ever find out he did something mean to her again he would be in big trouble by his father I told my boyfriend about it and told him I handled it well enough for now, so I guess we will see what happens. I just can't understand what was going through his little head when he did it. I know pulling a tail doesn't sound that bad, but it's still the intentional pain I don't understand.
post #14 of 35
I haven't had kids as of yet, so I am asking the parents out there if this is a good idea:

Make the kid to extra "chores" around the house to help "pay" for the vet bill.

I know a 7 year old cannot work off the entire bill - but would this help a kid learn?

I hope the kitty is OK!
post #15 of 35
I am not officially a mom, but I have been involved with my boyfriend's little boy for 5 of his 7 years. (he stays with us often) and I think that is actually a great idea. I would think that that, along with making him go to the vet and explain to the vet what happened would make him fully responsible for the dealing with the consequences of his actions. Then the vet will probably 'lecture' him, which may even be better than Mom yelling at him because sometimes when it comes from someone else they respond more. (or so I assume, again, I don't have a lot of experience in this department) In my opinion, most kids don't seem to understand consequences. They don't grasp the concept of having to spend money to replace things, or vet bills, or anything like that. You idea would definately be a lesson on that.
post #16 of 35

You want to watch Dori carefully. There are 230 bones in a cats tail, and they are easily broken. If she starts licking her tail excessively to the point where the fur is being pulled or coming off, you need to get her to the vet. Depending on which bone is broke, will depend on what they can do for her. But those bones are so fragile, thats why pulling a cats tail for any reason is not advisable.
post #17 of 35
230 bones, WOW! I did not know that. I felt her tail after he did it and she seemed ok. I am going to watch her closely for excessive licking. I truly hope the talk we had made a difference and he thinks twice before doing something like that again. I am getting really frustrated thinking about it
Hissy, thank you so much for that info, I knew it hurt her when he pulled her tail, but it didn't cross my mind that something could be broken. Ewww that came across wrong, I mean, I knew it was possible but since she seemed ok after (and I did check her tail carefully) I didn't think much else about it. Thank you again, you are always so helpful at pointing out things that I would have never known about otherwise, Dori is very lucky you are here to watch out for her
post #18 of 35
Good luck at the vet Abby. Hope all goes well for Sam and I think it's marvellous that you are making your son face up to what he has done in such a way, I'm sure nothing could teach him better. Hope it goes well.
post #19 of 35
Ouch! Poor Sam! I have a 7 year old brother and he is an angel to my cats. I think it's because I have taught him to be nice to them since he was a year old. He only picks the cats up when they want to be held, then leaves them alone when they've had enough. I think the earlier you educate kids about animal abuse, the better they will understand when they're older. I think the chores idea is great! If Kevin ever does get to hyper with the cats, I put the cats in my room and make it off limits to him. He get's upset and tells the cats he's sorry. The few times Kevin has got hyper, he just chases the kitties which REALLY ticks them off!

Hope Sam is alright and your son too. He will understand more now, and hopefully he will learn from his mistakes. 7 year olds are still learning, and they probably don't realize that cats do feel pain and cats can be hurt. Good luck at the vet!
post #20 of 35
Make sure you also give him the lecture about animal cruelty. Make sure he knows that doing something like this is NEVER acceptable!
post #21 of 35
I really hope your son leaves the veterinary clinic feeling absolutely ashamed of himself about the way he mistreated and injuried poor Sam.
post #22 of 35
Abby - one good thing has come out of this - your son is honest, he may not have told the truth in the beginning but seems to have realized that it was important to confess it when he realized Sam was hurt. Some children would never admit to it, especially knowing that you would be upset with them (and rightfully so). I am glad you're taking him to the vet, I think that will help him understand how fragile animals are when dealing with big brutes like us humans. When I was that age I don't think I understood that people and animals could get hurt when you're "playing" so he has learned a valuable lesson, hopefully Sam will come out of this unscathed.

Hang in there, it sounds like you're doing all the right things, for Sam, your son and the other cats.
post #23 of 35
I am so sorry about Sam and hope everything will be ok with him.

I remember when we were in a hotel in germany waiting the last few days there to make our final move here in the usa . I was in the shower at that time when this happend and so my hubby only told me . My son at that time 4 years old were with Samy my Persian who has passed away now in the bedroom . My husband were in the small livingroom watching some TV . And all of a sudden my son come running out from the bedroom screeming and right behind him Samy chasing my son and swating at him . My hubby was laughing his a** off . I am sure my son had picked on Samy some how , to tick my cat off . But ever since my son had a great respect of cats and I guess he sure learnt his lession too . And yeas I did check Samy after that to see if he was ok and he was . I also had a great talk with my son not to pick or harm on any cats . Of course he said he did not do anything , yea right like I would beliefe that .
post #24 of 35
I have an 8 year old nephew. When they are playing or angry, they don't think far enough ahead to realize consequences. I totally agree with making him deal with the vet and the vet bill. My nephew recently got angry, threw something at his brother, who ducked, and broke a lamp. He is doing extra chores to pay off the lamp, and I know its going to be a LONG time before he throws things again! Especially since he has a $100 bill and his chores are only worth $1-2.00!

I would also make him responsible for Sam's care.
post #25 of 35
Thread Starter 
Sam's leg isn't broken or dislocated, but it is sprained. Sam behaved very nicely this time and only bit the vet twice. (Last time he wrapped himself around his arm and wasn't going to let go till it thundered) They gave him a cortisone shot to help with swelling.

We got a tour of the animals that are being held after surgeries and the ones whose owners have not picked them up yet, there were two with broken legs there. The vet explained over and over how easy it is to hurt a cat because their bones are so much smaller than a humans and compared it to breaking a chicken bone. My son spent the while time there with a red face and his head down. He sat in the room with us while they checked Sam out and just watched. They gave him a book to read on "how to treat our furry critters" too. It explains alot of different ways you can unintentionally hurt an animal, what the animal feels like after its been hurt and what they have to go thru to get better. One of the vets at the clinic wrote the book and had it printed for just these occasions.
We were on the way home and he asked if we could stop for milkshakes and I told him no, I just spent $50 at the vet. Since we have been home he's been sitting next to Sam petting him. I think he is telling him he is sorry in his own way.

I told him I would make a list of things he can do around here to help pay for the vet bill and if he makes ANY inappropriate move at all towards the cats the rest of this week, he has to stay with his father while myself and my youngest go to my boyfriend's race in Kentucky this weekend. My mom says that is too harsh, but I think this should be treated as seriously as possible to prevent a recurrance and to make sure he remembers never to do it again. He knows if he so much as makes a fast move toward one of them, he's staying home this weekend. And he is not allowed to ride his bike and motorcycle till hes paid back at least $35 of the $50.
post #26 of 35
Oh dear me Abby. You must be feeling terrible. So glad Sam's leg is not broken, dislocated etc. I really admire the way you have dealt with this and the vet seemed to be very helpful. I can't help but feel sorry for your son too he must be feeling awful by now because the reality of what he has done must be truly embedded in him. Painful way to learn but I'm sure he will never forget this. Hope you can relax a bit now. Glad he is sitting next to Sam, fabulous sign.
post #27 of 35
Sounds like you've got a really good vet to take the time to spend with you and your son explaining how serious this is. I'm so glad Sam's leg isn't broken or dislocated. Sounds like it sunk in with your son.

I don't think that your punishment is going overboard at all. After all, wouldn't he be punished the same if he accidentally hurt your other child by doing something he shouldn't?
post #28 of 35
Knowing that some parents do not even care about what their children are doing, I applaud you for caring about your son. I hope that the anger has faded, for anger will frighten him, and he certainly has learned that actions that are inappropriate do have consequences. Perhaps at the end of all of this, you can take him out for a milkshake and a hamburger so the resentment doesn't build up inside of him. I am glad that Sam's leg was not broken- I was worried that it might be.

he is lucky you are his parent.
post #29 of 35
Praise God Sam is ok , I am glad it was not worse then that . I am sure your son has learnt his lession with that , I also think your vet help with that in a great way . Remember your son is still young and has to learn a lot , he may remember this for the rest of his life .Like my son did . Kids are always kids and have to learn , but it take a great parent to help a child to learn . And you did great as a responsible parent
post #30 of 35
Kids have to learn to take responsibility for their actions. I always made my kids pay for thier breakage, out of their allowances and aluminum can money.

Mark put a cat in the shower, once. I gave Mark a swat on the butt and dried Bootsie off. After grooming himself, Bootsie calmly walked into the kids' bedroom and took a HUGE dump in the middle of Mark's bed. That cat had a well-honed sense of retribution! That was the only time, in his life, that Bootsie went anywhere, except the litter box. I made Mark strip the bed, change the sheets AND wash the soiled ones.

Mark has NEVER been mean to an animal. since.
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