Feeling better... a lot to go yet, but with the will to it

I think that the last two days were the days I was feeling the best since I started on this nightmare of depression.

I commited the mortal sin of splitting the Zoloft pills, understanding that the massive experimental 50 mg dose was killing me more than getting me better (I was on the edge before I started to take them, but after that I almost tried to commit suicide). Since then, I haven't been feeling with panic attacks, nor stress, nor heavily depressed. I feel great!

Tomorrow I will talk to the doctor.... although when I tell him what I did I won't be surprised if he lowers the dose to 25 mg (after the tongue lashing of been tinkering with the dose without telling him ).

I feel I still have a long way to go... I am far from good... too far (I am still very depressed) . But compared to where I was a while ago.... there's a difference between heaven to earth. But at least I have the willpower to get through on with it.

Vicky had told me a few days ago "You are too arrogant, and proud of yourself and have too big an ego to give up. You either get better or die trying". I am applying the philosophy.

Keep ya posted guys

Victor, you're 15, and going through a lot of changes (the "hell" of puberty?). Life doesn't get less complicated as you go along, but with negative/positive experiences, you'll be able to develop more effective coping mechanisms. I guess that's what "mellowing" means. My mom's favorite saying is, "Man proposes, and God disposes", meaning nobody is really "master of his/her own fate", or, in the modern version, "S**t happens." I think most of the participants here will agree that one's teenage years are among the most difficult to get through - but most people manage to survive them, as I believe you will. Just a suggestion - print out some of your threads here, and put the sheets away for 10 or 15 years, so that you can both laugh at yourself and see how much you've changed in the meantime. You can get through this.

tsk tsk tsk....

Glad to hear that you are doing better. I've been thinking about you!

I hear finding the proper dose of a medication can be tricky. I hope your doctor doesn't ream you out too bad.

I have to agree with jcat, teenage years are hard. You are far from the only one who finds it hard to cope with life at that age. You have to deal with very adult problems, yet you are not yet an adult.

Good luck!

The hell of puberty? Definitely... it's hell.... but its a hell I sure enjoy!

Yes, finding the right dose is tricky.... but its not that impossible.

I am right now trying to start gathering up in normal life.... but I am not tempting fate, I am still very volatile, I will take it easy and living it as it comes. It takes a good while to reach the level I got to, and it takes a good while to get back to normal.... so I ain't going to try and tempt fate by trying to do stressful things... for I am still fragile, and I don't want to throw down the drain what I've achieved now.

Hey.... this is my 700th post... boyah!

I am so glad that you are feeling better. I was worried about you.

Victor,

Do me a favor, find the phone number of a crisis center, and put it in your wallet. And promise us you will call them if you ever feel suicidal again. You sound like you've made strides, but adolescence is a very difficult time. It never hurts to talk to someone when you feel that way! You will make it thru to the end of the race.

Sandy

Originally Posted by Sweets

Victor,

Do me a favor, find the phone number of a crisis center, and put it in your wallet. And promise us you will call them if you ever feel suicidal again. You sound like you've made strides, but adolescence is a very difficult time. It never hurts to talk to someone when you feel that way!

You will make it thru to the end of the race.

Sandy

Click to expand...

Well I don't know what to say.... sure! I will check that out.... I don't know if there's one in PR, but either way, if I feel bad again I will call someone. I promess.

Thanks.... I honestly don't know what to say when so many people show so much concern.

Glad to hear things are getting better! I bet your doctor won't be upset at all. Actually, I'm surprised he didn't start you on a lower dose and work up! Anyway, congratulations on coming this far.