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I need some advice!

post #1 of 28
Thread Starter 
Yesterday, I found out that my landlord has hired the guy who has been harrassing me from my volleyball team (he is the reason I quit) to replace the roof. She asked me if I can handle it and of course I said I would - after all it is her roof and she has every right to hire whoever she wants to do it. But I am not so sure now because I don't know what he will do next - I mean, I understand that she hired him because she wants to help him and his "girlfriend" as she quit all her jobs and needs the money.
I am going to try and keep myself busy during that time (first week of may) and there will be times that he will be here when I am home alone - there is NO way I want to be alone with him - after what he has done to me.

What should I do if a situation ever happens? If he tries to make trouble with me again? I am a little afraid, given his track record with women.

Any input and advice would help sooo much. Thanks in advance.

post #2 of 28
Can you arrange to be out of the house, while he is there? If not, do you have a friend, who can be there with you? It is doubtful that he would try anything, with a witness.

I must confess that I am not familiar with the background, here but you sound as though this is a fearful situation for you. Has this person exhibited any violent tendencies? If so, I hope that you made a police report.

Keep your doors and windows locked, while he is around and get a can of pepper spray.
post #3 of 28
Thread Starter 
Sorry I didn't give enough info about the background. Yup, he has violent tendencies - hits his girlfriend, has hit some female friends. I made sure that I kept away from him.

I have some pepper spray around here somewhere, I will have to find it. I don't know who will be willing to be in the apartment with me when he is around but I will ask any friends

I have made plans to go to the gym, to get some work done at the farm but there are some unavoidable times I will be home alone, so I will try and figure something out.

Thanks Cindy.
post #4 of 28
Your landlady doesn't seem to be very fair in this if she already knows of previous trouble you have had with this man. It is OK wanting to help him out but isn't this going a bit too far. Couldn't you make her see what she is causing you to go through? How long will he be working for?
post #5 of 28
Thread Starter 
I have tried telling her but she thinks the sun shines out of his bum just because he likes to scuba dive like she does

I assume he will be working for about a week or two, the roof is in bad shape and needs to be replaced.
post #6 of 28

in times where you don't have anything to do, instead of being at home how about a movie? Or maybe hang out at the library? Or borders for browsing and a latte? I don't think you should be there alone with him if you're not comfortable. If you have no other option, I would lock myself in my bedroom with some pepper spray and the phone and just wait him out.

good luck!
post #7 of 28
Wish I lived in "Lost in Space" because I would definitely be there for you, or bring you here with me. You can't risk this, please tell your friends so that you are not alone.
post #8 of 28
Kellye if you are in the house while he is there keep the phone nearby.
post #9 of 28
Keep the pepper spray handy. Unlike some states, NC allows you to defend yourself without retreating. If he bothers you, a good spray to the face will drop him like a rock.
post #10 of 28
I vote for outside activities as well. Go for a walk, visit friends, go to a bookstore. Do you have a baseball bat handy? Those are good for intimidation factor if he starts something. But I wonder if he will? I would if he is there, simply avoid looking in his direction, and if he hails you just ignore him. He is there to get some work done and nothing else. Staring him in the face is like offering him a challenge, keep your face neutral and expressionless and hopefully he won't start trouble.
post #11 of 28
You could invite a friend to stay over.

Or you could get one of those beeper things where when you press a button the police is notified.

Make sure you have a powerful pepper spray or mace. The one that is specially formulated to include tear gas, foam and an UV type spray that marks the person.

Remember the three steps:
Step 1: Spray into face / eyes
Step 2: Take out your electric tazer and stick it into his groin
Step 3: Repeat if necessary or desired.

Or if you have a high speed connection, you could buy a webcam. Then turn it on and tell friends about it so you are being watched. And simply leave it on when you leave the house just in case he breaks in. I have seen some going for as cheap as $5. But you can get a decent one below $50.

Or if you are not adverse to carrying a gun. You could apply for a permit get one and go for some lessons.

Remember the power of the law. For assault, any act that causes you reasonable apprehension of the infliction of battery is sufficient. And battery is the infliction of force. How much force? Simple touching is sufficient as long as it is done in anger. There is no need for you to be injured one slightest bit. You can go to the police and you can sue him for civil damages even if you suffered no injury.
post #12 of 28
Dear Kiwideus,

I wish I could be there in person to support you. I own now and will never go back to renting. Never again will I have to deal with a landlord. I love it.

Go out for some expresso. And learn some self defense. If I male knows or thinks that a woman could take him down, he won't try anything. There is nothing worse for a male than the reality that a woman could beat him.

post #13 of 28
I wish you the best of luck. You have already received very good advice but here's some: Keep your cell phone charged with you.
post #14 of 28
Originally Posted by Goblin
Dear Kiwideus,

Go out for some expresso. And learn some self defense. If I male knows or thinks that a woman could take him down, he won't try anything. There is nothing worse for a male than the reality that a woman could beat him.

I agree with Goblin and the rest that have commented. A man will be very shocked if you put some defense moves on him. My husband has taught me ways of getting out of scary situations (i.e. stranger holding knife or gun, grabbing you from behind).

But anyhoo, even though you know how this guy is.... DON'T give him the impression that you live in fear of him. Keep that pepper spray with you at all times, if anything. Take care okay!
post #15 of 28
Thread Starter 
Thanks guys, I will have to dig up the pepper spray, and I am already planning activities for myself in case. I will have to remember all the self defense moves that I have learned over the years...its been so long, I don't know if I can remember any!

I will remember not to look him in the face - just ignore him and carry on with my business. I hope he will have someone working with him - that way he cannot try anything. Who knows?

Wish me luck.
post #16 of 28
Did he do something drastic to you which is the reason you left the volleyball team? Or did he threaten you or is he just a jerk when he's drunk, or just a 24-7 jerk or what? What beef does he have against you? Hmmmm...I thought for some reason that you worked, but I see that you don't, so I opt for what everyone else is saying, to have outdoor activities. Do you live in a house next to neighbors that may stay home? You could tell them about your concerns as well so that they can keep an eye out for you. Keep us apprised of what happens girly! Don't want anything bad happening to ya!
post #17 of 28
Sure wish I had some brilliant tip to add, but everyone has already given you such wonderful advice already! Just want to to say that I care about your situation and I'm glad that you're planning in advance. Sorry that you're having to deal with this in your own home. I agree that if I lived nearby, I'd be right beside you. Please take care of yourself!
post #18 of 28
Make sure the pepper spray is still in good condition.

Not that I am saying self defence is bad. But it should be your last line of defence. You want to take the person down before he comes within arm distance of you. Or if a gun is out of the question then take him down at arms length. Try not to actually punch since bare knuckles and bone make for a very painful experience to you. Fight dirty, go for groin, adam apple and don't forget to stick your thumbs into his eyes. Sorry for being explicit.

Alternatively, keep you cat close to you. The cat may and can protect you. There was this criminal case where the conviction was based on evidence from the cat. The person attacked the victim (cat owner) and the cat attacked back using the claws. One of the nail/claws was lodged in the attackers face and he was convicted based on that.
post #19 of 28
I don't have any extra advice to add, just look after yourself. It may help if you can invite a couple of friends over if they aren't comfortable being around him (safety in numbers) I know most people would think twice about trying something when faced with a gang of gals! Keep Safe
post #20 of 28
That's great what Bumpy said about the cat. Little Buttons protects me and the other cats. My daughter was fooling around but Buttons thought it was serious and she scooped a piece of flesh out of her. Buttons is so affectionate and it took us by surprise. But then when it's serious you are frightened of your precious kittie being hurt. He would get it then. I am so worried for you but you are being very sensible and making plans, I would get as many friends as you can to take turns in being with you at the times you cannot go out. Does he already know where you live?
post #21 of 28
Kellye, please check in with us regularily too at the time, so that we know you're OK. If you do have to be home, you could be 'very busy' on the computer so that it gives him the message to leave you alone. If I weren't thousands of miles away, I'd come and stay with you in a heartbeat. Take care cobber.
post #22 of 28
If theres anything most men hate it's a woman who stands up for herself!.

My brother is a boxing coach and he taught me how to throw a right hook, just in case!.

Theres a lot of good advice been given though. Keep us informed.
post #23 of 28
I don't have anything else to offer, you have some good advice here. I would try to stay gone as much as possible. I was originally going to tell you to tell your landlady that you do NOT want this man in your place, however, I don't know how possible that is. It just seems that if you have had problems with him previously, it should not even be an option to use him for the roof.... But I guess I don't know enough about the situation. Just always remember to trust your intuition. If you feel that uncomfortable, it's probably not a good idea to be alone with him. Trust your gut.
post #24 of 28
A lot of good, if somewhat violent, advise here! The bloke wont know whats hit him if something should go down! However, I think the outdoor stuff is probably best, libraries and lattes. Can he actually do the roof on his own or will he need other help? I assume he will be there only in the day time so getting out and about, although a bit of a pain, is probably your best bet. Anyway you dont know what you might learn and discover on these enforced trips
See that part as an adventure and an opportunity.
You take care and remember it is probably only for a couple of weeks. He wont be able to drag it out as although your landlord may like him and wont to help out it may cost more than she is willing to pay in hard cash. Will he have to work weekends as well.
Will there actually be anytime when you will HAVE to confront him. If you look at the situation calmly(difficult I know) you may be able to avoid him totally.
post #25 of 28
Kiwideus would it be at all possible for you to get someone to stay with you for a couple of weeks, or at least during the day while he is there? Can you think of anyone at all? Wish I was near
post #26 of 28
All good advise. Did you report the original problem to the police? If so, call them and let them know he will be on your property hired by your landlady for the next few weeks. Ask them to do drive bys a few times a day, and if you're really nervous, to do a Welfare Check once a day.

One piece of advise I feel I need to challange is the advice NOT to look him in the face. Don't stare him in the face, but the refusal to meet his eyes will be perceived as weakness.

post #27 of 28
Thread Starter 
THanks guys...

Nope, I did not report anything to the police, I should have, especially when he visited all these people to find out if I had been talking about him - talk about paranoid! I do know that his father was a paranoid schizophrenic and his girlfriend has said to me that she thinks he has a mental illness but he won't see a doctor.

More chores are needed to be done on the farm so I will go there as much as possible and not be home as much as possible (hopefully) Also, Jake took in a second job so then I will be working more at his first one doing what needs to be done. Thank goodness it is spring, so it will be easier to get out and about.

Jellybelly, in answer to your question, he punched one of the girls on my volleyball team when she told him to leave her alone - we all saw it, but she wouldn't go to the police. I don't know why. I should have done it for her. He also tried to go to her place and thankfully I was online at the same time as her so she pretended not to be home when he came knocking. His beef against me is because I told him not to bother me, and he caught me talking to his girlfriend telling her that I don't like what he does to her.

I think, after all your advice, I will be okay. Thanks everyone
post #28 of 28
Kellye you poor thing, go and have that coffee you like so much, you deserve it.
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