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The things kids say...

post #1 of 13
Thread Starter 
This was in my email. I've seen more than one version of it, but it's always good for a giggle or two...

This comes from a Catholic elementary school test. Kids were asked
questions about the old and new testaments. They have not been retouched nor corrected. (i.e., incorrect spelling has been left in).

1. In the first book of the bible, Guinessis. God got tired of creating the world so he took the Sabbath off.

2. Adam and Eve were created from an Apple tree.

3. Noah's wife was called Joan of Ark. Noah built an ark and the animals came on in pears.

4. Lot's wife was a pillar of salt during the day, but a ball of fire during the night.

5. The Jews were a proud people and throughout history they had trouble with unsympathetic Genitals.

6. Sampson was a strongman who let himself be led astray by a Jezebel like Delilah.

7. Samson slayed the Philistines with the axe of the Apostles.

8. Moses led the Jews to the Red sea where they made unleavened bread which is bread without any ingredients.

9. The Egyptians were all drowned in the dessert, afterwards, Moses went up to Mount Cyanide to get the ten ammendments.

10. The first commandment was when Eve told Adam to eat the apple.

11. The seventh Commandment is thou shalt not admit adultery.

12. Moses died before he ever reached Canada. Then Joshua led the Hebrews in the battle of Geritol.

13. The greates miricle in the bible is when Joshua told his son to stand still and he obeyed him.

14. David was a Hebrew king who was skilled at playing the liar. He fought the Finkelsteins, a race of people who lived in bibical times.

15. Solomon, one of Davids sons, had 300 wives and 700 porcupines.

16. When Mary heard she was the mother of Jesus, she sang the Magna Carta.

17. When the three wise guys from the east side arrived, they found Jesus in the manager.

18. Jesus was born because Mary had an immaculate contraption.

19. St. John the blacksmith dumped water on his head.

20. Jesus enunciated the Golden Rule, which says to do unto others before they do one to you. He also explained, a man doth not live by sweat alone.

21. It was a miricle when Jesus rose from the dead and managed to get the tombstone off the entrance.

22. The people who followed the lord were called the 12 decibels.

23. The epistels were the wives of the apostals.

24. One of the oppossums was St. Matthew who was also a taximan.

25. St. Paul cavorted to Christianity, he preached holy acrimony, which is another name for marraige.

26. Christians have only one spouse This is called monotony.
post #2 of 13
Already dictated it to my mom. Answer:
post #3 of 13
OMG these are so funny!
post #4 of 13

To funny!!
post #5 of 13
LOL Too funny!
post #6 of 13
Very funny! If someone made those up, they sure knew how kids really think/speak. Tomorrow is Passover Eve so I was telling Ron (26 months old) about the story of Passover. Then we recounted the story together and it was very funny to hear how he rememberd it.
post #7 of 13
Anne, here we are making the preparations for the Passover.
post #8 of 13
Lol I love number 5, and the last one!
post #9 of 13
I'm laughing (and crying) so much that JC is giving me very odd looks. Those are priceless!
post #10 of 13
I laughed so hard I cried! I liked #17 (about the "wise guys from the east side" and Jesus in the "manager." and I almost spewed my drink when I got to the last one!
post #11 of 13
Brilliant - am sending it round my office now.
post #12 of 13
Originally posted by yoviher
Anne, here we are making the preparations for the Passover.
Are you Jewish Victor? Or do you live in a Jweish community?
post #13 of 13
We are jewish, Anne. Puerto Rico is supposed to be the island with the largest amount of jews in the Indies, but at times it feels that we are the only ones in town... you have no idea how hard is to get Matzo... you have to make a special trip to San Juan.
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