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REALLY bad if you want to groan out loud!

post #1 of 5
Thread Starter 
Two peanuts walk into a rowdy bar. One was

A jumper cable walks into a bar. The barman says, "I'll serve you, but don't start

A sandwich walks into a bar. The barman says, "Sorry, we don't serve food in

A dyslexic man walks into a bra ---

A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and says, "A beer please, and one for the road."

Two antenna meet on a roof, fall in love and get married. The ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was great.
Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other, "Does this taste funny to

Two cows are standing next to each other in a field. Daisy says to Dolly, "I was artificially inseminated this morning." "I don't believe you," said Dolly. "It's true, no

Two hydrogen atoms meet. One says, "I've lost my electron." The other says, "Are you sure?" The first replies, "Yes, I'm positive."

A man takes his Rottweiler to the vet and says, "My dog's cross-eyed. Is there anything you can do for him?" "Well," says the vet, "let's have a look at him." So, he picks the dog up and examines his eyes, checks his teeth, etc. Finally, he says, "I'm going to have to put him down." "What? Just because he's cross-eyed???" "No, because he's really, really heavy."

I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.

Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, and when they lit a fire in the craft, it sank. This proves once and for all that you can't have your kayak and heat it

What do you call a fish with no eye? A fsh.

A young Native American woman went to a doctor for her first ever physical exam. After checking all of her vitals and running the usual tests, the doctor said, "Well, Running Doe, you are in fine health. I could find no problems. I did notice one anomaly, however." "Oh, what is that, Doctor?" "Well, you have no nipples." "None of my people in my tribe have nipples, " she replied. "That is amazing," said the doctor.
"I'd like to write this up for The South Carolina Journal of Medicine if you don't mind." She said, "OK." "First of all" asked the doctor, "how many people are in your tribe?" She answered,
"Approximately 500." "And what is the name of your tribe?" asked the doctor. Running Doe
replied................ "We're called The Indian Nippleless Five Hundred."
post #2 of 5

Here's another:

A man, called to testify at the IRS, asked his accountant for advice on what to wear. "Wear your shabbiest clothing. Let him think you are a poor," the accountant replied.

Then he asked his lawyer the same question, but got the opposite advice. "Do not let them intimidate you. Wear your most elegant suit and tie."

Confused, the man went to his Rabbi, told him of the conflicting advice, and requested some resolution of the dilemma. "Let me tell you a story," replied the Rabbi.

"A woman, about to be married, asked her mother what to wear on her wedding night. 'Wear a heavy, long, flannel nightgown that goes right up to your neck.' But when she asked her best friend, she got conflicting advice. Wear your most sexy negligee, with a V-neck right down to your navel."

The man protested, "What does all this have to do with my problem with the IRS?"

To which the Rabbi replied, "No matter what you wear, you are going to get screwed."
post #3 of 5
post #4 of 5
LOL! They sure did make me groan!
post #5 of 5
Those were pretty bad....but I loved them.
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