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I feel so, so guilty!.

post #1 of 20
Thread Starter 
I've lost sleep these past few nights, as well as shedding a few tears thinking about the kitten i was going to get to keep Rosie company.

As most of you all know, i've been asking quite a few questions about taking on another kitten, and wondering if Rosie would change towards me etc..

When Emma got in touch to say she was mine, all that evening i thought about nothing else and it got to the point where i was feeling sick wondering if i had done the right thing?, was i ready for another cat?. Basically i still wasn't 100%.

Emma fully understands and told me not to worry, and i've asked Emma to give me a couple of weeks as it wouldn't be fair on the kitten or Rosie if i wasn't sure.

I really feel like a guilty, selfish witch for letting the kitten down

I have one question though, is there an age where i can't introduce a kitten to Rosie?, because a girl at work said i should do it while she's still young?!.

post #2 of 20
Being a foster mom to many, many cats and kittens, I've introduced cats all ages and all sexes and it's never the same.

My cats took to our new kitten pretty well (just about a week of hissing, etc.). I'm sure your Rosie will be just fine. She's gonna hiss and spit and swat and growl, but all of that is normal. My cats did the same thing to the kitten and now they watch over him and groom him and it's been less than a month.

If your only worry is how your cats will get along, then stop worrying. I'd be more concerned if you were concerned about being able to finacially take care of them, or be home enough to give them attention.

I say, go for it.....waiting won't do anything but make you more nervous.
post #3 of 20
If you're worried about how Rosie will react, there's never going to be any gaurentee. I tell you my experience. Peaches had a rough time the first 3 or 4 months after I got Carmella and Henrietta. AFter her adjustment period, she was back to her old self.

Sicy can probably tell you her experience too. She was very worried before she got Saki.
post #4 of 20
I would still say go for it even though all of mine really only tolerate each other! Mischa cant stand Dirt at any price - Tulip and Katy fought terrible at first but now they are okay they just avoid each other. I think thats my fault rather than theirs though as I was not good at the introduction thing. If you follow the rules, unlike me, you should have a peaceful household in the end.
post #5 of 20

I too, mulled over getting a kitten for my catloaf. He was almost 5 when I made this decision, an indoor cat that probably didn't even know there were more of his kind out there, and, if you've read some of my initial post last year, is definitely a cat with an attitude. Then someone at work had a friend who breeds Portuguese Water Dogs (huge, I hear, but I don't know too much about canines ) that had come across a little stray kitten beast. I hemmed and hawed, thinking that catloaf is ferocious and will kill the kitten and hate me forever, and one of my fiance's friends even said, "If you get the kitten you should name it "chewtoy"." Finally after a month no one had taken the kitten so I picked the little guy up (and didn't name him chewtoy). I kept them apart during the day for about three months, mostly because the kitten was so aggressive with catloaf.

To make a long story short, it wasn't the easiest transition but my catloaf seems very happy now that he has a little buddy. I was worried about jealousy, too, because catloaf is like my baby. When I am home he is always with me. He went through a phase when the kitten started being allowed to sleep with us that catloaf wanted to sleep in another room , but after a couple of weeks he showed back up next to me during the night and has been there every night since. All in all he's a kinder, gentler catloaf since his little friend showed up, and things are all good now.

Go with your instincts, you know your Rosie best but be prepared for a little bit of turmoil, as a side, catloaf developed a uti (probably from stress) and started peeing everywhere, it wasn't fun. If you can get some time off to help the transition it may help if you decide to get a kitten.

Sorry so long, but like you I really had my concerns about a new kitten working out and it did turn out ok.

post #6 of 20
There is never a true answer when it comes to this question. So much depends on certain things- how the cats are introduced to each other initailly, the ages do play into it, but not that much. Many times when a kitten is introduced to an older sedate cat, the older cat suddenly finds its own lost kittenhood and has a joyful time. The one factor I know for certain that plays into it is if the cats are spayed or neutered. That has a bearing on it just due to the hormones the cat has to combat.

Sounds to me like you are agonizing over this to the point of almost making yourself ill. If you care that much about it, I say go for it. Perhaps you can ask the woman who has the kitten, if it doesn't go well can you bring the kitten back. The best way for introductions in this house is I put the new cat in a room with a door that Mike made of chicken wire and wood. I would use screen, but I have ferals and they shred the screen. The wire keeps the room open, so the cat can smell the house, hear the noises and see the others. But it also keeps them safe as they spit, hiss, swipe and posture. Shutting a cat in a room with a solid door, does little to acquaint the newcomer with the house, it only makes them feel isolated and lonely.

That is how I do it here now, after trying other methods that failed. You can also get a baby gate and put it up vertically in the doorway- that serves the same purpose. Just be sure the slats are small enough the new kitty can't get stuck in them, for they will try.

Best of luck whatever your decision.
post #7 of 20
Originally posted by hissy
Many times when a kitten is introduced to an older sedate cat, the older cat suddenly finds its own lost kittenhood and has a joyful time.
This is exactly what happened to my Belle. She still does not like the kitten (after a month), but I do catch her playing ALOT more than I used to.

Good Luck.
post #8 of 20
Rosie, don't beat yourself up over it! I agree with Hissy, if you care this much then you should give it a try. Obviously the love is there & I'm afraid that you'll torture yourself with all of the "what if's" if you don't.

I have gone through this a few times before & like the others have said, everytime was different.

When I got Echo I had an older kitty named Mimi & she really didn't like the fact that Echo was around. Granted Mimi was an only kitty for almost 10 years before Echo came. Echo was just a baby (only 5 weeks old...was too young to be with out Mommy) & Mimi didn't adjust well. After a year or so, Mimi learned to tolerate Echo but she never got back into the kitty mode like some do.

When I found out I had to move back home with my parents, I couldn't handle giving up my babies so I brought both cats back home with me. My parents had Echo's brother Bud & he was about a year old and hadn't been around other cats either. He literally threw a fit when the other two came aboard...I've never seen a cat climb the walls before!!! After a few months, he came around & grew to love Echo so much...but didn't really like Mimi. Later that year Mimi grew very sick & ended up crossing to the bridge (it still pains me so much! ). After many months I had found that Tiki was needing a good home or she's be given to the shelter (which I knew was a death sentence & couldn't bear that thought), so I adopted her. Tiki was fine with Echo & Bud because she had been around other kitties but the other two didn't like her at first. It took a few months & all of a sudden Echo became a mommy figure for Tiki. Bud never really cared much for her but he tolerated her as well as he could.
Now, I've once again moved away & have brought Echo and Tiki with me. Unfortunately I can not have any more cats even though I'd love ot have a full house of them! Bud is once again alone & loving every minute of the spoiling.

So, I guess what I'm trying to say is that age does have a factor in it. Mimi was set in her ways & didn't like change where the others were only a few years old and didn't mind it as much.

I wish you the very best of luck & just do what your heart and gut is telling you. It's usually the best decision!
post #9 of 20
Well, here's another set of introductions for your consideration.

Shasta was an only cat and 14 years old, when Gryphon and Nibs joined our household at the age of 6 years. Shasta had been my baby, and really gave me a hard time for a while, but it wasn't all that long before we started having the experience of stumbling on Shasta and Nibs in the same place, being very chummy, either playing, or grooming or whatever, and each time it was quite clear we were not supposed to have witnessed this. Shasta still giving Mum a hard time, but clearly adjusted. Gryph and Shasta were never buddy-buddy, but we didn't have fights either.

So then Gryph went to the Bridge, followed shortly by Shasta, and Nibs was the "only" cat -- not a good state of affairs for a very needy Siamese. So before long we found ourselves with two 7-week-old kittens, Suzy and Samuel (who we soon discovered was actually Samantha). Nibs was a little freaked out in the first few days, but before long he was "Grampy-cat" (by this time he was 13 years old). The youngsters drove him nuts, but the most protest they provoked was a slightly irritable "M'ow" thrown over his shoulder, and moments later they were all over him again.

So then Sam disappeared, and a year later Nibs went to the Bridge, and Sooz was left the "only" cat. After a decent cooling off period, and especially because she was never a particularly affectionate or demonstrative kitty, and was even less so at this time, we welcomed Cindy and Fawn. They were 5 months, and Sooz by this point was just over 2. There have been more "issues" with these cats than with either of the previous introductions, but they've settled down to the point where we know that most of the altercations are just siblings being siblings, one provoking the other (not always the same one!), and sometimes as much for the humans' benefit as not.

All of which is to say, as others have said, no two situations are the same, and if you're agonizing to this extent, you've love abundant to see you and them through the transition period. Yes, they'll spat. Show me two healthy kids who don't from time to time. As long as they don't injure each other, they'll work it out.

As has also been suggested, you might want to ask if you can take the kitten on a trial basis, and if it really doesn't work, then return it. In the case of Gryph and Nibs, and again in the case of Cindy and Fawn, we were dealing with a resident cat whose reaction we were less than confident of, and in each case we asked for a trial basis, and the human in question was only too happy to agree. They saw it as our having respect for our resident feline, which could only mean that if the placement worked, the newcomers would be getting a respectful loving home -- exactly what they were concerned should happen -- and if it didn't work, they would have some control over the re-homing.

If you're still anxious, you might try that route. The other effect it has is to take some pressure off YOU, so that you can spend your energy helping your critters adjust to each other, rather than fretting about "what if it doesn't work".

Sorry to be so long-winded. Hope you have your new baby soon.
post #10 of 20
Thread Starter 
Thanks again everyone for the good sound advice.

I think because the pressure is off, i am able to think about this calmly.
Emma is going to take some pictures of her at the weekend for me.

FOSTERMOM28: Finance wise theres no problem. Apart from her once a year injections and to get her spayed Rosie costs next to nothing, so having another would be no problem.
DAWN: Thats the picture i have in my head!. No matter how much attention i paid to Rosie before the kitten, in my head i have her walking to her room with her head bowed as if to say 'she doesn't love me anymore'
HISSY: Emma said i could give it a try for a week with her, but i know i won't want her to go back.

I still have a few weeks before she can leave her mum, but as i've said, i feel i can think properly now. The thing is although Emma would make sure the home she went to would be a good one, i know she would be as loved and spoilt as Rosie!

Watch this space. And if i do decide to take on another, you all have my permission to say "WE TOLD YOU SO!!!!"
post #11 of 20
I decided to get another cat in September of one year, Sam was about 6, and I'd adopted him a year earlier. I did know that he would at least tolerate another cat, because I had taken him to my sister's house to visit a few times, with her kitten, and he kind of ignored that cat.

I got Bailey 6 months later, for various reasons I had to wait that long. (My mother had been ill, and dad needed lots of help caring for her, I found Bailey three days after my mother's funeral).

I followed the suggestions from The Cat Site on introducing new cats, kept them apart for the first week, with only supervised visits, and I don't believe there was ever a single hiss or growl from either of them. Sam was rubbing noses with Bailey through the door of the carrier when I brought her home.

So, really, it can go well, it can be difficult, but with some supervision and care, and with all of the advice on the board, there should be no reason that a new cat won't get along.
post #12 of 20
It took me about a year to decide to get my then 9 year old Himmi a friend. Didn't know if she'd ever lived with other cats although the adoption centre told me she liked other cats.
My working hours increased and I worried about her being lonely.
Did a lot of research, spoke to a few Persian breeders about whether it would work- brought home a kitten of the same breed and a similar nature.
The first few weeks were incredibly stressful as I hated seeing my older 'baby' so upset- and I felt that I was neglecting a kitten as I had to keep him a spare room- even if there were lots of toys and I went in there a lot.
The kitten has always adored my older cat- even when she was at her hissy-growly worst-he just squeaked and wanted to be near her.
After a couple of weeks things settled and kept improving- Bibby started playing more- lovely when they chase each other around even though he annoys her at times. They even groom each other.
At one stage I just thought they would tolerate each other- but it was the right thing to do- brought my old, often sick cat back to life.
Good luck with what you decide- I can understand how you are agonising over the decision as I've been in the same situation.
Best wishes
post #13 of 20
Thread Starter 
Catherine thats exactly how i feel.
I look at Rosie when she's all lovey dovey with me and i think 'awww im ok with the one cat', but then if she's walking around the house like a lost soul i think 'maybe a playmate would be good for her'.
This is why i put time aside to play with her to stop her getting bored.

But i am thinking about it more easily now though.
post #14 of 20
Aw..... all I have to add is (((((hugs)))))!!!!!

Here's a way to find out how you really feel (this usually works for us!)

Toss a coin. If the "answer" it gives you leaves you with an urge to toss it again (you know - changing it to "two out of three,") then you know how you really feel inside.
post #15 of 20
Thread Starter 
I tossed a coin 3 times saying 'Heads i take her/Tails i don't'

I got 2 heads!!

I think i'm getting there slowly but surely!
post #16 of 20
I think you'll be happy if you decide to do this. After the initial turmoil and heartbreak my little guys are inseparable. I was really sad when catloaf wouldn't sleep with me at night, but he did come back. I think the bond you have with rosie will hold tight, she may be a little miffed in the beginning but I think she'll come around.

Before getting carmelo I had visions of a sad catloaf sulking around because my lap would be taken. But, believe it or not they both sleep on me at the same time, or, more often, they perch on the back of the sofa behind my head (one on each side). One good thing about my kitten is that he is not really much of a "lap cat" so it doesn't really cause the catloaf to have too much to be jealous about. They are so funny when they sleep together, like ying and yang. Then one'll wake up and start grooming (or biting) the other one. I've never had such clean cats before! It's also fun to have the "herd" running after you for food!

Good luck with whatever you decide to do.
post #17 of 20
I know how difficult it can be to decide whether to bring another cat in!

When I originally adopted Sunniday (10 yrs old) who came from a multi-cat household (went to rainbow bridge a couple yrs ago), and I thought she'd be okay as an only cat.

After a few months, I started having doubts because I felt so guilty leaving her home alone all day while I was working/attending school. AFter talking with some TCS members, friends and doing research about the benefits of having another cat, I decided to look into the possibility of adopting another cat.

I saw Zebra at a Petsmart store and the minute I saw her, I fell in love with her. I brought her home-she was 9 months old! Unfortunately, I had not done research on how to introduce them yet so I just put Zebra in the same room with Sunniday! I bawled and bawled and bawled for a week because POOR Zebra was TERRIFIED- she hid under the couch and REFUSED to come out for a wekk while Sunniday was FURIOUS- she hissed/growled and would swat at the couch and me. I was ready to return Zebra because I was afraid she wouldn't be happy with me and Sunniday and vice versa with Sunniday! But after a week, Zebra started coming out and started socializing with me and Sunniday. Sunniday tolerated her and was much better after that.

When Sunniday passed away later on, I KNEW Zebra would be lonely for another cat so I started looking again thinking I'd adopt another cat in maybe 3-4 weeks to give myself time to grieve for Sunniday and also for Zebra to get over Sunniday. Well THREE DAYS after Sunniday passed, a friend had convinced me to look at 2 baby (3 weeks old) kittens that her vet had. The minute I walked in and saw these TINY BLACK KITTENS WITH BLUE EYES CLIMBING THE CAGE DOOR, I just fell in love!

To make a long story SHORT, I brought these 2 kittens home and expected Zebra to hiss/growl and throw fits just like Sunniday did and I planned to go thru the whole introduction process that I had learned from this wonderful forum. However, the kittens escaped from the carrier the FIRST HOUR HOME and when Zebra saw them, she immediately started grooming them! She has never HISSED/GROWLED at them. she ADORED them (named Spike and Buddy). About a year later, Zebra immediately adopted Pepper who was a kitten. Buddy and Spike did some growling/hissing with Pepper in the beginning but now they love to play with her. They have spats once in a while but nothing serious.

My point is, you never know- Rosie might accept the cat/kitten immediately.. She also might freak out and hiss for a while before accepting the kitten after a few weeks.

I would say GO FOR IT!
post #18 of 20
Shadow was an only kitty for 3 years when I rescued Graycie, Shadow came from the streets at about 7 weeks we figured and Graycie was only about a month (he had an asthma like condition, he was always weezing, and also he doesn't have all of the enzymes he needs to keep regurlar cat food down (He gets a roast chicken and a special hair ball formula dry food for himself. Spoiled brat ) so he was a very sick little boy and his momma left him and took the other litter mates away (luckily it was in the summer and it was warm out) Shadow never having had another cat around hated the idea (not that she is the most personalbe cat anyway, wont come to anybody except my parents and I). She was (and still is) growling and hissing and swatting him (and me) all the time, but as time went by and it was time to get little Graycie fixed they liked each other enough so that while he was at the vets and had to stay over night because of an emergency at the vets, Shadow didn't eat, play or do anything except sleep the entire time he was gone which was 24 hours, and when he came home she didn't hiss or swat or growl for at least a day . It was very sweet. They love chasing each other up and down the halls now and even sleep on the same bed, never together and with one eye open but they get along fairly good. Shadow even let Graycie eat his food in peace, she sat there and watched him though!!

Every cat is different I think so it all depends on what your Rosie is like.

Good luck on whatever you decide.
post #19 of 20
Thread Starter 
Thanks again everyone. I am thinking a lot better now, and reading all of your own experiences(which i have read i don't know how many times!)is helping.

Whenever Rosie looks up at me, i keep saying 'Do you want a little step sister to play with?'. If people could hear me?!.

I've even been onto my vets for a chat, and they've told me if i do decide to get her to ring up and make an appointment so they can give her a check up free of charge.

post #20 of 20
I am not as experienced as all the others here, but I brought Pete into my house with three older cats. There was some hissing and spitting and a fight or two, and Pete had some "marking" issues to work out, but they all sleep together now on my bed, they curl up together when I am working on the computer, and I swear I saw Kahli (household Queen) actually try to play with Pete the other day. One thing I try to remember when thinking of adding to my family is the cutest nightshirt I have ever seen and I kick myself that I didn't pick it up. It has a picture of a little kitten with the biggest eyes in the world looking up at you and underneath it says, "Got room for one more"? It sounds like you have room for one more.
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