what do i do with a greiving cat?

ive had 2 cats for the last 10+yrs, both came to me as strays, a female @ 1yr & a male about 4 months. Both were/are super sweet kitties & bonded strongly with each other. The female was momma kitty, the male was beloved son (both neutered soon after adoption) & i was relegated to maybe favored aunt status.

somehow the female got outside and and ate most of a poisoned rat.... the result was painfil & prolonged & nothing i or the vet did helped.

Now i have a 10+ yr old male who is anxious and confused and obviously missing his "mom"

what can i do? i miss her too & it's heartbreaking to see him run from front door to back & not know what to do.

Momma kitty died at home one night, & i know that he was aware of it.

Is 10 yrs old enough to for a kitty to have mental problems?

I am so sorry for your loss.    It has to be so difficult for both you, grieving as you are for the lost member of your family.  The behavior your male is exhibiting just sounds like normal grief and confusion to me, not signs of mental issues.  Have you considered getting another cat to keep him company?  That should help him  feel better and return to the way he acted before he lost his "mom."    Of course, you have to be ready for a new cat as well and many people find it easier to wait a bit before adopting another cat. 

While he is alone and grieving, the best thing you can do is to interact with him.  A lot.  Add more play times and buy him some new toys.  Give him lots of snuggle time, if he's up for it.  Talk to him and use his name a lot.  All of these things will help distract him from his grief.

Again, what a sad, sad thing to happen.   

life is just so sad, so often... i have thought of another kitty, maybe a young female one who would not cause any male(even tho neutered) territory issues... i just didnt kno if that was the right thing to do.

I'm kinda ambivalent myself... tho lately over last yr or so, thought it might be a good idea to introduce the "next gengeneratio

That would be 3rd generation for me, i had (luv of my life)kitty fof 13yrs, yhese for 10yrs.... luv kitties, but loding ghem is so painful

The pain of losing a dearly loved cat can be overwhelming.  I can understand why people sometimes feel that they just can't put themselves through that again.  For me, the years of love and happiness with a kitty is worth the pain because otherwise, those years would feel empty. I also like the idea of honoring the life of the cat who has just passed by rescuing another cat in need of a home.  It seems like you were already thinking about it, even before this tragedy.  Still, you shouldn't adopt again before you are ready.  

I'm sorry that you lost your love of your life kitty.   It hurts, it really does.   

One thing that might help you as you grieve is to post a tribute to your kitties in the Crossing the Bridge forum.  http://www.thecatsite.com/f/19/crossing-the-bridge   This has helped a lot of people because it gives them a place to talk about it with other members who understand.

thank you, but i just hav no words to express what i felt/feel for that so-special kitty... i hav been truly greiving for Shika (lost momma cat) but some special animals are just once in a lifetime gifts.

that does not mean that i devalue the sweet momma cat i lived with for the last 10 yrs.

my main worry now is how to help my remaining 10yr cat get over this major hurdle


He continues to either hide behind tv or prowl the house checking on all the favorite spots his missing cat friend used to love...


I've seen something called "Rescue Remedy for Pets" by Bach Flower products... no alcohol version. It's supposed to help with anxiety and depression, & I wondered if it would help.

I use St John's Wort myself when feeling anxious or depressed, so I know that at least some herbal remedies work pretty well. I just haven't tried one for pets

Many of our members swear by Rescue Remedy and report that it really does help anxious cats.  You should know in advance that it's a homeopathic remedy and according to research, there is no scientific reason why it works.  On the other hand, many members here have noticed real differences when they use it.   My feeling is:  why not give it a try and if it helps, that's wonderful.  If it doesn't, well, there's a good reason for that.   It's a bit expensive, in my opinion, priced at $17.95 at amazon but if it works, it's worth the money.  It won't have any negative side effects since it is almost entirely water. 

There are some other products out there that help relax anxious cats.  Feliway is based on the pheromones that cats emit when they are content.  It is available in spray and diffuser form and can work very well for some cats.  It's not 100% - some cats show no reaction at all and some actually become agitated - so watch your sad boy carefully to see if it's having the desired effect.  Feliway is definitely expensive with the cheapest prices usually found at amazon. You'll see that products are offered as Feliway and as Comfort Zone Feliway - these are the same thing.  Points to know in advance:  the diffusers sometimes (not always) take a couple of weeks before becoming effective, each diffuser only covers 700 - 900 sq feet, and there have been reports of diffusers overheating.  You may want to start with the spray first to see if it helps.  It can really work miracles when it works so again, you have to decide if it's worth giving it a try. 

A third calming product is VetriScience's Composure Chews.  These are treats made of herbs, colostrum and amino acids that have a calming effect on cats.  They require less of an initial outlay at $5.99 for a bag of 30 chews.  The daily dose is between 1 and 6 chews a day, depending on your kitty.  Composure Chews are like Rescue Remedy and Feliway - when they work, they do a great job, but they don't always work.  You just have to try them and see. 

I'm really sorry to hear your kitty is still having such a hard time with losing his "mom."  I wonder if it might help him if you scrubbed everything she touched so that her scent was no longer around, reminding him of her?

I just feel so awful about what happened and how lonely and sad your kitty is.  (And you as well, of course.)  I really hope one of the above products helps. 

I'm so sorry about your loss. I can relate to what you and your remaining kitty are going through. I lost my loving 14 year old Buddy in July. He was the first pet that was ever truly mine and the first pet I've ever had to put down. It was truly the hardest thing I've ever done. Mila is his 9 year old sister; after about two days of Buddy not being home she started acting strange. I would wake up in the middle of the night to hear this strange meow/howl sound coming from her in another room. She would pace back and forth looking under my bed for him where he would sleep. She would go in the closet where he also had a bed and meow; it was so eerie because she would just be sitting there...just sitting there meowing for a good 15-30 minutes each time. She also started urinating outside of her litter box. It was so incredibly heartbreaking and so obvious she was aware her brother was gone. So I think it's common for cats to have a behavioral reaction to a loss like that.

I thought Mila could use a companion, but the pain of his loss was too much and I told myself I would never go looking for another cat, but if an opportunity randomly presented itself to me I would consider it. Three months after Buddy passed I got a random text from an ex-boyfriend who knew someone who was moving and couldn't take their cat.

I decided the pain of Buddy's loss shouldn't be what stops me from giving another cat a loving home, I don't think he would've wanted that. Now I have 2 year old Zoey and although I have trouble getting her and Mila to get along, she's so wonderful. Mila's howling and strange behavior pretty much stopped, but every so often she walks into my closet (only at night) and meows.

My point is that you'll know when (or if) you're ready to bring a companion into your kitty's life and it may take him some time to go back to his normal self (or as close to it as possible). It's been over a month since you last posted, I'm wondering how you and your kitty are doing? Has he gone back to his usual self or were you able to find a product that worked with his anxiety?

kaytlu said:

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Now i have a 10+ yr old male who is anxious and confused and obviously missing his "mom"

what can i do? i miss her too & it's heartbreaking to see him run from front door to back & not know what to do.

Momma kitty died at home one night, & i know that he was aware of it.

Is 10 yrs old enough to for a kitty to have mental problems?

Click to expand...

Hello kaytlu, I'm so sorry ago hear about momma cat

Here's an article for you to read :-

Do Cats Mourn?

Keep talking to him and play with him. That'll take his mind off momma. He is lonely now and you have to fill that void. So please be there for him and help him move on and hope he gets over it fast