Help me prepare

melaq

TCS Member
Thread starter
Young Cat
Joined
Jul 20, 2015
Messages
40
Purraise
8
Location
Toronto, Ontario
Rather than hijack someone else's grieving thread, I thought I would start my own.

Most likely this will be my cat's last week on earth.  I want to know what I could do with myself and with him for this little bit of time.

Thaddeus was with me for 20 years. He followed me through several homes, through several jobs and one major career change and three big relationships. He's a funny, independent, and very stubborn kitty. When he was a kitten, and I took him to the vet for his first checkup, the vet said "Oh he has a 'bad boy' face." Which was accurate and would be true throughout his life. 

When he was 17 a vet told me his kidney functions were weak. I watched his diet, and he persisted somewhat normally for several years. At this time (and still), I'm experiencing considerable financial hardships so it was difficult for me to take him to the vet. But he persisted, and I hope happily, for another few years. I gave myself 5 points to judge his quality of life - eating well, drinking well, using the litterbox, cleaning himself and being social.  He was constantly all of that and still playful too to some extent.   In fact, despite the fact that he was skinny, when we took him to the vet last year, they said that he looked good for a cat of nineteen. 

My current partner, the one who knows him best, says that he's too stubborn to know how to behave when he's sick. A few months after my last cat died in 2015 Thaddeus started to have grand mal seizures. This happened maybe three times over the span of six weeks. Vet checked his blood, confirmed kidney disease, but I didn't have the money to do further tests. The doctor told us to keep observing him and prescribed valium in case we needed it. He actually never had a strong seizure ever again, but I'm sure it affected him. Still he persisted for another year until now, his 5 points still being very present, with the added bonus of some playfulness.  But he sleeps more, and he's twitchy and disoriented at times.

We took him to the vet because an abscess in his mouth I didn't know existed began to drain blood everywhere.  The vet confirmed the abscess, gave us painkillers and antibiotics. She suggested tooth extraction, but with heavy caution because of his age and how frail he was. At this point he was very dehydrated and very underweight. He has no fat or muscle mass at all. But despite that, he's still persisting. We can't give him the kibble he loves anymore, so we've been feeding him his favourite Fancy Feasts. He's still begging for food. He's drinking. He's somewhat cleaning himself. I can't judge if he's being social with us yet. The vet confirmed what I kind of suspected deep down... he's in pain and in constant state of discomfort and she gave me the "our greatest gift to our beloved pets" speech.

I can go into more debt and fight to keep him with us longer. But I know that's not the right decision. It's so hard because the 5 points are still there!  I've been thinking of his end for the past year, but I'm not prepared.  Even now, he seems like he's eating more, and he looks better than he has for the past few weeks, I'm doubting this decision big time right now. I keep telling myself, he's twenty, and he's sick and might not get better. What if it's not as bad as anyone thinks? What if he's fine for another two years. Or what if he only seems fine but he's hiding it as cats tend to do.  

I can give him all the things he loves and shower him with affection.  But what can I do to get ready for this?
 
Last edited:

margd

Chula and Paul's roommate
Veteran
Joined
Feb 24, 2015
Messages
15,669
Purraise
7,838
Location
Maryland USA
I'm so sorry you're facing this decision.  It's never easy but when your cat outwardly doesn't seem ready to go, making that decision to say good by is particularly difficult.  If it is any consolation, most people regret waiting too long than acting too soon.   I do wonder, though, about painkillers.  You mentioned the vet gave you some when treating your boy for the abscess but it wasn't clear to me if he is still taking them, since she mentioned that he is in constant pain.  Long-term use of painkillers is never a great solution, but if they are helping him live pain-free and he still exhibits a good quality of life, you might consider keeping him with you a bit longer.  I certainly don't want to go against your vet's advice, though, so this is something you would need to discuss with her.

The time for saying good-byes will definitely come, though, sooner or later.  You are already doing one thing that helps with that in spending time with him and giving him as much love and affection as possible.    One thing that has helped me in the past, and many of our members here, is to keep a log of what he's doing every day and what you are doing for him.  This not only shows up patterns that make it easier to determine that the time has come, you may even derive some comfort from it afterward.  My Milo only had 11 days from the time he exhibited symptoms for the first time to the time he was too ill to go on.  During those 11 days, I wrote constantly about him and about my feelings for him.  After he passed, I found that looking back at the journal helped me feel his presence again and that was very comforting.

Another thing that helps is to photograph him as much as possible.   This not only gives you a way to remember him, it gives you a photographic record that helps you objectively evaluate his decline.  A photographic record can be very helpful when it comes to feeling more certain about your decision.  

One thing I also did was to stare at Milo periodically to just burn his image into my memory.  I have one memory of him lying in the sun, his ginger hair sparkling, that is as fresh as if I was just looking at him.  These internalized images helped me retain the connection with him so that I never forgot the essence of who he was.  Having contact with his essence is a great comfort to me - it's like he's still with me on one level.

Other people draw or paint their cats or write poetry about them, which help them prepare for the coming loss and provide comfort afterward.

I am sure that other people will have suggestions as well.  It is going to deeply hurt when he leaves you and there is no way around that, but these things can help make that pain more bearable.

Sending you best wishes for the best possible outcome. 
 

wealthy1

TCS Member
Adult Cat
Joined
Mar 1, 2017
Messages
152
Purraise
113
I'm so sorry you are facing this decision. I only loss one pet and that was a little over a month ago. I can't advise how to prepare for something like this, in my situation I had a few days notice and I was in total shock and despair the entire time. So kudos to you, for finding the strength to be in the right mental space for your Thaddeus.

The only advice I can give you are the things I wished I would have done with TIger, prior to making the decision. Enjoy each second with Thaddeus, find small activities to do with him. Cats are naturally curious creatures, so no matter what you do, he will enjoy it.

Some suggetstions, take him on a drive, breath the fresh air at a park, taken him to petsmart to see the other animals, gave him a 1000 kisses and hugs, feed him the most expensive cat food you could find, allowed your family to say good-bye to him, dress him up, taken 100 photos, lay in the sun with him, taken a week off of work and travel around your state. But more importantly, and if possible, when its time to make that decision, I would suggest, if you have the strength for it, is to allow Thaddeus to find peace at home. I would say that was my biggest regret with Tiger, having her euthanized on a cold table at the Vets office.

I hope some of these suggestions help. Again, hugs to you and I'm sorry you have to go through this.
 

catwoman707

TCS Member
Veteran
Joined
Dec 16, 2011
Messages
7,689
Purraise
2,263
Location
Vallejo, CA
To be honest, I don't think your cat is ready, or in pain.

What pain would he be in, aside from a bad tooth of course, but the pain from that is due to infection, so keep the infection away and it won't hurt.

I have a senior cat too with kidney disease (CKD) hyperthyroidism, and high blood pressure.

She is approx 16-18 no telling, but her teeth are so brittle the vet told me when she had to have 4 pulled, and with her arthritis, and medical issues, she no longer grooms herself and is a long haired white Persian so she mats super easy and fast, and whines and hollars so much, has a great deal of muscle loss, weak hind legs, but eats well, and still enjoys sunbathing, rolling around in catnip, a casual pounce on a blowing leaf, uses her litter box faithfully, so it's not her time yet.

Through the years I've been in rescue I have dealt with numerous vets, and have learned that it is a rare find for a vet to not say it's best to let them go now, or soon.

YOU know your cat better than any one else on earth.

Food is a BIG plus sign that it's just not time, if he were in pain, why would he eat well still? Or play, I just don't think he is ready.

And when he is, you will know and won't have a chance to prepare, it will be his time and you won't question this at all.

He will let you know.

Kidney disease doesn't cause pain.
 

cataan

TCS Member
Adult Cat
Joined
May 14, 2014
Messages
125
Purraise
96
I had a cat who had very severe arthritis and had not been able to climb onto the sofa for a year -- he went on pain meds and was on the sofa the following day.  If an infection is under control, why not give him pain meds?  Older people take them all the time.
 

di and bob

TCS Member
Top Cat
Joined
Dec 12, 2012
Messages
16,547
Purraise
22,888
Location
Nebraska, USA
The antibiotic will help with the abscess, I agree he is too frail to have surgery on that. Twenty years is a long time to share your life with someone, and the sense of loss will be great when Thaddeus leaves. But all of us living beings have a finite amount of time here on earth, you are so very blessed to have had more than most to love that boy and to know his love in return. Only you can be the judge when the quality of life deteriorates to the point of no return. If it was me, I would hold on to those 5 points and when three out of 5 are gone, then a decision would have to be made. It sounds to me he is doing as good as could be expected from a twenty year old cat. I, too, would try to let him slip away at home, it distresses us to witness a passing, but knowing from my experience with humans, they often feel not as much pain as we think, the body shuts down and gives mercy. I agree that maybe a pain med should be tried, but at that advanced age only from a vet that knows him well. Now is not the time to worry about diet, give him what he wants, be it tuna or a hamburger from McDonald's, now is the time for indulgence.Tell him he is loved beyond normal reasoning, and that you will never forget him and you thank him for sharing his life with you. Don't start the grieving process early, he will never want to be the cause of pain for the one he loves so much. The bond you have formed for twenty years will always be there, he will always be tied to your soul and will follow you for the rest of your days. Take comfort in the fact that you gave him such a rich, long life, and just hold on to that love here on earth as long as you can. My heart goes out to you, I'll keep you all in my thoughts and prayers.   Dear, precious Thaddeus, I pray with all my heart that you go peacefully into the night, the earth will be a darker place with your passing, but the heavens will shine brightly with your light!  
 
  • Thread Starter Thread Starter
  • #7

melaq

TCS Member
Thread starter
Young Cat
Joined
Jul 20, 2015
Messages
40
Purraise
8
Location
Toronto, Ontario
@margd, thank you, you've reminded me that I need to take more pictures of him. He's very photogenic, when he wants to be.  

@Wealthy1, I wish I could have him pass away at home, unfortunately, I barely have enough to make arrangements for his remains. I will want to keep them.

 @catwoman707, @Di and Bob, @cataan, I am seriously reconsidering putting him to sleep. My partner fights me on this (out of love, please keep this in mind, he's not being insensitive or cruel). He thinks Thaddy's in pain.  I certainly don't want to keep him on pain medication for the rest of his life. Thaddeus gets so stressed out when I administer it and he struggles so much. I also don't want to hurt the abscess.  It takes two of us, twice a day and I try to praise him and give him treats after. He can't do hard treats anymore, but he loves yogurt, so I give him a small spoonful of it.  I feel like he's gaining weight, but he still seems disoriented a lot.  Lately, he's not drinking as much water as he should and he meows to himself a lot.   

Here's one of my favourite pics of him from a few years back. 

 
Last edited:

margd

Chula and Paul's roommate
Veteran
Joined
Feb 24, 2015
Messages
15,669
Purraise
7,838
Location
Maryland USA
This is a great photo.  Thaddeus's expression matches that pillow right behind him.  "Eh?"  
  And what a good looking cat!
 

PushPurrCatPaws

TCS Member
Top Cat
Joined
May 22, 2015
Messages
10,061
Purraise
10,250
... My partner fights me on this (out of love, please keep this in mind, he's not being insensitive or cruel). He thinks Thaddy's in pain.  I certainly don't want to keep him on pain medication for the rest of his life. Thaddeus gets so stressed out when I administer it and he struggles so much. I also don't want to hurt the abscess.  It takes two of us, twice a day and I try to praise him and give him treats after. ...   

Here's one of my favourite pics of him from a few years back. 

What a fabulous photo of your cat! :heart3: :heart3: What a trooper.

About the partial quote I excerpted above and my bolded text, do you mind me asking what pain killer the vet prescribed for him? I'm inferring it is an oral dose, as you mention not wanting to hurt his abscess while administering it.

The antibiotic (and the painkiller?) may need to be oral, per your vet. But have you looked into having your vet or a vet tech show you how to give a pain killer like Buprenex/Buprenorphine via an injection, subcutaneously, on a daily basis? It's really not hard to do once you get the hang of it, and the dosages can be controlled so that you are just giving the minimum amount to curtail his pain and have him be alert and happy and able to eat and relax... but yet not so much that he gets overly lethargic or disoriented, etc. This would bypass having to try to get the painkiller into his mouth.
 

catwoman707

TCS Member
Veteran
Joined
Dec 16, 2011
Messages
7,689
Purraise
2,263
Location
Vallejo, CA
Or compounded in to a transdermal ear gel?

My girl also is very vocal now, sometimes lately to the point I want to run out of the house!

All 3 of her issues are potential causes too so it's not from pain.
 
  • Thread Starter Thread Starter
  • #11

melaq

TCS Member
Thread starter
Young Cat
Joined
Jul 20, 2015
Messages
40
Purraise
8
Location
Toronto, Ontario
About the partial quote I excerpted above and my bolded text, do you mind me asking what pain killer the vet prescribed for him? I'm inferring it is an oral dose, as you mention not wanting to hurt his abscess while administering it.
 
 
Last edited:
  • Thread Starter Thread Starter
  • #12

melaq

TCS Member
Thread starter
Young Cat
Joined
Jul 20, 2015
Messages
40
Purraise
8
Location
Toronto, Ontario
Hi everyone. I wanted to provide an update, and it's a happy one (fingers crossed). 

Thaddeus is doing so much better now than he was two weeks ago. He's eating three cans of Fancy Feast/day and I'm sure he's gaining weight. He's still does his light twitches but he's moving around, crying for food, meowing when I come home... he does not behave like a sick cat should behave at all. I wonder if he's feeling any pain, because if he is, he's hiding it well. 

I'm still giving him his painkiller and antibiotics.  My partner starts a new shift this week, so he may not be around too much to watch him during the day. I'm going to make an appointment this week for the vet to follow up, and hopefully she tells me that he's doing better. 

But it really is a world of difference. When I pick him up, I'm sure he doesn't seem as light as he was. He's eating well, and he's socializing... pretty much those five points I mentioned in the thread.  Thank all of you for your support and in this case, feeding into my doubt.  

Right now, Thaddeus is literally knocking over the wastebasket.  I think the old kitty still has life left in him.  
 

cataan

TCS Member
Adult Cat
Joined
May 14, 2014
Messages
125
Purraise
96
Awesome!

In my opinion cats (animals in general), tolerate discomfort and change far better than humans.  In the wild many animals will gnaw off their leg to escape a trap -- few humans would ever do that.  When an animal  has a limb amputated, within days they are moving around like they've always had three limbs rather than four and they show no signs of grief.  Humans?  Wow, we go into depression after amputation.  For me euthanasia is the very last resort.

You mentioned buprenex -- I am 99% certain that is what my arthritic cat took and it changed his life -- people take it too!  Just be careful of one thing -- he is 20 years old and therefor, despite his demeanor, is frail.  Jumping, playing rough, etc. could cause an injury, perhaps a fracture.  A friend of mine has a cat that is in her mid-teens and very frail, and a while back she broke her leg after landing from a jump.  Prior to surgery she was diagnosed with kidney disease and anemia, required a transfusion, and because she was frail the vet advised amputation rather than setting the bone with pins.  During surgery it was discovered that the fracture nicked an artery -- she was not anemic per se, she was bleeding internally from the damaged artery.  It was a very close call for her.
 

catwoman707

TCS Member
Veteran
Joined
Dec 16, 2011
Messages
7,689
Purraise
2,263
Location
Vallejo, CA
 
Hi everyone. I wanted to provide an update, and it's a happy one (fingers crossed). 

Thaddeus is doing so much better now than he was two weeks ago. He's eating three cans of Fancy Feast/day and I'm sure he's gaining weight. He's still does his light twitches but he's moving around, crying for food, meowing when I come home... he does not behave like a sick cat should behave at all. I wonder if he's feeling any pain, because if he is, he's hiding it well. 

I'm still giving him his painkiller and antibiotics.  My partner starts a new shift this week, so he may not be around too much to watch him during the day. I'm going to make an appointment this week for the vet to follow up, and hopefully she tells me that he's doing better. 

But it really is a world of difference. When I pick him up, I'm sure he doesn't seem as light as he was. He's eating well, and he's socializing... pretty much those five points I mentioned in the thread.  Thank all of you for your support and in this case, feeding into my doubt.  

Right now, Thaddeus is literally knocking over the wastebasket.  I think the old kitty still has life left in him.  
What a heartwarming update, clearly telling you he is not ready to check out just yet! 

While the antibiotic will or has already gotten rid of the tooth infection, know that when caused by a bad/broken/decayed tooth, it will return. Same as in humans, it may take a while, it may only take a few weeks, so be on the lookout in the future, and when it does, put him back on an antibiotic again.

This obviously wouldn't be the ideal way to go for a cat who is younger, but to me is perfectly fine and appropriate for your old guy. 
 

Funny I do the same with my Simone, I'm so used to how she feels when I pick her up I can tell the minute she has gained or lost anything. 3 cans a day of FF is exactly what my old chicky eats as well.

Past couple of weeks I seem to be feeling her hip bones a bit more, not much I can do about it though, it's going to happen but she still has a great appetite and holding her own as well as I can hope for. She most definitely has muscle loss over the past year too, hind legs I notice most of all, the difference between standing strong and steadily vs a gentle nudge to her thigh will cause a bit of a stumble.
 
Awesome!

In my opinion cats (animals in general), tolerate discomfort and change far better than humans.  In the wild many animals will gnaw off their leg to escape a trap -- few humans would ever do that.  When an animal  has a limb amputated, within days they are moving around like they've always had three limbs rather than four and they show no signs of grief.  Humans?  Wow, we go into depression after amputation.  For me euthanasia is the very last resort.

You mentioned buprenex -- I am 99% certain that is what my arthritic cat took and it changed his life -- people take it too!  Just be careful of one thing -- he is 20 years old and therefor, despite his demeanor, is frail.  Jumping, playing rough, etc. could cause an injury, perhaps a fracture.  A friend of mine has a cat that is in her mid-teens and very frail, and a while back she broke her leg after landing from a jump.  Prior to surgery she was diagnosed with kidney disease and anemia, required a transfusion, and because she was frail the vet advised amputation rather than setting the bone with pins.  During surgery it was discovered that the fracture nicked an artery -- she was not anemic per se, she was bleeding internally from the damaged artery.  It was a very close call for her.
I second this, you almost don't want to take away all reminders for him to be cautious with his old bod, which may cause overexertion and injury, he's no spring chicken! We don't want him feeling too darn kittenish lol.

A low dose of pain med daily is fine, and depending on how much he bounces back in another couple/few weeks you might even consider dropping the pain med to once a day and see how he does, just as a trial. Or not, just my two-cents that the less the better but if not, that's just fine too, as you can see now by his improvements.
 

Mia6

Mother of one and numerous ferals
Top Cat
Joined
Jan 22, 2017
Messages
31,065
Purraise
33,896
Location
Ohio, USA
Thaddeus is lovely!!! and a fighter!!! maybe he is not ready to cross the bridge. My Kirsten was 17 and passed back in October of kidney failure, and oh, my girl

was a fighter. I knew the end was near. On 7 October she climbed into her favorite cabinet and peacefully passed away on some of her favorite tee-shirts that smelled

of Gain crystals.

I am sure you will make the right decision or Thaddeus will make it for you.

Hugs,

Mia
 

Mia6

Mother of one and numerous ferals
Top Cat
Joined
Jan 22, 2017
Messages
31,065
Purraise
33,896
Location
Ohio, USA
I am so pleased Thaddeus is doing so well!!! Great news!!!

Mia
 
  • Thread Starter Thread Starter
  • #19

melaq

TCS Member
Thread starter
Young Cat
Joined
Jul 20, 2015
Messages
40
Purraise
8
Location
Toronto, Ontario
Hi all.. Thaddy had his check up yesterday with the vet who saw him initially and she told me how amazed and impressed as she was how he was doing. She prescribed another round of antirobe for antibiotics and tramadol for painkillers which could be administered to his ear. I'll post more in the health section for him from now on, as I'd like your opinions on how to help a senior kitty who's too stubborn to quit. Thank you so much, everyone. :)
 
  • Thread Starter Thread Starter
  • #20

melaq

TCS Member
Thread starter
Young Cat
Joined
Jul 20, 2015
Messages
40
Purraise
8
Location
Toronto, Ontario
Thaddy is taking a turn for the worse. He seemed well over the week, but for the past day, I'm not sure he's doing okay at all. It's hard for him to walk, and he can't jump on high furniture anymore. In fact, twice I saw him try to jump onto his favourite chair, he couldn't make it and he fell, landing on his side. He's hardly eating, though he does seem to ask during his usual feeding times. He does eat, just a little bit, and only if I mash up the food with warm water, but he never finishes his food. Just last week he was eating three cans a day. And speaking of asking, his voice is so weak. This is a kitty that used to wake us up at night with his 'singing'.

I don't want to prolong this, if this is end stage kidney failure like we expected it to be. I don't want him to suffer needlessly. I'm so upset about this, I spent the past hour reading other people's stories and bawling my eyes out. I stopped giving him his antibiotic for tonight, because the inflammation in his gums is gone, and I didn't want to stress him or his system out. I don't know if I should give him his painkillers. I don't know if he's going to get better.

I'm steeling myself to make the call to the vet tomorrow, hoping they'd be able to accommodate him. My s/o is at work now, and I haven't told him because I want him to concentrate on his work. I just feel so helpless. I know it will be the right decision to put him to sleep, but I'm just so unsure when.

I'm sorry that this couldn't have been a happier story. Thank you for reading.

Here's a pic of kitty I took last week just before his vet visit. He seemed like he was hanging on then. I will miss him so much.


20170407_140057-1.jpg
 
Top