Hello! I'm new here. I lost my beloved cat, Sapphire, on February 21st. We think she was 12. She had low-grade lymphoma that turned high grade and spread to her brain. We did everything we could, until there was nothing more we could do. In the past 1.5 years, I also lost the two cats I rescued in high school, who lived with my parents. They were 15 and 16, so not young, yet their loss was excruciating for me. After losing them to their own horrible diseases, then Sapphire, I really want another cat, yet I'm having major anxiety over adopting a cat that has undetected health issues. It's one thing to have a cat for nine years before they develop health problems, like Sapphire, but what I'm worried about is adopting a cat that will have issues within the first year. We spent around $10,000 on Sapphire's diagnosis and treatment, and it was completely worth every penny, yet I feel like our finances and hearts need to recuperate from having a sick cat. I should also add that my husband and I are dealing with some serious infertility issues, and will hopefully begin IVF (in-vitro fertilization) in the next two months. This is anxiety provoking as IVF can be quite a rough journey, physically-- emotionally, and financially. We've already been through a lot of infertility related challenges, and dealing with Sapphire's health issues at the same time nearly did me in. I think a cat could be a great comfort to me, I could save a life, provide a good, loving home. However, just going to shelters and adoption events makes me sad and anxious. I'm hyper conscious of the old cats, the ones who are sick, and leave feeling heartbroken.
So, I rationally should not get a cat. This posting is proof! The problem is that I fell in love with a cat at Petco. He's the sweetest, most lovable guy. I'm one of three applicants who want him. The rescue people say I'm their top applicant. However, being so overly sensitive about potential health issues, I've noticed him doing a weird thing with his mouth. It's hard to describe, but it looks like he's working his jaw, like he's air chewing, or something. The rescue people said he was checked by a vet before he went to Petco and was given a clean bill of health. One said perhaps his teeth are too long. The other said it could be anxiety. I held him for a long time yesterday, and he was clinging to me so tightly that after I put him down my husband noticed spots of blood on my shirt. This makes me feel even sorrier for him. I am so concerned about his health, and have found myself on the internet again, searching for answers, as I did with my other three cats. I've looked up the odd mouth smacking thing he does and it could literally be anything or nothing. The rescue people say they'll have a vet look at him, but, in my experience, it can take many expensive tests and months to find a diagnosis, so I doubt that'll all happen before he's adopted. I could take him for a trial period, and see if my vet can figure it out, but I doubt if I'd be able to give him up. I've consulted my aunt who is a vet, and my vet too, but of course they can't find a diagnosis over the phone. I've cried... I'm crying now. Meanwhile, no one else seems that bothered about him doing the odd mouth thing. And it's not like I'm the only one who wants him. They're a good rescue. He's extremely lovable, friendly, and beautiful-- a very desirable cat. I know he'll get a good home. So why am I freaking out?? Why do I feel like I have to rescue him? I keep hoping they'll say it's something very simple, like an abscessed tooth, that can be fixed. I don't know why I'm driving myself so crazy over this, and I wish I could just walk away. I've shed many tears over this cat, who I barely know, who may be perfectly healthy. Has anyone else experienced anything like this? I can rationalize why I'm feeling this way, but it doesn't help me decide what to do.