gf's cats in the bedroom

Hi everyone!

I explain my situation and I would be glad to get comments and suggestions on how to improve it.

I have been dating a girl for some weeks. She has two old cats.

I am not a cat lover. I have never had one. But I also don't hate them. It depends on the pet. For instance, I got along well with my ex gf's cat.

I don't have issues also with these two cats. One is really sweet and also the relationship with the other is getting better as he allows me to caress him much more after the initial diffidence.

But, there is a but. I don't mind having cats around but I don't want them where I sleep and I eat.

The girl I am dating lives in an apartment with other two people and sleeps with her cats. One of them under the blanket between her legs: the other on her pillow next to her. They also move all night and they often come close to my face waking me up. Or they yowl in the middle of the night freaking me out.

I sleep at her place every now and then and I don't think it is fair to ask her to kick the cats out, since they sleep with her all the other days of the week. Moreover, when they are left out of her bedroom, they yowl all the time. And she lives with other people, so that is not allowed.

I don't like having cats in my bedroom, let alone under the blanket. I don't find it hygienic and they disrupt my sleeping rhythm with their behavior. At the same time, removing them from the bedroom seems not to be an option.

How could I improve the situation? These issues are worsening my attitude towards the girl and the cats, as I am slowly becoming more annoyed by them.

Thank you for your suggestions

Hi there and welcome!

Being a cat owner, it's quite the norm for our furry friends to sleep with us, but I understand your point of view completely, if it were me and my bf had to have his dog in bed with us, I would not be feeling it either, get that dog out of this bed.........

However, you don't really have options other than having her come spend the night at your place.

Please don't feel annoyed with the cats themselves, this is their routine and always has been, it's what they know.

Sorry I don't have any other answers, this is a tough situation for sure.

A big part of it being that you have not owned cats before, if you had you would have been trained by them already  

The obvious solution would be to have your girlfriend sleep at your place without her cats. And for you not to sleep at her place. My husband does not allow our cats to sleep with us.

Thank you for your suggestions, but to let her sleep at my place every time is not the solution.

We live one hour away of distance and she cannot stay more than one day away from her cats.

I have no issue with the cats. As I already said, even though I am not a cat lover, I find them nice.

Since in this forum you love cats, could you explain me owners' behavior?

Don't you find sleeping with cats (under the blanket) not hygienic? Are you not bothered by letting your cat(s) waking you up in the middle of the night either because they yowl for no reason or they jump on your face (or eating your hair like in my gf's case)?

Moreover, my gf's cats never yowl when she is at work. She leaves her bedroom open and they usually sleep there. Is that the problem? Could she try to close the bedroom so that they don't get used to sleep in there? I think that most of her cats' yowling is due to the fact that I am the "ïntruder" since I upset the environment they lived in.

Overall, how do you find the right balance? The situation starts to bother me. I certainly could never ask someone to choose between a pet and me. But I find some owners' behavior towards their pets unhealthy. A pet is a pet; a person is a person. They should be treated differently.

Thank you, again!

fearandloathing said:

 
Thank you for your suggestions, but to let her sleep at my place every time is not the solution.

We live one hour away of distance and she cannot stay more than one day away from her cats.

I have no issue with the cats. As I already said, even though I am not a cat lover, I find them nice.

Since in this forum you love cats, could you explain me owners' behavior?

Don't you find sleeping with cats (under the blanket) not hygienic? Are you not bothered by letting your cat(s) waking you up in the middle of the night either because they yowl for no reason or they jump on your face (or eating your hair like in my gf's case)?

Moreover, my gf's cats never yowl when she is at work. She leaves her bedroom open and they usually sleep there. Is that the problem? Could she try to close the bedroom so that they don't get used to sleep in there? I think that most of her cats' yowling is due to the fact that I am the "ïntruder" since I upset the environment they lived in.

Overall, how do you find the right balance? The situation starts to bother me. I certainly could never ask someone to choose between a pet and me. But I find some owners' behavior towards their pets unhealthy. A pet is a pet; a person is a person. They should be treated differently.

Thank you, again!

Click to expand...

Pardon me for perhaps seeming too straightforward, but I believe, in the end, you might not be happy with this young lady if Marriage is on your mind for the future.  Perhaps your views on animals are simply different, but even if that is the only issue between you, resolving it would require one of you to change your basic Nature.  In the end, it's not at all an easy thing.

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I don't mind your honesty at all.

Marriage is not something I consider, because we have seen each other for few months.

I am just curious about cat owners' attitude. It is not true that it is in someone's nature, people change (me, too). And also cat owners vary a lot. My ex had a cat and treated him more like a pet.

Only thing that pet (not just cat) owners often fail to understand is that they have to compromise as well. We do it with people. We do it even more with pets that are less important than people.

I am not busting on you. But every time I asked this question, I got other direct or indirect accusations that I am the problem. I am not saying that she is the problem (or the cats, for the matter). But there is a sort of closemindedness that prevents owners from realizing how they behave towards their cats and people surrounding them.

Intimating or implying that you were, "the problem," is precisely the impression that I was trying to avoid conveying.  I don't see a problem, frankly - I simply see the description of two people whose basic Natures have at least one fundamental difference.  This might, in fact, not actually be the case, but I'm looking in, and viewing the differences from a much greater age than your own.  At every turn, however, I wish you your Heart's desire.

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It appears there isnt a solution. Your gf lives with other people and there isn't a place for her cats to sleep outside of her bedroom. Plus its habit for her and the cats, which your gf so it seems is not willing to change.

Speaking as someone who went through this with an (ex) boyfriend. I made concessions in other areas when it came to him and my cat. But she slept in my bed for years and it would have taken months to break her out of that habit. I wasnt interested in doing that, for someone I wasn't serious about. But my (ex)boyfriend found his peace with my cat in the bed.

Sorry there are no easy answers to your questions.

The only thing that might work would be getting so.e really awesome cat furniture or beds that they would want to hang out/sleep in. That's not a guaranteed fix tho. It might help but alot of their behavior is they just want to be close to their mom. Failing that you could invest in a larger bed so that it's not so crowded. For your other question no its not really unhygienic to have them on bed. Cats are really clean creatures unless they are sick or unwell. If they are well cared for they are not going to give you diseases by sleeping in bed . The solution should be about improving the accommodations so that everyone can be happy. Not about someone having to compromise or certain parties being though of as less than.

P.s. if my boyfriend had a problem with my cat in the bed, my response would be along the lines of "well u can sleep on the couch...."

fearandloathing said:

A pet is a pet; a person is a person. They should be treated differently.

Click to expand...

I agree. I much prefer my cats to my husband. [emoji]128526[/emoji]

Hi!

You've asked for insights on why owners let their cats sleep with them.. maybe this thread will give you some ideas?

http://www.thecatsite.com/t/317651/do-you-let-your-cat-sleep-in-your-bed-with-you-at-night

I let mine sleep with me for a sense of comfort and security.. I don't have a man to do that for me, so the cats will have to do! lol

It is a tricky situation, certainly and you deserve credit for recognizing the problem and trying to come up with solutions. That bodes well for you finding ways to work it out in the end, IMO..  It is also true that while letting cats sleep with you is common and generally advisable, it isn't required (cat owners with allergies have to have their cats sleep outside their room ) , although with her living situation, it is probably not something you can change.

If it were me, I'd focus on the yowling, and see if you and your girlfriend cant' fix that.   It should be fixable, and it's probably the main cause of your waking up (you'll get used to the cats moving, and most cats are clean, so they aren't generally a hygiene issue (though you aren't unique in finding it a little odd at first.)

One way to reduce the yowling is to be sure that her cats have access to food/water/litter while you sleep, so that they won't be waking you and her up out of thirst/hunger/need to eliminate.   The other mostly involves having your girlfriend work with her cats to fix the behavior.  As long as you approach her correctly, she should be willing to work with you on it.

I hope that my short direct answer wasn't taken as you having a problem, that's not it at all.

The problem here is, the cats learned very early on, probably from the very beginning that this was the way it is, routine sets in and cats are not easily 'retrained'. 

They will protest and carry on, which will make your gf feel badly and give in, or she will feel badly and inside feel begrudgingly towards you.

Also, the majority of us cat owners/lovers become very close with them, many even find companionship in their kitties more-so than in people. The bond is huge, they become our children, and when not well or not happy, it hurts our hearts.

I was thinking last night about solutions, and thought of possibly creating spaces that they will sleep in and be happy/content.

Spaces would need to appear as an extension of the bed, same height, soft and appealing, but will keep them on her side too. 

This can also be achieved with hammocks or box shelves hung right on the wall.

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

Here are just a few ideas, basically to make it MORE appealing than the bed.

This takes the things that cat's all love. Height, boxes/closed space, softness.

Hoping this will give you some alternate ideas.

My boyfriend complained about the cats in our bed so I bought a king sized bed and he has less room to complain because we were on a full.
 

Maddies Momma said:

 you could invest in a larger bed so that it's not so crowded. 

Click to expand...

lalagimp said:

 
My boyfriend complained about the cats in our bed so I bought a king sized bed and he has less room to complain because we were on a full.
 

Click to expand...

You have a big Heart.  I'd have bought two singles, and I would have slept on the one that I didn't put out in the back yard.

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