Dealing with my grief

You might have seen my post. My cat died of lung cancer on March 2nd, she was 16, her name was Pretty Kitty, and I'm just so lost. I cried every time I visit her grave and I think of visiting her grave every day. I can't go every day, besides, I know she's not there anymore, I mean, her spirit went where spirits go. My husband and I grieve separately and together. I know he visits her grave too. We buried her in a pet cemetery. OK so at first I thought it was a crazy idea, but hubby insisted so now we have a lovely place to go to visit. 

These are some of the things I do in memory of her:

I finally managed to write thank you notes to our vets, the ones that took care of my cat since we adopted her 16 years ago.I printed her most recent photo for the cards.

I crocheted a blanket that she used in her last days and the one we wrapped her in when she died. I'm using up the yarn (it's my "sad" yarn) to make donations to Bridget's Craddles, an organization that provides tiny 7 - 10 inches craddles for deceased 2nd trimester babies. 

I'm planning to make a stepping stone grave marker for Pretty Kitty. I bought most of the items I need, so I'll probably make this soon. 
 

I made a memory necklace.

I might make bookmarks our of her photos. I don't know yet. 

I'm trying to move on but after 16 years of having her with me, it's just so hard. I have two other cats, but I miss her so much. She was with me through most of my life events. 16 years wasn't enough, I wanted another 16 years.

Dear Filomail:

I read your post.  I grieve with you.  At least you have two other fur balls to love and cuddle.  When I adopted my rescue cat Sushi, the vet did not know that he was already in a stage of kidney failure.  We found this out when I had an untra sound performed with a bunch of other tests as he became ill within the first 2 weeks of the adoption.  I have had him now around 8-1/2 months.

I know I will lose him eventually.  The vet told me he will not live a long life.  However, knowing his problem now, and being he is very young, around 1 year and a few months, I am giving him Renal which has helped him gain back weight and become super active and happy.  

I only have him, and I know if I lose him, I will rescue another cat.  I love him so dearly and the thought that I will lose him in a relatively short period of time, is so hard to bare as we have become so bonded and I cannot think of my life without him anymore.

You have a husband and other love boats at home.  You will heal for they will distract you when you are at your worse.  Sushi makes me laugh, and I need him as I still cry over the loss of my mom.  

Your beloved kitty had the best home and all the love you could give.  He was never going to starve or be cold without shelter or help at any time.  Let that comfort you.  That is what will comfort me.

Love to you and your husband,

Joyce

It takes a long time to heal a broken heart. You gave that sweet girl 16 years of happiness here on this earth, now you will have a lifetime to cherish your memories. The sad thing is that cats just don't live as long as us. But I know it is still better than us going first and leaving them behind.  We shared their life's journey, and also a love that is more precious than any treasure. They were in our life for a reason. To not have ever known them would be far more tragic, we would have never known one of the most wonderful times in our lives. . You have only begun on your path to healing, allow yourself to express all those feelings that well up inside you, it purges the soul. You'll go through sadness, emptiness, regret, longing to change the past, anger, betrayal, denial and finally acceptance. These feelings may take years to go through, but time is the only thing that helps to soften the edges, leads us through these steps of grief and takes us to that final destination. I know the one thing that helped me more than anything was the knowledge that our precious little ones would never want to be the cause of such sadness in our lives, they love us too much for that to happen. You must go on with your life, just as you would want for your little girl if you were the first to go.

There is nothing wrong at all in visiting her grave if that helps you to feel closer to her. Her physical body is there, so her 'essence' will be strong. Eventually you will realize that you carry that essence with you wherever you go, the bond you have formed can never be taken from you, for the love you shared is spiritual, not physical, and therefore eternal. She will follow you on your life's journey now for the rest of your life, until those paths cross once more in the distant future. A love that is so strong cannot just disappear, it is still there, just in a different form.

I have found that keeping busy helps, try not to dwell on the end but celebrate the time you shared with her. Do good things in her name, I payed for the adoption of cats that were at the local shelter the longest, to make them more adoptable, Donate food and litter to that shelter or a food pantry, it would be greatly appreciated and makes you feel better about yourself by bringing happiness to others. Do it all in Pretty Kitty's name.

 I cry with you because I know all too well the pain of losing someone so loved and cherished. I'll pray for your little girl's soul and for you and your husband to find acceptance and peace in your hearts. Take care.....RIP Pretty Kitty, please send what comfort and love you can for there are those left behind who so desperately miss you. Let your pure light shine down upon them from that new star in the sky, remind them you will always be there, in that special place in their hearts. Sleep tight, dear Kitty! 

My heart broke when I read your post. You and your husbands love of Pretty Kitty is so pure and true. I am certain she knew how loved she was and how much she meant to you. I am so sorry that she had to move on to her next journey. RIP sweet girl, you will be forever loved.

I do feel bad for your cat, and for you.  I know how it feels.

That said, you and Pretty Kitty were actually lucky.  Here is what I mean:  you know, when you decide to have a pet, that in all likelihood your pet will predecease you.  No one lives forever whether cat or person or any other animal.  Obviously, you know this.  So, you always knew that one day Pretty Kitty would die. 

Now, consider that she was 16 years old.  What a wonderfully long time for a cat!  Ultimately, there is nothing you or anyone else can do to make their cat live forever.  Not only did she live 16 long years, she lived 16 wonderful years with you!  You gave her a happy life and she gave you a happy life!  Quantity and quality, the best of both worlds.

There are many cats who die quite young, and that is sad.  There are some cat owners who accidentally or inadvertently cause their cat's death -- I am in that category and I cannot tell you how painful it is to feel regret and guilt every single day.

Yes, be sad that Pretty Kitty is not with you anymore.  But also be proud of yourself for giving her a long, wonderful life, and be proud of her for giving you 16 wonderful years in reciprocation.

I wanted to say that I am so sorry that you are grieving so hard for the little one, but that just showed how much you truly loved her! I truly do understand, as do the others who wrote such wonderful replies on here, how hard it is to deal with, we get so attached to these little ones and to see them suffer or not but then pass is just so hard, we feel 100% responsible for their well being and care that when they pass we feel guilty, that we should have done this, or why didn't I see that, or how could I let that happen, but life and nature takes it's course, and it is not always what we want but we have to follow it. We can take care of them the best that we can, but when it is time no amount of care can stop the inevitable from happening, we must just accept it and try to move on, keep their memory alive in our hearts and minds and take care of some other cats who need a good life too.

I know when Simon passed in 5/14 of stomach cancer it broke my heart, he was like a dog, so comical and funny, and to lose him was crushing but it was his time. 3 months later we took in Stanley, a crazy little tabby who was outside at my work, and while he can drive me nuts and get in my way and on my nerves that is him, who he is, that is his routine, and when he goes I will miss it too. 11/15 Sebastian died in my arms when I came home from work, which also was crushing, that happening the way it did affected me mentally for quite awhile, but it was his time too, and we did all we could for both of them prior to their passing, but I still felt "I should have seen this, I should have done more", but sometimes fighting against it makes it worse, the inevitable will happen despite our best efforts, and they must move on. 3 months later, I found Sylvester and he found me, the little guy in the tuxedo in the picture above left; he looks like Simon and Sebastian combined, exactly what they would have looked like if you mixed them together, I love him with all of my heart, am doing the best to keep him healthy, but one day the time will come when I'll hold him as he passes too probably, and it will crush me as much as those two put together, but I hope it is not for a LONG time yet but it isn't up to me, we can just do our best, love 'em up, and enjoy and take care of them while they are here.

I hope your hearts heal a bit more each day, I fully understand what you are dealing with. God Bless....

This is so fresh to you now and heartbreaking!  After I lost my Rizzo I read some things that were supposed to help with his leaving me.  I made an alter of sorts on the fireplace mantel.  Put his picture in a special frame, his leash & harness, his brush and his ashes up there.  The box from the vet was really cheap so I spent a lot of time looking for a black and white one that would capture his beauty.  Didn't find that but a lady on facebook made a one of a kind black and white pot for him.  Almost every night I would light a candle and just sit by the fireplace talking to him and crying.  I know he heard me and although not understanding the words, definitely understood the meaning.  I also wrote several post here about him and read/answered  all the responses.  It has been 2 years and his things are still on the mantel and I still miss him everyday.  Understand that we grieve our pets just as much as our people.  It is right to do so!

I hope this helps!  Every day will be a little better but he will always be in your heart.

I am so sorry. And I know we'll what you are going through as I just began my grief process. I lost my 14 year old , Kitty, today. I'm lost. I hope you begin to heal so that the good memories can more to the forefront. It takes time, until then, do whatever you need to do to honor your baby and grieve. Know that I am going through this with you, a stranger that knows your pain so well. :-(

I am so, so sorry. We lost our two older kitties within 48 hours of each other in December, so I can imagine how you're feeling. Let yourself grieve as long as you need to, then let yourself feel happy again when you're ready. It sounds like Pretty Kitty knew she was loved and had a wonderful life with you.