Question of The Day. Saturday 11th of March

I've never been married. (Lived with someone for 6 & 1/2 yrs, & was supposed to head that way, but didn't work out).
I'd like to someday, but it would really have to be the right person. After living alone for around 17 yrs,
It would also have to be a good fit. I would not settle just for the sake to marry, & end up miserable the rest of my life. I'd rather stay single, content, & happy.
I'm not sure about where & what kind of a wedding, other than definitely a small one.
When I lived in MN, for those 6 & 1/2 yrs, we had a really nice big glass Aurboretum in St. Paul, & I wanted to do it there. It was beautiful! We just don't have anything that comes close to that here in NC.
Here's a picture of the main room, where people got married.
The flowers changed out w/ every season & holiday.
These are from my MN Pinterest board.

DH and I will have our 14th wedding anniversary this summer.  We had a nice church wedding with a reception in the ball room of a local senior center (they really do a nice job with these and the food is good!).  By today's standards we weren't super fancy or extravagant. But it was nice.  We've lost a number of people who attended our wedding since then.  So now when I look through and see my Grandma and Grandpa, my BFF's mother, etc; it's bittersweet.  I'm glad they were all there.  

I have 1 1/2 regrets!    The one is not hiring a true videographer. My cousin was my maid of honor and I asked her boyfriend to video it.  Lets just say there is a moment or so in the ceremony where the video might trigger vertigo for some folks.  You can also clearly hear him asking someone if he is in the way and if he is just say so and he'll move.    My cousin married him a few years later and I can't imagine our family without him; but the video...   My 1/2 regret is not getting a better photographer.  We have decent pictures but this was not too long before digital photography took off. They were not super cheap; but definitely very affordable.  It also poured the day of our wedding; so all our photos are inside our church.  Our church isn't a fancy building with high ceilings and a detailed altar.  They had to turn the fluorescent lights off because they were affecting the lighting of the pictures.   Most are ok; but the pictures I see from weddings today are much nicer!     Of course there is also photoshop today! 

The timing on this question is funny.  I did all the flowers for my wedding (silk for everything but some of the boutonnieres) and my 2 step-sisters were bridesmaids. My DD just came home with a bridesmaid bouquet she found somewhere at my mother's house while having a sleepover this weekend.  It's a bit...dusty.    I have no idea where she found it and I forgot to ask my mother.  I have no idea what we are going to do with it.    I still have the unity candle (something my other maid of honor had made for us) and my tiara in my china cabinet.  But I can live without the bouquet there.  I don't even know where my own bouquet is!  I'll have to remove the ribbons if she intends to play wedding.  Noodles can't be trusted with ribbon.  

We'll celebrate our 37th anniversary in June. A civil service is required in Germany, where we married. We had that in the morning, followed by a small simple religious service in the afternoon to appease my husband's parents. We both could have done without that and didn't bother with formal clothes, although friends dragged us out to at least buy new ones.

betsygee said:

 
Backpacking for a whole year as a honeymoon?!  Wow!  That's impressive.  Where did you go?

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It was a long trip!

Ferry from Japan to China, a few days in Beijing, train to Mongolia, one month travelling around by horse and jeep, back to Beijing, train West along one of the old Silk Road trails. Turkestan, Pakistan, into the Kallash valley between Pakistan and Afghanistan, back into Pakistan and then across the border into India. Then Nepal. Flew from Nepal to Bangkok then bus through Cambodia, Vietnam and Laos. Scary river boat ride into the North of Thailand, bus to Bangkok again. Flew from Bangkok to Australia where we have friends and relatives so could couch surf from Brisbane to Melbourne. Flew to Easter island (that place is amazing) then to South America. Chile, Bolivia, Peru, Patagonia, Argentina and Uruguay. Flew to Spain, although we were running out of money then and couldn't stay as long as we wanted. Then to the UK to stay with my parents and catch up with some old friends. Then back to Japan.

It took over a year and I lost about 20lbs in weight, but it was worth it.

moorspede said:

 
I'm amused by the assumption that a person would want to be married. There is no reason to do so these days, particularly since you just have to have been living together to be considered married in the eyes of the State here.

I've been living happily with my partner for nearly 30 years. The idea of getting married and having a wedding majorly creeps me out, as does having children. It's like you have to do it and if you don't people make all sorts of assumptions about you. 

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It's not like that in every country though. If you and your partner don't both have citizenship in the country you live in it makes sense to get married. Easier to get visas, work permits, qualify for health insurance and pensions etc. 

 I agree with you about the no children thing though, couples shouldn't feel obligated to start a family, no matter how long they are together.

Angels mommy said:

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• angels mommy
• Mar 11, 2017

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• angels mommy
• Mar 11, 2017

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Wow, that place is magical!

@Brian007  You're a real expert on wedding anniversaries!

I will have been married 13 years this May, what are the traditional gifts for a 13th Anniversary?

moorspede said:

 
I'm amused by the assumption that a person would want to be married. There is no reason to do so these days, particularly since you just have to have been living together to be considered married in the eyes of the State here.

I've been living happily with my partner for nearly 30 years. The idea of getting married and having a wedding majorly creeps me out, as does having children. It's like you have to do it and if you don't people make all sorts of assumptions about you. 

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Being married is definitely not for everyone.  

I like being single, but I also like being married.  There are some good reasons to make it official - for instance, in our case he has no health insurance and is a full time student now.  I once put him on my policy but found out that you get taxed for the value of the coverage!  So, I was paying not only for insurance but also another $3K over and beyond for it.  Plus we had to legally prove we were partners FFS. 

Brian007 said:

 
@sivyaleah  why don't you do exactly what you want to do, the pair of you.  You deserve to, it's your wedding after all.  Buy a really nice, expensive pair of jeans or, more fittingly, a black pair of flattering velvet trousers (or your favourite colour) and a beautiful silk blouse with sequin sparkles but something you'd be able to wear again, and when you wear it again, you would wear it with memory of your day and with pride.  Buy or borrow a beautiful necklace to match the sparkle in your blouse (my sister-law borrowed the woman over the road's diamond earrings for her wedding, and we didn't even know her more than to say hello to!).  Get your hair cut, coloured, and dressed in a style that you'd like to have regardless of the wedding.  It sounds like you're "over" the traditional wedding ceremony by now - it's time for you to do as you please.  

You could even ask your would-be guests if they'd mind going on a sumptuous picnic in a flower meadow, and putting money in your Mauritius Paradise Honeymoon pot instead of a present.  

charit

Just a thought.  

 

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Want to be my wedding planner? That was very well thought out!  

FYI, I'm not a total crumudgeon about it LOL.  I will get my hair done, and probably my makeup too.  And I do want a bouquet - I adore flowers so that's a must! 

But, NO gifts! we don't need anything at all, and I certainly do not want anyone to give me cash.  If anything, if someone wanted to honor us it would be better for them to make a gift to a charity we like.

@Norachan  ~ oooh, lace ~ it's undies for you   

Nope not doing it.   After seeing my father wreck my mom's credit history with his horrible money habits which he lied to her- nope I won't get married. And it would have to be someone very special to put up with my weirdness. Separate bank accounts. Separate house. Always. At least I think that may help a marriage last longer. Sometimes there is too much in your face with each other. But then other times if it's the right person then we don't mind..I am conflicted.

Of course in my mind I COULD get married in a church with a pretty dress but then the thought of all the people being picky about the food, the music, who is there..blah blah blah.. 

Nope if I get married it's going to be at my sisters or someone else's big yard outside in  Mayish when it's warm and pretty. No dresses. No suits. Only beer and jeans allowed. And tequila and country music and classic rock. No wild parties. Just normal people hanging out. Of course I will wear my steel toe boots..and boot cut black jeans with a coral colored shirt...long hair curled..but no makeup no perfume to attract the bugs.. nope. Just a good ol barbecue with real people. no one to be uncomfortable with pinched shoes and dresses that pinch in the back. or arms. or wherever.

I like simple. Pretty. Honorable. no big parties. No big money thrown around. Just a good ol old fashioned cook out and kids running around playing while we stand around under the apple trees drinking beer and tea or whatever.

Norachan said:

Wow, that place is magical!

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It is! I really miss it. It was kind of my place where I would go to just walk around. It's part of a big park. Como park in St Paul. HiThere's a lake w/ a outdoor theater & you can rent paddle boats there in the summer. A free zoo is behind the arboretum.
I used to love to go visit the animals there. Especially the gorillas. They were so interesting to watch. Of course the big cats too. It was a pretty good zoo. The animals all seemed to have enough space & happy.
The park is full of trees, & in MN, you can imagine fall was the perfect picture of fall. Wish we had camera phones back then!
You can probably Google it, & see a lot more pictures.

Norachan said:

 

betsygee said:

 
Backpacking for a whole year as a honeymoon?!  Wow!  That's impressive.  Where did you go?

Click to expand...

It was a long trip!

Ferry from Japan to China, a few days in Beijing, train to Mongolia, one month travelling around by horse and jeep, back to Beijing, train West along one of the old Silk Road trails. Turkestan, Pakistan, into the Kallash valley between Pakistan and Afghanistan, back into Pakistan and then across the border into India. Then Nepal. Flew from Nepal to Bangkok then bus through Cambodia, Vietnam and Laos. Scary river boat ride into the North of Thailand, bus to Bangkok again. Flew from Bangkok to Australia where we have friends and relatives so could couch surf from Brisbane to Melbourne. Flew to Easter island (that place is amazing) then to South America. Chile, Bolivia, Peru, Patagonia, Argentina and Uruguay. Flew to Spain, although we were running out of money then and couldn't stay as long as we wanted. Then to the UK to stay with my parents and catch up with some old friends. Then back to Japan.

It took over a year and I lost about 20lbs in weight, but it was worth it.

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WOW!      What an amazing adventure.  Wonderful.  

Twice.  For my sins.  The first time for 14 years, the second for 10.  The first was on the beach in front of my parents' home at Sunset, the second was in a Pagan ceremony in my backyard on Mabon, the first harvest festival.  Both were simple, small, and very, very lovely.  Twice was enough. 

moorspede said:

I'm amused by the assumption that a person would want to be married. There is no reason to do so these days

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2 of my cousins aren't married to their long-time partners. They say there's no reason to. But my brother and 2 other cousins did decide to get married, in all cases after living together for a long time. I think it mostly has to do with insurance and ease of living arrangements and child care. In the US, if not married, you constantly have to prove you're together and how your financial arrangements work and who has custody of the kids, etc. That's why same-sex couples fight for the right to get married. It's annoying to have to consult with a lawyer every time there's a paper to sign. I think what did it for my brother was finding out that if he wasn't married, my mom would be his next of kin and be able to make medical decisions if he got hurt or sick, and his partner wouldn't have any say. For one of my cousins, it was because she wanted to stay home with the baby so would lose her work insurance, and wanted to be on her husband's insurance. So various reasons.

I'm not married and not likely to ever be. I have a friend who's getting married this summer who's really struggling with expectations and all that. She doesn't want a wedding but her mom is all gung-ho on doing everything "perfectly" so it's causing a lot of tension :/.

Married my husband twice, both times in the city in which we live & both times at city hall. Altogether married 31 years in May. I divorced him after 8 years. We were divorced for 3 weeks. Last year he filed for divorce, but later dropped it. Our marriage, both times, has been very troubled. I would never marry again.

Yes. I was married from 12/23/95 until 9/27/11 when DH passed away.

We had a big wedding. DD was 9 months old at the time and she stole the show. I still have the little velvet dress she wore.

I have no desire to ever marry again.

Brian007 said:

 
@Norachan  ~ oooh, lace ~ it's undies for you 

 

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