I put her down too soon

wealthy1 · Mar 5, 2017

I mentioned my beloved Tiger several times in this forum. She passed away 2/13/17.

I know there is a saying its better to do it too soon rather than to late when it comes to making the decision to euthanize our pets.

But I cant help but feel guilty.

I replay everything over in my head and I can honestly say that I put her down too soon. I was emotional, irrational and fearful. I didn't understand what the vet was trying to convey to me. I didn't listen to my gut.

I didn't pay attention to the signs that Tiger wanted to live. The more I read about TIger's condition, the more I realized I could've extended her life at least by a few more years.

I didn't give her the chance to fight for her life.

And it makes me sick to my stomach. I did not give her that chance. It was the early symptoms, she could have recovered. All I had to do was change her diet.

I messed up.

arouetta · Mar 5, 2017

(((((hugs)))))

You can only work off of what knowledge you had been given at the time. Hindsight is always 20/20, but you can't blame yourself for not being all-knowing at the time. It's humanly impossible to know everything right when you need it.

And even if you could have extended her life, can you 100% guarantee that it would have been a quality life? I doubt you could make such a guarantee.

Don't blame yourself. Don't hate yourself.

wealthy1 · Mar 5, 2017

arouetta said:
(((((hugs)))))

You can only work off of what knowledge you had been given at the time. Hindsight is always 20/20, but you can't blame yourself for not being all-knowing at the time. It's humanly impossible to know everything right when you need it.

And even if you could have extended her life, can you 100% guarantee that it would have been a quality life? I doubt you could make such a guarantee.

Don't blame yourself. Don't hate yourself.

Thank you. I know I shouldn't blame myself. But it hurts. I'm not ready yet to get another animal. I would like to, but now is definitely not the time.

arouetta · Mar 5, 2017

Wealthy1 said:
Thank you. I know I shouldn't blame myself. But it hurts. I'm not ready yet to get another animal. I would like to, but now is definitely not the time.

Take time to heal your heart first. When the time is right, you'll know. The hurt will still be there but you'll start to see all the areas in your life that should be filled by a cat. But now is not that time.

And don't blame yourself. Just don't.

wealthy1 · Mar 6, 2017

arouetta said:
Take time to heal your heart first. When the time is right, you'll know. The hurt will still be there but you'll start to see all the areas in your life that should be filled by a cat. But now is not that time.

And don't blame yourself. Just don't.

Thank you. Yesterday wasna low point. This is my firsy pet loss. I didnt expect Tigers death to hit me so hard. I wake up everyday and reach for the sidebof the bed she used to sleep on.

Im getting better and sweeter memories do flood my head at times.

di and bob · Mar 6, 2017

There is absolutely NOTHING to be gained by going over all the should haves, could haves we get during the grieving process. No tomorrow is ever guaranteed. Many times during and right before a huge decision like this has to be made, our minds are in shock, and the thinking doesn't come until later. We can't decipher what we take in, we are too concerned with the present and what we are going through with our loved ones. You truly don't know what the future would have brought, we can only go over the past and agonize over what we see as mistakes. The only way I survived what I did, is to purposely keep my mind occupied. Please know in your heart your precious little one would never hold any blame for you, you did what you did because that was what you had at the time. Everything you did you did out of love and concern, and that can not be bad. I know our sweet babies would never want us to be so sad and full of guilt, they love us too much for that. Live the rest of your life in the sunshine, just as you would want for Tiger to do if you went first. Tiger loves you too much to see you go through this. Use the bond that ties your souls together to send her your love and comfort, she will do the same. Do good things in her name, go to your local shelter and pay for the adoption of a little one that so desperately needs a forever family, do it in her name and she will approve. It will help you to feel better about yourself and will keep her memory alive through your love. My heart cries for you, I know how much this hurts. But don't quit living because of your grief, it does neither of you any good. Bless you for your the pain you are going through, you are not alone in your grief.

solomonar · Mar 6, 2017

I am very much rooted into science. My day-by-day life is an grounded in scientific methods. Still, when talking about the end, I drop my science armor, shield and weapons for I know it does not help. Facing the end, our brain and our logic are helpless, we just cant understand. We do our best, but that is not a matter of calculation or chances. It is matter of feeling and sometimes is not even a feeling that we can understand. That mystery of approaching End, science will never solve.

Now, you are over that big Mystery and your brain revert to telling you logic and science, risk management, and all that stuff a brain can tell you. But remember, facing end is not a brain job. The brain now cannot understand and will never understand it, for end is not a matter of understanding, but of feeling. And for feelings, nobody can be blamed.

Hugs and power.

les26 · Mar 6, 2017

So sorry that this is happening to you, you can't look back in regret, I'm sure you did what you thought was right at the time and if the vet thought that it was too soon or too drastic I'm sure he/she would have told you so, no? It is easy to look back and think "I should have seen this" or "I should have done that", but you did what you had to do, I'm sure that Tiger holds no blame on you and is well and happy in the next life.

I hope that you can work this out with time, God Bless......

kittylove53 · Mar 6, 2017

It is so difficult to make the right decision for our beloved pets.I have just lost my Omelette to cancer in Jan.I should have put her out of her misery,but I just could not do it.Her story is here to read.I know how much pain you are experiencing.Tiger understands that you loved her with all your heart,and you felt you were doing the right thing with the information you had at the time.It is almost impossible to predict what quality of life Tiger would have had.You will hold her in your heart for eternity.The love you shared with her is special and forever.Know you are not alone in how you feel.We are all here to listen and understand.Sending healing and hugs out to you.

wealthy1 · Mar 6, 2017

Thank you everyone! You are all correct and I shouldn't analyze it. I'm getting better day by day. I have decided to adopt, but I want to be in a better mental space and make sure I have money to care for my fur-babies to the best of my financial ability.

But thank you again everyone. I wish I found this website years ago.

wealthy1 · Mar 11, 2017

I wanted to thank you @di and bob I have gone back many times to read your encouraging post. Your words put my grief in perspective, you described exactly what I was going through at the time of Tiger illness and ultimately death. I no longer blame myself. Blame doesnt undo the past, it just amplifies our pain and grief. Thank you again for putting into words the emotions and thoughts that I couldn't or didnt understand to say myself.

I cry a little less everyday and I'm willing to get out of bed more and more in the morning. Years, Tiger was the reason I got out of bed to start my bed. I realized with no children, husband or pet I don't have that drive to start my day as years past. But I'm getting better and will be better.

I did have a set back yesterday. I didn't cry. But I gotten home later than usual yesterday. I had an overwhelming sense that Tiger was waiting for me by the door for dinner. When I came in naturally she wasn't there. But the feeling was so strong, I couldn't believe I felt it. Either way, I am better.

I smile now, when I think about her and push the last days of her alive and ill to the back of my mind. I remember more of the good loving memories I always enjoyed of her.

I'm getting better and look forward to another fur-baby.

Di and Bob said:
There is absolutely NOTHING to be gained by going over all the should haves, could haves we get during the grieving process. No tomorrow is ever guaranteed. Many times during and right before a huge decision like this has to be made, our minds are in shock, and the thinking doesn't come until later. We can't decipher what we take in, we are too concerned with the present and what we are going through with our loved ones. You truly don't know what the future would have brought, we can only go over the past and agonize over what we see as mistakes. The only way I survived what I did, is to purposely keep my mind occupied. Please know in your heart your precious little one would never hold any blame for you, you did what you did because that was what you had at the time. Everything you did you did out of love and concern, and that can not be bad. I know our sweet babies would never want us to be so sad and full of guilt, they love us too much for that. Live the rest of your life in the sunshine, just as you would want for Tiger to do if you went first. Tiger loves you too much to see you go through this. Use the bond that ties your souls together to send her your love and comfort, she will do the same. Do good things in her name, go to your local shelter and pay for the adoption of a little one that so desperately needs a forever family, do it in her name and she will approve. It will help you to feel better about yourself and will keep her memory alive through your love. My heart cries for you, I know how much this hurts. But don't quit living because of your grief, it does neither of you any good. Bless you for your the pain you are going through, you are not alone in your grief.

di and bob · Mar 11, 2017

Embrace that feeling that Tiger is near, I know in my heart she was. The love we have, the bond we form with these little ones is spiritual, I firmly believe that something so strong does not just disappear when the earthly body is laid to rest. I believe they are nearest when our hearts are the heaviest, they know we need them so badly and are doing their best to bring us comfort and peace. I found that single hair for months on my vanity, I often sensed her nearby, and I loved her all the more for it. They may not be physically in our homes anymore, but they will always be a part of us, in our hearts and in our souls.

The journey we all must take through the pain of grief is one we must take alone. We can be supported through the love of those who understand what we are feeling, but when we lay in our beds at night, when the darkness brings the tears and loneliness, that is when we learn to heal. I cling to this poem I copied from this site years ago, it describes perfectly the anguish we go through.......

The moment that you died

my heart was torn in two,

one side filled with heartache,

the other died with you.

I often lie awake at night,

when the world is fast asleep,

and take a walk down memory lane,

with tears upon my cheeks.

Remembering you is easy,

I do it everyday,

but missing you is heartache

that never goes away.

I hold you tightly within my heart

and there you will remain.

Until the joyous day arrives,

that we will meet again.

Unknown

zed xyzed · Mar 13, 2017

I hope you find peace soon. You loved your Tiger and you made the decision based on your love for her.

I put her down too soon

wealthy1

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arouetta

Slave of Bastet's acolytes

wealthy1

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arouetta

Slave of Bastet's acolytes

wealthy1

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di and bob

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solomonar

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les26

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kittylove53

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wealthy1

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wealthy1

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di and bob

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zed xyzed

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