Semi-Feral Cat Won't Warm Up to Me

Brian007 · Feb 27, 2017

@1CatOverTheLine That Darn Cat! Blimey, I've not seen that in years. Maybe it contains some cunning cat tips? I used to love Hayley Mills when I was a child

Feliway might have a favourable effect on Belle, you might as well try it to see. Cats treat us humans as though we're part of the gang, just that we're from an odd, foreign, outpost. So, pheromones might rebalance Belle's emotional attitude towards you, as it might between two dissident cats

nickirows · Feb 27, 2017

Belle.jpg

nickirows
Feb 27, 2017

Belle, for the curious, looking her prettiest a few days after we got her in 2010. Don't be entranced. She may look beautiful, but there is a small, malicious smirk there amongst the fur.

Brian007 · Feb 27, 2017

By the way, all the "hmmm" cats I've met before have been female. Maybe adding a male to the mix might help? Only saying, like.

nickirows · Feb 27, 2017

Brian007 said:
@1CatOverTheLine That Darn Cat! Blimey, I've not seen that in years. Maybe it contains some cunning cat tips? I used to love Hayley Mills when I was a child

Feliway might have a favourable effect on Belle, you might as well try it to see. Cats treat us humans as though we're part of the gang, just that we're from odd, foreign, outpost. So, pheromones might rebalance Belle's emotional attitude towards you, as it might between two dissident cats

Perhaps I'll try one of those sprays that contain pheromones, and spray it on myself before I attempt to touch her. I don't want her calm all the time, nor do I want my other cat to be influenced by Feliway either (Missy already is the laziest cat I've ever met, despite being only two and a half years old -- Belle plays twice as much as her). Good idea!! If you can't beat them, join them, haha.

Brian007 · Feb 27, 2017

It doesn't calm as much as de-stress. I've never noticed it having any effect on activity levels, just general household harmony.

nickirows · Feb 27, 2017

Brian007 said:
By the way, all the "hmmm" cats I've met before have been female. Maybe adding a male to the mix might help? Only saying, like.

Brian007 said:
It doesn't calm as much as de-stress. I've never noticed it having any effect on activity levels, just general household harmony.

Lord no, I cannot afford any more cats! Haha, not to mention I have no more space for them. What little extra space I had in my apartment has now been filled with clumps of Belle's shed hair. My mom's other two cats were males though, and they had little impact on Belle's personality. It should be mentioned too that one of those males is Belle's son (the other two died at or a few hours after birth, and the third died about two weeks old, due to her first owner's neglect of her while she was pregnant). It is very obvious too that he is her son. Less distrusting and disdainful towards humans, he's simply skittish. Oddly though, my mom says he's become MUCH more cuddly ever since Belle moved out, as if she were whispering lies about us in his ear. An imagination on my part, but an interesting observation nonetheless.

Hmm, I'll have to look more into it! I'd still prefer the pheromone spray, however, if only for cost. As a poor college student, the diffuser is just so expensive. Perhaps when I get a job after college and have actual money in my pockets, haha. For now, the only way I'm getting a Feliway diffuser is if someone is kind enough to toss it in the dumpster for me to fish out.

1CatOverTheLine · Feb 27, 2017

nickirows said:
Alas, I'm not familiar with any philosophy but the ancients, and even that, I tended to nod off during. Pity my poor soul who was more interested in Twilight at the time. I've recovered since.

Ahhh... the film reference was to Harvey.

nickirows said:
Your description of your Cuddling Journey with your cat makes me laugh! Your cat is very lucky that you persisted - though I am sure she doesn't show a speck of gratitude. How much time did you leave before picking her up, and how long did you hold her for?

Well, ~~Time Considered as a Helix of Semi-Precious Stones~~, it seemed like days. Blue-shift, I think that is.

The first time, probably thirty seconds; the second, she'd calmed by that same juncture, and ceased her Tasmanian Devil Dance by the end of a minute or so.

Originally Posted by nickirows

I enjoyed your simile but if I recall correctly, Leonidas died.

He did, yes, but Herodotus reminds us that he, "laid asunder ("καταστράφηκε," or "devastare," in the modern translations) four thousand score," and he did, after all, spare twelve hundred chaps simply by sending them packing.

Originally Posted by nickirows

My best bet for catching her is to wait until she has gone to sleep, then to put on my softest slippers so that I can sneak up on her and brutally kidnap her in her sleep... not really conducive to a healthy relationship, I suppose, though it works in 50 Shades...

But in Justine, ou Les Malheurs de la Vertu... oh, never mind. Healthy is as healthy does.

1CatOverTheLine · Feb 27, 2017

nickirows said:
Belle, for the curious, looking her prettiest a few days after we got her in 2010. Don't be entranced. She may look beautiful, but there is a small, malicious smirk there amongst the fur.

"Belle," is fitting indeed; what a lovely girl.

.

.

Brian007 · Feb 27, 2017

Maybe brush her every day for a week. It might be that she needs heaps of extra grooming and is pissed off to only get the bare minimum, and she knows that humans are required to spruce her up. It would certainly go towards bonding you. I'm not saying that this could be her whole problem, far from it, but it might help.

She clearly has parent/child issues, stemming from the trauma of losing so many children. Missy is her preferred, spoilt, child and you're the naughty child left out in the cold to do the laundry.

nickirows · Feb 27, 2017

1CatOverTheLine said:
IMG_4560.JPG

nickirows

Feb 27, 2017

nickirows · Feb 27, 2017

Brian007 said:
Maybe brush her every day for a week. It might be that she needs heaps of extra grooming and is pissed off to only get the bare minimum, and she knows that humans are required to spruce her up. It would certainly go towards bonding you. I'm not saying that this could be her whole problem, far from it, but it might help.

She clearly has parent/child issues, stemming from the trauma of losing so many children. Missy is her preferred, spoilt, child and you're the naughty child left out in the cold to do the laundry.

So, so much laundry thanks to the mounds of white hair left everywhere. I never really appreciated how much cleaning my mom did until she foisted her main mess maker onto me. There's cat hair everywhere. On the stove. In the bath tub. On the lamps. Worryingly, inside the fish tank.

That's a good idea though! I was hoping for an easier solution, like "give her this treat every day and she'll magically fall in love with you," but alas, hard problems require hard solutions. I might put that off until the summer semester, however. Nursing school does not allot me much time to capture, brush, and pet her every day, haha. She'll appreciate the brushing more in the summer too, no doubt, living as we do in Florida.

1CatOverTheLine · Feb 27, 2017

nickirows said:
So, so much laundry thanks to the mounds of white hair left everywhere. I never really appreciated how much cleaning my mom did until she foisted her main mess maker onto me. There's cat hair everywhere. On the stove. In the bath tub. On the lamps. Worryingly, inside the fish tank.

That's a good idea though! I was hoping for an easier solution, like "give her this treat every day and she'll magically fall in love with you," but alas, hard problems require hard solutions. I might put that off until the summer semester, however. Nursing school does not allot me much time to capture, brush, and pet her every day, haha. She'll appreciate the brushing more in the summer too, no doubt, living as we do in Florida.

Having ten cats is the sole reason I retired.

.

nickirows · Feb 27, 2017

@Brian007 Is this the kind of bribery and pampering to which you were referring?

Perhaps this is the kind of close, one-on-one attention Belle has secretly been craving

nickirows · Feb 27, 2017

1CatOverTheLine said:
Having ten cats is the sole reason I retired.

.

Ten cats is the dream, to be honest.

Or being retired is the dream.

Either way, you're living the dream.

1CatOverTheLine · Feb 27, 2017

nickirows said:
Ten cats is the dream, to be honest.

Or being retired is the dream.

Either way, you're living the dream.

I am indeed - and I don' need no steenkin' LickiBrush either !

.

mojoseph · Feb 28, 2017

I have a cat who is actually named "Mostly Feral." I rescued her from a feral litter (domesticated, outside mom) at about 8 weeks old. I have lavished love upon her for six years.

She's nowhere near as disdainful of affection as your cat, but any and all interaction is at her discretion.

She occasionally gets all chirpy and wants a head scratch. But just as often I'll go to pet her (or simply enter a room) and her demeanor screams "Stranger Danger" and she runs like hell.

Most people have no idea she exists because she rarely comes out when other people are around. Except for when she does and people who I've known for 20 years say "Hey, did you get a new cat?"

I have no idea what motivates her. Other than she's more than a little crazy. And neurotic.

We also have Mama Catss (she was preggo when she showed up) who is a very sweet cat with a big personality. She loves to play and she really loves head scratches. She greets us at the door every night and wants to be everywhere we are. But she HATES being picked up and would never voluntarily sit in our laps.

And then there's our boy Drama. Every night when I get home he yells at the top of his lungs (hence the name) like he's been deserted for years and then holds up his little arms to be picked up and carried around on my shoulder. When we have company, he tries out every available lap, one at a time, whether he is welcome or not.

So I guess what I'm getting at, is sometimes you can do everything right and love them so much but the cat's personality is what it is. That's my theory anyhow.

Not that you shouldn't try to gain their trust and there are lots of people on here who know lots of things about how to help, but .. cats.

nickirows · Feb 28, 2017

Mojoseph said:
I have a cat who is actually named "Mostly Feral." I rescued her from a feral litter (domesticated, outside mom) at about 8 weeks old. I have lavished love upon her for six years.

She's nowhere near as disdainful of affection as your cat, but any and all interaction is at her discretion.

She occasionally gets all chirpy and wants a head scratch. But just as often I'll go to pet her (or simply enter a room) and her demeanor screams "Stranger Danger" and she runs like hell.

Most people have no idea she exists because she rarely comes out when other people are around. Except for when she does and people who I've known for 20 years say "Hey, did you get a new cat?"

I have no idea what motivates her. Other than she's more than a little crazy. And neurotic.

We also have Mama Catss (she was preggo when she showed up) who is a very sweet cat with a big personality. She loves to play and she really loves head scratches. She greets us at the door every night and wants to be everywhere we are. But she HATES being picked up and would never voluntarily sit in our laps.

And then there's our boy Drama. Every night when I get home he yells at the top of his lungs (hence the name) like he's been deserted for years and then holds up his little arms to be picked up and carried around on my shoulder. When we have company, he tries out every available lap, one at a time, whether he is welcome or not.

So I guess what I'm getting at, is sometimes you can do everything right and love them so much but the cat's personality is what it is. That's my theory anyhow.

Not that you shouldn't try to gain their trust and there are lots of people on here who know lots of things about how to help, but .. cats.

Indeed, cats. They are what they are. Missy was fully feral, living on the streets and was caught in a cage trap. Belle was a backyard cat who's known nothing but an easy life for 7 years now. But whereas Missy cuddles my face when I sleep (and indeed, is trying to see if she can wheedle her way next to me right now), Belle seems convinced that I'm the grim reaper come to take away her soul (presuming, of course, that she has a soul).

In other news, I decided waiting until summer to test out brushing her once a day was a cop out, because if I can spend an hour watching trash television shows (namely, Baggage produced by Dr. Phil -- it's fantastic), I can spend an hour brushing her. Which I did tonight, mostly in order to get out of studying, but regardless, she was brushed.

I managed to get out a pile of hair about as big as she was, including six or so mats and a piece of shit that had become entangled and mummified in her fur. Afterwards, she looked completely and utterly the same as she did before I started, albeit angrier.

I then decided that she had earned the pleasure of even more of my company (despite something telling me that cuddles were not the prize she wanted) and plopped into bed with her against me, where I proceeded to gently stroke her tiny ears and scratch her jaw. I was met not with purring, but with cold silence. Occasionally, she turned her head to glare at me, but it was usually pointed as far in the opposite direction as it could be without breaking her own neck (though I'm sure she was tempted).

In conclusion, Belle is not grateful whatsoever that I brushed out a second cat from her fur, nor that I spent half an hour coating my fingers in more hair in an attempt to seduce her into tolerating me. I hope she'll change her mind tomorrow, but I seriously doubt it.

mojoseph · Mar 1, 2017

"Belle seems convinced that I'm the grim reaper come to take away her soul (presuming, of course, that she has a soul)."

Ha ha! The best thing for a cat owner is a sense of humor. You've got that covered!

nickirows · Mar 1, 2017

Mojoseph said:
"Belle seems convinced that I'm the grim reaper come to take away her soul (presuming, of course, that she has a soul)."

Ha ha! The best thing for a cat owner is a sense of humor. You've got that covered!

If only Belle had the same sense of humor!

Day 2: Belle did not look surprised that she was caught a second time, but more irritated with herself. Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...

Despite brushing her for an hour yesterday, I managed to amass just as much fur today. Moreover, she looks messier than ever. I think it's because in order to really get the excess fur out, I had to backcomb her hair -- which made her look, for lack of a better word, poofy. She did not make it easy to brush her today either. Her patience was much shorter and her wriggling was far more enthusiastic. Should I compare this to the 5 Stages of Grief proposed by Kubler-Ross, I would describe yesterday's stage as denial and today's, as anger. Still, progress was made! By that logic, we are well on our way to acceptance.

As a side note, I don't actually recall the last time we bathed her, and a good whiff confirmed that she's sorely in need of a bath. I am not sure I can do that alone, however, and may need to wait for my mother to come help me wrangle her.

Brian007 · Mar 3, 2017

I'm pleased you're continuing with the brushing. Hopefully when she's all done, it can be a 5 minute a day job that she might actually enjoy.

I'm still on the case with Dudley. I hadn't given him a proper brush for about a month, only a swift couple of strokes here and there whilst he was standing, should have done it when he was lying down. HIs fur doesn't mat but I knew it wasn't right and I needed to get on the case and do some cat care (felt like such a sloppy, lackadaisical parent). After the 1st brush, using the wrong brush (doh!). He was really appreciative but his fur still felt and looked wrong afterward. So, the next day I waterless shampooed, towelled, then brushed him straight after, which on refection I should have left him to dry. On the third day, I brushed him again and he's starting to feel normal once more. I've been brushing him here and there ever since and his fur is starting to fluff up nicely, and feels soft and silky . And, we've become even closer than before, we were always close

I will NEVER leave him that long again. I feel embarrassed admitting it publicly but I thought it might give you encouragement, and to know that I, at least, don't always practice what I preach

Semi-Feral Cat Won't Warm Up to Me

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