Frustrated with my half-feral cat...

Freedom

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  Before I got my dogs (lifestyle issue), I always said one reason I had so many cats was so there was always someone to cuddle, he hee.  So I totally get that you want to cuddle more than she is ready for as yet.   Wonderful update!!! 
 

msaimee

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Oh I completely agree that it was unethical for the shelter staff to mislead you about the cat's history and temperament. But I do think that God, or fate, or the cat gods (whatever you believe) brought you together. Yes, I think you will undo progress if you let her outside. Is she behaving as though she really wants to go back outside? Scratching at the door and windows, and caterwauling and crying all night? If she seems fairly content to be inside, then she has made the decision herself. One option that you have would be to do what I have done with my one cat who wants to go outside. I trained him to go out on a harness and lead. Now mind you, he doesn't walk beside me like a dog would. He will stop to roll around in the grass or lounge or play with leaves. He will walk beside me sometimes when he wants to, and sometimes he will even gallop and I run beside him. My neighbors think he is adorable so there is no embarrassment there. After several months have passed, if she seems to miss going Outdoors, you could also try to take her out on a lead and harness.
 
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orange&white

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I've been following your adventure with Miss Mille Simone.  You are doing a great job with her!  She really has come a long way.

The shyest cat I ever owned lived 16 1/2 years.  She hissed at me every time I picked her up and ran behind furniture every time I got up to walk from one room to another.  She did that her whole life.  However, if I was sitting still on the couch, she would sit on the back of the couch right behind me.  When I lied down horizontal, she immediately jumped onto my chest and I could pet her all over her body, including belly rubs, and she purred and purred and kneaded.  She also slept snuggled up to me, on top of me, or on top of my head all night.  Essentially, she was only 100% comfortable when I was sitting still or lying down.  I'm not relating that to discourage you, but to reinforce what others have said - that you can't take Mille Simone's shy behavior personally.

You are doing everything the right way.  Keep encouraging her confidence like you've been doing.  She is very beautiful!
 
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chint

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Yeah, I've been thinking the same thing :) Maybe it was meant to be. 
No, she doesn't show any signs that she wants to go out. She sits in one of the windows and look out sometimes, but she doesn't make a sound. She just observes. Yeah, maybe I'll do that :) Or the cat stroller, which will definitely make for more attention, haha :p
 
I've been following your adventure with Miss Mille Simone.  You are doing a great job with her!  She really has come a long way.

The shyest cat I ever owned lived 16 1/2 years.  She hissed at me every time I picked her up and ran behind furniture every time I got up to walk from one room to another.  She did that her whole life.  However, if I was sitting still on the couch, she would sit on the back of the couch right behind me.  When I lied down horizontal, she immediately jumped onto my chest and I could pet her all over her body, including belly rubs, and she purred and purred and kneaded.  She also slept snuggled up to me, on top of me, or on top of my head all night.  Essentially, she was only 100% comfortable when I was sitting still or lying down.  I'm not relating that to discourage you, but to reinforce what others have said - that you can't take Mille Simone's shy behavior personally.

You are doing everything the right way.  Keep encouraging her confidence like you've been doing.  She is very beautiful!
Thank you ^_^ I don't always feel like that... feel like I'm a little hard on her sometimes... too little patience and not always a lot of acceptance that the situation is as it is. At certain times. But I try my best... I guess it's important to think that you can't always do the "right thing"... sometimes I get annoyed, cranky, sometimes I do things almost just to provoke her since I feel like I almost erase myself taking a lot of consideration. But I'm just human, and if she is going to be my rommate and best friend, she'll have to see those sides of me as well. That's my thoughts anyway :)
I'm sorry to hear that :/ But it's nice that she trusted you as well ^_^ Yeah, I see your point... I guess it is in cats and mammals as it is in humans... we get scarred, not everything will heal, regardless of how hard you try :/ 
 
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msaimee

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I have found that the patience I've had to develop while socializing feral cats has made me overall a more patient and accepting person, towards people as well. Our cats give back to us even more than what we give to them, and yes, they accept us with all of our occassional crankiness and idiosyncrasies.
 
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orange&white

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Thank you ^_^ I don't always feel like that... feel like I'm a little hard on her sometimes... too little patience and not always a lot of acceptance that the situation is as it is. At certain times. But I try my best... I guess it's important to think that you can't always do the "right thing"... sometimes I get annoyed, cranky, sometimes I do things almost just to provoke her since I feel like I almost erase myself taking a lot of consideration. But I'm just human, and if she is going to be my rommate and best friend, she'll have to see those sides of me as well. That's my thoughts anyway :)
I'm sorry to hear that :/ But it's nice that she trusted you as well ^_^ Yeah, I see your point... I guess it is in cats and mammals as it is in humans... we get scarred, not everything will heal, regardless of how hard you try :/ 
My little shy cat, Miss Tess, was just very timid.  She was 4 months old when I got her, so I don't know what happened to her during those first few months.  When she was about 2 1/2 years old I adopted a very tame, outgoing, affectionate and friendly kitten to satisfy my own need to have a more "normal" cat in the house.  lol 

Your Mille is already a lot more outgoing than my little Tessie ever was.
 

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Again . . . I would not rush to get her outdoors.  Let her adapt and adjust to things just the way they are.  Sounds like YOU want to take her out, more than what she wants.  So let it be for now and just do what you have been doing.  I think writing here has also helped you see how far she has come over time!
 
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chint

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I have found that the patience I've had to develop while socializing feral cats has made me overall a more patient and accepting person, towards people as well. Our cats give back to us even more than what we give to them, and yes, they accept us with all of our occassional crankiness and idiosyncrasies.
I can really see that :) It is a process that I think will definitely change me.
 
My little shy cat, Miss Tess, was just very timid.  She was 4 months old when I got her, so I don't know what happened to her during those first few months.  When she was about 2 1/2 years old I adopted a very tame, outgoing, affectionate and friendly kitten to satisfy my own need to have a more "normal" cat in the house.  lol 

Your Mille is already a lot more outgoing than my little Tessie ever was.
:( Sounds like it had to be something quite heavy. She was lucky to have you :) Yeah, I totally get that.
 
Again . . . I would not rush to get her outdoors.  Let her adapt and adjust to things just the way they are.  Sounds like YOU want to take her out, more than what she wants.  So let it be for now and just do what you have been doing.  I think writing here has also helped you see how far she has come over time!
Hey, relax, don't be so hostile :) I'm not thinking of rushing it or doing it anywhere in the near future :)  
It does remind me, yes, when I get cranky and run out of patience, hehe :)
 

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Whoops, sorry, the issue w/ writing, you can't see facial expressions or hear tone.  Not intended to be hostile.  Just mindful that she has alot going on in her little world just now.
 
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chint

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Whoops, sorry, the issue w/ writing, you can't see facial expressions or hear tone.  Not intended to be hostile.  Just mindful that she has alot going on in her little world just now.
Ok. Yeah, not always  that easy to interpret with writing :) I know ^_^
 

orange&white

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Haha.  I made a mistake of thinking my current feral kitty would enjoy exploring my backyard for a bit on a lovely, mild, sunny Saturday afternoon.  I had her for one week in the bathroom trying to socialize her, but started feeling bad thinking that a young kitten needs a lot more exercise than she could get confined in a small room.  I bought a kitten harness, lightweight leash and tied a 40' rope so she could go venture and sniff around.  I really thought she would enjoy it and it would be a good bonding experience.  She totally panicked.  She did not understand what was restraining her when she reached the end of the line, and starting flipping and flopping around furiously and trying to run away in all directions.  Not doing that again!  But the next day, I did give her more space and let her have run of my large bedroom in addition to the bath.
 

Mamanyt1953

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:)


Yeah, I try to not overpet her, but it's hard. Especially if I'm having a bad day myself, and just want to cuddle. And sometimes it takes a little while before she really relaxes and starts purring and/or kneading. Sometimes she doesn't. She tells me when it's enough by moving/getting up. Sometimes it's not petting in itself, but where I pet her. On the top of her head (I don't usually start there, bad idea), chins, chest, upper body. Lower body is a bit harder. 


Her name is Mille Simone :)

 

Yeah, she surprises me sometimes :) Sometimes I get crazy with the waiting and discipline and work, and sometimes she just mellows up :) She actually rubbed her head into my hand when i petted her earlier today - that's a first. And she does it on the laptop as well (as well as biting it in the corner 
 )

I guess I have, when I look at how long it takes other people. She almost never hides under the bed or coach now. Yeah. I guess... to just ignore it. I think the problem is that I take it personal sometimes. And I get annoyed that she is so whiny :p She complains a lot, sometimes, by small things which she knows is safe. Well, I guess she doesn't. 
Will I undo the progress if I take her outside? I do think about maybe getting a cat stroller, but it's gonna be very embarassing with all the looks and comments 
 ) Yeah, we play some :) With the laser or "da bird" or cat games on youtube. She really like the da bird and youtube games. She loves this:  Everytime I turn it on, her eyes get big and she'll try to catch it. She'll even scratch the screen after the whole things gone away, hehe. 
 
Lord, I snipped a lot of that post!  Sorry, I didn't want to get lost on what I was thinking, and I do that fairly easily...old age and ADD makes for odd bedfellows.

First,  almost ALL cats have issues with lower-body stroking.  It can over-amp them very easily.  Even those who are well-adapted and fully integrated into their homes get antsy about that.  LOL...I have to admit to using Hekitty (who I bottle-reared, and who STILL has lower body issues) as a living bio-feedback machine.  I know how tense I am by how she reacts to a full-body stroke.  This is just normal cat stuff

If she is starting to instigate affection, you really are moving along well!  Take heart, you are getting there.

At some point, you can think of taking her outside, but not, I think, yet.  Yes, I think there is a danger of undoing progress.  You need her to be totally at ease with you and her home first, so that she knows you are a safe guardian in the wild outdoors, and that going back home is her safe place.  Again, patience.  It will come, but not quickly.  Later, when she is completely relaxed, you can consider a cat holster (like a harness, but more secure) or a stroller.  I prefer the holster, just because it seems a shame to take them out and not let them feel grass under their bitty pawsies.  But again, you aren't there yet.  

Love her name.  It suits her!

Chin up, you are doing so well with her!
 
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chint

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Haha.  I made a mistake of thinking my current feral kitty would enjoy exploring my backyard for a bit on a lovely, mild, sunny Saturday afternoon.  I had her for one week in the bathroom trying to socialize her, but started feeling bad thinking that a young kitten needs a lot more exercise than she could get confined in a small room.  I bought a kitten harness, lightweight leash and tied a 40' rope so she could go venture and sniff around.  I really thought she would enjoy it and it would be a good bonding experience.  She totally panicked.  She did not understand what was restraining her when she reached the end of the line, and starting flipping and flopping around furiously and trying to run away in all directions.  Not doing that again!  But the next day, I did give her more space and let her have run of my large bedroom in addition to the bath.
 I can picture it! Haha. You learn a lot from having a cat :) 
 
Lord, I snipped a lot of that post!  Sorry, I didn't want to get lost on what I was thinking, and I do that fairly easily...old age and ADD makes for odd bedfellows.

First,  almost ALL cats have issues with lower-body stroking.  It can over-amp them very easily.  Even those who are well-adapted and fully integrated into their homes get antsy about that.  LOL...I have to admit to using Hekitty (who I bottle-reared, and who STILL has lower body issues) as a living bio-feedback machine.  I know how tense I am by how she reacts to a full-body stroke.  This is just normal cat stuff

If she is starting to instigate affection, you really are moving along well!  Take heart, you are getting there.

At some point, you can think of taking her outside, but not, I think, yet.  Yes, I think there is a danger of undoing progress.  You need her to be totally at ease with you and her home first, so that she knows you are a safe guardian in the wild outdoors, and that going back home is her safe place.  Again, patience.  It will come, but not quickly.  Later, when she is completely relaxed, you can consider a cat holster (like a harness, but more secure) or a stroller.  I prefer the holster, just because it seems a shame to take them out and not let them feel grass under their bitty pawsies.  But again, you aren't there yet.  

Love her name.  It suits her!

Chin up, you are doing so well with her!
I'm scatterbrained as well, so know what you mean ;)

But, lower-body... do you mean stomach, or vertically? Like her lower back? Hmm, I wonder how much they can sense tension and stress...

It would seem like she's begin to be affectionate and bonding, yeah :)

Ok, thanks for the feedback. As of right now I wouldn't even be able to get her into the stroller or harness. I can pet her, but not with both hands I think, and I can't pick her up or fiddle with her like that.

So do I :) I thinked and and searched, and finally it appeared :) 

Thank you :) 
 
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chint

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A question... why can I pet her when she's sleepy, and not when she's fully awake? Does she get overstimulated, or is she more nervous when she's awake?
 

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A question... why can I pet her when she's sleepy, and not when she's fully awake? Does she get overstimulated, or is she more nervous when she's awake?
My little feral is the same way.  I think it's normal kitten behavior, even for tamer domestic kittens.  They are either wide awake in play-fight mode, or they're sleepy and more accepting of a little cuddling.
 

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 I can picture it! Haha. You learn a lot from having a cat :) 

I'm scatterbrained as well, so know what you mean ;)

But, lower-body... do you mean stomach, or vertically? Like her lower back? Hmm, I wonder how much they can sense tension and stress...

It would seem like she's begin to be affectionate and bonding, yeah :)

Ok, thanks for the feedback. As of right now I wouldn't even be able to get her into the stroller or harness. I can pet her, but not with both hands I think, and I can't pick her up or fiddle with her like that.

So do I :) I thinked and and searched, and finally it appeared :) 

Thank you :) 
LOL...yes.  Both tummy AND lower back, but I was thinking of the lower back when I posted.  They ALL get over-amped with much head-to-tail stroking.  That's why you see the rippling in their skin.  Signal that it is becoming too much and to stop.  When a cat allows you to even LOOK at its tummy, it is a sign of high trust.  To be able to stroke that tummy at all means that you are in the inner circle of kitty trust.

As for names, I firmly believe that our cats transmit their names to us telepathically.  I'd NEVER have come up with "Hekitty Renee" on my own.   Maybe "Hekate," but NOT "Hekitty."
 
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chint

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Things are progressing pretty rapidly now :) She licks my hand, I pet her a lot, and I can even pet her when she lies in the couch sometimes, or in my bed. She rubs against my hand when I pet her, and she has even started rubbing on things in my apartment :D

Here's a little video of us playing:

 

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Ha ha haaa, great video!  She clearly enjoyed that!  You really are doing well and she is coming along nicely.

I only thought of this now.  Her whole world changed: new sights, sounds, smells, new 'things' (furniture etc.)  New human.  Cats do not like change.  So of course it is going to take some time for her to adapt.  Glad she is doing just that!
 

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That's really terrific, Chint.  She's come very far in a month, and that's amazing for an adolescent semi-feral adopted at 8-9 months old.  You're doing a good job with her.

She'll be a year at the end of next month?  You've pulled her through the most exasperating months for any cat, domestic or feral, and she'll be starting to settle into calmer, adult-cat mode soon.  I think you are going to have one fine, lovable companion there.

Enjoyed the video! 
 
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