Frustrated with my half-feral cat...

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chint

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OK, this I can chime in on.  Having more than one cat can be wonderful, but often it is not.  Cats, unlike dogs, are NOT naturally pack animals, although many times ferals will form colonies that get along well.  However, a cat alone is not miserable and lonely the way a dog can often be.   Introducing two cats is often a very long-term process with many a slip and setback.  As skittish as she is right now, I would not recommend adding any possible stressor to the mix.  Maybe later when she is totally comfortable with you.  Maybe.  

From what you have described about your home, she should be content there when you aren't home.  You have two channels of "Cat TV" (window) for her to watch, climbing spots and toys.  She's going to sleep most of that time away, anyhow.
Thank you for the reply, I'll take that into consideration. I don't think I'll be getting another cat... been reading up on it, and I've been having enough trouble getting Mille to be comfortable her, if I am also going to to do the same with another cat, and make the relationship in between them good as well. I'm getting this cat-tower in a couple of days https://www.vidaxl.no/e/8718475861850/katte-skrape-tre-220-240-cm-gra , so I'm hoping that'll keep her entertained as well as make her feel a little more homy here :)
 

Mamanyt1953

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BLINK BLINK...If she doesn't like that, she may not actually be a cat!  I can't imagine any cat not being thrilled with that cat tree!  Might take her a few days to be certain that it is safe (new thing in environment, very wary cat), but I'll bet it's a hit within a week or so!
 

pearl99

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She lied on my legs while I was laying in my bed under the covers <3 <3 And jumped up in the windowframe when my head was just centimeters away. I've also petted her sometimes when she is laying in her bed ^_^ ^_^ It feels great :D
oh that sounds great! that's so cool you can pet her some. when my semi-feral guy started getting closer to me i'd put treats nearer to me so he'd approach and associate me with something good. then when approaching me more i'd sit down and put treats or a food bowl with some canned food on my leg to get even closer. that helped. i'd hold my hand out so he could sniff and get more used to it when he was close. once he got more petting he decided he loved it, it was all a process bit by bit.

i used fish flakes for highly desirable treats.

going at their speed is what worked for me.; and i agree with plugging up hiding spots with some safe spots left where they can observe- they will watch us and progress to learn we are ok.

as far as another cat it can take many months for them to adjust- you just don't know- so would be good to wait for that and work with Mille for now.

it sounds like there's quite a bit of progress!
 

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Hello! I too adopted a cat that had once been feral, though she had been outdoors for a year! I got her in September 2015 and named her Missy. She behaved JUST like yours! She was extremely shy, resistant to any attempts at picking her up or even simply petting her. She spent her days underneath my bed and ran to hide whenever I came near. I literally had to drag her out of her hiding spot to give her medicine every day (she was on the verge of death thanks to a URI made worse by her FIV). I was only fostering her, but my job as a foster was to socialize her, so I was at a loss. Like the others said though, the best thing for her was to simply let her be and accommodate her limits.

I was in a small apartment, with just a living room and a bedroom. While I was home, she had full access to the apartment. At night, she was locked in my room with me. It took her a month to decide she would let me pet her. It took her two months to begin sleeping on the bed with me, as far away from me as she possibly could, at the very end of the bed. I decided then to adopt her. By December 2015, she was sleeping by my head and would let me pet her as much as I liked. By March 2016, she was sitting with me on the couch (as far away as possibly). By May? She was cuddling my head in bed. Around winter 2016, she would sit as close to me as possible on the couch. Now? She likes sleeping between my legs, and sometimes completely on my lap.

Your cat is progressing MUCH faster than mine did! I have no doubt that she'll come to be exactly the kind of cat you wanted. She's already sleeping on your bed sometimes and allowing you to pet her. Just don't force it, and always reward her for doing what you want (i.e. cuddling you). Pay attention to where she likes being pet the most (my cat loves her jaw and ears scratched, hates her belly being touched) and respect that. Like your cat, mine shivers sometimes -- usually when I pet her back too much, and I agree that it's likely over-stimulation. Some cats are simply more sensitive in certain areas. Pay attention to the rest of her body when she shivers (i.e. are her ears pushed back, is her tail tucked between her legs -- those are all signs of fear).

The cat tree is a great idea! Missy hated hers at first because it was "new," god forbid, but now I can't get her out of it. She likes being able to see what's going on around the room, I believe. Also, it has a basket at the top which is quite cozy.

I also got Missy another cat. Missy is young, and it's obvious that she wanted to play (I have about a dozen cat balls and stuffed mice). I waited about a year though, and got my second cat in August 2016 (one of my mom's cats, actually). They get along GREAT and Missy is 1000 times happier with a playmate (my sleeping schedule isn't though, since they're so loud, haha). I'd wait too if I were you, until your cat is settled in and you two are much closer.

Anyway, excellent job! I think you're doing a great job socializing her (: Just give it time and she'll undoubtedly come around. I'm so glad you adopted! I'm sure she is too, even if she doesn't always show it, haha.
 

pearl99

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i'll add that after 7 months, waffles loves loves to be scratched and will sit on me on the couch or chair and soak it up. i still can't pick him up, freaks him out too much; and me walking around is scary for him- i can get about a foot away from him walking and that's it.

he knows about when i get up in the morning and will sit on the bed waiting but he won't sleep on the bed at night.

they are all different and some have things that will always scare them, just have to let them take the lead in my mind. it's so sweet when they get brave and adjust more.

but that's a freakin nice cat tower!
 

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That is so GREAT!  That is a big step.  It took my Tuly about a month before she came up on the bed.  That was about 2 months ago.  Now she is out in the living area.  She still hides some, but several times i have held out my hand and she came and let me pet her. Once he makes that first step, I am sure other steps will come soon.  Just take it at his speed.  You are doing the right things
 
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chint

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This is really taking a toll... I feel like I have to walk on eggshells all the time since she's so jumpy and scared. Yes, I know it doesn't have anything to do with me, but nevertheless... I'm supposed to live here as well, it's a crampy apartment and it's really frustrating. I got her in the bathroom with me, closed the door and pet her, with a lot of complaining (no hissing) and crying, to desensitze her a little. Felt like I have abused her in some way. She's walking around here like nothing's happened, so I guess not. 

Blah.
 

Mamanyt1953

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Sweetie, we know.  But you are doing better than you think with her.  If she isn't cowering under a bed 24/7, you have made remarkable progress, you really have.  PLEASE don't give up!  This will get better!
 

mysticotala

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It can be such a process, I'm sorry you are having to go through this. You are working so hard and making progress! And you are giving her a warm and loving environment and that will wear down the most stubborn of cats. You will both be happy soon, I am sure ((hugs))
 

pearl99

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maybe not walk on eggshells, but just the level of being mindful...they do watch and observe and figure us out. and then make a jump trusting us. 8 months and mine just last night slept on my bed for the first time. but i still can't walk up to him and have him be ok with it, something about walking humans.
 
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chint

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Thank you for the replies... I certainly hope so. We kinda had a breakthrough just after I wrote this... I can pet her a lot know, and she purrs and kneads, so she's relaxing more :) Just in the bedroom though, but still very progress. But it's the walking around that really gets me. I hope she relaxes soon... either that or or that I'll relax more. I feel like I can't breathe when she's around when I walk around. Anybody have any suggestions on how to deal with it?
 

di and bob

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The progress you have made is a wonderful start and shows she IS capable of accepting you and her new environment. If you feel like you can't relax around her, she will definitely pick up on this and have anxiety. Try to ignore her and do your daily routines, Above all else when you are approaching her or in the same room, move slowly, no sudden movements or loud noises, that is why cats are terrified of small children they aren't used to, it is all that constant moving and loud outbursts. I would suggest leaving a radio or TV on in her room so she gets accustomed to noise. Do keep her inside, I have buried too many outside cats due to cars, roaming dogs, and injuries from fighting feral toms. Just sit quietly in the same room and talk low to her, offer yummy treats so she associates good things with you. All cats hate change and she has been through a lot. I have had lovey indoor cats that I have rehomed take 6 months to adjust to a new home, they lived out of sight for most of it. 

Bless you for having the patience and wanting to give her a forever home, she WILL get to be relaxed and become a wonderful loving companion, you'll see, post us in a year and she won't be the same cat!
 

pearl99

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Agree with Di and Bob!! Do your normal routine without huge noisiness. That'll give her a chance to get more used to it, being around it. They can take leaps of trust when you least expect it.
 

Mamanyt1953

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Think of it from a cat's physical perspective...size, sensitive hearing...we are terrifyingly large and loud.  We're 10 times their height, and VERY noisy!  We talk loud, we walk hard...It's a lot for a pussycat to take in at first.  
 
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chint

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Think of it from a cat's physical perspective...size, sensitive hearing...we are terrifyingly large and loud.  We're 10 times their height, and VERY noisy!  We talk loud, we walk hard...It's a lot for a pussycat to take in at first.  
You know, when I come to think of it, I've been using slippers which've been making a lot of noise. I think she's more scared when I use those. Maybe I should just use my socks... :)
 

Mamanyt1953

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It's those little things that make a huge difference.  Eventually, she will accept all the movements and noises as ordinary, although she may be a touch more skittish than that average housecat for ever.  Not like she is now, but just...a bit.
 

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I read this thread with great interest -- and a few smiles along the way!

As you live alone, why not talk to her?  Sing to her?  Let her know you are there.  Then when you are walking around, you are not going to surprise her, she will hear you coming.

Keep some tiny treats in your pocket.  When she gets close to you, let her have one.  Reward the actions you want!

And I know it is hard, but try not to pet her each and every time she comes near you.  Let her know she can be near you without petting.  Also, sometimes just pet her 2 or 3 times and stop.  Don't wait for her to tell you that is enough.  How does she tell you?  She may talk, she may get up.  Try to stop before that happens.

This is a wonderful transition time.  Do not let her out, keep her as an inside kitty.  Now is not the time to add another cat.  Now is the time to let her be the QUEEN OF THE KINGDOM.  She will learn to love that!  You are not working just now, so you are home often.  She has plenty of company.

You can rub some catnip on the cat tree, this will let her explore the tree and know it is hers.  You can also develop a routine and have certain times you play with her with a toy. 

What is her name?  I don't think you have told us!
 

Mamanyt1953

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She is BEAUTIFUL!  And you are doing so well with her!  @Freedom  had some wonderful ideas for you, as well.  You really are doing well with her, she is progressing by little leaps and bounds, or hops and skips, if you will, and hops and skips are excellent when dealing with ferals.  
 

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I've just read through this thread and feel you've made incredible progress in such a short amount of time! Some cats are more skittish than others. One of the ferals I took inside my home almost 4 years ago is still very skittish, and runs away from me when I'm walking around upstairs,and trills and cherups (never quite got the hang of the "meow" lol). She darts in front of me and around me and then follows me around. I was starting to get annoyed by her darting around in the morning while I tend to the upstairs food, litter and water, but it occurred to me that this has become a game for her. The best way to respond to the skittish behavior is to remain relaxed and ignore it, or talk to the cat in a soft, friendly voice. Getting stressed won't help--I can attest to that! Also, play with her as often as you can with a wand toy as you have been doing, and also with a laser pointer toy. Play is a wonderful way to bond with a shy cat. It may seem slow to you, but you ARE making great progress! Please keep her indoors always, if you let her out you will undo all the progress you have
made. If you hadn't adopted this kitty, she surely would have been euthanized at the shelter by now. I am very glad the shelter staff tricked you into adopting her-- Ithink it was meant to
be, and I strongly suspect that in time you will be best friends :)
 
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