*sigh* I dont know what to do....(long vent...)

Originally posted by yoviher
((((((HUGS)))))) Amber.

I agree with with Deb25, perhaps you ought to start checking for help now. I don't know if it's available, but if it is then it's worth a try to check out.

Try to keep worries, at bay. Focus on recovery.

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thanks hugs to you too!

I used to have a councelor I went to for my anxiety problems, but once I lost my insurance (dad's company has an age limit for worker's children)I couldnt afford it anymore.

I'm doing little bit of everything right now to keep my mind off of it.

Well, Amber, you did say that you were quite concerned about how you were going to be able to drive home at 11 pm. You may be able to ignore your feelings on the way to work, but judging from everything you have posted previously, getting home is going to be a problem for you. If you are able to face the fear for necessities' sake, great. But if not, how are you going to manage until insurance kicks in? All I am saying is that if you look in the phone book under Mental Health Services, you might be able to find low-cost services that you can take advantage of now. After working with low-income families in school, I know there are a variety of services available, which often have a sliding payment scale, due to the person's income.

Originally posted by Goblin
Dear Gothic_Amethyst,

Relax, Chill. Take some deep breaths. The deer did not suffer. It was quick? It was an accident. Keep this in mind.

I suffer from Bi-Polar disorder. I am manic depressive. I have been seeing a Shrink now for seven years. I also just got a new job. Consentrate on getting that job. With benifits you can get therapy. Stick with it. It takes time, a long time, but you do get better. Good luck.

Goblin

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Unfortunately it wasnt quick. It was trying to get up after I hit it. It was the other cars that killed it. Part of my problem was having to watch all that and not being able to stop it. The woman from the car behind me had to hold me back because I kept wanting to go get it off the road. I do try to remember though that I cant go back and change what happened, but I cant stop the images. I'm absolutely terrified of it happening again.

I'm glad you're getting help for your problems...luckily you've been able to and know what yours are. I know I have problems because of the deer accident. I also know I have anxiety problems. A doc told me it was generalized anxiety disorder. Hopefully soon I'll have insurance and the money I need to go back to counseling.

Originally posted by twofatcats
(((Amber))) Sorry to hear this has been so hard on you.

I know of a couple of people who, after having an accident with a deer, got deer whistles for their cars. Supposedly when the car is going over a certain speed, it makes a noise which scares the deer as they hear you coming. This would minimize the chance that they will run in front of the car. Does anyone know if these things really work? Or is it just a way someone is making money off someone else's fears?

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Thanks.

I've got some here, but I've not put them on because I've heard they dont actually work. I've known people that had them and still hit deer. I wish someone could invent something that actually worked though because untill this happened I didnt realize how common a problem it was. Looking online alot of people have had this happen and some more than once (which is what I'm afraid of...)

Originally posted by rosiemac
Amber i know exactly where your coming from!.
4 years ago my ex boyfriend and were involved in an accident with a 40 tonne lorry that did'nt see us as he was coming into our lane.
We had to change our route after that, and i kept pressing on pretend brakes even though i was a passenger?!.

This is a brilliant opportunity for you and it would be a shame to pass it up, so if you can get help now, or try and build your confidence up on the road you will get there in the end, honestly.

Sending you (((((hugs))))), but keep us informed.

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Sorry about your accident....I'm glad you're both ok. I know what you mean though: everytime I ride with Lyle or my grandmother now I'm always wanting to get the car to slow down! They dont understand that I do not like going the 55 MPH speed limit at night! I didnt before because of the animals, yet here I am riding with someone going that fast. I think I'll be better about this once I start driving because I can go slow and I'll be in control.

I know...and I need the job. I'm scared to death to drive at night, but I'm not going to have a choice. This job will be a good place because of all the benefits and stuff. I hope you're right. I dont want to be scared like this forever.

Thanks! Hugs to you too. I'll keep everyone informed because untill I can afford counselars, Im probably going to need help.

Originally posted by Sweets
Amber,

Look in the phone book for some low-cost therapists. Also, talk to your pharmacist about possibly starting some herbs. Valarian or St John's wort. They might help with your anxiety. (don't start anything till you have done some research and spoken to someone who knows about it!)

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I dont have any money right now for a counselar. That's why I applied at walmart...I can get insurance thru them. I dont know of any councelars that are cheap around here. Herbs would be a great idea, but because of some medicine I'm on for my 'female problems' I cant take them. I asked my doc about them a while ago because I'd heard someone mention st johns in the forum once.
Once I get money for an counselar, If they think I need medication, as much as I hate meds, I'll probably try some again. I've had bad experiances with Paxil and Zoloft in the past, so I'm really leery of medicines.

Originally posted by Deb25
Well, Amber, you did say that you were quite concerned about how you were going to be able to drive home at 11 pm. You may be able to ignore your feelings on the way to work, but judging from everything you have posted previously, getting home is going to be a problem for you. If you are able to face the fear for necessities' sake, great. But if not, how are you going to manage until insurance kicks in? All I am saying is that if you look in the phone book under Mental Health Services, you might be able to find low-cost services that you can take advantage of now. After working with low-income families in school, I know there are a variety of services available, which often have a sliding payment scale, due to the person's income.

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I think the biggest part of my problem is because I've been riding with people at night that wont humor me and slow down. Lyle and grandma both go the 55 speed limit and when I was driving I never went that fast because of all the animals out at night and how hard it is to see them. The most they're willing to slow down is to 50. I think if I'm in control and can slow down or pull over if I need to that I'll be alot less scared. Honestly though I cant say what will happen until I drive. The manager told me I'll have insurance right off, but that it's not much. 180 days after I start working there I'll get the company insurance. You said you worked with low income families....do you know of any way the government can help? I got a check for several years back when I was a child because I have ADHD and lived with my grandmother instead of my parents. If there was a way to get assistance atleast untill I have the money to pay for it myself that would help. I'll check around though in the meantime and see if there is any low cost places. Maybe my old counselar?

Amber -

I understand alittle bit about what you're going through. I didn't start driving until later in life, and only because I had to when I moved out here to PA. I hate driving. During the day it's okay. Not only am I scared to drive at night for fear of hitting a deer or other animals, but I'm scared of the other drivers. I'm a good, cautious driver, but so many people here are nuts, driving recklessly. Whenever I get in the car, there's the thought in the back of my mind that I'm going to die because of some careless idiot driver. When I first started driving (2 years ago) I would break out in a sweat. But the more I drive, the easier it gets. But I was never in your situation, I never hit a deer, so I don't really know how you feel, only that it must have been so scary.

I think maybe you feel such incredible guilt over the deer's death because you love animals, I know I would. But it wasn't your fault, sometimes it happens to the best of drivers, you didn't do it intentionally, give yourself a break. I drive only 45 mph at night, and if the other drivers don't like it they can pass me. I don't have a choice, I have to drive, so I do it, but I hate it.

I hope you can find a good counselor, maybe at a low-cost clinic, I'm sorry you have to wait for the insurance to kick in. Do the best that you can.

Did you ever consider trying the Bach flower essence remedies? They're not just for our animals. I've never tried it, so I don't know if they would work, but it's something to think about.

Jill and Candy

Here's one place to start:

http://mhmr.chs.ky.gov/MH/I_Need_Help.asp

iluvcandy:

I myself love to drive and before this I prefered night driving because it's less hectic then all the day traffic. Now I just dont want to drive at night at all. I'm a good driver too and that combined with God is how that accident didnt become something worse.
I was always afraid of something happening and mainly my fear was killing animals. I've never been too scared of cars hitting me except passing thru large intersections. I'm hoping that when I start to drive it will get easier each time and that hopefully it will be a while before an animal runs out in front of me at night because that will probably freak me out like crazy and then I'll have an even worse time trying to drive.

I do feel incredible guilt. I keep thinking 'what if's' and wishing I had been able to do something different. I blame myself mainly because there was a line of cars right on my butt and to prevent a pile up and someone getting hurt I had to make a choice. I dont regret the choice because noone got hurt, but I do regret not doing something different. No it wasnt intentional....I cant change it, but I will always feel bad. When I start driving I'll be going 45 or less at night. Atleast then I should be able stop if something runs out, even though that's about how fast I was going that night. I'm going to hate this so much, but I dont have a choice. I need this job and the money too bad.

I hope so too...I'm miserable and Lyle (my Fiancee)is miserable worrying about me all the time and I dont want to be this way forever.

I've never heard of Bach flower essence. What is it for?

Originally posted by Deb25
Here's one place to start:

http://mhmr.chs.ky.gov/MH/I_Need_Help.asp

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Thanks for the link...it helps you posting them because I have no clue where to start and you have experiance with this sort of thing.

Amber,

I don't know if this idea will help, but when I am like that I usually turn on the CD player and get one of the whole library of classical CDs I have (much to my friends chagrin ). Perhaps some soft music will help you. I've got so many CDs of classical that I can no longer keep track of them.

Thanks for the suggestion, but music has always been one thing I use to feel better. It doesnt matter if it's classical or not. It feels better to sing and get my mind off things. Problem is I cant sing and get my mind off things forever. I have to face this sometime.

The deer whistles don't work. I see that you live in Kentucky,I'm afraid that deer are a fact of life there just the same as they are here in Arkansas. I do a lot of driving after dark and as you might imangine I have had several close encounters with deer. Some of the area auto body shops main business is fixing deer dents. I'm not gettin on your case but some of the things you were discribing about the way you might have to drive is down right scary. Please don't put yourself or anyone else in danger.

Originally posted by Strakatzz
......I'm not gettin on your case but some of the things you were discribing about the way you might have to drive is down right scary. Please don't put yourself or anyone else in danger.

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What things are scary?

Well Walmart called finally and said to come in at 9am tuesday march 30th for orientation. Umm....what is that? I guess this means I got the job though right? Has anyone ever had orientation at WM? I'd really like to know how much time it will take and what to expect. I'm extremely nervous! I really want and need this job to work out.

Guess what else....I changed the oil filter and oil in my truck(yes myself) and when I was done I decided I better take it for a test drive to make sure that everything worked ok. So I drove at night. It was only down the road about a mile. Just enough to listen to the truck run. I was sooooooooooooooooo scared, but I was also very surprised. When I started out it took a while to adjust to driving at night because I've been only driving during the day. Wow...headlights are definately not a replacement for sunlight! After a little while I got adjusted to the light. I was still terrified of a deer or something running out in front of me, but I drove the same as I always do. Of course though I probably was ok because I just went down my little country road and wasnt out on the main road or far from my house. I'm not sure how I'll do when I have to drive all the way home. I think I was right though that I've been so nervous because of not being in control. I felt alot less scared being able to go slow and since I was driving. I hope so much that I'll be ok because I hate being so scared. I have enough anxiety problems as it is! So anyway....thanks for all your support sofar....and I'm probably going to be needing it for a while. Especially with this new job. Thanks.

Amber-

Orientation is usually an all day or half day affair. They will get you set up to understand what is expected of you, you will probably tour the store, learn about safety precautions, they will answer questions tell you about time clocks and procedures, breaks etc.. It's just to get you a bit familiar with what will happen and what you will need to do for your job, where and when to report, that type of thing. It is really just to break the ice so you don't feel so awkward your first day.

That long? Darn. Tuesday is Lyle's first day off in a week and his last for another week. *sigh* so much for seeing him. Oh well there'll be other days off and I need the job.
Hmmm so that's what that is! I figured it had to be something like that. I think it's good that they do that though because atleast workers will know the rules and be more comfortable. Luckily for me I am in that store constantly anyway so I feel fairly comfortable there. I'll still feel awkward though. This is all new to me. I've never worked someplace like this. I've always done odd temp jobs here and there and secretary stuff! Thanks for answering my question.

I don't remember exactly what position you applied for or if Wal-Mart is doing things exactly the same as they were when I worked there, but I recall that near the end of my employment with them, they had instituted a training schedule that included computer learning modules based upon the job you were hired to do. (Jump in any time here, Shell.) I imagine that the orientation may be a one-day thing, but from there a training schedule will be set up for you.

I applied for anything in the store, but they told me it was mandatory to be at the register for 6 months. Yeah he told me something about spending a few days on the computer doing training. Good cause it would be nice to know my schedule before I make any plans the rest of the week.

Another question: The woman who called me said to bring 2 forms of Id. My drivers license she said is fine. What's another one? Birth certificate? High School Diploma? I've never had to worry about identification before! lol!





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