*sigh* I dont know what to do....(long vent...)

Today I had an interview at Walmart. I've wanted to work there for months because of the benefits and all and I've really needed a job...Sofar it looks like I've got it. He was very postitive...I wont know for sure untill after the drug test comes back tuesday(which will be fine cause I'm clean). He said I'll be getting about $6.25hr and it'll be 4-11pm. This is great because I can finally get a regular income and hopefully enough money saved up now so that I can go to the technical colledge in FL with Lyle instead of waiting untill he returns since I dont have money. I'm most likely hired. Good benefits. Good hours. You'd think I'd be happier then heck. I'm not. My main problem is I'm still not over the deer accident(do a search for "I hit a deer and cant let it go"). I think it's been a month by now, but I'm still not over it. I've only drove about 4-5 times during the day and none at night since then. Everytime I ride with someone I'm freaking out and so uptight I could scream at any second. A about a week ago, Lyle and I was out and a small animal ran across the road. It was the first thing that had since I'd rode with people. I started to have a full blown panic attack...which sucked cause I've not had one since I was able to quit my medicine in high school. Then earlier this week, grandma and I was at my parents house in another county. It was pouring down rain and on our way home there were 3 female deer on the side of the road. I started screaming deer and she didnt see them and didnt even slow down much because she's used to them because she works in a national park. I started bawling. I hate this. I'm going to have to work and drive home in the dark.....I dont know what to do I am so so sooooo x's a zillion scared out of my mind! I thought by now I could be over this, but I'm not. It makes me feel something's wrong with me. I have not choice but to work second shift. I have to do this. I just dont know how. I dont want to drive. I dont want it to happen again. I honestly dont know what I'll do if an animal much less a deer runs across the road when I start to drive again. I dont want to hurt anyone. The whole reason the deer was killed was because I had a line of cars on my butt and I knew I had to choose which to save. I hated it. I still do. I dont want to hurt anyone and I did everything right before, but who says I will if it happens again. I just dont know what to do....if anyone can help me get over this..please do....I'm susposed to know by tuesday if I'm getting the job 100% or not....by then I've got to be able to drive. Lyle might try to make me drive this weekend since he's off and can follow me home. ARG! This is all so frustrating! If I didnt have anxiety problems already I just wonder if I'd be this freaked out still....I wonder how much of this is normal. *sigh* I hope you guys dont think I'm nuts....sorry this is long. I needed to vet and I need help. Thanks.

P.S. Once I get the job and the health insurance kicks in, I plan to get some counceling..not just for the deer, but also for my anxiety problems. Problem is I have to get over this so I can keep my job long enough to have money to pay for what the insurance doesnt while I'm getting help. That's part of why I need help so bad. I can get 'help' unless I get help getting over this enough I can work.

Geez Amber that deer situation really affected you badly. I'm sorry you're still having anxiety over it. You poor thing. Just know that you did what you had to do and it was in a higher powers hands.

Congrats on the job prospect! I hope it works out for you. Is there a bus you can take or can you arrange rides? Maybe there will be someone else working there that lives near you and you can hitch a ride from them?

I'm sorry to hear that you're having panic attacks. I really don't have any advice for you since I've never been in your shoes before. I hope it gets better for you very soon!

Good luck with the job at Walmart! I hate to burst your bubble about the benefits though. The insurance isn't the greatest (but it's better than nothing at all), but you won't be eligible for benefits until 6 months after you are hired & your prescription benefits won't kick in until after 1 year. That really bites for the new hires. I just thought I'd let you know about that in case if you didn't already know that.

Amber, I'm sorry that you're going through all of this. I really wish you the best & I'm praying that it gets better for you very soon!

BIG hugs Amber


{{{{{{Amber}}}}}}

mzjazz2u:

Unfortunately yes....I just wish I knew how much was normal! I try to keep thinking there had to be some reason and all that stuff, but that doesnt make me less afraid of it happening again...Everyone tells me I'm being silly and to let it go. Its mainly my fear of it happening again causing my problems. I know I cant go back and change it, but I feel if I dont drive it wont happen again....which is something I cant do. I have to drive.

Thanks! I hope so too. I really need the money right now. I've been out of work over a year because noone's been hiring. There's no bus that comes all the way out to my house...if there was that was a great idea! Id be fine with getting a ride, but the only problem with that is I wouldnt feel safe riding with someone I dont know. Lyle and I was talking about him picking me up since he works 230-1100 and I'll be working 4-11. That would be great because I'd not have to drive and I'd see him more, but we both live 15-20 mins from town and have to go thru town to get to each other so it would be way out of his way and I'd feel too guilty which is what I told him.

Shell:


Thanks Shell. I'm glad that you dont have advice then! I'd hate for you to have to go thru panic attacks! I hope so too thanks!

Thanks! They were telling me something about that. That I had some sort of 'temp' insurance as soon as I'm hired then when I'm full time after 180 days I'll get a different insurance. That really does bite cause I need this insurance now. What else can I do though....I dont know any other way to get insurance. I take it you work or have worked at walmart? Did they tell you you had to be a cashier for 6 months no exception? They said everyone did that was new. Odd to me, but oh well.

Originally posted by chelle
BIG hugs Amber

{{{{{{Amber}}}}}}

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Thank you! *hugs*

Originally posted by Gothic_Amethyst


I take it you work or have worked at walmart? Did they tell you you had to be a cashier for 6 months no exception? They said everyone did that was new. Odd to me, but oh well.

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Actually Amber, I'm an Assistant Manager for Walmart & have worked for them for almost 11 years (it's hard to believe that I started back in 1993!). I started out as a cashier & have worked my way up the ladder.

There isn't a policy that says that you must be a cashier to start out, but they try to get everyone new person used to running the cash register (it's probably a policy of that particular store). In theory there shouldn't be a single person in the store who doesn't know how to check someone out. Cashiers are hard to come by in retail because it's so monotonous (sp?) but if you can handle doing that, then you can handle just about anything at Walmart. You'll get your good customers & of course you'll get your bad ones. It's not hard at all & I'm sure you'll do just fine! If you have any questions, just get a hold of me & I'll do my best to answer them! Good luck!

I know exactly how you feel, whenever I am in a car and someone is going over 20 mph I start getting real nervous because I am scared that an animal or child will run out in front. Also I have the anxiety problems, I won't leave our house for more then a day for fear something will happen to my babies, I am always scared that the house will be burnt down, or a robber will steal everything and leave the door open letting the cats out. I won't go anywhere if I have to stay the night, we went camping last summer and I couldn't stop crying cause I was scared something would happen to them. I don't have much advice for you since I haven't even solved my problems. All I can say is drive slow, who cares if people honk, if you need to, pull over and let them pass, just try and stay in your comfort zone. Good luck with the job and everything!

Shell:


:O wow I didnt expect assistant manager! Cool! I cant image being there that long, but I probably will. I'm not ready for colledge yet. They told me if I do good enough at the register with some of my skills they might move me up past the floor...do you like it or would I be better off on the floor?

Ok I wondered cause it seemed odd to me. I agree that everyone needs to know how to run the register, but I think 6 months is alittle long. I'd be soooo perfect stocking and stuff on the floor. I'm really good at organizing and that's all I ever do everytime I'm there. Oh well. I'm so oranizational and stuff I'm going to go nuts doing the same repetitive thing for 6 months! Thanks! I hope so too! Great thanks! It'll be good to get help from someone experianced that cant fire me! lol!

chixyb:

Wow you just described me! I'm so bad about that stuff. Lyle's been nice enough to come all the way out to my house to get me on our dates, but I've been bugging the crap out of him to slow down. All I want is 40-45 at night...he prefers the 55 MPH speed limit! I dont want to leave the house because of what could happen to it or my cats that could've been prevented if I was there, I'm terrified of house fires and I go so far as to unplug everything (everything except neccecary things), I keep a knife with me in case of a robber *blush* it doesnt help that anxiety living beside a paylake out in the country, and I cant spend the night anywhere either....I cant trust grandma to take care of my cats and I dont know what will happen to me at the place I'm spending the night!
I dont care if people honk, but my anxiety's got me convinced that if I go slow and they pass a deer will run out and they'll swerve or hit it and I'll hit them or something. *sigh* I'm going to try...only because I have to. Thanks! Good luck to you too with whatever is going on in your life that you need luck for!

congrats on the new job Amber

I can't have much to say about your panic attacks cos we dun have deers over here and I dun drive... just a huge hug for you {{{{{{hugs}}}}}} hopes it makes you feel better

Originally posted by kateang
congrats on the new job Amber

I can't have much to say about your panic attacks cos we dun have deers over here and I dun drive... just a huge hug for you {{{{{{hugs}}}}}} hopes it makes you feel better

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Thanks Kateang!

I'm glad you dont have to worry about deer! It's not fun! Thanks! *hugs* for you too! It helps having people care!

If the anxiety over the deer thing has gotten to the point where it affects your daily life, ie, you can't drive to and from work because of the fear, it is time for some counseling NOW. There are low-cost counselors available. Look in the phone book.

((((((HUGS)))))) Amber.

I agree with with Deb25, perhaps you ought to start checking for help now. I don't know if it's available, but if it is then it's worth a try to check out.

Try to keep worries, at bay. Focus on recovery.

Dear Gothic_Amethyst,

Relax, Chill. Take some deep breaths. The deer did not suffer. It was quick? It was an accident. Keep this in mind.

I suffer from Bi-Polar disorder. I am manic depressive. I have been seeing a Shrink now for seven years. I also just got a new job. Consentrate on getting that job. With benifits you can get therapy. Stick with it. It takes time, a long time, but you do get better. Good luck.

Goblin

(((Amber))) Sorry to hear this has been so hard on you.

I know of a couple of people who, after having an accident with a deer, got deer whistles for their cars. Supposedly when the car is going over a certain speed, it makes a noise which scares the deer as they hear you coming. This would minimize the chance that they will run in front of the car. Does anyone know if these things really work? Or is it just a way someone is making money off someone else's fears?

Amber i know exactly where your coming from!.
4 years ago my ex boyfriend and were involved in an accident with a 40 tonne lorry that did'nt see us as he was coming into our lane.
We had to change our route after that, and i kept pressing on pretend brakes even though i was a passenger?!.

This is a brilliant opportunity for you and it would be a shame to pass it up, so if you can get help now, or try and build your confidence up on the road you will get there in the end, honestly.

Sending you (((((hugs))))), but keep us informed.

Amber,

Look in the phone book for some low-cost therapists. Also, talk to your pharmacist about possibly starting some herbs. Valarian or St John's wort. They might help with your anxiety. (don't start anything till you have done some research and spoken to someone who knows about it!)

EVERYONE: Thanks for your responses, sorry I didnt reply sooner, I've not been home all weekend.

Deb25:
I can drive during the day no problem. It's just the night that is my problem. Daytime doesnt bother me because I can see animals, but at night (like when I hit it) I had no warning except the first one that ran out. I dont even want to go outside now at night. I'll be working 4-11 so I wont have to worry about the night time on the way there so if I dont think about having to drive home that night I should be ok. I'm going to have to force myself to not think about driving home so I can work without being overly stressed. I agree I do need counceling now, but I dont have the money (no insurance) for it which is why I chose walmart because I'll have insurance thru them so I can go to one. Once I get insurance I will be going. Not only because of this whole deer thing, but because of my anxiety problems too.