Gettin' Old Ain't for Sissies

susanm9006

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Thank you for your concern. 💖
The German health system is wonderful if you are willing to take advantage of it. My partner could get disability benefits regardless of his financial status to pay for cleaning, washing and ironing, cooking, transport - anything he needs - all the things I've been doing. But he has to apply himself and be assessed. I can't apply on his behalf unless I have power of attorney, which I would have accepted a few years ago but it was never offered and I'm not so sure about it any more. I feel too tired. He is now in hospital and I hope he will be checked by internists, neurologists, urologists, cardiologists and psychiatrists while he's there because we're unlikely to get him back into a hospital again unless it is another real emergency.
I'm fine - sitting here quietly with 2 black cats - one warming my back and the other next to me. The other 2 seem to have hidden themselves away but will reappear when I decide to go to bed!
is he the kind of person you can have a frank conversation with? Seems like he need a reality check about what help he needs and what you can, or can’t, provide.
 

gilmargl

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is he the kind of person you can have a frank conversation with? Seems like he need a reality check about what help he needs and what you can, or can’t, provide.
He doesn't believe he needs any help at all. He told the doctor a year ago that he knows he's a burden but he doesn't want to change anything and is perfectly happy sitting on my couch, waiting for the next meal. She couldn't decide whether he had a mental, psychiatric disorder or was simply egocentric. Many people have tried to talk to him frankly but they finish up getting very, very angry. I am a dreadful person and once asked him what his last slave died of. He had 5 used cups and saucers, plus sweet papers and odd plates on the table in front of him where he sits on the couch. He also said that if I died tomorrow he would manage and he was unlikely to have a stroke, or become dement so why bother with a power of attorney.
Writing this he sounds like a monster - but he's a very gentle person and we used to have some good times together. I am not a doctor but I would classify him as autistic. At the moment he has great difficulty coming to terms with new situations. I am having a new fitted kitchen installed so cannot do any proper cooking. Most kitchen items, bread and dry goods are in a bedroom with the microwave ovens, toaster, electric kettle and coffee machine. He can't find anything even though everything is on open shelves and not hidden in cupboards or drawers. I doubt he will learn where to find a knife or teaspoon in the new kitchen when it's finished. But, he's certain he can manage. 😥
I will hopefully be talking to social services before he leaves hospital. Personally, I don't think they will send him straight home to me. There are short-term care homes for assessment purposes and convalescent homes. Although he doesn*t like the idea at all, I am sure he would be happy anywhere where meals are served up regularly on time and he is not expected to do anything! He has the money! I would visit him in such an establishment and may even cut his hair, which is at present longer than mine ever was. He'll soon be able to sit on it. But, I promised him, I would not ask him again if he would like me to cut his hair - but he can always ask and I would do it. He can no longer even shave himself adequately.........but he says he can manage withoit me!
 

susanm9006

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He doesn't believe he needs any help at all. He told the doctor a year ago that he knows he's a burden but he doesn't want to change anything and is perfectly happy sitting on my couch, waiting for the next meal. She couldn't decide whether he had a mental, psychiatric disorder or was simply egocentric. Many people have tried to talk to him frankly but they finish up getting very, very angry. I am a dreadful person and once asked him what his last slave died of. He had 5 used cups and saucers, plus sweet papers and odd plates on the table in front of him where he sits on the couch. He also said that if I died tomorrow he would manage and he was unlikely to have a stroke, or become dement so why bother with a power of attorney.
Writing this he sounds like a monster - but he's a very gentle person and we used to have some good times together. I am not a doctor but I would classify him as autistic. At the moment he has great difficulty coming to terms with new situations. I am having a new fitted kitchen installed so cannot do any proper cooking. Most kitchen items, bread and dry goods are in a bedroom with the microwave ovens, toaster, electric kettle and coffee machine. He can't find anything even though everything is on open shelves and not hidden in cupboards or drawers. I doubt he will learn where to find a knife or teaspoon in the new kitchen when it's finished. But, he's certain he can manage. 😥
I will hopefully be talking to social services before he leaves hospital. Personally, I don't think they will send him straight home to me. There are short-term care homes for assessment purposes and convalescent homes. Although he doesn*t like the idea at all, I am sure he would be happy anywhere where meals are served up regularly on time and he is not expected to do anything! He has the money! I would visit him in such an establishment and may even cut his hair, which is at present longer than mine ever was. He'll soon be able to sit on it. But, I promised him, I would not ask him again if he would like me to cut his hair - but he can always ask and I would do it. He can no longer even shave himself adequately.........but he says he can manage withoit me!
You are most certainly NOT a dreadful person and may be just the opposite, taking on a great deal more than you should really have to. Perhaps he should be in some sort of assisted living facility?
 

neely

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I'm sorry but I didn't reread your post from a year ago so if you already covered this please accept my apologies - do you feel he has the onset of dementia? I also hope, for your sake and his, that social services recommends what we call supportive living. You are truly an angel and deserve to have your own life back. 😇 Bless your daughter, she is looking out for your best interests. :hugs:
 

Jcatbird

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gilmargl gilmargl I am so sorry. I know that memories of good times past and what a person was to us at other times can keep us feeling bonded in spite of changes. I took care of an elderly friend for many years. and see many similarities in the situation there. Change will come. Get rest while you can and if you can find a way to get some control of things, I hope it can benefit you for all the love and energy you have devoted to giving care. You deserve recognition as the one being there to be the guardian. My heart is with you as you find your way through this. So very glad you have the kitties by your side. They are great companions. :hugs: We are here for you too.
 

gilmargl

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gilmargl gilmargl I am so sorry. I know that memories of good times past and what a person was to us at other times can keep us feeling bonded in spite of changes. I took care of an elderly friend for many years. and see many similarities in the situation there. Change will come. Get rest while you can and if you can find a way to get some control of things, I hope it can benefit you for all the love and energy you have devoted to giving care. You deserve recognition as the one being there to be the guardian. My heart is with you as you find your way through this. So very glad you have the kitties by your side. They are great companions. :hugs: We are here for you too.
Thank you Jcatbird Jcatbird You are so kind! 💖 🤗
I'm sorry but I didn't reread your post from a year ago so if you already covered this please accept my apologies - do you feel he has the onset of dementia? I also hope, for your sake and his, that social services recommends what we call supportive living. You are truly an angel and deserve to have your own life back. 😇 Bless your daughter, she is looking out for your best interests. :hugs:
There are so many forms of dementia and he certainly has some symptoms. He is intelligent and can cover up for his lack of understanding very well and can still talk for hours on a few selected topics. If something doesn't interest him he simply shuts down. Kidney failure means that toxins are circulating in the blood and these can also lead to changes in the brain. I have no idea if these changes are reversible or not. I told him today that they were reversible and that he'd feel less confused when his blood was cleansed of poisons.
I am starting to think about getting my life back - first by making an appointment at the small gym, attached to a physiotherapy centre. I used to go there regularly but then there was no time. Perhaps once a week for a start? :)
 

neely

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I am starting to think about getting my life back - first by making an appointment at the small gym, attached to a physiotherapy centre. I used to go there regularly but then there was no time. Perhaps once a week for a start? :)
We're all rooting for you and please know that we share in your triumphs as well as your hardships. :grouphug:
 
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