Feeling anxious/guilty about leaving kitten alone!

mazie

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You know what, considering those old phrases, "Where there is a will is a way" which a member earlier mentioned which I liked, and realizing "what's done is done" and we all just have to "take it from here", my reading of your thread shows me that you  are a good, caring, cat mommy and DO want to make this work.  You know what, it can and I believe it will.  So glad that you are considering a second cat when you get back from your trip.  That recommendation  alone has been expressed by most all of us on this thread.   The cattery Pebble will be at sounds pretty cool.  I am sure he will be fine.  You must understand that when asking for advice/opinions form us on The Cat Site, you are going to get opinions from ALL sides because the one commonality of us members is that we ALL are passionate about cats.  It's a good thing to get a wide variety of opinions.  In that way you can look for the COMMON VIEWS shared by all members and then form your own choices for what fits for you, Pebble and your fiancée.  Hang tight, it will be OK.   (By the way, you can ignore this question if you so choose, but is this trip going to be on a honeymoon?)  Sorry, I could not resist, ignore that question if you like. 
 
 
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plan

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I just wanted to say that attacking you at night time and bursting around with energy at night is completely normal kitten behavior and comes with the package. For the first two or three months with Bud, I slept with my feet tucked tight into my comforter otherwise he'd attack them constantly. And he did most of the time anyway.

It's like having a human baby -- kittens are a lot of work and you will lose sleep, there's no question about that.

And with that there are sacrifices, or concessions you make for the cuteness, companionship and fun of having a kitten. My cat has destroyed many things, from my office chair to a beautiful wood framed mirror to my guitar, my beloved Les Paul. That hurts. But it's part of the deal. I love him unconditionally and that's part of what makes our bond with pets special.

You're not alone in underestimating the craziness that comes with adopting a kitten. I did too. We all do, except for seasoned fosters who have a lot of experience raising them.

I agree with what others have said about a bored kitten being destructive, as well as now being a critical time to really bond.

Good luck
 

kittens mom

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There are millions of homeless cats. I don't know how many are killed in shelters daily to make room for more. The pros for your kitten staying with you greatly outweigh a lot of your guilt. If you feel like he is bonding with you and is getting ample interactive playtime put the guilt away.  Cats sleep a great deal even when you are home.  Sometimes we just got to let it go.
 

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Honey I feel for you. It sounds like you got in over your head. You need to give yourself permission to do what you need to do , even if that's taking him back to the shelter. Sometimes, despite our best efforts, a pet isn't a good fit. Take him back ans get an older kitten (8month or so) when things have settled. We got a kitten a few months ago and he was an absolutely overwhelming experience for us. We took him back to the rescue, no issues, no shame whatsoever. About 4 months later we rescued an older kitten. We have had no issues with her being alone, or sleeping by herself in another room. The first cat was not a good fit for us and there is no shame in that. We were looking sleep and going crazy mentally. I feel like you already have decided it may be best to take kitty back, and if you need someone to reassure you, that that's ok, I'm telling you now, it really is ok. You're a wonderful person who did her best. Kitty will move into onto another family, and everyone wins. There is no failure. It's ok.
 
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matai88

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I don't want to take him back, I want to do all that I can to avoid that!

I'm feeling much calmer after a big chat with my therapist and the vet. I feel like I can handle taking care of Pebble now and the vet didn't have any concerns about his living or sleeping arrangements, he mentioned I'm doing everything I can right now to keep Pebble happy and healthy, and that's enough. The vet said it's very important that we also get a good night's sleep so we have the energy to take care of Pebble!

I may have overestimated his destruction levels a bit in my heightened anxiety. He has clawed up our dining chairs when he's climbed up them onto the table, there's a couple of areas of carpet he attacks when in a playful mood, and he has scratched places on the wall on occasion but seems to have stopped that now. Anyway I see now that's all normal kitten behaviour and a result of a playful mood and territory marking.

We don't have a nature channel but I do leave easy listening music going during the day.
 

plan

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People here can give you good tips on protecting your furniture, and I'm dealing with that now myself with a brand new couch and chairs.

Have you looked at those "tower" scratchers? There's one called The Ultimate Scratching post, you can probably get it for $30 to $40, and not only is it a super-sturdy vertical scratcher, but it's got a little platform on top. I've got one situated in front of sliding glass doors that open onto a balcony, and Bud gets to hop up there and watch the birds, people coming and going, and other stuff outside. It's one of his favorite things to do.

If you set up something like that, or get one of those small window ledge things, Pebbles will have some good entertainment that will keep him occupied for hours. You can also DIY a window perch and fold a towel on it to give Pebbles a comfy little hang out spot where he can look out the window.
 

Brian007

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@Matai88  we're here to support you.  We really are here to help.  

I think we all know that you're not going to take Pebble back now, whatever is said.  I don't think angiecat read through all the posts, there has been a lot after all.   I almost didn't myself when I read your thread starter as I was so worried about you and Pebble.  But I reigned myself in as I try to be as levelheaded as possible.

There have been a lot of individual posters on this thread, who will all watch out for you and Pebble from now on in...  Just because there have been different recommendations for Pebble, doesn't mean we're not all on board your boat.  So, We need to get our thinking caps on to make this situation work for You.  That includes you.  It's no good just thinking your warm, safe, and comfortable home is enough, it's not.  You need to act, not think, and you need to start right now. 

It's the weekend.  You can all sit down together as a family and talk things through.  Pebble will lead the discussion.  Watch his behaviour closely because he will no doubt behave differently to you both when you are 'weekending'.  This behaviour will give you clues as to what stimulus he needs (or doesn't need) during your working hours, and what level of care he needs.  

He's 13 weeks old?  How much does he weigh?  If he weighs 2lbs or more get him neutered this week.  That alone will nip many potential behavioural problems in the proverbial bud.  

He desperately needs both your support and structure right now.  Think of him as your son, not your pet.  He really does need putting first for the remaining weeks before your holiday.  After your holiday and his cattery stay, you can all start afresh. 

Try Bach Flower Rescue Remedy, all three of you can take it.  

And pay attention to the advice that has been and is sure to follow.  You don't have to agree or act upon it but please don't dismiss it without thinking it through.  For example, if you don't want to leave your tv on, at least tune your radio to a talking only station.   

I'm gladdened to hear you had a good chat with your therapist and vet, and are feeling better in yourself  
 
 
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matai88

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@Brian007- he was neutered before we got him. 
 
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matai88

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@Matai88  we're here to support you.  We really are here to help.  

I think we all know that you're not going to take Pebble back now, whatever is said.  
I really do appreciate all the advice I'm getting here, however I do think that taking him back would be an absolute last resort option. What would taking him back gain? I feel like it could mess with him more than if I keep him and try to do everything I can to keep him happy and healthy until we can get a second kitten. Who's to say he would go back to the same foster carer, or that he won't be alone all day and having to sleep apart from his foster carer? How long before he's rehomed? What if is new home causes him even more stress? Maybe I'm not seeing something here but nobody that's actually spoken to me about this in person has suggested taking him back, aside from the re-homing organisation owner who said it was still an option if I REALLY wasn't coping.

Honestly from what I've read on kitten behaviour and what I've noticed with his behaviour, he does not seem stressed, although maybe I'm missing something... there's no toileting outside litter box; digestive issues; excessive grooming/scratching/sleeping/ vocalisation; hiding; change in appetite; or aggression. Maybe the weekend will tell me otherwise but what if it doesn't?
 

kittens mom

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I really do appreciate all the advice I'm getting here, however I do think that taking him back would be an absolute last resort option. What would taking him back gain? I feel like it could mess with him more than if I keep him and try to do everything I can to keep him happy and healthy until we can get a second kitten. Who's to say he would go back to the same foster carer, or that he won't be alone all day and having to sleep apart from his foster carer? How long before he's rehomed? What if is new home causes him even more stress? Maybe I'm not seeing something here but nobody that's actually spoken to me about this in person has suggested taking him back, aside from the re-homing organisation owner who said it was still an option if I REALLY wasn't coping.

Honestly from what I've read on kitten behaviour and what I've noticed with his behaviour, he does not seem stressed, although maybe I'm missing something... there's no toileting outside litter box; digestive issues; excessive grooming/scratching/sleeping/ vocalisation; hiding; change in appetite; or aggression. Maybe the weekend will tell me otherwise but what if it doesn't?
So I'm not going to give advice but here's the thing. I took in stray and at 3.5 weeks the rescue could take the mama and the babies. And we decided to keep the babies at that age and finish rearing them by hand so mama could go get spayed and have a better life. ( huge conflict issues between mama and other resident cat). So it was a long drive to get mama to the rescue and I cried on and off cause I really loved her and knew this was the best I could offer her. A chance at a no kill rescue that really takes care of it's cats. And that was bad. But the drive home was worse because the reality was when I got home I had to get those little babies eating and pooping and just living and I was a wreck. And you take it one day at a time. You deal with one problem at a time. You can't live with the what ifs. And if your kitten is happy then what you're offering works. Stop beating yourself up over what you might ought to be doing because it sounds like you're doing fine. Your kitten isn't going to judge you by how much time you spend with him but by the good times you spend together. Enjoy your kit. That's all he wants is your love.
 

Brian007

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I really do appreciate all the advice I'm getting here, however I do think that taking him back would be an absolute last resort option. What would taking him back gain? I feel like it could mess with him more than if I keep him and try to do everything I can to keep him happy and healthy until we can get a second kitten. Who's to say he would go back to the same foster carer, or that he won't be alone all day and having to sleep apart from his foster carer? How long before he's rehomed? What if is new home causes him even more stress? Maybe I'm not seeing something here but nobody that's actually spoken to me about this in person has suggested taking him back, aside from the re-homing organisation owner who said it was still an option if I REALLY wasn't coping.
Eh? 

There's clearly been a breakdown in communication and you've not read these posts thoroughly.  You, obviously haven't read mine.  And with that, I wish you all the best but there is no point in any further contribution on my part. 

 
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matai88

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Eh? 

There's clearly been a breakdown in communication and you've not read these posts thoroughly.  You, obviously haven't read mine.  And with that, I wish you all the best but there is no point in any further contribution on my part. 

:catguy:
Sorry I'm obviously missing something here? I have read all the replies including yours. What have I misinterpreted?
 
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