Feeling anxious/guilty about leaving kitten alone!

Hi all, I'm new here and have a 12.5 week old kitten and one of the issues I'm facing is that he has to spend 10 hours a day alone whilst me and my partner are at work. On top of this my partner does not want him sleeping with us at night. Essentially he's alone 10 hours a day and then shut out of our room for 8 hours a night.  This has got me feeling REALLY guilty and anxious. I'm so worked up that I've had to miss work for the last 2 days as I started having panic attacks (I have a history of anxiety/depression) :-(

Getting another kitten isn't really an option at the moment (due to cost and the fact that we are going overseas in March) so I'm trying to do all I can to keep him happy. I've left a radio going, food and 2 bowls of water, lots of toys, a cat tree with scratching posts and platforms, the A/C going so he doesn't get hot and he also has a couple of options for beds. Despite all this I'm still incredibly nervous about him being a happy, healthy and well adjusted kitten. 

On top of all this he's scratched up our vinyl dining room chair so we've had to take them out of the room. I'm planning to pick up a second scratching post, some anti-scratch spray and also catnip spray for the post today. Will this help? I'm also going to get him a nice soft cuddly toy for him to cuddle up to.

We've only had him 5 days and I feel silly for feeling this way but I don't know what else to do! I'm almost feeling like I've made a big mistake adopting a kitten and keep doubting myself and my ability to give him all the love and care he needs :-( Am I being silly in feeling this way and letting it eat away at me?

I really think you would all be happier with a second kitten, especially if you are going overseas in March.  What will he do for company while you are away?  With another kitten, you could get him a cat sitter, much safer and kinder and healthier than boarding him while you are away.  I think I'm in the same boat as you, worried that perhaps adopting a single kitten at this time wasn't a good idea.  Of course he is lonely.  If he had someone to play with, he wouldn't be destructive, and there are many inexpensive cat trees for sale.  Check out armarkat.com for good examples.  Playing with him using a DaBird toy a couple of times a day will help with his energy, but he really needs interaction with other living things at this age.

It's not really an option to get a second kitten right now, I just can't afford to fork out another $200+ for a second kitten and extra supplies with our trip coming up :-( I don't know what to do. If I had any inkling that I'd feel this overwhelmed I would have never considered getting a kitten :-(

It's kitten season and chances are you could adopt a second kitten directly from a family who has kittens.  Aside from worming and first vaccines, there would be no big expense until neutering time, and there are many low cost neuter/spay clinics where that is very affordable.  If that's not an option, perhaps you could consider rehoming the kitten you have now, with a friend or relative, since you have only had him five days.  He would easily adjust to a new home and you could wait until after your trip and then get two kittens.   Perhaps a friend has a lonely kitten and would like this one for company, even temporarily until your trip is complete.  This kitten is totally dependent on you for his happiness and welfare, so do try to find a way for him to be happy and loved and not lonely.

Where did you get the kitten from? Is it possible to return the kitten?

Kittens need a lot of attention and playtime. They're really not ideal for someone who's not home 10+ hours a day. Adult cats would be more suitable. Adults do need attention and playtime but not as much as a kitten. Most adults are fine with being alone all day.

I think you should have waited until you came back from your overseas trip before getting a cat. It's not really fair for a cat to get used to a new home in a few short weeks before everything changes and the you are gone for some period of time and a strange person is now in the home filling the bowl of food and scooping the litter box. Pets aren't something you get on a whim beause you want something cute and cuddly. One needs to look at what type of pet would fit best into the lifestyle, what age pet (super active young one, lazy senior, etc), the basic care needs of the pet, how to make the adjustment  period easy and stress free for both you and the pet, typical vet care needs and expenses, etc.

I think we have all done things like this in the past, have been overcome with falling in love with some animal we saw in a rescue situation, brought it home, and then discovered for one reason or another that we have made a mistake.  I did it once many years ago when I purchased a little white kitten from a pet store on a whim.  She was truly beautiful but it only took a couple of days to realize my home was not the best for her.  I didn't want to take her back to the pet store because she was one of a group of kittens in an enclosure and they would just sell her to anyone (I paid $25 for her) whether or not they would be a good home, and I wanted her to have a good home.  I would say that was my first "rescue & adoption" as it turned out, "rescued" from the pet store, and "adopted" to someone else who would give her a good home.  I put an ad in the paper and interviewed people who called until I found a home that sounded better for her, where people were home all day and she would be part of a family, not a lonely kitten in an apartment all day while I was at work, and I took her to their house for a "meet & greet" and it felt good and I left her there.  I checked on her in a few days and she was happy and they were happy. It ended up being a win-win situation.  I learned a lesson (think an action through before just doing it), I did my best to correct the situation, and the kitten got a better home than mine. 

I grew more mature and eventually started my own rescue, and while I try to screen really well, I have a clause in my adoption agreement that if for any reason the people want or need to give up the cat or kitten, they should contact me.  I will either take it back or help them to find a good new home.  Did you have an adoption agreement with your kitten?  Does the group offer to take back their animals?  If you had adopted your kitten from me, of course I would take him back and find him another good home, and thank you for realizing your situation was not right for him.  (I would not have adopted you a single kitten in your situation and would have recommended two kittens or a single adult cat.)  I have taken a few kittens and cats back over the years and it isn't a problem at all.  I would rather do that than have someone feel stuck with a cat or kitten that wasn't working out for them.  Sometimes situations change too.

You obviously have a good heart and care a lot about this kitten even though you have only had him a few days.  You didn't think the situation through far enough to see he would be alone for 18 hours a day, but now you see it.  I am confident that you will figure out how to make this work out so he has a better situation, and then you will have learned a lot, and you will not feel guilty.   Let us know what your final solution is.  I know it will be helpful to others in the future.  We all learn from sharing our experiences here.

I got him from a lovely rescue organisation that knew about my work situation. I would never just adopt a kitten from a personal ad and will only ever use rescue organisation as I don't want to support backyard breeding and I would never adopt an an animal un-nuetered. This one uses foster homes and is absolutely no kill, and the owner knew about my work situation. I was 100% honest with her as I don't believe in lying. If she was concerned about the kitten being alone then why did she approve my adoption application?

Is rehoming him really the only option here? Isn't it really my own guilt and anxiety that's the issue here? He's very playful when we are home and doesn't cry at night when we are in bed. Is there no chance to work around these issues?

I had similar issues last year with a dog I tried to adopt, we had her 4 days but my anxiety was so extreme I couldn't hold down water, she was also so timid we couldn't even walk her so the shelter owner decided it's best for her to find a home with owners home all day, like a retired couple.

Why are full time workers excluded from the joys of having a cat or dog to cuddle up to, just because they can't be with their pet 24/7? Who are the magical people that in this day an age can afford to not work and how do I become one?

@Matai88, I can't speak for the worker who adopted the kitten to you.  Obviously she felt the kitten would adapt to being alone that much. Just because I would not do it doesn't mean others will not.  They are looking for good homes for their animals and it's obvious you are a caring person.  Being alone all day while someone works is not a big deal, the kitten will usually sleep and wait for you to get home to play.  Not being able to sleep with you at night could be an issue if the kitten is lonely, and again, the disposition of the particular animal must be considered.  I know from working with other rescue organizations over the years that there are far more kittens than there are good homes so often they are less picky than I have been in my own rescue, which is small.  I hear they are extremely picky in the UK and Japan also, where there isn't the huge overpopulation that we have in most of the U.S.A.   It's possible the worker felt that this particular kitten would be fine with only 6 hours of companionship a day, or it's possible the worker didn't even think that the kitten would not be allowed to sleep with you if he wanted to.  Cats and kittens have different personalities.  When you spend a lot of time with them, like in a small personal rescue shelter, you know each one well.  If you are just a volunteer with a larger organization, you may not even know a particular cat or kitten's personality and are more concerned with just finding a safe clean home.  Cats do adapt and over the long run, your cat will adapt to this lifestyle.  As I said, if it were me, I would have adopted you a pair of kittens (2 for 1 special, no extra charge for kitten #2) or else an adult cat who is not the pesky type that needs a lot of attention.  The sweet adult cats need homes even more than kittens because when kitten season gets here every year, the kittens are so cute that nobody usually notices the adults. 

You never mentioned how long you will be away overseas, or what your plans are for your kitten while you are away.  Since your trip is next month, I personally would have advised you to wait to adopt until you got back, but that's just my style of adoption.   It's not for me to say that your anxiety and guilt are the problem, because it's obvious you care about the kitten's happiness, and I don't really know anything else about you.  I don't know why your partner won't let the kitten share your bed either, and that's none of my business.  As for your experience with adopting the dog, that does show that perhaps you are unusually anxious and unsure in general, so in that case maybe it IS your problem and not the cat's problem. You will have to figure that one out yourself, or if you have a mentor or a counselor, you might try talking to her.  My concern here is always for the cats so my suggestions tend to explore what may be best for the cats because they can't speak for themselves, but we always want the humans to be happy too.  If your cat is playing happily and not crying at night, maybe he's just fine for now.

Until I grew old, I too had to work full time, but I always had multiple cats until oneold cat outlived the others and she was clearly happy to be an only cat.  She slept with me her entire life and just liked to hang out with me.  She amused herself, and she gummed a mouse to death on her 18th birthday even though she had no teeth.  It wasn't but a week after she died that a neighbor's outside cat who had kittens under their house brought the whole family to me, so I was back into multiple cats, rescues and adoptions all over again, and that has lasted a lifetime.  I know you will work this out one way or the other and hope you find inner peace and are able to enjoy your trip.

We are away for 2 weeks. I'd planned to put him in a cattery. My partner won't really give a reason as to why he doesn't want him in our room, he just said he couldn't sleep with him in there and didn't want him in our room. I guess I'm just going to have to sleep in the spare room with the kitten, though I don't know how long I can keep this up for and I'll miss the time with my partner.

I know now that I should have waited until we got back from our trip and we should have adopted two, but knowing that does not help my present situation, it simply makes me feel more guilty and regretful for not considering these issues before. I've barely eaten or slept this last 5 days.

We all learn lessons in life if we pay attention, and there's no point in feeling guilty or beating yourself up for the lack of foresight.  Just remember next time to think things all the way through before taking action.  I learned from thelittle white kitten experience.  Not to much longer after that (I was still quite young, at least compared to now) I got to playing with some ferrets at a pet store and thought ferrets might be fun pets.  Instead of just buying one.  They need a stimulating atmosphere, not life in a cage 20 hours a day, and at best I should have two, so I satisfied my ferret hunger by playing with them in the pet store frequently.  I have a friend who has ferrets, cats and small dogs, but she is home all the time and owns her own home so it doesn't matter if they wreck things.  She is a great home for animals!

I feel like I did read up a lot on kittens before I got him, and I don't ever remember this being an issue when I was young. My last kitten was an only cat and slept in our living room, the difference there was that I was at school, young and had a lot more time/energy to play with her. She was also allowed outdoors once she was old enough as we lived in a small quiet town and large yard.

It's not really a long term solution but we've decided that I'll sleep in the spare room with the kitten until we work something else out. I'll miss my partner being near me at night I want to try to make this work. It almost feels like I'm having to chose between my partner and my kitten, but I don't want to give up on either. I don't think the kitten being alone during the day is an issue, it's just night time that I'm having trouble with. My partner isn't a horrible person and he loves the kitten, but he has every right to not want the kitten disturbing his sleep.

I feel a lot calmer about this now that I've had a big cry. I want to make this work and don't think we should rehome the kitten just because I'm having a few emotional issues. He's fed, has clean litter, a warm safe house, lots of toys, several beds and is loved - the only think he lacks is time with us and hopefully me sleeping in the spare room with him will help this until he either settles down or we can find another solution.

Maybe we will consider getting a second kitten in a couple of months but we really can't afford it at the moment as we are going overseas in a few weeks (we still need to pay for some of this trip and have money for food/spending) and saving for our wedding (which is the reason we are going overseas, we live in a different country to all our family and many friends so we are getting married back home, and paying for the whole thing ourselves as our families can't afford to travel). Would it be OK for 2 kittens to be alone 10 hours a day during the week and then put in their own room at night? Would it mess with our current kitten too much to introduce another kitten and then try to change up the sleeping arrangements again?

Just FYI, having two cats isn't necessarily twice as expensive as having one. Vets will often offer a multiple-pet discount, they can share toys and beds, and you can buy food and litter in bulk. When we got our kittens, I was worried about being able to afford them because I wasn't working at the time, but so many people advised me to get two that I decided I had to listen to them. I'm so glad I did. My cats are so sweet together and I don't worry about leaving them alone for long periods because they have each other. When they were about 4 months old, we left them overnight with someone coming in to feed them, and they were fine. Once you get back from your vacation, think seriously about another kitten. They'll bond quickly when they're young, and then they'll have each other to play with and love when you can't be there.

I'm not worried about the overall expense it's just the initial cost that I can't cover right now, the cheapest kittens available in rescue centres are $150.

I'm not sure where you live because you didn't put your location in your profile yet, but that can make a difference as to the price of local rescues AND sometimes smaller rescues (like mine) charge less because we use less expensive spay/neuter services and do our own worming and vaccines.  Some of the rescues around here charge $150 but others charge $75.

I live in Melbourne, Australia

Can you tell your husband he's just got to deal with having the kitten in the bedroom?

I know the situation has been hard on you, as you've said, and you've had panic attacks. It's clear you care for your new cat. But the situation is also hard on the kitten and he's just a baby. I think it would go a long way toward making the kitten feel comfortable if he could be in the bedroom with you at night, or at least have free run between the bedroom and another room, if possible.

Another reason I say this is that kittens imprint hard on the things that happen when they're babies, and you want your little guy to be sociable and feel loved. Letting him sleep with you would make a big difference.

I know that isn't always optimal for sleep, and I know kittens can be crazy at night, but that's part of what comes with getting a kitten

Good luck

Oh hunny!!   It'll be all right. There are wise words already posted and it seems like you've come to a few self-realizations too so I just wanted to say that it'll be ok. Maybe once your partner sees how adorable the kitten is they won't mind if he sleeps on the bed with you. Do you think the group where you adopted him from can watch him while you're away? That way he's someplace familiar?

When you get back from your trip keep an eye open for any available kittens. I agree that a 2nd now while he's young would be best. I waited 3yrs until I got a second kitten and though they are friendly they are not super cuddly buddies. I wish they had that bond but you can't force it. I thought they could keep each other company but I feel like I just have 2 lonely cats when I'm away ;C

Technology is really amazing nowadays. Maybe something like this? https://petcube.com/camera/?gclid=C...3iK5TBU0vLJ2hVYciL83gvUy7Ovz1nSnCUaAkWL8P8HAQ

It's expensive, but it's a one time cost without the stress of another life to care for, and you can even play with him while you're at work (on break/lunch of course  ) I'm saving up for one myself! But there are other ones, maybe an Aussie brand that you can easily get.

It's now been a week and I'm really struggling. I barely sleep and spent most of Saturday and last night having panic attacks. The kitten is scratching up our dining chairs, walls, carpet, me and he won't let me sleep more than 2 hours. This is despite providing lots of toys, a cat tree, a scratching post, playing with him a lot before bed, feeding him before bed and using no scratch spray on the furniture. I can barely focus at work because I'm so exhausted. I'm so over emotional I almost burst into tears over the smallest thing. I don't want to give up on him but I don't know what else to do :-(

Matai88 said:

 
I'm not worried about the overall expense it's just the initial cost that I can't cover right now, the cheapest kittens available in rescue centres are $150.

Click to expand...

Suggestion:  See if the rescue will take it back your baby for a month or however long you gone(they have access to foster homes)

offer a price to cover expenses plus select another kitten they can be together then cover that cost when you come back pick them both up 

Or arrange payments they will hold it for you...

*having only one kitten alone long hours can quickly turn into a burden...do you have friends with another cat older

a loaner  then have a sitter to babysit both while you're away. Search for another when you return...

If it's all getting to much ask yourself what the reasons were that prompted you to get the kitten. They offer

lots of comfort to deal with anxiety....