Hello.... I've just joined and this is my first post..... I lost my gorgeous boy over the weekend; 12 year-old Ollie who had such character. I would make a cup of tea and he would wait until my back was turned before sinking his head inside the cup – I miss him so much it hurts.
Ollie became ill last week and was given an antibiotic injection with instructions to give him the same in tablet form for the following 5 days. The vet wanted to see him again because his chest wasn’t clear and his weight was 3.5 kg but he perked up, so I didn’t make that visit. He seemed to be doing well and his chest was clear, although I noticed how sleepy he’d become and how his breathing still looked a bit too fast. He was a happy little soul though, always pleased to see us but would only roll over and let my daughter fuss him; she had “the knack” apparently (smiling). I thought perhaps his teeth might be causing him discomfort – the vet had commented about them - so I planned to book him in to have the back ones removed – but I didn’t get that chance. On Saturday morning, he was ok when we left the house but when I got home later in the afternoon, he was sat in the conservatory and quite unbalanced; almost glazed over and wouldn’t respond. I took him into the hallway where it was more comfortable and he tried to walk in a slow circle and then went from one place to the next but wouldn’t stop moving about.
I rushed him up to a different vet this time because they would be open on a Saturday – and he was examined thoroughly but I was unable to get blood tests done because of it being a weekend. The vet said he had a heart murmur and was concerned at the circular walking – she said it could be his heart, thyroid or even cancer – there was no way of telling for sure. She gave him an anti-inflammatory injection and a B12 injection because his weight had now dropped further to 2.9 kg in the space of a week. I booked him in for blood tests for the following week and took him home; gut instinct telling me he was probably hyperthyroid because I had a cat lose weight like this before.
He had been stressed in the car and at the vets; panting on and off which hadn’t happened at home. When I got him home he was so restless. I picked him up and held him in my arms - he was so light to hold. I got into my dressing gown and sat down with him on my chest so he wouldn’t feel restricted in anyway – and his breathing seemed to ease and the panting stopped– but his heart was still pounding. He drifted in and out of consciousness I think as the time ticked by – his breathing became much slower and weaker – but he was calm with me, which in time I will draw comfort from but not right now. I held him for a long time – until he took his last breath at around 10pm on Saturday night and relaxed completely into my arms. I think his soul had already gone earlier that evening.... I’d like to think so.
It had all happened so suddenly; I was devastated. My little friend had gone. If only I’d taken him back to the vet, if only I’d had him tested for hyperthyroid earlier. If only, if only.... I understand it’s a process of grieving but I’m not sure what’s worse; going off somewhere to pass away like some animals do, having to make a tough decision to end their suffering or having them die with you, being able to recognise your voice and feel your warmth. He was only 12 though; nearly 13 but still 12. We were just not ready to lose him and not as suddenly as this.
My proud little warrior – we had no time to prepare for losing you. You brightened all of our days with your sweet funny ways. I’ve never known a cat be so vocal – with so many sounds to signify different things. You were my daughter’s alarm clock; waiting outside for the sound and then wanting to get in her room – even on her days off. You always knew when she was due home as well – only going outside to wait in the porch at those times. You were my little playmate too – trying to catch my legs if I went past you in the hallway or in the garden – it seemed like yesterday when you ran down the hallway after a ball I’d thrown. Forever nosey and curious – pulling the towel off the box in the bathroom every single time for no reason, as once it had fallen, you trod on it and walked off. I miss you hugely.... Your final resting place is in our garden where you liked to sit in warm weather – never far away and always close to home - but your spirit runs free. Find the others for me my fur baby and feel the cool breeze running behind you..... We will never forget the love you gave us and I hope you always knew you meant the world to us too. xxx
I felt the need to post this - I hope no-one minds - I'm hurting like Hell..... keep thinking I could have done more, should have known, might have saved him.... He was our little warrior xxx