How do you know when a Feral cat is stressed out?

They were rescued at 4 months, I caught, had them tested, fixed and given rabies shots. I got attached to them and they've been living inside with me and their domesticated sister, a year older for ten years now!

My man friend of seven months now is trying to domesticate them by showing them they are okay with us in the living room and feeding them in here. I'm so scared that they are internalizing stress and this will hurt them. He has been able to pet the most scared of the bunch, Ms. Lilly and lays down with them and talks to them for long periods.

Can anyone give me any advice or suggestions on whether they will be ok? He is a good man and I trust that he wants nothing for the best for all of us, but these are my four legged babies and they come first. (Don't tell him that)

How do you know when they are stressed? I read that their eyes will dialate, but their eyes have been dialated the whole time I've had them.and I know they haven't been in fear and stress the whole time we have been together these ten years.

Thanks for any help or comments,

Ms Muffins Mama

(Cheryl)

It doesn't sound like he is causing them any undue stress. 

Cats are pretty good with self-preservation. I am assuming they aren't trapped in the room with him. As long as they have a way to go somewhere else and they are choosing to stay in the room I would say that his efforts are not upsetting them. If they are stuck in the room but they have places to hide and directions to go other than him then they are also probably fine with it. If you were having litter box problems or they were hissing, growling, ears back then I would say you have a problem.

The big thing that is convincing me though is that he is able to pet the one and that he is laying down and talking to them. It doesn't sound like he is going overly aggressive towards them and it sounds like they have the ability to get away from his attention if they want to. It sounds like it is outside their normal comfort zone but it also sounds like he understands cats. 

I'd let it continue. If you notice the ears back, low growling or crouched down but puffed up fur that is when he has pushed too far and they need a break. Honestly, with feral kittens the more effective method of socializing is forced contact which does give a certain amount of stress itself. But kittens adjust better than adults and once they get over the initial fear it only takes a week or so for a kitten to realize humans aren't so bad. Obviously, you have older cats who have settled into a routine so the slow and steady method is better for them. They likely will never be lap cats but his efforts may result in them being more friendly given enough time and effort. 

Thank you for your reply to my post. The cats have no litter box issues. I'll keep an eye on them. i know my awesome partner only wants the best for all of us!