Cloudy

ilovecloudy

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Hi. My baby boy cloudy was diagnosed with CHF about 6 months ago. We put him on medicine and he seemed to be doing okay. I just didn't know his time here would be cut so short. My family and I were forced to put him down yesterday, and I felt his heartbeat stop. I am 17 years old, I had him since I was 3 years old. He was my best friend, my companion. He was a Russian blue, which are a very loyal cat breed. I woke up this morning feeling so shitty.. I am depressed. I miss him so much. This house is empty and is not the same. I need reassurance that it was the right thing to do. I feel like a murderer. I just want to hold my baby close and tell him everything's gonna be okay. He was a little over 12 years old.. His death was so abrupt. I don't know what to do with myself. Someone please save me from this agony.
 

chloechance

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You are not a murderer. Sometimes the hardest part about loving someone is letting them go. My cats still doing ok but l know that time is not on our side. I will not make her suffer. when the time comes l will give her the greatest gift of being able to drift off to sleep and wake up on the other side of the bridge. Who knows maybe her beautiful soul will come back to me and maybe your cats will too. But dont beat yourself up. **hugs**
 
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ilovecloudy

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You are not a murderer. Sometimes the hardest part about loving someone is letting them go. My cats still doing ok but l know that time is not on our side. I will not make her suffer. when the time comes l will give her the greatest gift of being able to drift off to sleep and wake up on the other side of the bridge. Who knows maybe her beautiful soul will come back to me and maybe your cats will too. But dont beat yourself up. **hugs**
Your kitty is in my prayers.. Enjoy every second you have with her/him. It is the hardest thing I've ever had to go through. I can't function properly, I just sit home and sob and drown myself in pain. I miss my baby boy so much. I don't know how to feel, how to cope, what to do. Any suggestions? I'm so miserable.
 

chloechance

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Well in the past l have dealt w the death of 2 cats one tragically and 1 w cancer. Both equally painful. I swore l would never get another pet bc the loss was too hard but in time my heart started to heal and l filled that void w new fur babys. It surely does help and you will know when that time is right. I never forget my first 2 cats and l think back and smile that l got to be their "mom" and take care of them. I am sure your cat knew how much you loved him. When my dear chloe departs it prob will be the roughest yet bc she has been w me the longest and she is my lil cuddle bug. But l already know she will want me to go and save another kitty and be just as good as a mom to them.
One thing that may help is to put together a scrapbook of your baby. I use shutterfly photobooks and create them. That way l always have sometging to look through to remind me of them.
 
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ilovecloudy

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I will try to find as many photos as possible, maybe that will make me feel a little bit better. My prayers are with you and your little cuddle bug.. I hope her quality of life over what ever time she has left is amazing.. Cats are truly more than just an animal. They're your best friend, your companion, your go-to for everything.. I am still in denial that my baby boy Cloudy is really gone.. And still hope that I will go upstairs and see him begging for food and attention. But it seems that the more time that goes by, the more he fades away. I love him so much, I don't ever want to forget him. This is just too soon, too fast for me. I have nobody to talk to, as I don't have friends. Cloudy was usually my go-to. But now I am feeling more lonely than ever, so I truly do appreciate your time.. It helps a lot to know someone else has endured the same pain and that I am not alone.. Thank you so much. Although, I still lay here and sob. I can't cope any other way. I feel so guilty. I am so lost without my baby boy.
 
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ilovecloudy

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I need somebody to tell me everything's gonna be okay, that it gets better. I'm so lost without my best friend. It's been 27 hours without him and I don't know what to do with myself. I'm drowning in guilt and depression. SOS :( I miss my baby boy more than anything in this entire world. I can still hear his pur, feel the silkiness of his coat, feel those bright green eyes staring at me with love. I need help
 

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It will get better, please be kind to yourself. Your sweet boy would never want you to suffer like you are. 
 
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ilovecloudy

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He wouldn't .. Although I don't know how else to cope. I'm just laying here next to the spot he laid last, staring at his bed wishing he would appear. I am so devastated and heartbroken I don't even know what to do with myself. It was so quiet while I ate a bit of dinner, as I barely have an appetite. No pawing, no meowing for food, no sitting on the table staring me down. I just wanna crawl into a hole and be sad forever. I feel like I can't give any more love to my other 2 cats and 1 dog. It's too painful. I'm in so much pain the crying does not stop. :(
 

greypaws

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Hi. My baby boy cloudy was diagnosed with CHF about 6 months ago. We put him on medicine and he seemed to be doing okay. I just didn't know his time here would be cut so short. My family and I were forced to put him down yesterday, and I felt his heartbeat stop. I am 17 years old, I had him since I was 3 years old. He was my best friend, my companion. He was a Russian blue, which are a very loyal cat breed. I woke up this morning feeling so shitty.. I am depressed. I miss him so much. This house is empty and is not the same. I need reassurance that it was the right thing to do. I feel like a murderer. I just want to hold my baby close and tell him everything's gonna be okay. He was a little over 12 years old.. His death was so abrupt. I don't know what to do with myself. Someone please save me from this agony.
Oh honey I am so very sorry both for your loss and the heartache that your are feeling. Going thru this is never easy, no matter your age or how many times this happens. It doesn't matter if you are 17 or 70. When you love with your whole heart, it follows that you will grieve with your whole heart. I'm guessing this is the first time that you've lost someone that you know and love, so you don't have the skills needed to go thru the grieving process. Definitely this is a process, there are stages of guilt, loss, denial and eventually acceptance, acceptance that you did the right thing, that your sweet kitty is no longer suffering. With the eternal sleep you gave him freedom and peace. That is a good thing, just so hard to accept for those left behind. Animals live in the present, humans are the ones that think of the tomorrows. You gave him the very best of the present, he was loved and well cared for, that is a legacy that you can carry in your heart. Grieve, shed those tears, hug the other animals in your home, they need comfort too. Tomorrow the sun will shine, your grief and pain will be still be there. Give yourself time to learn how to live around it. May time be gentle and ease your heartache with sweet memories of years together.

I'm an old lady, we've lost 3 dogs to CHF,  along with other dogs and cats to serious diseases, there comes a point that there is nothing else that can be done to keep them pain free and have a quality of life, so we gave them the gift of eternal sleep. They are still in my heart and always will be. There is a special corner just for them. That is thing you need to remember, hearts are wonderful things. They expand many times over the course of your life. We let these wonderful pets into them, and when our beloved animals take that journey to eternity, they are still there. Eventually, you'll have new, loved ones to fill your heart and arms and your heart will continue to expand and make room for them, be it an animal or a human. Be kind to yourself and if your grief threatens to overwhelm you, please speak to your parents, a counselor at school or another adult that can help ease you thru this.
 

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So sorry for your loss of Cloudly.  (love that name by the way) I know words don't take away the heartbreak but I hope you can find some solace in knowing that Cloudy had a terrific life with his loved ones from his first day to his last, and he died with you at his side, not all alone.  I can tell from your writing that your're a wonderful human being and you will find friends later in life if you want them, other teenagers are often stupid but it does get better.  One of the good things about getting older is you can seek out like minded people who are more appealing to you than the ones you can get stuck with in school.  Sorry if this is too off topic.  

It's healthy for you to take the time to grieve instead of bottling up your emotions, but as said above please reach out if you need some help.  Everyone here understands how you feel, we all love cats so much.  You should be proud of the great care you gave your cat.  It's hard on people that cats/dogs have such short lifespans but I guess it's in their interest that we're often able to look after them for their whole life.  I'll be thinking of you during this time. 
 
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ilovecloudy

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GREYPAWS:

That message has truly eased my pain a bit. I am so lucky to have had such a loyal, faithful, loving companion by my side all the years of my life so far. I love him with every inch of my heart and soul. The things I'd do to be able to hold him once more. I am truly feeling so guilty .. I feel that if we had put him in emergency care it would have been possible for him to survive a few comfortable more weeks.. Anything.. Any period of time is better than being dead. Life is so fragile, so precious. It was so hard to watch this disease slowly kill him. Yes, he was comfortable, but at times his breathing was labored, and on his final day, yesterday, something just suddenly went wrong. It all happened so fast. I appreciate your kind words, and also your realistic perspective. As you are probably right, I guess I'll feel guilty for a while, but maybe accept it in a while, too. This house is so empty, so quiet. I've always strived to become a veterinarian one day, so that I can help cure diseases like this. Watching my best friend suffer and go has been the hardest thing I have endured in my whole life. There was truly a bond. Your beloved dogs and cats and any other animal are in my prayers. I'm sure they were delightful. I just can't seem to ever be able to fill this void in my heart. I feel empty without my baby boy. All I do is sob and hold onto his bed and lay on the floor in spots he would. Nothing will make this easier. Thank you so much, though. greypaws greypaws
 
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ilovecloudy

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S sarah c
Thank you so much, I'm sure you are a wonderful human as well. Cats are not just pets, they are family members. They are the loves of our lives. They are loyalty, selflessness, love, all in one. I love my baby boy so much. I feel so much guilt, anger, sadness and longing for my baby. I feel so scared for him. What if he's not in a better place? What if there is no kitty heaven? I hope he isn't cold and alone. I hope he knows I love him so dearly and would do anything to bring him back. I truly am so distraught and depressed, I can't talk to anyone, I just sob. This will never get better. This house will always be empty and lonely.. I do greatly appreciate you reaching out.. I am lonely and in pain. I cherish every memory, every precious moment I've spent with my baby boy. I don't want to remember him by his final moments. But, they were just so traumatic for me, I'll never get over it.. I'll never forget. I wish he would wake up .. Sorry to go a little off topic
 

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So very sorry about Cloudy. I understand how hard it is to lose a buddy. Mine passed almost a year ago and I still miss him. Cats are very loving and affectionate so it is easy to develop a strong bond with them. We spend so much time with them it is that much harder when they leave us. That is where the empty feeling comes in. Cloudy lived a wonderful life because of you and the care you gave him. The Russian Blue is a beautiful cat and I'm sure you were inseparable. Twelve years is a long time and I understand how close you were. My heart goes out to you and the pain you are feeling. Spend time with your other 2 cats and they may help ease your pain. RIP Cloudy
 

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Just a short note cause I'm in bed;I can't tell you if there's heaven or not but I promise you Cloudy isn't alone or cold, and he absolutely knew you loved him, he's probably known his whole life. Also, please don't feel guilty that you could have done more, heart problems are so unpredictable/incurable that it probably wouldn't have made a difference. He was on meds, you did everything you could.Being in the hospital, not being able to see you much wouldn't have been a better scenario, imo. Good night.
 

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Time is the only thing that helps to soften the agony. In the meantime I have found it helps to keep busy, and try not to dwell on the end, but rather what that sweet boy meant to you and what he brought to your life as he shared your life's journey. I found that doing good in their name helps to make you feel better about yourself, it keeps his name alive by donating pet food, litter, or your time at a local shelter. I paid for the adoption of several unadoptable cats to make it easier for them to get a chance at  a little of the love I shared with my soul mate, I know she would approve.

 I know one thing for sure, he would never want to be the reason for you to feel this way, he only wants happiness for the one he loved above all else. As you would want for him if you were the first to go. It hurts, it is agony, and it is equal to the love you held for him. But he would be the last one to want you to carry such pain and darkness in a heart he now dwells in, to close your heart to another love. He left you a legacy of love and would be honored  if you could pass it on when you are ready. It also keeps your mind occupied and gives you something to concentrate on rather than your pain. 

I felt the same as you, losing my Chrissy was and is the most traumatic event that ever happened in my life. You will never 'get over it' but rather learn to live with it and follow a new life's order. Your sweet boy will never leave you. the bond you formed can never be taken from you. He can feel your love and concern, but he can also feel your pain. Send him your comfort and love and he will do the same. He IS at peace now, there is no physical body to feel pain or fear. What you feel for him is spiritual, it is unending and for evermore.He is on a new life's path that will always parallel yours until you meet again. You need to surround yourself with people who can share your pain, by acknowledging and sharing this pain it helps to make it a little more bearable. My heart goes out to you, I'll keep you both in my thoughts and prayers. I cry with you because I know what you are going through and what is yet to come. Hold on to your precious memories of happier times, and know you are never alone. Take care..........RIP beautiful Cloudy, you will never be forgotten, your place in this loved one's heart is secure. Send what comfort you can, and the promise that you will always be near. I know you are so grateful for the home and the love you received, and your love will be sent as a beam of pure light from the new star that is in the heavens tonight. Send it to surround your loved one and dry the tears that are falling for you, send your purr on the soft breeze that caresses the face of the one who misses you so much. Sleep tight, sweet Prince! 
 
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ilovecloudy

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Time is the only thing that helps to soften the agony. In the meantime I have found it helps to keep busy, and try not to dwell on the end, but rather what that sweet boy meant to you and what he brought to your life as he shared your life's journey. I found that doing good in their name helps to make you feel better about yourself, it keeps his name alive by donating pet food, litter, or your time at a local shelter. I paid for the adoption of several unadoptable cats to make it easier for them to get a chance at  a little of the love I shared with my soul mate, I know she would approve.
 I know one thing for sure, he would never want to be the reason for you to feel this way, he only wants happiness for the one he loved above all else. As you would want for him if you were the first to go. It hurts, it is agony, and it is equal to the love you held for him. But he would be the last one to want you to carry such pain and darkness in a heart he now dwells in, to close your heart to another love. He left you a legacy of love and would be honored  if you could pass it on when you are ready. It also keeps your mind occupied and gives you something to concentrate on rather than your pain. 
I felt the same as you, losing my Chrissy was and is the most traumatic event that ever happened in my life. You will never 'get over it' but rather learn to live with it and follow a new life's order. Your sweet boy will never leave you. the bond you formed can never be taken from you. He can feel your love and concern, but he can also feel your pain. Send him your comfort and love and he will do the same. He IS at peace now, there is no physical body to feel pain or fear. What you feel for him is spiritual, it is unending and for evermore.He is on a new life's path that will always parallel yours until you meet again. You need to surround yourself with people who can share your pain, by acknowledging and sharing this pain it helps to make it a little more bearable. My heart goes out to you, I'll keep you both in my thoughts and prayers. I cry with you because I know what you are going through and what is yet to come. Hold on to your precious memories of happier times, and know you are never alone. Take care..........RIP beautiful Cloudy, you will never be forgotten, your place in this loved one's heart is secure. Send what comfort you can, and the promise that you will always be near. I know you are so grateful for the home and the love you received, and your love will be sent as a beam of pure light from the new star that is in the heavens tonight. Send it to surround your loved one and dry the tears that are falling for you, send your purr on the soft breeze that caresses the face of the one who misses you so much. Sleep tight, sweet Prince! 
That was so beautiful it made me sob. I will never forget what you have said to me, and what you have said about my dear baby boy. I just pray to god he never fades into just a memory.. today is the second day without him and it has not gotten any better. I can't get his final moments out of my head. I am so traumatized. My first love is gone and there is nothing I can do to bring him back. Your kind words do ease my sorrow a little. I hope he knows that I love him so unbearably much. I hope he doesn't think that we are murderers. I did not want to put him down.. I feel that that is murder.. But to ease his pain, I guess it would have been selfish to keep him alive. Oh how I miss him so much. Going home is not the same anymore. I am so depressed. I will continue to try and remember only the good times. Thank you so much.
 

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Coming home to an empty house is always the worst. that is why I truly suggest getting a kitten to keep you occupied. Never to replace, nothing could ever do that, but a new love will help you to reorient yourself to the present. Kittens have a way of demanding attention and worming their way into our hearts. Like a mother with many children, each one is unique and precious, irreplaceable. Sweet Cloudy would guide you as what to do, he only wants your happiness, you gave him so much. Ask him, he will answer, maybe not in words but in a fleeting thought, or in a dream.

He would never think of you as a murderer, he relied on you to find the strength to end his pain, and you came through. No one should suffer with something that will never get better. You saved him from unending agony and a decline into a loss of dignity. There should never be a hesitation to choose quality of life over quantity. What is life if it is unbearable, that is not living. It is selfish to prolong suffering, and we humans are selfish. It is one of the hardest traits that we have to learn. To listen to our hearts and let go because it is the right thing to do. It doesn't make it any easier when we love someone so much, but it still is the right thing, the humane thing to do. It is the hardest thing any one of us will have to face, there is no way to prepare for it, nothing that tells us what to do. You act with your heart. May you be blessed you for going through so much pain because of love.
 

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I'm very sorry for your loss of Cloudy. So many of us know how much it hurts. Many awful feelings seem to attack us. They are a crushing weight that can get heavier and heavier. We have these normal feelings because we care and we have loved. In the beginning of our grief, it seems impossible, but this weight on our souls becomes lighter. The awful feelings will be replaced by happier memories of times and events we shared. We eventually understand how blessed we were to be together no matter how long or short the time was. There is no set time table for grief. Feel what you feel. There is no one thing that can make things better. You do have your other kitties and dog. They need you and will help you if you allow them to. Xena helped me so much after my Boney Girl passed. My memories of Boney Girl help me now that Xena has been gone 10+ weeks. Our kitties are now in perfect condition in a perfect place.
 
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ilovecloudy

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You all are so compassionate and gracious.. It feels good to talk to people who also know the pain I am going through. It continues to warm my heart when someone else replies to me.. The more people that tell me it was the right thing to do, the more my guilt lessens. I will turn to my other animals for comfort, but they don't love like my sweet baby boy Cloudy loves. They merely are just there at times.. You know? They don't understand like Cloudy does. di and bob di and bob thank you for your words.. It has helped my dad as well who was the closest to cloudy out of all of us. He says you are very compassionate and gracious. Words do not ease heartbreak , but they do make one understand more. God bless your soul.. I hope it was the right thing to do for him. It is day 2 without him, the house cannot be emptier, neither can my heart, but I will continue to try and reminisce the good times.. It is what he would want. Quality of life is far more important than quanitity.. 13 years of an amazing life, a week of agony would have been selfish.. You have somewhat reassured me.. I am forever grateful.
 

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@ilovecloudy
I can feel with you. My Kiki crashed in just 2 days. I had no idea that I could lose her so quickly. We went to the vet Friday because I thought something was wrong. They kept her overnight for a urine sample and I brought her home Saturday morning. By Saturday afternoon, it was clear that there was a problem, but I thought it would pass. Sunday she was obviously in trouble and we went to the ER. I never thought I would not bring her home from that trip. She was far more ill than I could have imagined. After the very kind vet tried to stabilize her, it became obvious that I could let her go and relieve her pain or subject her to several days in the hospital alone and confused. I couldn't do that to her. They brought her to me, and she wasn't in pain and she purred for me. I had never walked a kitty to the end of the bridge, but she knew I was with her and that she was loved.

She tucked me in every night, snd miss her so much at night. The younger cats are clingy now, but it will never be quite the same. Time will help, and I'm not crying as much 4 days later. She was my girl and left her paw prints on my heart
 
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