Giving Away A Cat

   My family has fallen into some unfortunate events and due to financial problems I believe, (along with my older brother) that it'd be best to get rid of our cats and parrot. My mother and two younger siblings disagree. One of our cats, which we've had the longest of the two really helps my sister cope with everything that's happening with our family. So I feel bad giving him away since he's become her therapy pet. But we have a teenage cat who is really having trouble with everything. We got Chip as kitten after Julian died to give company to Bagheera, and my family also thought it'd be best to get me a replacement since it was my cat that died. Due to financial problems we are moving in with family, and we've been in between both our current house and our future home, we've had to spend days at the other house making renovations. When we came back to our current house we found that Chip peed on our dogs bed. So we cleaned the litter box and changed the bed out. But even after that Chip has continued to pee and poo on all of the beds the dog has. And we figured he was acting out because we were gone for so long. So we changed things so we could be back at the house with the cats. But then for school break my siblings and I went away for a couple days while my mom stayed home. When she came back from work he had peed in the bathroom on a towel. Chip is not neutered, and yes, we clean the litter box regularly so  he has no reason to go anywhere else. And the peeing did stop once we came back home. But he did it once again when I left for a couple days, and that's the last time he's peed anywhere, that was a few days ago. Anyways, I don't have the patience to deal with him. I know that sounds selfish but I am really busy, and I can't pay as much attention to him as I used to. I have joint custody over me so I'm going to have to leave the house for days at a time, plus I'm 17 and will be going to college soon, and I don't believe I will be able to take him with me. I think our current life situation is stressing him out and then he's just stressing me out and I don't have the patience or time to actually deal with him. And since he's my cat, my mother has put me in charge of dealing with him. I think that gives me the right to give him away if that's what I think is best for him. He deserves a home where people will actually pay attention to him. He's a really good cuddly cat and he fetches and he's an awesome pet. I just can't deal with him anymore. But the thing is, our other cat has gotten attached to him and I was wondering how badly you guys think giving Chip away would affect Bagheera, especially since he already lost one brother. If the strain of losing another friend would be too big on Bagheera then I won't give Chip away, but if you all think he'll get over it in a decent amount of time then I'd feel much better with going through with my decision.  Anyways, please give me your honest unbiased opinion. 

Older Cat : Bagheera 

Teenage Cat: Chip

Cat that passed away: Julian

 Jan 30, 17/ Update: I just want to thank everyone whose responses were helpful and informing to the questions I asked. I will be setting an appointment for Chip. And we'll go from there. Hopefully things will get better from there. 

And thank you again to those of you who didn't give any judgement. And I hope that everyone before saying anything judgemental to someone in a situation similar to this will think about what they're writing and make sure it's pure of heart, since no one actually knows what's really going on in anyones life. 

He needs to be neutered and he needs to see a vet. Al of this stress may have caused a urinary issue, such as a uti. I think you should reevaluate after he has had appropriate medical attention.

This may sound a little harsh but it's just my personal opinion. Dis-guard it if you wish.

When you get a pet you are accepting the responsibility of looking after that pet. To give away a pet that is in it's teenage years would be horribly stressful for the cat. Both for him as well as your other cat.
Financial issues are not enough reason to give away an animal you have had as a pet for years. Honestly, a cat cost's pennies to sustain. If you can't afford a cat you need to make some life changes!
Also if you can't take responsibility for a cat you also need to make some life changes. They more or less look after themselves. If he is peeing outside of the litter box there is a reason. Either he is stressed, wants to mark his territory because he feels threatened, has a bladder problem or something else similar. Ask your vet for advice. There are products like feleway that can help if it's a territory thing which it may be as you say he pee's on the dogs beds etc. In any case, I personally think it would be a mistake to give away your beloved cat just cause you cbf with it.  I mean, you don't have the time or patients for your cat? really!?!? 

Life is precious and your cat loves you. Treat him with respect and return the favor.

Edit: Actually if you truly can't take responsibility for your cat then maybe it is better that you give him away to someone that can but you should take a long hard look at yourself if that's what you resort to.

At 17 with no financial resources you are between a rock and hard place. If your Mom is willing to pay to have the cat vetted, neutered and care for it, for the rest of it's life, optimally keeping him is better. If that can't happen due to her financial constraints and/or your living conditions, then take him to a no or limited shelter and have them place him. Most likely with enough attention, there is a good chance your other cat will be fine as an only.

We should take life time responsibility for any animal we bring into our life. There are times it is in the best interest of the animal to re-home it, so do it in the best way possible. Never dump an animal anywhere or give away into a situation where you are not positive it will be well cared for. Hard as this is, I hope you learn a valuable lesson from this and don't take in another animal, no matter what it is, until you are grown, have your own job and home. Animals are expensive when you properly vet and care for them and you need the resources and time to do so. All puppies and kittens are cute and there will be plenty to choose from, when the time is truly right, for you to open your heart up to another animal. 

ImTheBae said:

 Chip is not neutered, and yes, we clean the litter box regularly so  he has no reason to go anywhere else. And the peeing did stop once we came back home. But he did it once again when I left for a couple days, and that's the last time he's peed anywhere, that was a few days ago. Anyways, I don't have the patience to deal with him. I know that sounds selfish but I am really busy, and I can't pay as much attention to him as I used to. I have joint custody over me so I'm going to have to leave the house for days at a time, plus I'm 17 and will be going to college soon, and I don't believe I will be able to take him with me. I think our current life situation is stressing him out and then he's just stressing me out and I don't have the patience or time to actually deal with him. And since he's my cat, my mother has put me in charge of dealing with him. I think that gives me the right to give him away if that's what I think is best for him. He deserves a home where people will actually pay attention to him. He's a really good cuddly cat and he fetches and he's an awesome pet. I just can't deal with him anymore.

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Poor unwanted cat. If you had gotten him fixed he wouldn't have been peeing everywhere. He cannot help his territorial hormones! Cats are super-sensitive. He can sense you don't want him anymore.

It's very tough to care for an animal at that age. Money for your pets is not exactly "your" money. You're graduating, expected to start college soon and if you're really at hard times, need to get a job. It's really time to think of yourself and not what strangers think. People are harsh and rightfully so because they are thinking of your cat but you need to think of YOU. If the cat is a unnecessary distraction that damages your progress in a education that can shape your future then make the decision best for your particular situation. Cats are individuals that deserve happiness but Chip can find that in another home. When you are financially stable, you can decide if you want to take responsibility for an animal. I can't say I have been in your shoes but I have been in mine. Without a home at fifteen, now I'm no older than you, just eighteen. I have been home to home but have finally got a grip on things and have three animals, all of which are vaccinated and spayed except Nigel who is neutered. It's all about building a stable environment for your animals before you get them. They are much like children, when I was homeless I didn't even dream of getting another animal just like I wouldn't bring a child into the world knowing I couldn't afford it.

Trust me, you have to make tough decisions. But you WILL eventually find your bearings and feel good about yourself when you're snuggling up to your pet at night knowing you are doing the very best for them because you can. Good luck in life and make smart decisions. [emoji]128522[/emoji]

Lea98 said:

If the cat is a unnecessary distraction ...

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Nice way to describe a family pet.

Primula said:

Nice way to describe a family pet.

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Believe me, it's tough to call them that but even family can fall into that category. I call my pets my babies but pets can sometimes, in a delicate situation, cause a distraction. If you can not afford that, literally AFFORD their issues sometimes it's best to find someone who can. I remember my mother crying because her cat urinated on her mattress, she couldn't afford another, it was ruined. It's not like you could put it in the washer and be fine. There were no quality sprays that truly took the smell away then. She slept on the floor for six months until a friend sold her a cheap used mattress. We couldn't afford another mattress, and we couldn't afford another accident like that. So yes, unfortunately the cat had to go. You can only keep what you can afford. Spending the money on a used mattress because of the cat incident caused my sister to miss out on her first three days of school because she was unprepared with no supplies. That money was her supplies money. Don't judge other people by the choice of words they use because more than likely they have a reason to see them in that light.

It is a tough situation you and your family are in. No one can really advise you on what you should do. Most of us on this site would never give up their pet (myself included). If one of my kitties don't have a home, then I don't have a home. It is that simple to me. Yes, I have faced hard times, everyone does, but you manage to survive.
Your Mom wants to keep both cats, so why not? Also, one cat gets to stay and one must leave. Maybe it is just me, but I don't understand that logic.
I am not judging you, but the cats are family too, both cats.
Whatever you and your family decide, I wish you all the best.
Wishing the very best for the cats as well. Try to remember, all they really want is to be wanted and loved. I hope they get that, if not from your family then their new family.
All kitties deserve to be loved!

There's only one question you need to answer: What is best for the cat?

Someone I knew once adopted a kitten who was peeing all over the house and wouldn't use the litter box. This person worked full time. She would come home, try to care for the kitten, clean up after her, take her to the vet, encourage her to use the litter box, and the kitten was still peeing on her bed. So this person decided to keep the kitten locked in the bathroom all day, just so she wouldn't have to return the cat to the animal shelter.

There are people who will tell you that you should never, under any circumstances, give up an animal you have committed to. This is true, to an extent. But I have seen people become so "committed" to their animal that they refuse to see what's staring them in the face. They can't provide food or vet care for the animal, but they keep stringing it along because they made a commitment. They are in an environment that is causing the animal undue stress, but they can't give it up because they made a commitment. Their own lives are falling apart, but they won't allow their pet to go to another home. 

That person above put her own beliefs about commitment and her own worry about being judged by other people above her kitten's health, safety, and happiness. She decided to keep a kitten locked in a small room, instead of responsibly returning the kitten to the shelter to be adopted by another family who could provide better care.

That is unnecessary stubbornness. All you need to ask yourself is what's best for the cat. And be honest. Sometimes what's best for the cat is  to rehome him because you can't provide his care anymore. That's not fair to the cat. But above all, if your cat could be happy and giving him away would hurt him more, you have a responsibility to help your pet feel better.

Lea98 said:

Believe me, it's tough to call them that but even family can fall into that category. I call my pets my babies but pets can sometimes, in a delicate situation, cause a distraction. If you can not afford that, literally AFFORD their issues sometimes it's best to find someone who can. I remember my mother crying because her cat urinated on her mattress, she couldn't afford another, it was ruined. It's not like you could put it in the washer and be fine. There were no quality sprays that truly took the smell away then. She slept on the floor for six months until a friend sold her a cheap used mattress. We couldn't afford another mattress, and we couldn't afford another accident like that. So yes, unfortunately the cat had to go. You can only keep what you can afford. Spending the money on a used mattress because of the cat incident caused my sister to miss out on her first three days of school because she was unprepared with no supplies. That money was her supplies money. Don't judge other people by the choice of words they use because more than likely they have a reason to see them in that light.

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I presume your mother's cat was never fixed.

My advise would be to get the cat neutered and health checked, as that is probably why he is peeing more than because he is missing you. If that doesn't change your situation enough that you still feel you can look after him, then it is probably the time to consider rehoming him. Even if you rehome him, it's probably good form to get him neutered for his next owner anyway. 

Please give your cat some time to settle into his new environment before you make a big, rushed move.  I understand the financial stressors but he is family and is owed a bit of time and effort before being re-homed.  Cats get euthanized bc of problems like this so he is being put at risk if he's being passed on before the problem is dealt with.   Our cat had a few accidents in response to the stray cats outside stressing him out, and he peed on the shoes of a guest in order to mingle their scent with his own.  However, this went away very quickly.  Increasing his play sessions helped a lot.   He is also an older cat, and they can feel more easily threatened as they move down the heirarchy compared to other, fitter cats.   This problem has a few straightforward and effective solutions.  As other have said, neutering him will probably help immensely.  Otherwise, prozac can be a huge help.  Felliway is also recommended for this problem, although there's some controversy about wether or not it does anything at all.  Please find it within your heart to have a little patience with your cat, and give him some attention.  Patience is a mood  and you can work on changing that mood.  Sorry if that sounds patronizing but I believe it's true. Petting your cat is better than cleaning up pee isn't it?  

One last idea, I don't know if you have a scratching mat/post but a small seisel mat made a huge difference to our cat.  They can mark their scent/ territory through their paws and release tension.  After we got our cat a mat he never peed outside the box again.  Also make sure he has a safe spot he can retreat too.

Primula said:

I presume your mother's cat was never fixed.

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I was actually. Next.

Lea98 said:

I was actually. Next.

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Next?

Primula said:

Next?

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It seems like you question how much my mother cared for her cat.

Lea98 said:

It seems like you question how much my mother cared for her cat.

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You mean the cat "that had to go".

If you take the cat to a shelter, be aware that it will probably be a death sentence. If you would rather do that than try and solve the problem by being a responsible pet owner and getting it fixed, you are a very selfish person. If you aren't a selfish person and are just having a momentary lapse in judgement, you will look back on this decision and feel very bad.

Primula said:

You mean the cat "that had to go".

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Precisely, she made a lot of sacrifices for that cat. Ultimately, she had to sacrifice her own happiness to give it a shot at finding a home who could afford her love. Cats, or any animal for that matter, cost money. Make no mistake in that.

Hi ImTheBae.  I am really sorry to hear about your troubles at home and with your pets.  So sorry about Julian.  

Life isn't fair.  It is the bed we have to lie in.  Sometimes there is no right or wrong decision.  Who are we, here in the forums, to say what is right or wrong for you.  The decisions you make for yourself or others in your care, you are the one who will carry the consequences of it, the rest of your life.  Your decision.  Your burden.  

Three times in my life I have been on the "giving" away end of such a decision.  One of which, even after more than 30 years, I still regret.  If granted a second chance, I would decide differently.   Presently, I am on the receiving end of someone else's "giving" away (or rather abandoning).  Life isn't fair for either guardian or companion.  You are the boss of your life.  The buck stops with you.

My one regret was a stray pup I took in, at my wife's pleading to do something.  She told me tenants were mistreating him, so we both set out to find the little pup that I had fed earlier that evening.  I had never given thought to caring for a little pup or dog.  We only took him in so I could try to find his owners.  We couldn't afford the pet deposit.  He was destroying the half bath (wood and drywall chewing).  My wife began to despise him over the coming months.  Soon we were moving and I decided he was going to a local shelter a few minutes away.  I returned not 45 minutes later to leave information I had gathered from the library, thinking anyone adopting him would find it very useful.  He had already been adopted.  He was a Belgium Sheepdog and my regret.  My burden to miss even unto this day.  I wish you, Chip and your family the best.