My cat won't stop meowing at night and I tried everything...

Hey guys! I noticed there are a lot of people of people with similar issues, but (and this has happened before) none of the answers seem to apply to my kitten... 
She's around 4 months and she's been acting up lately, I'm not sure why. But the worst is the meowing at night... I live in a flat and I'm afraid the other tenants will start complaining as well. But here's the thing, I tried pretty much everything I saw online so far and NOTHING works. I'm sleep-deprived, tired, frustrated, and so is my boyfriend.... So here's the main picture: 

She's not allowed in the room, because we are both allergic to cats. Both our doctor and the veterinary do advice us to keep her away from the bedroom. She meows, extremely loud, especially considering her size, and for HOURS. I'm not even joking... Sometimes she gives up after a couple of minutes, but more than once she meowed non-stop for 1 HOUR AND 20 MINUTES. I was inside the bedroom crying out of frustration. Sometimes, this happens 7 times a night. So as you can imagine, we barely have any sleep in between meowing sessions. And the nights she meows the least, it's still three to four sessions. So... Not even those nights make up for lost sleep. From the solutions I saw online, here's what I have to say: 

- Just let her in: This is the most common one I saw. Not an option, medically advised to do the exact opposite. Plus I really think she's already way to spoiled and I certainly don't accept to put mine and my boyfriend's health at risk for the cat's luxury.

- She might be sick: She goes to the veterinary more often than I go to the doctors. I already explained this to the vet and she said she has no clue what is going on and she's perfectly, completely healthy.

- She's hungry: Fresh water every morning and every night. The dry food is always there also. I tried giving her wet food just before bed to see if the full stomach makes her sleepy, but nothing stops her from meowing.

- She's bored: I also saw a lot of people saying to tire her out before sleep and it's impossible. We play a lot with her. A LOT. That is another problem we are having... She now also meows for attention, for us to play with her. She can play for an hour straight and still meow that she wants more. And next time she's awake, she'll want to play for HOURS, again. We simply don't have the time to spend every waking hour with her giving her attention, but she's acting like we must. We played for sooooo long last night, she wasn't even getting up anymore. She was just laying there. And still, she meowed upset when we decided to stop. And during the night, she came LAY DOWN at our bedroom door and meow laying down. Not to mention that she has tons, TONS of toys just laying around to play with. 
 

-  Ignore her: We've doing that since we got her, because the vet told us right away she would probably start meowing at the closed door. It's been four months, no avail. She actually got worse in the last two weeks, those have been hell. We've started ignoring her as well when she meows during the day to play or to be petted, and she starting misbehaving in ways she never did before, just to get a reaction out of us. That includes biting, scratching, us and other things she never even touched before!
 

- Feliway: The miraculous spray is not available in my country... 

The apartment is very small, I can't lock her anywhere (the only other place besides the bedroom with a door is the bathroom, and it's not big enough to fit her litter box there), nor can I fit a crate to teach her that bedtime is quiet time. 

I work from home and I have to be here, almost 24/7 and it's starting to kill me. The meowing happens day and night, and sometimes she's in my lap getting petted and she will still meow because she wants me to look at her. I have to stand there and look. at. her.    I love her but this is truly driving me mad. The noise is constant, and so are the problems. She's constantly, constantly asking for attention, and when we ignore her she makes sure to show us that she's there. I'm going crazy, me especially because I spend entire days locked in here with her, but I have to work. I truly love her, but I am honestly starting to resent her... She has everything a happy kitten could want, but she keeps wanting more.... 

Please, for the love of god, what can I do? If the neighbors start to complain to the landlord I will be forced to give her away, because of the building's policy... Moving is, of course, also not an option for us. 

Is it an option to get a second kitty? It would give her another furry friend to get the attention and interaction she is trying to get from you. I know you are probably thinking at this point that it would multiply your problems. But honestly she sounds needy and high energy so another kitten would give her an outlet for both those. Space wise, two cats doesn't take much more room than one. Ideally you would set up a second litter box but provided that you clean the one you have frequently and it is larger you would be okay with one. I would say to get a kitten so it can keep up with her energy level instead of an adult (you could do younger but I wouldn't go more than a month older). I'd do a male too just because I have had poor experiences with two females AND she sounds like more of a dominant personality so that is asking for trouble IMHO. Probably look for a kitten that was raised underfoot and kitten with multiple siblings. 

If not, during the evenings she may be looking for warmth to sleep with so maybe a heated cat bed with a heartbeat stuffed animal to sleep with. If you don't have a cat tree, those can be great exercise tools to get some energy out and she may find that she likes sleeping on a higher perch when people aren't around (may make her feel more secure so she sleeps instead of looking for safety in numbers). 

Semi-unrelated, I have had no positive experience or outcome with Feliway so I wouldn't try too hard to get it. 

Thank you so much for your reply, that settles a couple of things for sure... I heard a lot of people saying good things about Feliway, that's why I was sort of bummed out about finding out I couldn't at least give it a shot :/ but knowing about your situation kind of makes me feel better. 

The problem with getting a second cat is everything that comes along with it... My kitten was a gift from a friend, who knew I always wanted a cat but never got one because of my allergies, and so she said she would adopt the kitty, if our allergies got so bad we really couldn't stand them. However, we are still kind of figuring out if this will work. We've been under constant observation by our doctor, and there are a couple of symptoms I still don't have under control (my boyfriend is reacting far better)... One of my symptoms is pretty insistent coughing, which could lead to asthma. I already have breathing issues from sinus problems, so my doctor really doesn't want me developing asthma. I do need an operation about my breathing and everything but I can't afford it so far. So, I am constantly getting checked, and the first sign of my allergies getting worse I will have to give my kitten to my friend. At the very least for a couple of years, after getting my surgery done I can try it again..

So, a second kitty it's a whole other question mark... I already feel heartbroken at the possibility of leaving this one. My friend already has two cats, so if she takes this one it will be three. I couldn't possibly ask her to adopt yet another one in case things go badly health wise :/ 

About the bedding, she does have a heated bed actually. Sometimes she'd rather sleep on the couch so even there I leave a bed of pillows with a hot water bottle underneath for warmth... The stuff animal is something I can definitively look into, I never heard of anything like that but maybe I can order it from somewhere, I doubt there are stores here in Portugal with something like that. And I do not have a big cat tree, I have a very small one! My friend, the one who gave me the kitten, has one and I've been away for a couple of weeks and left the kitty with her and she told me the kitten doesn't care much about the tree, but maybe it could be because there were two more big cats in the house and the tree probably had their scent in it? Maybe if I get her her own she'll give it a look.

What frustrates me is that in friend's house, she behaves sooooo much better. I can't help but to think that the problem is us... She can't be unhappy, she's super spoiled and she's constantly purring when she gets petted or played with. She's super excited to see us every morning and when we are both on the couch, she always stretches so she can be laying on top of both, instead of having to choose one of us. She's lovely, and this kind of attitude wasn't there in the beginning... Why would she be so mean to us, with the biting and the scratching? And why didn't she even try to do it to my friend when she was over there??

Is it possible she is coming into heat?  I have seen posts on here where certain breeds (like Siamese) can come into heat as young as four months.  It causes incessant howling, yowling. I thought of that first thing when you said she was "acting up lately".  It is quite possible, and if it is, the only solution will be to have her spayed.

However, I do wonder if it is the separation from you.  And I hate to say it, but she may need to be in a home where she can sleep with her owner, or have another cat as a companion, especially considering your respiratory issues.  I have one cat that does not want anything to do with other cats, yet have another that constantly needs to be with another cat, or he is unbearable.  You may have one that is social and needs company 24/7.

hbunny said:

 
Is it possible she is coming into heat?  I have seen posts on here where certain breeds (like Siamese) can come into heat as young as four months.  It causes incessant howling, yowling. I thought of that first thing when you said she was "acting up lately".  It is quite possible, and if it is, the only solution will be to have her spayed.

However, I do wonder if it is the separation from you.  And I hate to say it, but she may need to be in a home where she can sleep with her owner, or have another cat as a companion, especially considering your respiratory issues.  I have one cat that does not want anything to do with other cats, yet have another that constantly needs to be with another cat, or he is unbearable.  You may have one that is social and needs company 24/7.

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I guess that makes sense... I don't think she's in heat though, she's a stray and we have her operation book for March. Like I said I have been to the vet, I have told her about her acting up lately, and she's been looked at for pretty much everything: she's fine. She's absolutely fine. And the meowing she does is definitely for attention, because it is specifically  to get our attention and she stops once she has it. The meowing at night was always there, now it just got worse.... The extra neediness is the thing that is new, and the fact that the attention seeking meowing moved on to the daytime as well, even if she's already being attended do. It just needs to be more, more constant, more present. Like I said in the first post, I could be petting her and she'll meow right in my face because I am looking at the tv. She NEEDS me to look at her, to be petting her and paying full attention. She even wakes up mid nap and meows for me to look, then goes back to sleep. If not, she'll stretch her paws and touch my face while meowing. Today she even bit my nose because she was smelling my face and meowing for attention and, like most people advice me, I ignored so she knows that meowing doesn't get her anywhere. And she bit my nose. She didn't even leave afterwards, she kept meowing at me! 

It probably sounds like the cutest thing in the world, and most times it is. But it's such so draining, so tiresome, so constant, it's not sweet anymore. Not even from her side, clearly. She know's she's hurting, she's been trained not to bite. She doesn't do it, unless we are actively ignoring her. So she knows exactly what she is doing, and I don't feel loved by her anymore, I just feel used and abused. 

A second kitty is definitely a troublesome issue for now... I really don't want to give her away. even if she's staying with my friend, I got used to having a kitten around the house, I'm loving it and I really really want to keep her. It pains me to hear that maybe we are not the right owners for her but maybe it's a truth I have to accept... 

While the heat is a possibility I think with her age it is unlikely. Especially since she was better behaved at your friends house and its been going on for a longer period of time. 

As to the allergy thing. I am right there with you. I am fully aware everyone's allergies respond differently but I am on asthma medication, daily allergy pill and nasal spray for mine and that is after 5 years of allergy shots. I've found that the pointed cats bother me less and if I get them young I adapt to them better as they grow than hitting my system with a full grown cat. That said it is still more challenging while they are growing as my body adjusts. I finally have settled with my cats and the younger one is 1.5 years old. But each cat affects you differently so it is a long process of trial and error to find a low reactive one. For my home we have no curtains, just area carpets, leather furniture where possible and clean sheets regularly. All things to reduce where allergens can hide and clean where they do. 

As much as it pains me, she may not be the right cat/kitten for you unless you can get a companion for her. 

To clarify, she isn't being mean when she bites and scratches, she is doing what she would do to another cat for attention. She was probably different at your friends house because she had her furry buddies to take out the energy on and get affection from. Especially if she was a stray in her early weeks of life she may take comfort and solace from having cats around her that she just can't fill with a human no matter how much you love her and she loves you. My little female, Rocket, came to me feral at 4 months old and while she will cuddle with me and sleeps with me every night I know that I rank below my male in her life. She grew with other cats, looks to them for comfort and guidance, and would never be comfortable as an only cat.

My male, Link, is a loud and very typical Siamese type mix. He is 2.5 years old and has been stuck indoor only on and off for the past 4 months due to medical things (he's accident prone, right now spider bite and broken leg in unrelated incidents). He will grab a toy and walk around the house yelling with it until he finds someone. Which looks and sounds as funny as you probably imagine. He does this at any hour of the day demanding attention, playing and affection. Luckily my parents are retired so he has someone home most of the time and Rocket is his play buddy. He never does the yelling with a toy thing when Rocket is around and will seek her out to play instead. Those two can go barreling back and forth, up and down, all over the house. The sounds is like a little stamped going through the house sometimes with the occasional dropping of something they knock over. Then she gets tired and goes outside for a break. But him? He has only fully on or passed out asleep. And when he has outside access they do the same thing outside except she bolts INSIDE to get away from him for a break, lol. At night Rocket sleeps through the night so Link will wander the house demanding attention at all hours of the night. Luckily, I can usually just say his name and pat his head half awake and he goes off somewhere else. Just this week though I got him a cat tree (43 inches tall) and he has let me sleep all night since. She may surprise you and love a cat tree if it is taller (and yes, the other cats claiming it could have kept her off it at your friends). So I am speaking from experience in saying your best option is, in my opinion, another kitten with similar energy levels. If you have tried everything else sometimes the problem is just a personality issue that will not change of being needy and high energy. You definitely don't want a calm/mellow kitten because that would only serve to frustrate your current kitten and the new one. My Mom's cat Nightfury is very mellow and low energy. He is one of those who would gladly be the lone cat in the home but will tolerate others if he must. Before we got Rocket there was a lot of hissing coming from him and distracting from us when Link got a really a needy moment or energy spike.

BUT, if you get a second one would your friend be willing to take both if you got to the point where your health was in jeopardy? 

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Given your situation it might be better to ask the friend to take this one back and either see if she calms when she gets older. At that point you may be in a better position health wise and able to try again. The trouble there is she would likely bond closely with the other cats in the home and not be happy leaving them. Or go looking for a mellow kitten that doesn't trigger your allergies as much as other cats may who is happy as a single kitty.

I wish the news was different, it sounds like you love you kitten very much and she is lucky to have such an adoring home.  With all the feedback and suggestions you get you are the one that has to make the choice and live with it so I hope you figure out something that works for you and everyone involved. Please let us know how it goes. 

Kieka said:

I wish the news was different, it sounds like you love you kitten very much and she is lucky to have such an adoring home.  With all the feedback and suggestions you get you are the one that has to make the choice and live with it so I hope you figure out something that works for you and everyone involved. Please let us know how it goes. 

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Thank you so much, really. It is hard to hear but I've been avoiding it already before you guys told me. I've had my thoughts before, really. I will discuss all of this with my boyfriend and my friend, and we will see what we'll do about this... 

Thank you so much once again, it means a lot to have other people's support!

I'm in full agreement with @Kieka  that it doesn't sound from your 2nd explanation that it's heat meowing, but it is possible for them to go into heat at 4 months.  It's just not common.  Glad to hear you have her spay already booked, and here's hoping she doesn't go into heat before March.  I had a feral I had booked for a spay at 5 months that went into heat the week of her spay.  They still did it, but charged me a lot more, and she had to spend 2 nights at the vet office instead of one.

My hubby has the allergies as well, and is on his 2nd round of desensitization vaccines in ten years.  It has helped him tremendously, but he is more sensitive to plant allergens than pet, or at least that's what his allergy testing revealed.  But one thing we've implemented that seems to have helped more than anything is the addition of two high-quality air purifiers in the house.  He has noticed an incredible improvement, we run one at one end of the house, and the other in the den where we (and the cats) hang out the most.  You might try that.  But you need to get good quality ones that are geared toward allergy sufferers.  It has made a HUGE difference.

I also vacuum with a really good vacuum almost daily, unless I'm just really pooped when I get home from work.  We have mostly hardwood and tile, but bedrooms are carpeted.  I still vacuum the hardwood well, because it just "floats" around on hard floors.

You might want to try declaring all-out war on the air quality in your home first before giving up due to health reasons.  We also purchased a high quality humidifier that has helped settle airborne particles.

I know it's very hard to face the prospect of having a furbaby leave, especially once you get attached to their individual cute personalities--faults and all.