I'm in a state of painc right now (WARNING - GROSS TOPIC)

There I was sitting down peacefully on my living room sofa when my cat walked by me stinking to the high heavens, I look down at him and low and below it looks like he has a piece of manure stuck to his rear end. Quickly grabbing him before he could sit his royal bum on my bed, I carried him when his lower end dangling in a panic to my bathroom then moved all of the rugs out of the way. I am now in a sticky situation, my loving pain in the rear hates to have anywhere near his privates touched. How am I going to get this thing off of him? Has anyone else had this problem? I'm sorta panicking because he's 12lbs really long and I don't have anyone who can help me hold him. He's currently still in the bathroom as I attempt to come up with a plan.

OK...first thing is to calm down!!!  If you approach your cat in a state of high anxiety, your cat will flip out.  If you approach the cat calmly, all will be fine.

I've had this situation once or twice as I suspect many here have.  My solution was to clean up the worst of the gunk with toilet paper and then give the cat a bath.  If bathing is out of the question, keep going with the toilet paper and dampen it with warm water.  You don't have to get 100% of the stuff out...just what's on the surface.  Let the rest of it dry, then you can clip the area later.

To keep control of the cat, keep a firm hold on the scruff area (but don't actually scruff) and give breaks where you stroke the cat gently and talk to him.  Treats help. 

Good luck!!

Gloves and baby wipes!!!

This is your kitty. You should want to help him be comfortable no matter how gross it may be to you. He needs your assistance and if you are all he has please help him.

After tearing though my linen closet I have finally found the gloves, and his favorite treats. I know he loves water but I don't think he would tolerate a bath. I'm going to try to just use some damp paper towel to get the worst of it off. I've never been so thankful for his "aloof" personality before, he's just chilling on the bathroom floor. I do feel a bit sorry that he is unaware about what I'm about to do to him though. Thanks everyone for your quick replies, if it wasn't obvious already I'm a first time cat mom

Destiny73 said:

There I was sitting down peacefully on my living room sofa when my cat walked by me stinking to the high heavens, I look down at him and low and below it looks like he has a piece of manure stuck to his rear end. Quickly grabbing him before he could sit his royal bum on my bed, I carried him when his lower end dangling in a panic to my bathroom then moved all of the rugs out of the way. I am now in a sticky situation, my loving pain in the rear hates to have anywhere near his privates touched. How am I going to get this thing off of him? Has anyone else had this problem? I'm sorta panicking because he's 18lbs and I don't have anyone who can help me hold him. He's currently still in the bathroom as I attempt to come up with a plan.

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We had a persian cat that had situations like that. Use baby wipes to get it off and while doing it grab him by the upper part of his neck (dont choke him, just grab him like cats carry their kittens) , or if you think he won't freak out from a bath, wash him
Edit: i just noticed this was 12 days ago so if it happens again use gloves baby wipes or wash him (we once had to cut our cats fur off one part but i dont think that a good idea)

I'm a little late also but I second the damp paper towels and I always make sure to use lukewarm water.  Once his bum is dry i use a stainless steel comb to get the rest of it off.