I'm sorry to post, as I know I'm a chronic lurker rather than really active on the boards.. I'm just feeling really at a loss for what to do and how to cope right now. I've tried to start this post several times, but I haven't been able to even get through typing things out without complete hysterics (and getting so jumbled that I'm not even making sense).. I could just really use any support offered - thank you in advance and I really hope I can make some sense.
Just one month ago I was the happy owner of 3 beloved cats.. Now I have 1.
I was their sole owner for the past several months. The cats and I lived with my mother, but she passed away on 4/9/16.
Sir Lancelot (Lance) was 18 years old. My family adopted him in April, 1998 when he was just a few months old (I was only 9). He had kidney issues for a while, but was relatively non-symptomatic until last August when he crashed badly. I almost lost him then, but after a few days in the hospital on IV fluids he came back home. He was on sub-Q fluids and meds (and a very obsessive rotational diet from me), but he flourished. The vets said they were shocked at how well he was doing, both in testing (levels from well in Stage 4 CKD down to Stage 2) and in his demeanor/activity level/body condition/etc.
Then last month I woke up one day - he had been quite playful and running around just a few hours before - and he couldn't use his back legs whatsoever. He ended up staying in the hospital overnight and came out able to move at least to use the litter box. However, less than 24 hours later he was back at the hospital, even worse than at first. His back legs were cold with barely no pulse, and his legs and tail were completely unresponsive. The vet said she thought it was saddle thrombus (or maybe extremely aggressive tumor(s) or maybe...), but regardless it was extremely unlikely that he would regain use of his legs enough to have a good quality of life (and attempting to keep him alive would means lot of specialist, poking and prodding, treatments, and pain).. I ended up deciding to put him down in the early AM hours of 12/9/16.
I knew Mufasa was not at his best during this time. He was a senior (age 11-15+?) whom we had only adopted in July, 2015. Besides being emaciated at that time, he was in good health. Then this past fall his kidney levels went drastically up - from totally healthy kidney levels to almost Stage 4 CKD levels in 140 [highest they show] and creatinine of 17.3). Vet said that with levels like that, especially so suddenly, she thought it must be something like renal lymphoma.. And treatment would be hospitalization on IV fluids and a feeding tube, with virtually no likelihood of him not being in a lot of pain for however long the rest of his life would be. So I put him to sleep, too...
I miss them so much that it feels incomprehensible most of the time. I know that I'm biased, but they were both really amazing cats. Lance loved snuggling for hours and falling asleep on my arm. Mufasa would curl up on my chest and make biscuits all the time. They would both purr incredibly loudly when they were just in my presence (without me even petting them). The staff at the animal hospital actually loved Lance so much that they made up songs with his name in it (when he was hospitalized in August). Lance spent his last hours struggling to snuggle closer to me, because he could see I was upset and he always did that.
And I feel so guilty. So incredibly guilty. I know that both vets said that if it were their cat they would choose to put him to sleep in both instances and that there was nothing I could've done earlier to prevent either cat's decline.. But what if I made the wrong decision? They were both, especially Lance, purring as they were put to sleep - how could I end their lives when they were still feeling good enough to be purring? What if they could have made it through with a good quality of life? What if I didn't take good enough care of them?
Also, I'm really worried about my remaining cat, Maki. He's been in hysterics since this happened.. He's a very social cat and has never been alone before. I'm trying to be there for him, but I don't think it's enough..
... Okay, I realize I really need to end now. I'm sorry this was so long and rambly - I would edit it, but I'll just end up erasing it again. I hope something in here made sense. Thank you again to any support or anything - or just for making it through this post.
Just one month ago I was the happy owner of 3 beloved cats.. Now I have 1.
I was their sole owner for the past several months. The cats and I lived with my mother, but she passed away on 4/9/16.
Sir Lancelot (Lance) was 18 years old. My family adopted him in April, 1998 when he was just a few months old (I was only 9). He had kidney issues for a while, but was relatively non-symptomatic until last August when he crashed badly. I almost lost him then, but after a few days in the hospital on IV fluids he came back home. He was on sub-Q fluids and meds (and a very obsessive rotational diet from me), but he flourished. The vets said they were shocked at how well he was doing, both in testing (levels from well in Stage 4 CKD down to Stage 2) and in his demeanor/activity level/body condition/etc.
Then last month I woke up one day - he had been quite playful and running around just a few hours before - and he couldn't use his back legs whatsoever. He ended up staying in the hospital overnight and came out able to move at least to use the litter box. However, less than 24 hours later he was back at the hospital, even worse than at first. His back legs were cold with barely no pulse, and his legs and tail were completely unresponsive. The vet said she thought it was saddle thrombus (or maybe extremely aggressive tumor(s) or maybe...), but regardless it was extremely unlikely that he would regain use of his legs enough to have a good quality of life (and attempting to keep him alive would means lot of specialist, poking and prodding, treatments, and pain).. I ended up deciding to put him down in the early AM hours of 12/9/16.
I knew Mufasa was not at his best during this time. He was a senior (age 11-15+?) whom we had only adopted in July, 2015. Besides being emaciated at that time, he was in good health. Then this past fall his kidney levels went drastically up - from totally healthy kidney levels to almost Stage 4 CKD levels in 140 [highest they show] and creatinine of 17.3). Vet said that with levels like that, especially so suddenly, she thought it must be something like renal lymphoma.. And treatment would be hospitalization on IV fluids and a feeding tube, with virtually no likelihood of him not being in a lot of pain for however long the rest of his life would be. So I put him to sleep, too...
I miss them so much that it feels incomprehensible most of the time. I know that I'm biased, but they were both really amazing cats. Lance loved snuggling for hours and falling asleep on my arm. Mufasa would curl up on my chest and make biscuits all the time. They would both purr incredibly loudly when they were just in my presence (without me even petting them). The staff at the animal hospital actually loved Lance so much that they made up songs with his name in it (when he was hospitalized in August). Lance spent his last hours struggling to snuggle closer to me, because he could see I was upset and he always did that.
And I feel so guilty. So incredibly guilty. I know that both vets said that if it were their cat they would choose to put him to sleep in both instances and that there was nothing I could've done earlier to prevent either cat's decline.. But what if I made the wrong decision? They were both, especially Lance, purring as they were put to sleep - how could I end their lives when they were still feeling good enough to be purring? What if they could have made it through with a good quality of life? What if I didn't take good enough care of them?
Also, I'm really worried about my remaining cat, Maki. He's been in hysterics since this happened.. He's a very social cat and has never been alone before. I'm trying to be there for him, but I don't think it's enough..
... Okay, I realize I really need to end now. I'm sorry this was so long and rambly - I would edit it, but I'll just end up erasing it again. I hope something in here made sense. Thank you again to any support or anything - or just for making it through this post.
Hugs. And for both of them to pass within just 2 days of each other. I don't know how you survived it. 
