The Most Difficult Thing I've Ever Done *Warning* May be upsetting to some

I recently had to put down a beloved member of my animal family myself. Muffin, who was 17, had been having health issues for some time. I had 11 cats, counting her; all are either rescues, or had been born into the family. Having so many, I cannot afford alot of veterinary assistance.

One morning I saw that she was in a great deal of distress, trying to breathe; and having done everything I could with medication and nursing care over the last few months, I knew the time had come, and what I had to do.


Afterward I asked myself, "how could I have done this?" But then, "how could I have not?" It's the most difficult thing I've ever had to do, and will haunt me till my dying day.

  Bless you for having the courage and the LOVE to give your precious kitty an easy passing.  "Blunt force head trauma" is most often, as in your case, a very humane ending. Death is inescapable; in my feral rescue, I have been in the same awful situation, especially with tiny kittens, because the veterinarians are so limited on procedure, the fastest (instant, actually) and kindest methods are those we are talking about now. I still feel haunted by what I have had to do but I am much more haunted by the wee ones who suffered and cried at the vets' - even the veterinarians have agreed with me about that. In my state, they can put down pigs in that way but not companion animals; it is unfair to all involved, in my opinion.

Now, the goal for you is to forgive yourself and allow yourself to grieve losing your special friend. I have known people who spent thousands of dollars trying to help their sick dog and at the end of it all, the poor dog suffered and had a low quality of life and death came as a friend - their owners kept the poor animal alive only to suffer, which to me is selfish. you showed the truest love of all - letting go because it was the right thing to do. And up in Heaven, your kitty thanks you

I am so sorry for your loss.  It is so painful to lose a loved one.  And you know we love our kitties.  I am so sorry you have had to go through this.  

Euthanasia is an act of love and mercy, and  I'm sure it was incredibly difficult. You have my condolences, sympathy and respect.

I am sure it was the most heartbreaking thing you had to do, it will be traumatizing for a long time to come. I hope you will come to realize that it WAS time, and no matter the method, the outcome was the same. I truly believe the method you chose was the fastest and the least traumatizing for her. What you did you did out of love and concern and she knows that.  She would never want you to be in such pain.Please try not to dwell on the end. but concentrate instead on the years of happiness and love she brought you.  You were with her at the end, she was comforted by the love she felt in your presence. The bond you formed over those years will always be with you, nothing can take that away from you. Her new journey will always parallel yours, until it crosses again in the distant future. She will always be a part of your past, a good part, all she asks now is to bring sunshine once more into your heart  for the one she loves so much, as you would want for her if you were the first to go.

You set her free of something that would never be healed or come to an end, you were her angel of mercy when she needed you to be strong. Now your heart is broken and you are second guessing yourself, try not to do that, it brings nothing but heartache, Go out and do something good in her name, it will make you feel better about yourself. Give cat food or litter to the local shelter, pay for the adoption of one that has been there so long to help make it easier for them to be adopted. Give pet food to a pantry. 

My heart goes out to you, I know the pain of a broken heart. Time is the only thing that helps, that and talking to people who understand and can share some of your burden, take care.......RIP beautiful Muffin, you will never be forgotten and will reside for evermore in a heart that holds you dear. Sleep tight little Princess!

Paramour said:

I recently had to put down a beloved member of my animal family myself. Muffin, who was 17, had been having health issues for some time. I had 11 cats, counting her; all are either rescues, or had been born into the family. Having so many, I cannot afford alot of veterinary assistance. One morning I saw that she was in a great deal of distress, trying to breathe; and having done everything I could with medication and nursing care over the last few months, I knew the time had come, and what I had to do. Not being able to afford the high price for euthanasia, I took her out and shot her in the head. It was a clean kill, and I really don't think she felt anything or knew what happened, but I'd rather have taken the bullet myself. Afterward I asked myself, "how could I have done this?" But then, "how could I have not?" It's the most difficult thing I've ever had to do, and will haunt me till my dying day.

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So, so sorry for your Muffin loss and what you had to do.

Vets should really help when you can't afford their high

fees to put your kitty to sleep.  Did you approach a vet

to put Muffin down peacefully.  You did what you had to

do, try to get the strength to move forward before stressing

yourself out.  RIP Muffin, your owner loves you unconditionally

Thank you all for your kind words and understanding. Most people wouldn't understand, and maybe say, "how could you do such a horrible act?" There was no other way though; Muffin was the sort of cat that it was a struggle just to give her meds; for a vet to try to put an IV in to euthanize her would have been too traumatic for her. I don't know about an afterlife for humans or animals, I do desperately hope to see all my beloveds again, but as no one's ever come back to tell us what lies beyond, unfortunately there's no way to know.

Paramour said:

Thank you all for your kind words and understanding. Most people wouldn't understand, and maybe say, "how could you do such a horrible act?" There was no other way though; Muffin was the sort of cat that it was a struggle just to give her meds; for a vet to try to put an IV in to euthanize her would have been too traumatic for her. I don't know about an afterlife for humans or animals, I do desperately hope to see all my beloveds again, but as no one's ever come back to tell us what lies beyond, unfortunately there's no way to know.

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I am so sorry to hear about Muffin's passing. May she rest in peace. I am sure that she went quickly and peacefully and at home, not stressed out at the vet and not alone. You loved her and she knew that. I am just sorry that you had to do what needed to be done. Did you fix her a nice little final resting place? I agree with the others about doing something nice in her memory.

I live in the country on an acre of land and a little stream runs through it. My little kitty cemetery overlooks the creek, and there are many who have gone before, resting there. I have always rescued cats, it's what I do. So there are many little graves. I chose the spot because the kitties always liked to play there in their lives. Muffin has rejoined her family who have gone on before.

I am sorry for your loss and the awful memories associated with it. You showed your dear friend mercy 

Paramour said:

Thank you all for your kind words and understanding. Most people wouldn't understand, and maybe say, "how could you do such a horrible act?" There was no other way though; Muffin was the sort of cat that it was a struggle just to give her meds; for a vet to try to put an IV in to euthanize her would have been too traumatic for her. I don't know about an afterlife for humans or animals, I do desperately hope to see all my beloveds again, but as no one's ever come back to tell us what lies beyond, unfortunately there's no way to know.

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There is nothing wrong with the choice you made. In your arms and your care and with your mercy.

You will meet Muffin again one day .........I've had to drown a small rodent,  bird or two to end suffering as an emergency.

Doing things like this is out of love so it isn't a bad thing.  Sorry for your loss,

 you ended a life quickly with the least amount of pain, farmers do things like this all the time.

It's dealing with unpleasant memory give yourself some time.  17 is an awesome age ~

Do not feel guilty about not being able to offer more medical help

there are no guarantees.......  ~ Rest In Peace  ~  Muffin