Hi there everyone my name's Al and about a month ago I "adopted" a 4+/- year old female cat. This is by no means my first cat I've been around/had a relationship with, but it is the first one that is really all mine. I live alone in a relatively small two bedroom apartment in Oakland. It's not a living situation where I can let her out. I don't have a patio or balcony and it's really not safe to leave after dark. Anyway, this cat, her name is "Tammy" was given to me by a dear friend. The cat had been in a sad living situation; she was safe and fed but was living with an elderly lady who was extremely sick (under hospice care) and from what I was told Tammy was really unhappy, The first night here she cried all night and it was miserable. I guess aside from introducing myself and my cat, I wanted to share briefly what's happening. She is by nature skittish. The other cats I have been with were somewhat skittish but not to this degree, After a few days with me she started to warm up to me and actually began sleeping in the bed with me and kneading me. She gets nothing but the most attentive treatment and I am a neat freak so she lives in a very clean environment. She is well fed and looks great (I will try to post some pictures soon). When I leave in the morning and return in the afternoon she never tries to "escape" and occasionally plays with toys. But over the past month she seems to have grown distant and I don't know what I am doing wrong. I knew there would be an adjustment period but it seemed like that went fast and now what I thought would be occurring in the adjustment period seems to be going on now. She seldom sleeps in the bed, preferring to sleep on the couch in the living room or under the bed. When I am home all weekend she will sometimes spend the whole day under the bed. I don't know if she has decided she hates me, if she is lonely, or just what. When she does come up on the bed or next to me on the couch she is sometimes affectionate, but then leaves after twenty minutes max. I suppose I am looking for ways others have used to bond with their cats or techniques they have used to strengthen their relationship. Would it help if I adopted a kitten, that way she would have feline company. Since I do a lot of my work from home, she is actually not alone all that much. But now, I'm in the kitchen typing, and she's under the bed when I would much rather have her in her little cat bed I purchased for precisely this reason, but she has yet to even go near it. Thanks in advance for any advice/suggestions and I'm looking forward to learning a lot from all the various forums.
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First "all mine" Cat Adopted Recently in Oakland. Confused, hurt.
- Thread starter awoakland
- Start Date
Welcome to TCS!!
Cats can go through phases for where they will sleep. I have a young adult male that slept on the bed with me when he was a kitten all the time. Around the time he turned two he decided he preferred to sleep downstairs by himself on top of my love seat or he would sleep under the bed. He has now decided to sleep on the bed but only on my hubby. He used to sleep on me every night as a kitten. This could be just a phase she going through. Also some cats like to hang around people for a little while and then leave to do other things. It is also possible that perhaps you moved wrong when you were sleeping and startled her accidentally. I honestly think this is why Apollo stopped sleeping on me. I do no think you are doing anything wrong and no your baby does not hate you. I have 4 cats between the ages of 10 years old to 2.5 years old and they do not always sleep on my bed every night. If I bought my cats their own beds I doubt they would use them. They are a great idea but not all cats will use them. Your baby has just been through a lot in a short amount of time and she may still be adjusting to your home. I would not get another cat yet. I would just give her more time. The adjustment period for a new home is unique to each cat and I think this is still happening. Time and patience are the things that will help your new baby adjust.
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Thank you for the positive words and encouragement. Jumping the gun and getting another cat is definitely not the right thing to do now. I wanted to attempt to post a picture; if it doesn't post or is messed up remember I'm a newbie. My apologies in advance.
Hello awoakland, welcome to TCS 
Just as what catlover73 said, they go through phases for where they will sleep. It's just a month after adopting her. She is still getting use to the new place and also getting use to you. As long as your house is catsafe, let her free roam and let her own the house and of course own you.
This is her adjusting period and best is let her be rather than kind want what you want her to do or be. Bond with her by playing every night when you are back from work and before bed time. Observe what she likes and try to accommodate her.
She might not like to sleep in the kitty bed you bought her but she might prefer elsewhere or other materials that she finds comfortable. I too bought a kitty bed for my boy when he was around 2months old. He slept in it twice and never got in again. He prefer the furniture, wardrobe, sink or on top of the cupboards. So in the end, I gave away the kitty bed. But every night he sleeps on my bed next to me. Only certain nights he just refuse to come in to the bedroom to sleep. So I let him be.
In the meantime, bond with her and shower with lots of love and let her be the boss. No regrets!
Do browse around the site for other valuable lessons and articles and feel free to ask questions as there are many cats here will try to answer your questions.
Your kitty looks pretty though the photo is not that clear. Do post more of her photos please
Just as what catlover73 said, they go through phases for where they will sleep. It's just a month after adopting her. She is still getting use to the new place and also getting use to you. As long as your house is catsafe, let her free roam and let her own the house and of course own you.
This is her adjusting period and best is let her be rather than kind want what you want her to do or be. Bond with her by playing every night when you are back from work and before bed time. Observe what she likes and try to accommodate her.
She might not like to sleep in the kitty bed you bought her but she might prefer elsewhere or other materials that she finds comfortable. I too bought a kitty bed for my boy when he was around 2months old. He slept in it twice and never got in again. He prefer the furniture, wardrobe, sink or on top of the cupboards. So in the end, I gave away the kitty bed. But every night he sleeps on my bed next to me. Only certain nights he just refuse to come in to the bedroom to sleep. So I let him be.
In the meantime, bond with her and shower with lots of love and let her be the boss. No regrets!
Do browse around the site for other valuable lessons and articles and feel free to ask questions as there are many cats here will try to answer your questions.
Your kitty looks pretty though the photo is not that clear. Do post more of her photos please
