Overcome by guilt and greif after losing my buddy on christmas eve :(

iceyy

TCS Member
Thread starter
Kitten
Joined
Dec 25, 2016
Messages
5
Purraise
2
I cant stop thinking about it and crying and feeling i did the wrong thing. 

he was only 7 years old but had reoccuring urinary blockage and this time it was fully blocked and he was suffering badly for longer than i was aware of . 

I took him in thinking they would fix him up and i left with out a cat after they put him to sleep. 
I wanted to pay the bill to fix him with the little money i had but they said it would most likley occur again and He would keep suffering . 

I feel like i took the wrong decision and put him to sleep . Maybe jus t to save the money , but they said it was the right decision. I feel  badly and ill never forgive myself. 

He left behind a brother. 

How could i do this he was only 7 years olfd and I allowed them to kill him . . 

Ill never forgive my self  I love and miss him so much. Ill never forget holding him as he passed .. :( :( :( 

heart broken for ever.
 
Last edited by a moderator:
  • Thread Starter Thread Starter
  • #2

iceyy

TCS Member
Thread starter
Kitten
Joined
Dec 25, 2016
Messages
5
Purraise
2
always in my heart Icey. I love you buddy and Im sososo sorry . 
 

zed xyzed

TCS Member
Top Cat
Joined
Nov 10, 2015
Messages
3,786
Purraise
3,740
Location
Toronto Canada
It sounds like you listened to your vet's advice so you shouldn't blame yourself. I hope you can find peace soon, your sweet boy would never want you to suffer. RIP Icey you will always be loved and remembered 
 

doomsdave

TCS Member
Top Cat
Joined
Dec 2, 2016
Messages
7,200
Purraise
9,814
Location
California
 
I cant stop thinking about it and crying and feeling i did the wrong thing. 

he was only 7 years old but had reoccuring urinary blockage and this time it was fully blocked and he was suffering badly for longer than i was aware of . 

I took him in thinking they would fix him up and i left with out a cat after they put him to sleep. 
I wanted to pay the bill to fix him with the little money i had but they said it would most likley occur again and He would keep suffering . 

I feel like i took the wrong decision and put him to sleep . Maybe jus t to save the money , but they said it was the right decision. I feel  badly and ill never forgive myself. 

He left behind a brother. 

How could i do this he was only 7 years olfd and I allowed them to kill him . . 

Ill never forgive my self  I love and miss him so much. Ill never forget holding him as he passed .. :( :( :( 

heart broken for ever. . . 
OUCH

Not a nice thing to have to deal with.

I'm with Zed: you did the right thing, and it spared you and your cat a lot of pain.

Again, so sorry to hear!

dave
 
Last edited by a moderator:

artiemom

Artie, my Angel; a part of my heart
Top Cat
Joined
Dec 22, 2014
Messages
11,122
Purraise
23,105
Location
near Boston
Oh, I am so so so sorry you had to deal with this.. especially at this time of year.

I have been there, this year also.. almost.. I thought I was putting my guy to sleep today.. not a good feeling..

Yes, you did listen to the advice of your Vet. You put your faith and trust in his educated, experienced opinion.. no one can question that; least of all yourself.. You did what you thought was best for Iceyy-- you asked a trusted, learned, professional for their opinion and you acted accordingly. There is not guilt.. there is nothing you should be feeling guilty of. 

Urinary blockages are very painful. Your baby has been suffering for a long time.. now he is free of his pain.. cats really hide their pain from us mere mortals.. so Iceyy has been suffering in silent for a long time. He wanted to spare you, your own pain.. 

Please be good to yourself and not take any blame at all. Iceyy would not want you to be feeling this way.. do something positive to honor his memory.. write a nice memorial in the Bridge thread, donate some things to the local humane society in his memory, volunteer in his memory.. do something for him...that way you will be helping someone out.. It will make you feel better..

((Hugs))
 
  • Thread Starter Thread Starter
  • #6

iceyy

TCS Member
Thread starter
Kitten
Joined
Dec 25, 2016
Messages
5
Purraise
2
thank you everyone. today's been hard but getting your responses helps a lil.
 

ginny

TCS Member
Top Cat
Joined
Apr 21, 2012
Messages
2,668
Purraise
713
I'm so sorry @Iceyy  for the loss of your dear kitty.  I know all of us who've had to put our pets to sleep have felt exactly the same as  you do now.  So much second guessing.  It drives you crazy.  I also had money issues that led to the decision,  I just couldn't put my Gracie through any more and had no funds left.  It's a terrilble feeling that money does run out and then what are you to do?  It's like being backed into a corner with only one horrible way out.  One that's just not acceptable.  But it's the way life goes unfortunately.  Hugs to you!
 

nansiludie

TCS Member
Top Cat
Joined
Mar 14, 2014
Messages
2,171
Purraise
1,213
thank you everyone. today's been hard but getting your responses helps a lil.
I am so sorry for your little guy. May he rest in peace, perhaps he found my kitty, Tom Kitten, on the other side and is playing with him. I hope he did, I just lost him four days ago, had to have him put down as well. Anytime you'd like to chat, feel free to pm me. I know how hard it is, but you didn't let him continue to suffer, you let him go. Iceyy, there are worse things in this world than dying. Being kept in it longer than you'd like to is one of them.  He was with the one he loved the most in this world and you got to say goodbye. I never did.  I won't say the guilt goes away, it doesn't but it gets a little easier to live with as time goes by.
 
Last edited:
  • Thread Starter Thread Starter
  • #9

iceyy

TCS Member
Thread starter
Kitten
Joined
Dec 25, 2016
Messages
5
Purraise
2
I am so sorry for your little guy. May he rest in peace, perhaps he found my kitty, Tom Kitten, on the other side and is playing with him. I hope he did, I just lost him four days ago, had to have him put down as well. Anytime you'd like to chat, feel free to pm me. I know how hard it is, but you didn't let him continue to suffer, you let him go. Iceyy, there are worse things in this world than dying. Being kept in it longer than you'd like to is one of them.  He was with the one he loved the most in this world and you got to say goodbye. I never did.  I won't say the guilt goes away, it doesn't but it gets a little easier to live with as time goes by.
thank you everyone. today's been hard but getting your responses helps a lil.
I'm so sorry @Iceyy
 for the loss of your dear kitty.  I know all of us who've had to put our pets to sleep have felt exactly the same as  you do now.  So much second guessing.  It drives you crazy.  I also had money issues that led to the decision,  I just couldn't put my Gracie through any more and had no funds left.  It's a terrilble feeling that money does run out and then what are you to do?  It's like being backed into a corner with only one horrible way out.  One that's just not acceptable.  But it's the way life goes unfortunately.  Hugs to you!
its so hard :( I just been laying in bed with iceys brother all day, don't know what to do. I seriously feel lik a bad person and did the wrong thing, I should have spent every last penny to my name and tried. but the vet said it would mos likley not get better as she h seen this thing a lot before, and what then I it didn't work and I couldn't afford to put him to sleep right?? urggggggg this really hurts. I'm really sorry to hear about your little guy :( I'm sure there hanging out in kitties heaven
 

di and bob

TCS Member
Top Cat
Joined
Dec 12, 2012
Messages
16,582
Purraise
22,961
Location
Nebraska, USA
My heart breaks for what you are going through, the grieving process always brings on guilt and anger. Guilt is feelings that are brought on by an intentional act. You should be easier on yourself, your intentions were good, you NEVER intended to bring harm to your little one. At times like these, the thought process that goes into it is rushed, you took the advise of someone you trusted to make the right decision based on their experience.You have to trust that they want what is best for your boy too, they have been there many times and have seen much.  Afterwards, you think more rationally and the regret and guilt over wondering about all those should haves, could haves, steps in.  We can never change the past no matter how much we would like to. We have to learn to live with our decisions and make a new life's order for ourselves. The feelings you are having now is from the pain you are going through, for the loss you are suffering in your home and your heart. Try not to dwell on the end. Instead try to celebrate having that sweet boy in your life for seven years. He is grateful for having that seven years full of love and a wonderful home, so many have so much less. You saved him from repeated pain and suffering, be grateful you could spare him that, you would want no less from those you love for yourself. I can guarantee one thing, that precious boy would never want you to be so sad from his passing. He wants only happiness and sunshine for the one he loved so much, after all he resides in your heart now in a spiritual way, don't let it be full of sadness and tears. The bond you have forged will always tie you together. It's not physical, able to deteriorate like the physical shell which houses it.Death can never take it from you.

Keep yourself and your mind busy. Do good things in Icey's name, it will bring him honor to keep his memory alive through kind acts. Donate food to a shelter, or your time if money is low. It makes you feel better about your self, just as talking does to those who understand what you are going through. Give a kind word to others who have lost a loved one, you know how they feel.  You are a good person with a kind heart. Fill that heart with love for Icey and his brother who needs you too. Know Icey will send you his love and comfort, and his thanks too, for taking such good care of him and his brother in a world that can be cold and cruel.  Take comfort in your memories and know his path will parallel yours until it meets again.  Take care.......RIP beautiful Icey, you will never be forgotten, you will be forever held in a loving heart. Sleep tight, sweet Prince!
 

rosiejones

TCS Member
Young Cat
Joined
Dec 18, 2016
Messages
33
Purraise
4
​Hi hun im so sorry about your loss i can understand how u feel. I lost my cat last Saturday I'm heart broken she was 20 years old and been ill for about a month. I feel she was suffering I felt in my back of my mind she would get through this but she deteriated very quickly. I was so upset my husband took her to emergency vet in the back of my mind I know she wasent coming back. I felt so much quilt miss her so much she was a big part of our family feels strange shes not here. Makes it worse being so close to xmas. Sounds like your cat was suffering and I know its dosent feel like it but both our cats are at peace now no more pain and no more suffering. If u ever want to chat I'm here x
 

ginny

TCS Member
Top Cat
Joined
Apr 21, 2012
Messages
2,668
Purraise
713
thank you everyone. today's been hard but getting your responses helps a lil.
its so hard
I just been laying in bed with iceys brother all day, don't know what to do. I seriously feel lik a bad person and did the wrong thing, I should have spent every last penny to my name and tried. but the vet said it would mos likley not get better as she h seen this thing a lot before, and what then I it didn't work and I couldn't afford to put him to sleep right?? urggggggg this really hurts. I'm really sorry to hear about your little guy
I'm sure there hanging out in kitties heaven
I try to take comfort in the fact that there are those for whom money is no issue, and they spent lots of it, only to have the same result.  Maybe they did get a few more days/weeks/months but the end result was still the same.  There's only so long we can put off the inevitable and of course we are going to make mistakes we will regret. I try to remind myself this is the human condition, not just me, not just you.  You are NOT a bad person!  If you were, you wouldn't care one bit.  But you do.  It's the price we pay for loving our little pets so much.  One part about life I do not like is that there are no do-overs.  I so wish there were.  You are not alone, we understand everything you are saying first hand.  
 

boney girl dad

TCS Member
Alpha Cat
Joined
Mar 13, 2016
Messages
517
Purraise
695
Location
Indiana
So very sorry for your loss and I wish you peace in this time of sorrow. Doing the right thing is not always easy. You did right by Iceyy.
 

les26

Sylvester's daddy
Top Cat
Joined
Nov 19, 2015
Messages
2,414
Purraise
4,862
Location
Emmaus, Pennsylvania
So sorry to hear this, it is one of the worst feelings in this whole wide world when we have to do this, but please don't torture yourself over it, it is just the immense grief that you are feeling right now and that is normal, but with time it will lessen; but we sure do understand how you feel and we are right here with you, it is just such a devastating feeling but with time and love you do get well again albeit so slowly.

I hope your heart heals a bit each day, God Bless.......
 
 

reddice

TCS Member
Young Cat
Joined
May 11, 2016
Messages
44
Purraise
11
Location
Brooklyn, NY
Similar thing happened to our 14 year old Socks.  He always had urinary problems which he was on special food.  He stopped eating and the emergency vet wanted a lot of money which we really could not afford.  Then our local vet said too put him to sleep.  I am wondering if we did the right thing.
 

ginny

TCS Member
Top Cat
Joined
Apr 21, 2012
Messages
2,668
Purraise
713
Those what ifs are wicked. I can relate. I ran out of money when Gracie had been sick the same year Nat was. Four ER visits eats away at any extra cash and credit. Then I turned to a family member who had the money but who coldly turned me down. We still don't speak. So I felt I had no choice. But of course the what ifs tell me now if I had only done this or that she'd still be here. I'm still not right with causing her death and never will be, but I felt I had no other choice at the time. It's a very difficult and painful decision, and I made it on very little sleep.
 

myronlexie

TCS Member
Young Cat
Joined
Dec 30, 2016
Messages
56
Purraise
21
Location
Wheeling, IL
You did it for the love of your Baby! She is not suffering anymore, that is the importent thing. I know she was young and I am so sorry either of you had to go through all of it! You have your boy at home to love and he will help you get through it.
Don't think about money in this situation. You kept her from recurring pain, not just another hit on your wallet. Quality of life is the most important thing and no one wants their cat to be in agony!
 
  • Thread Starter Thread Starter
  • #19

iceyy

TCS Member
Thread starter
Kitten
Joined
Dec 25, 2016
Messages
5
Purraise
2
Thank you so so much everyone, im grateful to have your condolences and kind words. 
 

Primula

TCS Member
Top Cat
Joined
Sep 1, 2010
Messages
6,838
Purraise
533
Location
Connecticut, USA
Thank you so so much everyone, im grateful to have your condolences and kind words. 
More than once over the years we have taken a cat to the vet & returned with an empty carrier. It's heartbreaking, but I am not going to prolong the life of a cat that is suffering. You may not know this, but cats hide pain & sickness until they can no longer bear it. My cat Pandy was only 2 years old & had never shown any sign of having a tumor until 2 days before I put her to sleep. Please don't beat yourself up over this. No amount of money can save a cat that is terminal. :rbheart::rbheart::rbheart:
 
Top