my boy Tuna passed away 24h ago

tuna211216

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my cat Tuna died exactly 24hours ago I had a vet come in for a home visit to put him down, he been fighting cancer for the last 4 months and it was just causing him so much discomfort I oriignally planned to do it last month but rescheduled for next week and then another week and another and finally I felt Tuna had enough. but in the last moments it was so tragic . I was petting him and looking into his eyes while the vet gave him the 1st shot to make him fall asleep and he meowed in pain as the needle went in all confused why its happening to him I thought i would have a few minutes with him before he falls asleep but in about 10 second his head was getting weaker and weaker and I kept looking into his eyes while petting his face and he looked at me and released one final meow before the drug took full effect and his head tilted down into my hand and the eyes were no longer moving but just wide open staring into nothing now i am haunted by that last meow... why did he do that. was he in pain even tho the needle was out and he was clam but then 10 seconds later he made another final meow while looking into my eyes before falling asleep ill never know and its killing me. I wanted him to go peacefully without any pain. and after he fell asleep in my hand i can hear him snoring while his eyes were wide open it was so tragic to see. the vet continued to with the 2nd lethal injection as i was petting his sleepying body feeling him take breaths and within 5seconds he took one final breath and it just stopped he was no longer breathing while my hand was still on his stomach and the vet said he was gone.. i lifted him up and stood with his lifeless body for 5min crying before giving back to the vet. this is by the far the worst experience i ever had in my life. feels like i lost a child.




this is the final picture i have of him 10min before the vet came over to put him to sleep

 

Kieka

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I am so sorry for your loss. I have been right where you are and know what you are going through. 

I can tell from the photos that he was happy and loved in life and also that he was looking skinny and scraggly at the end. It was probably his time and never doubt that you made the right choice. He was lucky that your vet came to your home instead of the trauma that a vet visit can be. Please try not to think of that last meow as a cry in pain. It was his last I love you and good night. He was looking at you with trust and love you can see it in the photo and I am sure you saw it in his eyes. Hold onto that. 
 

zed xyzed

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I am sorry you lost your sweet boy. It took a lot of courage to release him from a life of pain and suffering. I think his last meow was a thank you and I will see you again some day.  Tuna you will always be loved and cherished 
 
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tuna211216

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and what hurts the most is the cancer itself.. everything that happened to him is so unfair

first he had a lump on his armpit area i didnt know what it was for months it didnt bug him and he was normal until he started vomiting 

first it was weekly then it started to happen everyday so I took him to the vet which he hates so much. 

I asked them if the lump and him vomiting related and they couldnt asnswer and did a biopsy to see if its cancer or not

and it was but they didnt know if thats why he was vomiting.

they gave me pepcid which is to help with the acid build up in his stomach and that stopped the vomitting as long as i give him 2 pills a day and dont skip a day he no longer was vomitting. 

I asked what to do about the lump and the vet told me '' if it was my cat i would just leave it ' as surgery and recovery time will not be pleasant for him.

but now that i know what I know I wish i didnt listen to the vet. it was not her pet but mine and i should of done the damn surgery and get rid of that lump

because 2 months later it started to grow and grow and the vet never told me that i need to worry about self trauma to the tumor WHY did the vet never told me that its very common for cats to self trauma the tumor and what ended up happening is one day i woke up and noticed he been licking his tumor all night and now the skin is so weak the tumor is about to burst and bleed and thats exactly what happened i brought him into the emergency and they cleaned it up and bandaged it but never told me that I MUST remove it ASAP they just told me to go to my regular vet as i went to emergency afterhours 

a week later i took my cat in because the bandage started to smell so i asked the vet to change it. and they did and again didnt tell me anything else on what to do next

so I booked an appointment with a cancer doctor in a different clinic and while i was waiting i noticed Tuna had small lumps now growing on his neck and head

which means the cancer has spread and removing the big tumor now wont save him from the small ones 

after considering all the options surgery to remove teh big one + ultrasound to see if he has any other tumors inside

deal with the small ones and radioation it would of costed me so much money and put tuna through so many vet visits and surgery

i decided to end but who the hell am i to make that decision i regret it now

and i mostly regret not removing the lump when it was small before it can fully take over. 

i hate myself for this 
 
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tuna211216

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I am so sorry for your loss. I have been right where you are and know what you are going through. 

I can tell from the photos that he was happy and loved in life and also that he was looking skinny and scraggly at the end. It was probably his time and never doubt that you made the right choice. He was lucky that your vet came to your home instead of the trauma that a vet visit can be. Please try not to think of that last meow as a cry in pain. It was his last I love you and good night. He was looking at you with trust and love you can see it in the photo and I am sure you saw it in his eyes. Hold onto that. 
your message made me cry but thank you. 
 

hellomisskitty

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Oh I'm so sorry for the loss of your sweet Tuna. It was
a true selfless gift of love you gave Tuna by helping ease his journey across the Rainbow Bridge. What a blessing that Tuna was laid to rest in the comfort of his beloved home and his head resting in the hand of his beloved person. You exposed yourself to pain and grief in order to spare Tuna pain and suffering...that is true love.
A fellow TCS member wrote this beautiful piece that I hope will give you some comfort:

http://www.thecatsite.com/t/237066/when-the-moment-comes

Tuna is at peace and is running free from pain and suffering across the Rainbow Bridge. He would want you to be kind to yourself for you put his needs before yours yesterday.

Sending you lots of love and hugs [emoji]10084[/emoji]️

[emoji]128149[/emoji]RIP sweet Tuna[emoji]128149[/emoji]
 

zed xyzed

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You listened to your vet and there is nothing wrong with that. I don't think that you can conclude that if you did remove it that it would have prevented this. All too often once you can feel the lump the cancer has spread already. Be kind to yourself, your sweet boy wouldn't want you to second guess or blame yourself. 
 

Kieka

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I am going to be honest with you......

It is not your fault. 

Don't hate yourself. 

Don't worry over could have beens and would have beens. 

Cherish your boy for all he was and the place he had in your life. 

My story of my Rainbow kitty Chance:  He developed a lump on his neck. The first vet said it was an abscess and prescribed antibiotics. It didn't sit well with me or feel right so I refused to leave without a second opinion. The second vet looked and took a biposy. It was cancer. We did surgery to remove the lump, chemo, and twice weekly vet appointments for 6 months. But the cancer was aggressive and came back. We decided to do one more surgery to buy him a little more time.... but it was too late. The cancer had reached his artery and removing it would result in him bleeding out. So they left it and gave us pain medication. When we could tell the cancer had reached his brain and he couldn't recognize us we knew it was time. I am thankful it was time before he lost his appetite or a ton of weight. He was only 8 when he was diagnosed and died within 9 months despite surgery and treatment. 

From what happened with my Chance, I wouldn't put another cat through chemo. In the end it only bought in a few months and that was filled with vet visits he hated. Removing it may have bought you a little time but then again it may have already been too late. The speed that it spread probably means it already was too late by the time it was noticeable. 

Don't beat yourself up over the choices you did make. Learn from them, yes. But you know (and everyone reading this knows) that in the moment you were doing what the vet recommended and what you believed was best. From what you have said you are not a neglectful owner and you loved Tuna dearly. 

You gave Tuna a wonderful life and a peaceful end. Make a scrapbook of your time together. Create a slideshow to music to remember him with. Get a tattoo. (yes, I did all three for Chance, proud crazy cat lady). Do whatever you feel is right to honor Tuna's life. When you start to doubt yourself and your choices remember that Tuna loved you as you are and he had a wonderful life with you. 
 
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tuna211216

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My story of my Rainbow kitty Chance:  He developed a lump on his neck. The first vet said it was an abscess and prescribed antibiotics. It didn't sit well with me or feel right so I refused to leave without a second opinion. The second vet looked and took a biposy. It was cancer. We did surgery to remove the lump, chemo, and twice weekly vet appointments for 6 months. But the cancer was aggressive and came back. We decided to do one more surgery to buy him a little more time.... but it was too late. The cancer had reached his artery and removing it would result in him bleeding out. So they left it and gave us pain medication. When we could tell the cancer had reached his brain and he couldn't recognize us we knew it was time. I am thankful it was time before he lost his appetite or a ton of weight. He was only 8 when he was diagnosed and died within 9 months despite surgery and treatment. 
Kieka  I have a few questions maybe you can PM me the answers but I been doing cancer research for the last month and learned alot

and your experience might help me one day.. I will get a new cat and possibly another and another and everything I learned from Tuna's experience i will try to prevent so that his death gave me some knowledge to prevent potential future cat from this. 

how big was the tumor when the surgery was done ?  and the timeframe of when you first noticed it on his neck and time of surgery 

I read online that surgery must be made 3cm all around the tumor area as the tumor itself has tentacles that if not removed along with the tumor the cancer will continue even after the tumor been removed.

cancer spreads through the bloodsteam your immune system is what tries to quarantine the infected cells aka a tumor from spreading but once those tentacles reach into the lymph nodes the spread will continue this is why my tuna had small ones growing all over his .. under his neck mostly...some on top of the head and at the back.  it was too late. 

but I believe that if you catch it early before cancer gets into the blood you can prevent the spread assuming surgery was done correctly so is there anyway you can tell me if the surgery was done deep enough when removing the tumor ? and the timeframe of things so i can get a better understanding if i am right or wrong on this subject and there was truely no chance for tuna 
 
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tuna211216

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so did you end up doing that 2nd surgery was to remove the artery so you only had that 1 surgery in total for the tumor right  ? 

i find it weird that you say he didnt start to lose weight yet even tho 1st surgery was already done and it sounds like he was pretty sick especially if it reached his brain. 

cats losing appetite is one of the first signs of cancer so its strange thats all but im not a vet so what do i know. 
 
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tuna211216

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ill post some more pics the one of the tumor is prior to him licking it and having it basically rapture and bandages and cone were put on after i wish vet told me that its a high possibility if i had a cone on him earlier he wouldnt of been able to mess with his tumor and his health would of been a little better but again things didnt work out in my favor

the last picture is the last one on the day of his final moments






 

Kieka

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so did you end up doing that 2nd surgery was to remove the artery so you only had that 1 surgery in total for the tumor right  ? 

i find it weird that you say he didnt start to lose weight yet even tho 1st surgery was already done and it sounds like he was pretty sick especially if it reached his brain. 

cats losing appetite is one of the first signs of cancer so its strange thats all but im not a vet so what do i know. 
I sent you a PM, but just for others. 

Chance always had a wonderful appetite, right up until the end. We put him on pain and nausea medication with the chemo and those continued when we knew the treatment wasn't working. I noticed the lump fairly early and the surgery was within a week for spotting the lump. Combined with the chemo I don't think it had much of a chance to spread beyond his neck until after the chemo stopped. The second surgery, they did open him up, they did remove what mass they could without him bleeding out, but it was left in the artery because the size of the tendril that had reached in was too big to safely close up.
 

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I'm so sorry for your lose tuna looked so handsome. Had to have my rosie put down sat never felt so heart broken. Sounds like u had such a bond between you. And u did right by tuna he was suffering and although u wanted to hold on you gave him peace I know exactly how u feel. People tell me time heals my cat wad 20 part of the family. Your welcome to message me if u want xx
 
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tuna211216

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I sent you a PM, but just for others. 

Chance always had a wonderful appetite, right up until the end. We put him on pain and nausea medication with the chemo and those continued when we knew the treatment wasn't working. I noticed the lump fairly early and the surgery was within a week for spotting the lump. Combined with the chemo I don't think it had much of a chance to spread beyond his neck until after the chemo stopped. The second surgery, they did open him up, they did remove what mass they could without him bleeding out, but it was left in the artery because the size of the tendril that had reached in was too big to safely close up.
just so weird that you caught it when it was so small much smaller than the pic i posted.... you had surgery done really fast to remove it but it came back in that same spot... and on top he was on chemo right after the 1st surgery or was he already on chemo before 1st surgery even started ?

how the hell did it come back lol thats just sad and crazy 

unless like i said in my PM maybe the tumor was so close to his lymph nodes since u mentioned an artery was close during 2nd surgery so it must of been deep and it was the same location as 1st so im guessing even tho the tumor was tiny during the 1st surgery it already got into the blood stream.  the chemo kept it from spreading but its already in the blood so soon as u stop its over. 
 

Kieka

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just so weird that you caught it when it was so small much smaller than the pic i posted.... you had surgery done really fast to remove it but it came back in that same spot... and on top he was on chemo right after the 1st surgery or was he already on chemo before 1st surgery even started ?

how the hell did it come back lol thats just sad and crazy 

unless like i said in my PM maybe the tumor was so close to his lymph nodes since u mentioned an artery was close during 2nd surgery so it must of been deep and it was the same location as 1st so im guessing even tho the tumor was tiny during the 1st surgery it already got into the blood stream.  the chemo kept it from spreading but its already in the blood so soon as u stop its over. 
We moved pretty quickly and did the surgery in the time period before his first chemo appointment. Anything is possible as to why or how it spread so quickly and why the chemo only suppressed it. I went through the same what if and questioning phase for a while after. But time has shown me that I can't change what happened. Just cherish the memories and accept what was. I did the best I could with what I knew at the time and the options presented to me.

I stand by my statement that you did the best you could in the situation you were in. Don't hate yourself for not doing a surgery that likely wouldn't have changed the outcome at that point. 
 
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tuna211216

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this is more knowledge for future if i ever get another cat and notice a lump on him id wanna know what to do

as far as im concerned id run to the vet and have it removed instantly 

but you did that and it didnt work which just makes this depressing lol
 

Kieka

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Location, age, lots probably at play in outcome. I'd take another cat in and have it removed right away in a heartbeat. Chemo is the questionable factor.
 
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tuna211216

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yeah i feel that also could be a problem..

if you use some logic .. your immune system fights cancer....

your immmune system gets weak as you age and cancer starts to spread

you remove the tumor that causes the cancer but then you use chemo which also weakens not only the cancer but healthy cells too and the immune system so 

its kinda stupid if you remove something you need some time for ur immnue system to heal the damage the cancer did not weaken it so that the cancer can take hold again.

they should of made started chemo a few weeks after the surgery 
 

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I'm so sorry about your kitty Tuna.  Such a sweet name by the way.  Your experience reminded me of mine with Gracie.  She had been sick for 4 months with what I had first thought was an upper respiratory infection.  I took her to a number of different vets for 2nd, 3rd, 4th opinions, to no avail.  In the end I had a vet come to the house too.  When he gave the first shot it must have hurt Gracie.  She was lying down but lifted up her head and tried to stand up as if to get away from it. :(  The vet was very kind, gentle, soft-spoken and very respectful of the moment.  He asked me to hold her by the scruff like her mama would do when she started to try to get away from the shot.  I felt so bad and still do from doing that.  I held her down.  She didn't say meow though but I really hate that that shot hurt her.  That wasn't the way it was supposed to be.  It took about 10 minutes for her to go to sleep and then he gave the final one and I saw her stomach go down for the last time.  It still hurts and always will.  I'm glad you posted here.  It really helps to vent your feelings, to talk about it.  I hope it helps you too. Hugs! I love his pictures even if he was sick. Especially that last one looking right at you.  You can tell he loved you!   
 
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tuna211216

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I'm so sorry about your kitty Tuna.  Such a sweet name by the way.  Your experience reminded me of mine with Gracie.  She had been sick for 4 months with what I had first thought was an upper respiratory infection.  I took her to a number of different vets for 2nd, 3rd, 4th opinions, to no avail.  In the end I had a vet come to the house too.  When he gave the first shot it must have hurt Gracie.  She was lying down but lifted up her head and tried to stand up as if to get away from it. :(  The vet was very kind, gentle, soft-spoken and very respectful of the moment.  He asked me to hold her by the scruff like her mama would do when she started to try to get away from the shot.  I felt so bad and still do from doing that.  I held her down.  She didn't say meow though but I really hate that that shot hurt her.  That wasn't the way it was supposed to be.  It took about 10 minutes for her to go to sleep and then he gave the final one and I saw her stomach go down for the last time.  It still hurts and always will.  I'm glad you posted here.  It really helps to vent your feelings, to talk about it.  I hope it helps you too. Hugs! I love his pictures even if he was sick. Especially that last one looking right at you.  You can tell he loved you!   
i wish i  had 10min instead i had 10 seconds before the 1st shot made him fall asleep .. it hit him fast and he started snoring after 10seconds but it just didnt seem enough to me



the timeline was basically like this



need


Ya seeing the stomach going up and down was heart shattering when it didnt go back up.

And i wish i had 10minutes instead i got 10 seconds
The timeline was basically like this .

1st Needle goes in. Tuna meows in pain the kinda meow id hear if i stepped on his tail.
Need comes back out he stops meowing and just looks at me confused for 2 seconds i started to pet him .
He looks to the window then back at me as im petting him he suddenly lets out a short meow before losing ability to keep his head up and as its tilting down im staring into his eyes. They twitch for a micro second and his head becomes stiff and now hes snoring and asleep that whole event took 10 seconds and im upset as i wanted more time . I enailed the vet today asking why the hell did he sleep so fast when u said i had a few minutes and asked if the dose was too high . She replied this

The first injection was a strong sedative, pain killer, and anesthetic combined. The dose was not too high but, depending on the patient, some will fall asleep quicker than others.

I choose this type of combination for cats because, in my experience, it is much better for them to fall asleep quickly, rather than a sedative that takes a long time to effect, causing them to feel disoriented and confused.

I do believe this did provide a peaceful passing for Tuna, even though it did happen quickly. I hope you agree and that the explanation will provide some closure.



My sympathies,




I still need to know if she messed it up and he felt pain during that 2nd meow before he fell asleep .. the 2nd shot was fine they got the vein on 1st try while hes still snoring
 
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